Are you scared of driving / avoid it ?

[fussytodd]

I've met a lot of women recently who don't like driving and are afraid to, especially not with their kids in the car.

Is that quite common ?

My mother used to love driving. She learned to drive in her 30’s when she moved rurally and it opened up her world. Driving was fun as well as essential transport, she’d regularly ‘go out for a drive’ or an ‘explore’ because she could. She loved the freedom. Now, in her 70’s, she’s a very nervous driver, hates driving and does the bare minimum. She is single and still lives semi rurally, so driving is essential. She doesn’t have to drive on motorways, so that’s something, but she will do anything to avoid using the car. This time of year is especially bad as she is is very worried about night driving, so she pretty much renders herself housebound in winter months.

I’m fine with driving. I don’t particularly love it but I have no real worries about it either. I’ve had my licence for over 20yrs and have driven massive 4x4s and tiddly hatchbacks, manuals and autos. I really hope I don’t lose my confidence like my mother.

I love it. I don't care if I take a wrong turn, you turn around and go back, what's the problem. Zero anxiety.

Don't enjoy it but do it out of necessity. Learned quite a few years ago and then didn't drive for three years. Then only drove locally. Now I do motorways but I don't like it because other people are arseholes! I know I can drive safely, but so many other people can't. Most journey's I encounter at least one other person where I think wtf are you doing, which fair enough everyone makes mistakes, I have too, it's fine when you learn from it but some of these people as mentioned above are probably those who think they're amazing and never make mistakes and therefore won't learn.

There is one place locally where you always have to queue for ages to turn right. There is another lane to turn left. It is very, very clear which lane is which. But every single time I queue there for sodding ages, some selfish wanker always goes in the left turn lane and cuts in front of the right queue nearly killing the poor sod at the front of the right queue as there is only one lane going right. It's people like that who shouldn't be on the road.

I did find motorway lessons really helpful after I passed. I could ask all the stupid questions, like what happens if you can't merge? Also the instructor was- it's absolutely fine if you want to do 55 in the outside lane. You don't have to overtake everything. I found that helpful and would recommend it.

I'm 34, passed my test on 5th attempt when I was 22. I live in a big city and haven't driven in 7 years because I just hate it so much. Even when I did first pass I avoided driving wherever possible - I've never driven on a motorway and once had a panic attack trying to merge onto a dual carrigeway. The idea of driving at all now makes me feel physically ill and a bit panicky.

I don't have very good special awareness and I think that's a huge part of the problem. I also find the constant scanning of the road in combination with paying attention to the here and now exhausting. I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year which might have something to do with it.

I love it. Motorways, country roads, cities the lot.
Only fly in the ointment is dh who can drive but rarely does, he's always saying "change down" or pressing his foot into the floor and pretending he's just changing position ffs.
We've been out for a drive today, me as usual and when we were ready to come back I asked is he'd like to drive so he could demonstrate how to do it properly. Funnily enough he thought I was being sarky. Knob.

I absolutely love it. But I do think you’ve got to have a nice car to enjoy it, we’ve been given the odd hideous courtesy car and it takes all joy out of it so can see why some people dislike driving. I literally have a love affair with my car, to the point of looking at it to remind myself what a handsome fellow he is (yep all of mine have had names, I am odd).

Someone above posted about advanced driving and increased observation, I learned with an ex police instructor that hammered into me all the additional points where you can observe and try to predict what might happen, so whether that helped I don’t know. I’ve driven round central London trying to suss out where I am on Google maps at the same time, totally fine with reversing down single track country lanes, fine with driving abroad, towing - the lot.

I’ve even thought about HGV driving but it doesn’t quite fit with the school run!

