Hen party and mum not invited

[rainonsunday]

Family member is getting married and they had a hen party, but nothing was arranged with the mum. No afternoon tea or anything non drinking etc.

Is this usual?

[MrsToothyBitch]

Round here it's mostly just friends, I think. Or mums earlier on in the day for the more civilised parts of the party. It depends on relationships, party dynamics and fear people just want to do. If you wouldn't usually include your mum on girls night, I suppose you wouldn't start now?

I wouldn't want my mum anywhere near ANYTHING planned for me. I love my mum but we've had a more difficult relationship lately- more clashes. She also HATES anything wedding related and is negative/shuts down any talk of weddings and would be rude and take swipes/make barbed remarks and put everyone on edge. My friends have mopped up a few tears and winced at a few of her remarks. I also can't imagine anything to do with a broomstick being part of a hen do... so there would be no activities aimed at her and no reason for her to attend.

[ShinyHappyPoster]

@tradition

I always thought the hen and stag do's were for both sides of the family to come together and celebrate (single sex). The mum of bride and groom can meet each other more informally than at the wedding ceremony.

For my future daughter in law she is having a boozy trip abroad with friends and the 'mums' have organised a uK based spa day (still boozy) including aunts and grandparents !

Yes, that's what it's like here too. The hen do is so the women of both families can meet before the wedding and the stag do is for the men of both families to meet before the wedding.
In the olden days (ie 1970s/1980s) there would sometimes be a show of presents for the older female family members from both families to attend too but that seems to have fallen out of favour.

[Aroundtheworldin80moves]

I'm trying to imagine my mums and mils faces if they had been invited to come paintballing, and dressing up to go to all the cheesy clubs in Newcastle before staying g the night in a youth hostel with us.

[tradition]

I always thought the hen and stag do's were for both sides of the family to come together and celebrate (single sex). The mum of bride and groom can meet each other more informally than at the wedding ceremony.

For my future daughter in law she is having a boozy trip abroad with friends and the 'mums' have organised a uK based spa day (still boozy) including aunts and grandparents !

[foodanfagsjokiing]

I genuinely didn't know it was a thing to invite Mum on hen night !Absolutely adored my Mum but it never occurred to me to ask her .!

[saraclara]

My DD had a hen afternoon, and I and her MIL were invited, as was her GMIL! But I'd not have minded at all if it had just been her friends. A hen can be whatever you want it to be.

[LittleGwyneth]

Totally normal. I adore my mother, but she would have been mortified to have to go on my hen weekend.

[Dishwashersaurous]

I've been to, and know of, dozens of hen do. No mothers involved.

The concept of a hen do is last night of freedom. Why would you have your mother there!

[thevassal]

@Branleuse

some people invite their mum. Most people dont

ah the expert has arrived. How many brides did you consult in your exhaustive research, can I ask?
FFS I hate it when people miss off 'in my (limited) experience' to their post. It's usually the same people who pop up on snow/flood/petrol/food shortages thread and say 'What are you talking about it's sunny/there's no queues/full shelves?' and seem basically incapable of realising that other people have different life experiences to them.

[Soontobe60]

My dds both had 2 hen parties. Weekend away with their friends (and each other), and afternoon tea/cocktails with dm / mil / aunts etc.

[Shimy]

@SarahBellam

I didn’t invite my mum. That would have been a bit weird. The idea behind stag and hen doos was originally to have a last night of freedom/debauchery before settling down. That’s not something you do with your mum. Parents are usually involved in other ways.

Exactly! I don’t understand this new trend of mums/mil being invited to hen dos at all, it’s about as weird as a father/fil attending the son’s bachelors eve. I’ve never met a dad wanting to go to a bachelors eve, why on earth are mums going. How does the bride and her friends relax?

[notacooldad]

I think the key question was asked above - how many dads are invited on stag dos?
I know of loads of dads that have been on stag dos. Its normally an ice hockey weekend in Helsinki or Belfast .

[Vix1977]

I've only been to hen parties where the mum and aunties are also invited.
They joined in the activities but left the night earlier than the rest of us.

[crosstalk]

I think the key question was asked above - how many dads are invited on stag dos?

[USaYwHatNow]

My mum came to mine. Got married at 27 and she was 54. The only bit she didn't come to was the bit where we went off to have a bit of a dance/bar hopping. I would've been really upset if my bridesmaids had excluded her but then we are really close. I'll also never forget how stunning my mum looked that night!

[PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside]

@Squirrelblanket

I've never been to a hen party that had the brides mum in attendance.

I misread this as 'had the bride's mum in an ambulance' 😂😂😂

[Hobnobsandbroomstick]

Oh, and on one of the ones that involved the older members of the family, the bride's mother in law got really drunk on prosecco at the afternoon tea, fell out with the bride's mother about something, and stormed off. Poor bride was in tears.

[Hobnobsandbroomstick]

I've been to 11 hen dos, 2 of which involved the bride's mum, 9 didn't. The two which did were both fairly sedate day time affairs, home by 9pm sort of thing.

My sister in law is getting married next year, her mum is sadly no longer around, but out mother in law and her speak every day and have a very close relationship. Mother in law is not coming on her hen do weekend, she wouldn't want to. Mother in law is organising a spa day for sister in law and female members of the family a few days before the wedding instead. Not labelling it as a hen do, just a nice relaxing day together.

[furbabymama87]

I never had a hen but if I did I wouldn't have my mum there. Besides the fact its not really her thing, I wouldn't be able to get drunk and have a laugh at naughty things with her there.

[peboh]

My friend had a stripper, and whilst her relationship with her mum is great, it isn't something she wanted to experience with her mum. So she wasn't invited. Her mum wasn't bothered. I don't know many people who invite their parents on their hen or stags.

[Mischance]

I have 3 married DDs and have never been invited to a hen do and would not have expected it. It is a get-together for the bride-to-be and her friends. Why would I be invited?

[Marvellousmadness]

I love my mum to pieces but she would be the last person I wanna have around on a hens show haha. You don't want a parent around when you're about to have some fun let your hair down and do some silly shit?!
Def wouldn't be inviting mum or grandmother/aunts etc. Just girlfriends.

[SockQueen]

I have a great relationship with my mum but she didn't come near my hen do.

[stillonthattightrope]

My mum came to day and evening events but I didn't actually want her to as I knew she would take over. I invited her out of politeness.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a hen do just being for mates.

[User527294627]

I adore my mum and have a great relationship with her but she wasn’t invited to my hen party.

She was very involved in the planning and we did lots of things together around the wedding (like dress shopping with a nice lunch after etc) but I viewed the hen party as being very much a thing for me and my friends, not for my mum.

She wasn’t at all upset, I don’t think she had expected to be invited either.