Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

AIBU to ask if you have a favourite child?

169 replies

Zippyzoppy · 22/10/2021 19:38

I would say I love both my children equally, I would do anything for either of them.

I recently asked them both about favourite children in general and they both confided in me that they thought I was their favourite! This was music to my ears because…..

Deep down, I just find one of them easier to spend time with and talk to, and it’s always worried me that it somehow would show.

So my question is whether anyone else feels similarly, or whether you would say you feel exactly the same about each of your children?

OP posts:

Crispynoodle · 23/10/2021 00:17

I have 4 grown up DC who competed to be my favourite when they were young. I would tell them 'you are my favourite.......eldest DC' and so on. It became a family joke and now they all send me Mother's Day/ birthday cards signed from 'the favourite'

youvegottenminuteslynn · 23/10/2021 00:21

I think you can love them all equally but have one who you would like most if they weren't their mum. Someone you'd get on with an actively pursue the company of if they weren't your child. Human nature.

Crazybunnylady123 · 23/10/2021 00:30

I love my girls the same. I was slightly worried I
Wouldn’t before my youngest was born as I had my perfect first born daughter. But as soon as I held her the love was there and I wasn’t worried! I’m so lucky to have them and they have each other, I genuinely do not have a favourite and I feel very blessed. I tell them both they are my favourite! I love them so much.

Namechangedforthethousandthtim · 23/10/2021 00:40

I don't have a favorite, but I definitely love different things about them. My daughter is stubborn and fiesty and smart and funny. I spend a lot of time marvelling over her toughness, how even when so small she won't let anyone mess with her! She is difficult but she makes me laugh and I admire her!

My son is kind and gentle and a bit shy and so, so sweet. His personality makes my heart burst. I feel more protective of him, even though he is older, because of his gentleness. I adore them both, but for almost opposite reasons!

DukeofEarlGrey · 23/10/2021 01:47

@User00000000

One of mine is quite hard work and really frustrates me at times, whereas the other is calm and happy. I would definitely say I have an easier child, but not a favourite child.

This is a nice distinction. I had a very difficult sibling growing up and to this day they would say that I was/am our mum’s favourite. I would agree that my mum enjoys my company a lot more but this is because my sibling is negative, aggressive and irresponsible even now and causes my mum all manner of worry and heartache. But she definitely doesn’t love her any less, in fact the way she continues to engage with her despite the difficulties is a huge indicator of that. I wish my sibling could internalise it.

DyingForACuppa · 23/10/2021 02:06

My mum always smugly claimed that she 'must have done something right' as we all said a different one of us was her favourite. Actually my older sibling and I both correctly identified the youngest as her favourite, and the youngest used to claim one of us at random was the favourite when he was trying to get something of ours for himself.

Her so obviously having a favourite really fucked my childhood so I'm afraid I think any parents with a favourite are massive cunts, and probably not half as good as hiding it as they think they are.

My kids are so different I couldn't even compare my love for them. (Like a day on a beach Island paradise is a completely different thing to a winter wonderland Christmas, but both could be utterly perfect while not being at all the same). I honestly don't even understand how a parent could have a favourite.

SquarePeggyLeggy · 23/10/2021 02:15

I love them all equally, but one is utterly emotionally exhausting, and it’s not fun to spend time with them. But I would (and do) do anything for them and try every day, to not show my frustration. But boy one of them is hard work and the other two easy, it’s just how it is.

modelthroughit · 23/10/2021 02:31

@wtfisgoingonhere21

My mother had a favourite and it wasn't me. ....

Me too. But I’m an only child.

worriedatthemoment · 23/10/2021 02:37

No donNt have a favourite , mine are a bit like chalk and cheeSe personality wise somedays one may annoy me more than the other , but def no favourite. I love how they are both so different reallly

ThatsWhatI · 23/10/2021 02:51

Sophie's Choice. Who would you choose.

GirlWithAGuitar · 23/10/2021 03:07

I’d seek help if I had a favourite, it’s so damaging to everyone involved. My brother was my mums favourite, he’s now a very self centred person who has caused so much misery. My partners mum has 3 kids and the oldest was the favourite, it’s split the family apart.