I love driving! Because of this it’s quite difficult to get why people are terrified of it, aside from being involved in/witnessing a bad smash so this thread is really interesting. I wonder if the rate of info processing is part of it, or just not being stressed about taking a wrong turn, you just go round again. I do a lot of van driving and dropping off in small loading bays etc and going round once just to ‘have a look’ is common because you can’t always swing a big vehicle in and need to approach from the other side or whatever. Advanced driving courses are really good for observation/info processing. Likewise knowing what’s behind you. Based on seeing people approached by emergency vehicles on dual carriageways/motorways I think a number of motorists drive blinkered to anything that isnt immediately the road in front.

I don't mind driving, but there are too many angry people on the road and I don't like traffic jams, there are better ways to travel

I don’t like it. I’m a very anxious person and worry about making a mistake.

But I do enjoy the fact that I can drive when I need to! A lot of my friends don’t drive and have to rely on their partners and I think that’s worse than not being able to drive at all.

I can drive motorways, busy cities etc if I have to.

I know one women and three men who know how to drive but hate and avoid it. They all have their reasons and I try not let it frustrate me when they inconvenience others through it. I'd rather they weren't on the road as if someone is nervous they will possibly pose a bigger risk to others.

I used to love driving. I used to be a confident driver. Then I had an accident where a car coming the other way was on the wrong side of the road, crashed in to me and pushed me into a ditch. My car was written off and it took months to recover from my injuries. The other driver claimed he wasn't at fault so it took 2.5 years to sort out the insurance. It was very stressful.

I actually prefer motorway driving. At least everyone is going to same direction!

The one thing about driving which causes me anxiety, is being caught in traffic, where there is nowhere to go. This is worst on the motorway - especially if I find myself in the middle lane in a traffic jam which isn't moving. I also get quite anxious when I'm waiting to turn right across a busy lane of traffic - again, it's the not having anywhere else to go.

I think it comes from my first few years of driving, where I had a procession of unreliable, old cars (they were all I could afford at the time) which were prone to overheating - especially in traffic jams and once (I've mentioned this on MN before) in the tiger enclosure at Longleat!

I happily drive around busy cities, am brilliant at parallel parking and spent years living in an area with incredibly narrow country lanes, but I will try to avoid driving on motorways where possible (either getting DH to drive, or going by train), but I will get on and do it if I have to. I have a reliable car these days, which is very unlikely to have a problem when stopped in traffic, but there's a small part of my brain which just won't accept that this is true and insists I look at motorways as a potential panic attack.

I do drive but it does worry me and I can't say I enjoy it. The best bit is getting home safely. Had my own car for about 25 years and still hate people tailgating. My current car is old and doesn't have sat nav. I hate big roundabouts etc. It's the thought of getting it wrong and banging into people! But the thing that stresses me the most is being on the duel carriageway or motorway and people joining from the left, so I stick to small roads if I can. I do need a car where I live as no buses. I have to go further afield I drive to the train station and get the train.

I loved driving before becoming a parent. I'm much more aware for the dangers now I have others to consider. I could brush off aggressive drivers and other drivers mistakes previously but now the consequences feel more real.

@Mischance

Nothing I love more than getting in the car on a dark frosty winter morning with a cup of tea

Well there you have it - this is another good reason to be wary of driving if there are people on the road with tea in one hand and steering wheel in the other (I hope.

So few people grasp that being in charge of a car is like being in charge of a loaded gun and should be taken very very seriously, and not with a cup of tea.

I'm obviously not driving using my knees with a massive ceramic mug of steaming hot tea in my hands!

But a travel cup with the mouthpiece left open to let it cool down/so I don't need to do anything other than grab it with my left hand and take a mouthful - on a quiet road/motorway I can't see the harm in using one hand to take a swig of my drink. Doesn't require me to take my eyes off the road, is only as dangerous as changing the volume on the radio etc.

Me. I didn’t learn till I was in my thirties and already had a toddler and a baby. I also have clinical anxiety. I didn’t know the roads where I lived (as it’s a big city that I’d not long since moved to) and shortly after passing my test, had a panic attack on the ring road and crashed the car spectacularly. Since then I’ve had no confidence at all and panic if being driven by someone else on the motorway - it’s an ordeal for me and I wish it wasn’t.

