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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you scared of driving / avoid it ?

172 replies

fussytodd · 24/10/2021 12:59

I've met a lot of women recently who don't like driving and are afraid to, especially not with their kids in the car.

Is that quite common ?

OP posts:
FallingStar21 · 24/10/2021 16:03

@TheTurn0fTheScrew

Hate driving, makes me anxious, especially strange (to me) city centres with weird road layouts and hard to find parking.

But I am of the Feel the Fear, Do It Anyway school of anxiety management. I've just driven DC1 to an activity somewhere new because it's good for me, even though I could have asked H to drop her off. I always allow ridiculous amounts of contingency time, and try to be a bit Zen about getting lost.

Motorway driving does not phase me at all, as all the exits/lane changes are signed clearly and in good time, and I don't have to park.

@TheTurn0fTheScrew

That's me to a T Grin

vixeyann · 24/10/2021 16:13

I have never enjoyed it. I learnt to drive just before 30, which I think doesn't help as I never had the younger, braver years and in a quietish area. I've always been nervous of hurting someone, not helped when I was learning to drive when a cyclist whizzed out from behind a lorry at a roundabout (my right of way) and careered over my bonnet. He said he couldn't stop as he had broken his finger the week before! It took everything I had to keep driving. I'm WFH mostly now but do live rurally. I drive rarely now which probably doesn't help and have a Smart car, so OH will drive at the weekends when we go out as a family.

mattcockhand · 24/10/2021 16:20

@Vallmo47.......I also can not sleep at night if I know I have to drive somewhere the next day..... It is very limiting I agree. I am ok-ish if the roads are empty & I dont have to make snap decisions - my mental processing speed is slowing as I age. I even tried going out at 5am in the morning, but my anxiety levels were so high that it didn't work as I was just up all night stressing. I have tried refresher lessons. the trouble is that because I can not predict and control the actions of others, I dont feel in control myself. If that makes sense.

LubaLuca · 24/10/2021 16:23

I enjoy driving. I'm a better driver than passenger, that's for sure. I don't think I've felt nervous or unsure when driving since the first few lessons, it's something I find easy.

gogohm · 24/10/2021 16:25

Not overly keen myself, find it boring basically. I drive to work because it's the only realistic option (takes 15 mins would be 1 hour 20 by bus) but if I can get out of driving I do

Anonymouseposter · 24/10/2021 16:26

I have been driving since I was 21 and I am nearly 70. I used to drive a lot for work. I never really enjoyed it and I was a bit nervous on busy motorways and roundabouts.
These days I really have the fear .
I drive locally because I live rurally and don't want to be a PITA to other people but I have started driving to the bus or station to avoid busy dual carriageway etc.
I'm not scared of getting shouted at (they can just fuck off) or getting lost. I am scared of causing a serious accident and hurting someone else or myself.
I don't think I'm a wonderful judge of speed or distance, I'm okay on local roads but not fast roads.
I wish public transport was better. I am not over happy being a passenger either these days. I prefer to sit in the back.

Europilgrim · 24/10/2021 16:29

I hate it and rarely do it. Mainly because

  • it's stressful and drivers are more and more aggressive.
-I live in Italy and the road system is often chaotic and there's nowhere to park when you get there anyway.
  • I find it hard to judge distances in a rear view mirror.
  • it's tiring if you actually concentrate while you're driving - easier to daydream on foot!
  • I am always aware that a small mistake could cost lives.
Naimee87 · 24/10/2021 16:30

No waaaaay!!!! I just got my truck license! I love driving!!! You passed your test for a reason, you’ve got the skills needed to be on the road. I think far too many of us drive in a way we think others want us to but this shouldn’t be the case as long as you play by the rules, limit distractions, maintain the speed limits and keep an eye on whats ahead you’re doing the right thing. Keep calm and don’t allow pushy speedsters or arrogant tail-gaters to change how you’re driving they will ultimately drive right into the traps set up to catch them one day or another and get their comeuppance!

scarpa · 24/10/2021 16:34

I love driving. I didn't pass till I was 25 and it changed my life for the better - I could make different career choices, moved where I wanted to and still got to work etc. Plus now I drive all over the country for work, so I've seen some horrendous things on the road, but it doesn't put me off really.

Nothing I love more than getting in the car on a dark frosty winter morning with a cup of tea and arriving an hour away at work as the sun comes up. Or doing it in summer and the road being quiet and just getting an hour to wake up with a podcast and gorgeous sunny dry motorway.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 24/10/2021 16:35

I get rather nervous driving (I only learned 7 years ago), especially on motorways and in unfamiliar places, but I make myself do it because I'm aware it's the only way I'll get more confident. In fact I'm just back from driving my children to the Sussex coast for the weekend.

GrapeViney · 24/10/2021 16:36

I've met a couple of people that refuse to go on motorways. I find it quite interesting because I guess I must of been like that at some stage when I'd never driven on a motorway before - it's like a fear of the unknown from what the people I know have told me. I definitely felt nervous when I started driving and dreaded it. Not really anymore. I think the mistake is not pushing through that feeling of dread because you'll never get over it if you don't push yourself and allow yourself to.

I prefer motorway driving to anything else. There's so much other stuff going on when you're in a busy built up area. Motorway driving is much less stressful in my opinion. I'm the one trying to find routes that are mostly motorway.

To be fair I saw a thread on here the other day about a new driver lady who had a near-miss and never wanted to drive again and it was filled with replies telling her she's correct she's not a safe driver. I just don't agree with that sort of stuff at all. If you're a new driver then you're probably at some point going to have a near-miss, and you learn and you improve. Doesn't mean you're incapable of driving at all. In fact it's part of becoming an experienced driver.

cookiemon666 · 24/10/2021 16:38

I love driving, I can literally get in a car and go

Animood · 24/10/2021 16:40

Love driving, hate other people driving! Yesterday I drove around 1/2 hour to a class. On the way I encountered:

  • someone on the motorway driving at 45mph in the middle lane. Oblivious to the chaos they were causing.
  • road rage at a merge- 2 people wanted to go first and wouldn't let the other pull in. Involved beeping and shouting out their car windows.
  • teenage boys driving in full darkness on the ring road with their lights off.
  • delivery driver had parked 1/2 on the pavement to make a delivery but had left his door open blocking the whole side of the road.
  • people driving onto hashed areas at traffic lights - more beeping and shouting through windows.

I mean... come on people!!!

Vallmo47 · 24/10/2021 16:42

@mattcockhand Makes perfect sense to me. I will never trust other drivers, far too many variables that change all of the time causing me to be on edge constantly.

PrtScn · 24/10/2021 16:46

I used to love driving, but now not so much. I would say I was "fearless" when younger, but as I've aged I've become more cautious e.g. I'd not hesitate to overtake a slower vehicle when younger but now I'm more cautious and think there's no point because I'd not make much more progress etc.
However the amount of traffic, congestion and road works has considerably increased. As a result I am not a fan of unfamiliar roads, especially those massive roundabouts with several different lanes and fast, often aggressive drivers.

MoreThanAnOffDay · 24/10/2021 16:58

I love driving. Always have done. Except school runs!

Technosaurus · 24/10/2021 17:07

If people aren't confident at driving and are honest enough to own up to it, then I say good on them.

I'm a 15,000 miles a year driver, have been for years due to work, and the standard of driving in this country has got noticeably worse since I passed 15 years ago. A perfect storm of bad drivers driving bigger cars with less police presence so everything is going unchecked.

As with everything, most people behind the wheel of a car don't deliberately set out to be bad drivers, they just don't know they're not very good. We all make mistakes but some people make more mistakes in one journey than the rest of us do in a year.

I'd much rather a growing minority of people who know their limitations and admit to not liking driving, than the seeming growing majority of people who are just cluttering up the roads and making them dangerous.

daisypond · 24/10/2021 17:18

To those who say they love driving and are good at it, but other people’s shit driving pisses you off, I would suggest it’s worth considering that maybe it’s you who are the shit driver - and the worst sort of shit driver- because you think you are good.

plantastic · 24/10/2021 17:27

Urgh, I do not like it. Unfortunately DH does not drive and we live overseas in a country where the driving is absolutely bonkers. No one uses their mirrors, pulling out of junctions at speed while texting is common, as is tailgating, undertaking at speed and pulling a u turn instead of going around the roundabouts. Intercity driving is better but dominated by poorly loaded trucks with bald tires listing to one side. Driving in the UK is like a spa day in comparison and I never liked that either. I have to drive incredibly defensively. All the cars here have dents and scratches in them from incidents. So I am scared of it here because it's brutal but have to do it anyway.

We had organised ourselves in the UK so we didn't need a car and I am very much looking forward to that state of affairs returning. I also find it incredibly boring and so won't do more than 3 hours at once. I don't actually mind driving in London if I'm in an automatic so don't have to worry about gear changes and stalling, but I think that's because I cycled all round London for years and know the road layouts quite well.

I also have an astigmatism so night driving is uncomfortable because of increased glare. I avoid driving at night if I can possibly help it. I don't think that's cowardly, but sensible.

I passed my test at 21 but only got my first car this year at 40, so that's how well I have avoided it. I'd be happy if I never do it again. Dh was supposed to learn before we moved here but covid scuppered that.

LubaLuca · 24/10/2021 17:52

@daisypond

To those who say they love driving and are good at it, but other people’s shit driving pisses you off, I would suggest it’s worth considering that maybe it’s you who are the shit driver - and the worst sort of shit driver- because you think you are good.
I didn't make this claim, but I feel I should defend those who did. There are far more good drivers than bad drivers on the road - the good drivers are the thousands you don't even notice because they're not doing anything dangerous and are taking note of other drivers. Most drivers ARE good, so chances are those claiming to be good actually are.
SylvanasWindrunner · 24/10/2021 17:56

I'm comfortable driving but I wouldn't say I love it. It's always just been a way to get from A to B, not something I actively enjoy. DH does enjoy driving though so he does the bulk of it when we go places as a family as it makes sense to let him do it when he gets pleasure from it.

Mischance · 24/10/2021 17:59

Nothing I love more than getting in the car on a dark frosty winter morning with a cup of tea

Well there you have it - this is another good reason to be wary of driving if there are people on the road with tea in one hand and steering wheel in the other (I hope.

So few people grasp that being in charge of a car is like being in charge of a loaded gun and should be taken very very seriously, and not with a cup of tea.

minipie · 24/10/2021 18:06

Yeah I hate it. I’ve always lived in London, learned to drive in London, most of my experience of driving is in London. Which means most of my experience is of congested, stressy roads where everyone is trying to squeeze into the tiniest gap, nobody lets you out, and you get beeped at if you take more than a nanosecond to check before pulling out. And the parking…! Also bikes, so many cyclists around without helmets or lights, I am terrified I’m going to hit one one day.

Motorways are fine. Fun even. Except in the rain.

Bichette · 24/10/2021 18:06

I don't mind driving and in fact, I positively enjoy when all the following conditions are in place :
It's not raining
I'm by myself
It's daylight
I know the roads
Something good on the radio

minipie · 24/10/2021 18:07

So few people grasp that being in charge of a car is like being in charge of a loaded gun and should be taken very very seriously

Exactly this! I am very very conscious of the damage I could do if I mess up. I actually have nightmares about crashing.

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