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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask if you have a favourite child?

169 replies

Zippyzoppy · 22/10/2021 19:38

I would say I love both my children equally, I would do anything for either of them.

I recently asked them both about favourite children in general and they both confided in me that they thought I was their favourite! This was music to my ears because…..

Deep down, I just find one of them easier to spend time with and talk to, and it’s always worried me that it somehow would show.

So my question is whether anyone else feels similarly, or whether you would say you feel exactly the same about each of your children?

OP posts:

TheOnlyMrsM · 22/10/2021 20:08

They're all my favourites.

TheOnlyMrsM · 22/10/2021 20:10

That's not to say each one isn't easier or harder at times, but that changes.

tedsletterofthelaw · 22/10/2021 20:14

I wouldn't say favourite as I love them all equally but I feel I have a stronger bond with one, I think primarily due to the fact she was poorly when she was born so my natural protective instinct kicked in immediately with her. That's the only explanation I can think of as to why it may be.

TheVanguardSix · 22/10/2021 20:17

Mine all have favourite things about them that make my relationship with each one special. That sounds corny as all hell, but it is actually true. I definitely don't favour one over the other.

User00000000 · 22/10/2021 20:18

One of mine is quite hard work and really frustrates me at times, whereas the other is calm and happy. I would definitely say I have an easier child, but not a favourite child.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 22/10/2021 20:18

I voted that YANBU but only really on the basis of you saying you find one easier to spend time with than the other - I don't think it would be fair (to them) to regard one as better than the other, but it's human nature to find similarities with some people and rub up the wrong way against others.

It stands to reason that parents will always find one easier to get on with, or less challenging, more fun etc based on personalities and clashes, but it seems disloyal to me to think that one is 'favoured' over the other.

Having said that I have two and they're quite different and nearly 5 yrs apart so it's easy for me not to compare them.

didihearthatright123456 · 22/10/2021 20:21

I have twin girls, they’re only 2.5, I definitely don’t have a favourite and adore them equally but I do worry about one more than the other. The one I worry about was tiny when born, had sepsis and has just had a much harder journey so far. I hope that the extra concern doesn’t come across as favouritism

CaptainChannel · 22/10/2021 20:23

No I love them equally and value their very different personalities. One is certainly easier! I am one of three and my mum was always at pains to treat us equally - I try to do the same for mine. I do have one of each so it's easy to say to them that she's my favourite girl and he's my favourite boy

HerRoyalWitchyness · 22/10/2021 20:25

I have a favourite oldest son, a favourite daughter and a favourite youngest son.
DS1 made me a mum.
DD is my only girl
DS2 is the baby.
Theyre all so different personality wise too which I love. DS1 is a comedian. He makes me laugh daily.

DD is a rebel. She is always up to mischief and I love to find out what her latest antics are.
DS2 is loving and generous and genuinely a kind soul. He gives amazing cuddles and sometimes I need them more than he realises.

I can't imagine choosing one of them. But their dad had a favourite (DS2) and a least favourite (DS1)

DS2 is currently at his dad's on a sleepover. DD couldn't go as she has covid, and he didn't even ask DS1 if he wanted to go and also informed him tonight he won't be here on his birthday because he doesn't want to travel when he'll be tired. (He works away. He finishes a job on the Wednesday, DS1s birthday is the thursday)
It infuriates me that he treats them so differently and the kids know. Its awful for them.

MajorNeville · 22/10/2021 20:26

I always used to say my step daughter was my favourite as she's the one that goes home, that was until she moved in with us, goddammit! It's now the cat.

pourmeanotherglass · 22/10/2021 20:26

They go through phases at differerent times, so at any one time i might find one of them easier company than the other, but it all averages out equal i think.

Ethelswith · 22/10/2021 20:26

It's family legend that my granny had seven DC and each and every one though they were the favourite. Very clever woman, I think!

Growing up I knew that my DMum's favourite was the dog!

iwishiwasafish · 22/10/2021 20:27

My parents were completely open that my brother was their favourite 😅. And surprisingly it didn’t really bother me.

Paperyfish · 22/10/2021 20:28

I don’t have a favourite out of my three- although they all claim I like the baby best whenever they’re cross with me! My nana had a favourite grandchild. I know this because she told me “ I know you’re not supposed to have favourites, but Vicky’s always been my favourite” I’m not Vicky! Never mind. She was my favourite grandparent. 😂

NumberZ · 22/10/2021 20:29

@User00000000

One of mine is quite hard work and really frustrates me at times, whereas the other is calm and happy. I would definitely say I have an easier child, but not a favourite child.

Yes I have to agree with this. Not a favourite but easier. Love them the same.

Spunout · 22/10/2021 20:29

No favourite,although if you asked the oldest they would insist that youngest is.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 22/10/2021 20:31

My mother had a favourite and it wasn't me. ....

Hadjab · 22/10/2021 20:32

I have three and can honestly say none of them is my favourite. I tell my oldest she’s my favourite eldest child, I tell my middle child he’s my favourite son, and I tell the youngest she’s my favourite youngest.

OhWhyNot · 22/10/2021 20:33

Very few people admit to having a favourite or feel they don’t

Ask others and they will soon be able to name who appears the favourite

I only have one. My brother is the favourite in the whole family (favourite with aunts, nanny, family friends) he is a lovely guy but we are all in his shadow

Rosesareyellow · 22/10/2021 20:34

Lots of people seem to have a favourite though. I don’t know how people can parent so badly as to let it be obvious.

Yeah. I work in the school office and one of the parents has two children in school who are particularly tricky behaviour wise, which you might call attention seeking by any means possible. She came to parents evening with their youngest sibling, someone commented something along the lines of ‘oh hello, aren’t you cute’ and she in all seriousness said ‘I know, she’s my best one…’. The other children were right there standing with her. It was really sad and explained a lot.

thistimelastweek · 22/10/2021 20:35

My favourite is whichever one is pissing me off least at that moment in time.
Balances out pretty fairly.

fabulouslyglamorousferret · 22/10/2021 20:39

I get on with one of mine much better, we share the same sense of humour and he is much easier going ... the other one is a surly, entitled pain in the arse! I adore them equally and would take 50 bullets for either of them!

Arren12 · 22/10/2021 20:39

When my children ask who is the favorite i always say the dog. Which is partly true because she the least trouble and least work .

I love both my children equally. They are both very different and I love that about them.

Thehop · 22/10/2021 20:41

I do, but work very hard not to show it, and they really do all think they are.

Roselilly36 · 22/10/2021 20:41

I have two sons, both adults now, I don’t have a favourite as they are both lovely. Older son I would say I connect with better as he is more chilled and easy company, younger son I admire for his courage and drive. Totally different personalities and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I adore them both in equal measure.

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