Hen party and mum not invited

[rainonsunday]

Family member is getting married and they had a hen party, but nothing was arranged with the mum. No afternoon tea or anything non drinking etc.

Is this usual?

@londonrach

My sister came to the meal of friends I had but my mum didn't. In fact mums never come do they. It's meant to be friends isn't it. Tbh most people don't do hen parties so think it's just from the TV.

Most people don’t do hens parties? That’s interesting…. Or maybe you aren’t invited haha.

^meant that in a joking way

I have probably been to 20 hen parties over the years and never been to one where the mum of the bride was invited

There is something quite weird and a bit cringe about needing to drag your mum along to something like that. Surely most people have made enough actual friends by that stage of their life?

I think it’s quite nice for the two sides’ women (or men) to meet each other, and afternoon tea etc is a good plan.

However for a traditional hen night, it depends on the personalities. As a pp said, making sure no one is offended or inconvenienced on the big day is stressful enough, without having to organise a hen do specifically with a dm or mil in mind. I didn’t have a hen do, but the thought of one including either dm or mil…. Aaaaaaaggggghhhh !!!!!!!

I invited my mum but not mil. She would have said no anyway but shes horrible and was not welcome. So think it depends on the relationship between the hen and her mum?

I don’t think it’s normal to invite mums or MILs to hen dos, or to have any separate day event either for them.

I’m close to my mum but she didn’t come to my hen night, completely normal.

I've never been at a hen where the mum came along. I didn't have my mum at my hen.

IME the bride just has their friends at a hen do.

My mum didn't come to my hen do.

She paid for us to have a nice champagne afternoon tea instead, which was much, much better.

I’m in my fifties. No mums of bride or groom went to hen do’s in my day. I find it rather odd and think it’s just another money making exercise, weddings are far too hyped and bridezilla these days. Bit like blooming party bags. What on earth was wrong with a balloon and a piece of cake to go home with?

No hard and fast rule, imo. Trying to think, the last hen party I was at, actually the mothers were there. It was a meal in a restaurant, no high jinks.

@sweeneytoddsrazor

Last hen I went on I was mother of the groom. Myself and Mother of bride were last 2 standing at 4am.

That's the way to do it grin]

Nobody is horrible for not inviting their Mum/MIL, and it does probably depend on the people involved.
I would have balked at being invited to a sedate afternoon tea though just for the mums.
Way back in the dark ages ( in Scotland anyway), the Bride had a " show of presents " which was a dreadful show off thing, where the aunties, grannies and mums had a cuppa, cake and sandwiches and maybe a wee sherry, whilst the younger ones dressed up the bride and went out and got pissed.

@Wagglerock

I adore my mum and she wasn't invited to my hen party.

This, she came to look at wedding dresses with me but she didn’t come on my hen do and wouldn’t have expected to.

YABU. All mums are different. My mum hates going out, hates being around anyone outside her brother and her D.C., she dislikes crowded spaces, feels shy and tense in hotels and restaurants. She doesn't like the company of people who are drinking and is generally much happier at home. If she had been invited to my hen or any other hen she MIGHT have come, just to be polite but would have hated every minute and been a real downer.

Hen' do's are for friends, not parents/in laws. I think it's weird mums want to go out on the piss with their kids - we're their parent, not their drinking buddy!

I’m surprised. Most hen do’s I’ve been on hsve had mums there. My mum and mil came to my boozy hen do. They thoroughly enjoyed themselves

@rainonsunday

Interesting responses.

I suppose I should have also asked the question “did you have a day event with aunties/mum/mil etc”. That was what I was hinting at.

No, I didn’t have anything like that at all.

I think it’s weird to invite your mum to your hen do!

First wedding, didn't invite my Mum to the proper hen do, but did go out for a cocktail a couple of days before the wedding with her, Gran and a bridesmaid who hadn't made it to the hen.

Second wedding, not having a hen do or any wedding related event at all. Can't be arsed with the additional fuss and expense.

Never occurred to me to invite my mum.
Do dad's get invited on stags?
Would not occur to me that my daughter would invite me to hers but I'm way more of a party type than she is. Still wouldn't expect or even want to be invited. It's a friends thing and I'd feel like a spare part.

The bride’s mum wasn’t present at any of the few hen parties I’ve been to.

This thread is interesting. Every hen party I've been to has involved the mother and often the MIL too. As well as the bride's aunts. And not just sedate hen party - ones with pubs and clubs.

I've never been to a hen where the mum was invited and I've been to several. I wasn't invited to my daughter's hen either. It would be quite unusual amongst anyone I've ever known.

I didn't invite my mum to mine either. Hen parties were not such a big deal back then anyway, we just went out for a meal then onto a club, nothing fancy or themed or anything, but I didn't invite my mum, sister, future sil or mil. I just went with my girlfriends because they were the people I would usually go out for the night with. It never occurred to be to do otherwise.