Our kids are both so lovely. They’re really kind and thoughtful and really good company. We’re all just really close and feel very lucky after both coming from dysfunctional families.

milksippingcat · 23/10/2021 07:37

It's actually really lovely to read about the children (grown or not) who each think they are the favourite. That makes me think you show them each individually how much you love them and how special they are.

My dad treats me and my 2 siblings fairly equally. My mum definitely ranks us- my sister is the favourite and my brother comes next. She doesn't exactly dislike me, but she is warm and tactile and fun with the others, in a way she never has been with me.

I can't have kids, but have 4 nieces. My sister and brother do a really good job of loving the girls they are, even though each sibling pair are very different to each other.

Wagglerock · 23/10/2021 08:09

I like which ever one of them sleeps best. Today neither of them are my favourite. Today coffee is my favourite. ☕

Rainallnight · 23/10/2021 08:15

Not favourite exactly, but I feel a much stronger and more emotional connection to my eldest. I think it’s because she made me a mother. I find it hard to articulate and I don’t talk about it with anyone.

Does anyone else feel this?

RiskyCookie · 23/10/2021 08:19

Whichever one is behaving.

Whatafustercluck · 23/10/2021 08:22

I have two dc, a girl and a boy. I therefore tell them "you're my avourite girl and you're my favourite boy".

In truth, ds is and always has been a much easier child than dd. But dd is also absolutely hilarious and I really do admire her independence and fiery personality. They are each totally amazing, in their own ways.

Tumbleweed101 · 23/10/2021 08:27

Not a favourite but I do have one of the four who I have a closer bond with just because our personalities match better. They do go through phases of being easier and harder to get on with depending on their and my own life stage.

dayswithaY · 23/10/2021 08:37

No, but my Mum does and I've seen the havoc it brings to a family (clue: it's not me)

user1471462428 · 23/10/2021 08:43

My mum does and became more obvious during lock down when she chose to do childcare for them and not us. She’s always favoured my sister but it’s made the gulf in between me and my sister even bigger. She’s always done a lot for my sister and this has given her an advantage to become more successful which makes my mum love her even more. I think she’s wrecked any relationship I could have had with my sister. I adore her kids though which makes the bad feeling between us even harder.

LuaDipa · 23/10/2021 09:04

I don’t have a favourite, I love my kids equally. Dd is convinced that ds is the favourite but that’s because he is so laid back and helpful that we never clash. For example I would have to nag dd to give me a hand with something but if ds saw me struggling he would just offer. Dd would then say that I only ever ask her to help not ds!! But underneath it all dd has a wicked sense of humour and a heart of gold, she just hides it well under a layer of teenage grumpiness!!

That being said I am under no illusions that I am the favourite parent of either of them (dh is an amazing, patient, kind father) but I’m a big girl so I can cope!!

Nc123 · 23/10/2021 09:39

Not to derail the thread, but what about grandparents having favourite grandchildren?

MIL definitely favours my middle son (her first grandchild). She has since birth. DM doesn’t have a favourite - possibly because my granny did have two favourites out of her five children and three favourites out of her eighteen grandchildren. Neither DM nor I were favoured.

aquashiv · 23/10/2021 09:43

The 🐕 dogs are all our favourite.
Definitely not though think that's so damaging

cricketmum84 · 23/10/2021 09:57

@Nc123

Not to derail the thread, but what about grandparents having favourite grandchildren?

Yep I have this in spades!

DM favours eldest as she was there at the birth, first grandchild etc. she doesn't ever show it though and would never ever make it obvious for the DC but I know deep down.

MIL favours youngest very very obviously because eldest isn't biologically related to her. To the extreme of noticeable difference over the years of Christmas and birthday presents. She doesn't see eldest anymore as she is 17 and won't visit. If DH wants to see her he goes alone with the youngest.

flashpaper · 23/10/2021 10:18

I tell mine that I don't have a favourite and that I dislike them both equally. We have a very jokey easy going relationship so they know I'm joking. I certainly find DD easier than DS but DSs behaviours, while challenging, are hilarious. I've just asked if they think I have a favourite child and they said "yes, DP" he does act like a child.

Hoppinggreen · 23/10/2021 10:20

I think I actually do but funnily enough it’s not the one everyone thinks it is.
Maybe I over compensate

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread