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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if you have a favourite child?

169 replies

Zippyzoppy · 22/10/2021 19:38

I would say I love both my children equally, I would do anything for either of them.

I recently asked them both about favourite children in general and they both confided in me that they thought I was their favourite! This was music to my ears because…..

Deep down, I just find one of them easier to spend time with and talk to, and it’s always worried me that it somehow would show.

So my question is whether anyone else feels similarly, or whether you would say you feel exactly the same about each of your children?

OP posts:
ErinAoife · 22/10/2021 22:28

I don't have a favourite. 3 kids with very different personality with both good and bad. There are days where one will annoy me more than the others but it is constantly switching. They will all have an equal share of my estate when I died🙂

BogRollBOGOF · 22/10/2021 22:34

I'll joke that one is my favourite for the next 5 minutes if they're doing something lovely/ helpful.

Two boys with a lot of superficial shared interests but they need different emotional input. It sounds mean that in the summer I book DS2 into sports club, and DS1 has a 1:1 day, but it matches what they need perfectly. Generally, DS1 needs more personal space and DS2 more companionship.

DS2 is usually emotionally simpler and more intutitive to parent. DS1 has some SENs and that needs more management from me.

The love is equal and I love and respect different qualities in them.

CoodleMoodle · 22/10/2021 22:34

I have 2 who are still quite young (7 and 3). I love them equally but some days one is easier than the other and therefore my favourite. They're very different children.

DD was an awful, awful baby but an absolutely angelic toddler. She's never been naughty in her life, but developed an attitude at 3 and sometimes it still comes out. When she's like that, I find it really difficult because I know that's not her. She also has food issues which can be a challenge. Overall though, she's amazing and wonderful and I adore everything about her.

DS was an angelic baby and an awful, awful toddler. He's just starting to come out of that and is becoming vaguely human at 3, but he's still tough to deal with. Then again, he eats everything, makes me laugh like a drain and is the most adorable kid alive. Until he flips and starts screaming at me for no discernable reason, going all stiff and yet floppy at the same time, etc.

I love them both individually, but I love them the most when they're together, being sweet. Like walking home from school holding hands. My heart wants to burst when they do that. Then they start arguing five seconds later, but still!

cricketmum84 · 22/10/2021 22:36

I love my children equally but for different things. Different personality quirks, things they say.

(Saying that there is probably one I try not to wake up)

recklessruby · 22/10/2021 22:40

My dc used to ask who was the favourite.
I said neither. My favourite s the cat as she doesn't argue and complain Smile

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 22/10/2021 22:56

Does the favourite have to be one of my own DC?

Peace43 · 22/10/2021 23:00

Yep, my DD is 100% my favourite… she is my only though!

Paddingtonthebear · 22/10/2021 23:01

People say they don’t but when you ask if their parents did they say yes! I think most parents do unfortunately and it becomes more apparent to the kids as they get older and realise!

steff13 · 22/10/2021 23:03

No, all three of my children have both amazing and infuriating qualities. I do tell them that I have a favorite though. I'll tell one that they're the favorite, not to tell the others. Or if one of them bugs me I'll tell them that they used to be the favorite but they aren't anymore.

Pinkchocolate · 22/10/2021 23:03

I have a boy and girl with an age gap and my relationship is so different with each of them, their needs are so different. I genuinely love them both equally and for such different reasons. They are lovely, kind people and make my heart happy.
I have a sister close in age, as children we each thought one of our parents favoured us so we’re quite happy. As adults I am clearly both of my parents favourite but only because I give them my time and love and she gives them abuse.

steppemum · 22/10/2021 23:06

@Paddingtonthebear

People say they don’t but when you ask if their parents did they say yes! I think most parents do unfortunately and it becomes more apparent to the kids as they get older and realise!
I really disagree with this.

Most families I know would not say there was a favourite.
My parents didn't.
I know my grandparents didn't.
Most fomy friends wouldn't say there was.

But in the families where there really is, it is really hurtful. Happened to my friend. Her DB was always given favourable treatment. Irony was that he became a bit of a loser, whereas she did really well.

Ledition · 22/10/2021 23:10

I had a favourite. Think it came down to a couple of factors - one was the birth. It was traumatic the first time around and then as a baby my eldest child was intense, showed zero affection and just gave me nothing back. Obviously not her fault as she can't help the way she entered the world but I think it must have effected the bonding process.

My second was a dream from the first second, beautiful birthing experience and I just felt deeply connected to her from the start. She was the most pleasant baby you could wish for. I used to feel horrendous guilt as I very obviously felt different about her to her sister (of course I didn't let it show but the feelings were undeniable).

However thankfully I no longer have a favourite! I perhaps over compensated with DD1 prioritising her and ensuring one-to-one time and it worked, combined with her getting a little older and become a breeze compared to her now demon toddler sister. I never would have foresaw the turnaround but I'm so glad it happened as after 4/5 years of angst and remorse I can unequivocally say I don't have a favourite child.

MojoJojo71 · 22/10/2021 23:13

I have a favourite son and a favourite daughter. (I have one of each)

DS is 25 and DD 8 so I have very different relationships with each of them. I’ve loved him for longer, he was my first and it was just me and him for a long time so our relationship is special but I wouldn’t say I love him more. I always tell DD she’s my favourite but not to tell her brother but she always replies ‘you say the same to him don’t you’ Smile

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 22/10/2021 23:23

I don’t have a favourite as such but I do find each of them easier and harder as they go through certain periods so I enjoy spending time with some more than others; that changes every few months. I do have a soft spot for my youngest son as he’s the smallest and cutest; the others know and send him to ask me things as they know I find it harder to say no!

Dyra · 22/10/2021 23:26

My favourite is my toddler. But then she's (currently) an only child.

Out of myself and my 4 siblings, we know that our Mum's favourite is the dog.

Beamur · 22/10/2021 23:32

A former colleague had 3 sons. 2 were his SC. I'm pretty sure his eldest DSS was his favourite.

Greygreenblue · 22/10/2021 23:37

My mother spent my childhood trying to make sure everything was fair and equal. Or at least she talked about it a lot. It got more obvious as we got older but it was always there and I can 100% tell you who her favourite was and still is to this day.

Whereas my dad seemed not to.

With my own 3 definitely find it easier to connect to one more than the other 2. But she isn’t my favourite, that varies depending on what phase they’re in and who is behaving. Generally whichever kid is being “easiest” is my fave of the moment…

logsonlogsoff · 22/10/2021 23:40

I honestly don’t. I love them both TONS but the same amount though what I like in their personalities is different to each other. My mum always told us she loved one because they were the first born, and eldest and the other because they were the baby. And if there had been a middle child she’d have come up with something too….
DPs family clearly had a favourite child which has changed now they’re adults and TBH the whole lot of them are an absolute mess emotionally and there is huge resentment between the siblings about childhood stuff and everything after.

foreverandalways · 22/10/2021 23:41

Absolutely yes.....my middle child....always x

DiazapamNameChange · 22/10/2021 23:43

No favourite. I love them both equally. I do 'get' one of them a bit easier than the other as we r similar and have similar behaviours and outlook. But I love both with all my heart 💓

justjuggling · 22/10/2021 23:48

Love mine equally but do have a favourite as I have more in common with one of them, we get on better and reciprocates love and affection whereas the other is introverted and much more challenging. Would do anything for either of them but just have an easier relationship with one than the other.

MakkaPakkas · 22/10/2021 23:49

It fluctuates. They're both amazing, lovely, uniquely annoying, kind and wonderful in their own ways.
I was worried when they were little that I preferred one over the other, but beyond the pnd/colic stage it evened out.

shinynewapple21 · 22/10/2021 23:51

@Runningupthecurtains

I have a favourite - but I only have one child.

Just what I came on to say Grin

shiningstar2 · 23/10/2021 00:07

Most parents claim they don't have a favourite but plenty adult children think their parents definitely have a favourite child. There are plenty threads on these boards about golden children and scapegoat children. Sometimes people can't help having a favourite due to the way personalities connect and that is ok so long as parents are scrupulously fair regarding time, money and opportunities and there is plenty of love to go around with no scapegoat child. If you do deep down have a favourite the main thing, I have hink, is to make sure it isn't obvious.

shiningstar2 · 23/10/2021 00:07

I think

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