I do try and drive to places I know and to keep trying to encourage myself to be more confident in the car, but it’s going to take a long time.

I like being able to drive but I hate actually driving. I only drive to work and very rarely anywhere else. I walk most places and would get the bus into the city centre (to be fair DH also does this as it's cheaper and easier than parking). I was a very confident driver pre kids, I think I have become more nervous as I don't do it so regularly. Also my first born was rather spirited and vocal and could also escape a carseat belt so I always felt distracted which was probably why I started driving less frequently.

But I do think you’ve got to have a nice car to enjoy it

I think this does make a difference, I enjoyed driving much more when I had a brand new car, its been hard to go back to an old and basic one. The better safety features, more comfortable, more reliable, I had a completely handsfree entertainment system, it was just a joy to drive and I adored it!

I drive because I have to, public transport is really bad in my area. I don’t mind it so much when I’m not going too far or I’m driving on the motorway, but I hate it the rest of the time, especially in the dark, the rain or when the sun is low in the sky. There’s too many idiots on the road too (speaking from experience, people have crashed into me twice and I’ve had lots of near misses).

scarpa - no I had guessed/hoped what sort of cup you meant.

on a quiet road/motorway I can't see the harm in using one hand to take a swig of my drink - jeez - I hope you are not overtaking any of my loved ones on a motorway whilst you are taking that swig.

You cannot see the harm in it - I will pass on that as there is no way of explaining to you how dangerous this is, as you are clearly unable to grasp this.

Let's just concentrate on the fact that is illegal - someone I know was prosecuted for taking a swig of a drink whilst stationary at traffic lights.

Sadly people do not take safety seriously - they just want to do what they want to do, regardless of the possible consequences.

This sort of thinking is why I and many others fear driving - because we are surrounded by thoughtless drivers, who are unable to understand the importance of total concentration when driving and in so doing put us all at risk.

If you have never been to the scene of a collision at 30mph (closing speed of 60) then I assume that you are unable to grasp the potential for carnage when you have 2 cars driving at 70 mph.

One moment's lapse of concentration .... just one .... and you finish up with broken bodies, broken families. I know - I have worked with them and I cannot begin to tell you how many times I heard "if only" - if only I had not lost concentration; if only I had not been going so fast; if only I had not had that pint; if only I had had a proper rest before I set off; if only I had not reached for a drink at that moment..................

Take it from me, you do not forget these things - ever.

Cars are lethal - nothing less than total concentration will do, however much it might inconvenience you.

If you're in the UK it's not illegal to drink (non alcoholic) drinks whilst driving, the police can prosecute for careless driving if as a result of drinking you are driving eratically, whoever was at traffic lights must have missed part of their story out. Especially on long journeys it's bad not to have something in the car, dehydration leads to loss of concentration etc after all.

I don’t drive because I can’t judge speed/distance/time and therefore I don’t consider it safe for me to. Ie it’s not possible for me to look at traffic and judge if I can pull into a gap.

But over the past couple of years I’ve found it increasingly stressful to even be a passenger in a car due to the amount of total idiots on the road. So I prefer to take the bus and then I can’t really see what’s going on! I have structured my life to not need to go in a car more than about once a month or even less.

I used to love driving as a teenager, I don't like it now. Too many cars and too many bad drivers.
Perhaps it's due to having quite a bad accident while I was pregnant? Not sure.

I absolutely love it and love parking in tight spots too

My sister hates driving and always will, it makes her very stressed, she only drives because she lives out the country and she has to drive but if I told her she never had to drive again, she would be so relieved!

I think a lot of people look unhappy in cars, if I’m sitting in traffic, it’s only ever young people smiling and laughing, nearly everyone else looks stressed and worn out while driving.