Hen party and mum not invited

[rainonsunday]

Family member is getting married and they had a hen party, but nothing was arranged with the mum. No afternoon tea or anything non drinking etc.

Is this usual?

I've never been to a hen party that had the brides mum in attendance.

@SpongebobNoPants

That is unusual. I have never heard of a hen party where mums/MILS weren't invited Oh God, I’m not inviting my MIL either… or my SIL’s, I’m literally just having friends. I must be awful

You really aren't. I'm very close to my DD but I didn't go to her hen, a weekend with 20 young women wasn't my thing. I did contribute a couple of hundred to the kitty though.

@RedCarsGoFaster

Yes, very normal. Not been to any hen do where the mum or MIL are present.

ha see I haven't been on many where the mums/MILs weren't present! But then most people I know have had multiple hen dos (I know this is anathema to MN where one hen do is a painful obligation...), so mums would often come on the one with oldest (usually school) friends, which might include more sedate activities like spa, afternoon tea etc., then bride might also have a night out/weekend away with uni friends, work colleagues etc. But I have been on several where the mum, MIL, and often an auntie or mum's best friend have come on the whole thing, including abroad, been the last ones standing in the nightclub, etc! Suppose it all differs on how you get on with your mum, what her personality is like, what you plan on doing etc. so there's no right or wrong - I just know my mum would be absolutely gutted not to be invited on my hen do.

My mum came to mine, but we get on very well- she’s a friend; and she’s up for drinking and being in a club! We stayed local and she got a train home that eve!

To be honest, isn't even the concept of a hen party relatively new?

OP, I think you are being driven by what Social Media / Media is telling you is normal.

No way I would have gone on my daughter’s hen night. My niece took her mother in law to be on hers and it ended in a big row as she didn’t approve of the drunken antics.

I’m very close to my mum but it never crossed my mind to invite her to my hen weekend. And I know for a fact she would not have come!

I guess what we have learned here is that some invite their mums and some don't! There doesn't seem to be a set or standard thing that is expected.

I didn’t invite my mum. That would have been a bit weird. The idea behind stag and hen doos was originally to have a last night of freedom/debauchery before settling down. That’s not something you do with your mum. Parents are usually involved in other ways.

Didn’t occur to me to invite my mum (back in the dark ages ). We got along fine.

Having mothers / MIL would be extremely unusual in my various friendship groups. Only know of it happening once.

We had a combined Stag&Hen but no parents were invited. The thought would never occur.

For a lot of people, they make a lot of adjustments and accommodations to enable the day to work out well for a lot of wider family in various ways. This might mean inviting people who you don't massively want to be there to keep the peace. The hen /stag parties should be free from such politicking and just be for genuine close friends.

@Gingersay

How close are you? Could you not arrange a wee tea for mum, aunties and grannies?

Don’t do this - you’re just creating extra work. The purpose of the wedding is so that friends and family can meet up - you don’t need extra meeting up.

I get on with my mum but didn't invite her on my hen do - mine was very much a lots of drinking type of hen which I wouldn't have been comfortable with her bein there and still having a good time (she's not much of a drinker)

My mum then organised a separate family hen do for me (and for what its worth I wouldn't have thought to arrange that hen do myself)

I've not been to a hen do with anyone's mum. My mum is amazing. And not coming on my hen do.

@StCharlotte

I didn't even invite my sisters

Me neither! And I get on with my sister

I had my hen party in my mum's house as my sister was to young to go to pubs. I lied and told mil I wasn't having a hen as she would definitely have expected to be invited(no chance!)

Interesting responses.

I suppose I should have also asked the question “did you have a day event with aunties/mum/mil etc”. That was what I was hinting at.

My sister came to the meal of friends I had but my mum didn't. In fact mums never come do they. It's meant to be friends isn't it. Tbh most people don't do hen parties so think it's just from the TV.

I was at my DDs hen night last weekend. She had a “mother of the bride” sash made for me, which was lovely.

I don't expect to be invited to my daughters if she gets married.

I'd probably arrange something with just us two, afternoon tea or a meal out.

I’ve literally never come across a hen party where the mother was invited? It wouldn’t even cross my mind to invite my own

I suppose I should have also asked the question “did you have a day event with aunties/mum/mil etc”. That was what I was hinting at.

Doesn't the bride's mum usually organise and pay for something like this?

I did not invite my mother or my sister to mine. Neither of them drink, my hen consisted of getting drunk in pubs and then a nightclub. It would not have been fun for any of us if they had come. I don’t think they cared. We are close though.

My Mum ruined my hen do by getting hammered and starting a fight with the bar staff.
I didn't invite my DHs Mum.

TBH, mine was the only one I've ever been to where a Mum was included.

I didn't know doing something with the Mums was a thing.