Hen party and mum not invited

[rainonsunday]

Family member is getting married and they had a hen party, but nothing was arranged with the mum. No afternoon tea or anything non drinking etc.

Is this usual?

*My MIL didn't come either and I'm close to her too.

I have been to hen parties with and without the mum there , I think either are fine.
However I do agree it’s a bit odd if there’s not something else arranged for the mum e.g afternoon tea, lunch , spa day etc . Unless the relationship is not good.

Reminds me of the hen do debacle of a younger extended family member.

She had a massive hen weekend piss-up with all her friends (where apparently she ended up drunkenly crying her eyes out at midnight because of some perceived slight). No-one over 29 was invited or allowed. All the older relatives / friends breathed a sigh of relief tbh.

Then her sister organised her 'hen party', as though the other one had never happened, announced via text. An evening out in a lovely historic pub in a nice part of town (think Albert Dock). All nans, mums, aunties, older cousins, steps invited. Except a secret WhatsApp group sprang up which decided that all the younger friends were also going to go, were going to change the venue and turn it into a pub crawl, change the meeting time from 6pm to 8pm, and not tell the old farts they were doing this.

So the 'old farts' found this out last minute and sent their apologies on the day and didn't go.

The hen ended up drunkenly crying her eyes out (again) at midnight, and blocked loads of 'old farts' on social media, but not before she'd uninvited loads of these women to her wedding, many of whom actually ended up not going (and their male partners didn't go either).

The groom is one lucky fella.

Surely a hen do is age related? When you see lines of scantily clad girls conga-ing down the street singing and waving party poppers you think "OMG, rather them than me"? Maybe the dm just politely declined.

The majority I’ve been to included Mum’s at least to part of it. My Mum and godmother were at mine but that was 18 years ago and my Mum was 45 then. Not sure she’d want to come now.

I’m having two. An afternoon tea for the older relatives where we will have a few glasses of wine and home by 9 at the latest. The second one is for friends and younger family members where I imagine there’ll be Willy straws and chaos. Never the two shall meet!

It really depends. Your mum could be very young and/or young at heart or terribly prim and proper and not the type who would enjoy a small sherry, let alone a skinful in ten pubs.

Also, some families all know each other as the bride and groom are local and they live in the same place . In many cases - in fact in all cases in my experience - it would be the first time the two mothers had set eyes on each other, and there would be a lot of sizing each other up (unfavourably) rather than letting it all hang out.

@Laufeythejust

I’m having two. An afternoon tea for the older relatives where we will have a few glasses of wine and home by 9 at the latest. The second one is for friends and younger family members where I imagine there’ll be Willy straws and chaos. Never the two shall meet!

Sounds great!

I love my mum so very much but she wasn't at my hen. It was a drunken girly weekend away with a few close friends.

"Erm, that's what the wedding is!

Hen/Stag night is a "last' night out with your pals, usually with alcohol.

Why in god's name would you need an additional day event with relatives to celebrate getting married other than inviting them to the actual wedding? You're not saying final goodbyes before your execution, you're getting married. They will still see you."

All this. Next thing, people will start having the American 'rehearsal dinner' and before we know it, we'll have threads asking how much to spend on it and how many people should be invited, etc.

@rainonsunday

Interesting responses.

I suppose I should have also asked the question “did you have a day event with aunties/mum/mil etc”. That was what I was hinting at.

Yes - we went to the races. My mum, MIL-to-be and my aunt attended. Then we went for dinner afterwards and they came along to that too. Then they went back to the hotel with some of the others and the rest of us went to a club.

It was designed to meet the needs of a variety of people that I wanted to celebrate with and I had a lovely time.

To be clear it wasn't a separate event. My hen-do was the whole day and they attended the bits they wanted to.

@Wagglerock

I adore my mum and she wasn't invited to my hen party.

Lucky Mum, personally I would have run a mile or two rather than go to a hen party, whoever it was. I was 200+ miles away when my daughter had hers and even though I was invited and it was a very civilised affair I declined!

Love my mum and MIL but wouldn’t have dreamt of inviting them and haven’t been to a hen where they have been. Not because of inflatable willies and the like (expressedly asked for none of that at mine) but just because it was a social event with my friends, I wouldn’t invite them on a ‘normal’ night out either…

We did however have a lovely time picking out my wedding dress. DM, Dsis and MIL and I spent a few weekends together and when we went to ‘sign on the line’ for the one I wanted we went out for an afternoon tea after. So that felt like a nice ‘do’ with them.

It’s interesting the differences. I just counted up and have been on 14 hen dos. Not a single one with mother’s, MIL. Also don’t know anyone that did anything extra, I certainly felt that a wedding and one hen do was enough attention on me. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with doing things differently, I just don’t like to be centre of attention. I just find it fascinating that some people are the opposite and haven’t been on a hen do without mothers. I wonder where the divide lies.

I had afternoon tea with my sisters and mum because one of my sisters was too young to come on the hen do but my mum and my MIL both came on my actual hen do as well. I wouldn't have done something separate if they didn't come to the main event though, we did various activities and people opted in or out of any of them they didn't want to join in with. We only did the afternoon tea so my youngest sister wasn't left out.

I would have rather invited the grim reaper than my mother.

I adore my mum and have a great relationship with her but she wasn’t invited to my hen party.

She was very involved in the planning and we did lots of things together around the wedding (like dress shopping with a nice lunch after etc) but I viewed the hen party as being very much a thing for me and my friends, not for my mum.

She wasn’t at all upset, I don’t think she had expected to be invited either.

My mum came to day and evening events but I didn't actually want her to as I knew she would take over. I invited her out of politeness.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a hen do just being for mates.

I have a great relationship with my mum but she didn't come near my hen do.

I love my mum to pieces but she would be the last person I wanna have around on a hens show haha. You don't want a parent around when you're about to have some fun let your hair down and do some silly shit?!
Def wouldn't be inviting mum or grandmother/aunts etc. Just girlfriends.

I have 3 married DDs and have never been invited to a hen do and would not have expected it. It is a get-together for the bride-to-be and her friends. Why would I be invited?

My friend had a stripper, and whilst her relationship with her mum is great, it isn't something she wanted to experience with her mum. So she wasn't invited. Her mum wasn't bothered. I don't know many people who invite their parents on their hen or stags.

I never had a hen but if I did I wouldn't have my mum there. Besides the fact its not really her thing, I wouldn't be able to get drunk and have a laugh at naughty things with her there.

I've been to 11 hen dos, 2 of which involved the bride's mum, 9 didn't. The two which did were both fairly sedate day time affairs, home by 9pm sort of thing.

My sister in law is getting married next year, her mum is sadly no longer around, but out mother in law and her speak every day and have a very close relationship. Mother in law is not coming on her hen do weekend, she wouldn't want to. Mother in law is organising a spa day for sister in law and female members of the family a few days before the wedding instead. Not labelling it as a hen do, just a nice relaxing day together.