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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if you have a favourite child?

169 replies

Zippyzoppy · 22/10/2021 19:38

I would say I love both my children equally, I would do anything for either of them.

I recently asked them both about favourite children in general and they both confided in me that they thought I was their favourite! This was music to my ears because…..

Deep down, I just find one of them easier to spend time with and talk to, and it’s always worried me that it somehow would show.

So my question is whether anyone else feels similarly, or whether you would say you feel exactly the same about each of your children?

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 22/10/2021 21:24

I have a favourite girl and a favourite boy Grin
It must be very hard with multiple sane sex children. Every personality is different and we naturally attune to certain people, or otherwise.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 22/10/2021 21:26

Only 1 dc and I don't think it would be possible to love another child as much. But, I was one of 5 and I always felt that our mum loved us all equally and there were no favourites.

JaneDoe21 · 22/10/2021 21:33

I don't have a favourite, I enjoy my DC equally. I also dislike them equally when they're misbehaving. Grin

HikingforScenery · 22/10/2021 21:34

Mine are both loved equally, easier to spend time with depending on the activity in question.

Tryagainplease · 22/10/2021 21:35

@Runningupthecurtains

I have a favourite - but I only have one child.
I was going to say this Grin
Animood · 22/10/2021 21:36

I think my parents prefer me to my brother.

But that's just because I make considerably more effort to spend time with them, remember special events, text, call. I try very very hard to be thoughtful and loving and they can see the effort.

My brother is selfish and lazy. Forgets special days, makes bare minimum effort.

So it's not that they don't like him per se, or he has done anything wrong in particular. It's just that I have put in much more consistent effort into building an adult relationship with my parents.

saturdaynightgin · 22/10/2021 21:36

DD is my favourite at 4am, because she’s still asleep while DS is wide awake (every single morning for the past month 😭)

DS is my favourite at meal times cos he eats what he’s given with no complaints.

Over the day, it balances them out and I like them both equally

SmellyNelliey · 22/10/2021 21:37

I've four children
I don't have a favourite but my 3 DD always say my favourite is my only son, this isn't true I love them all equally hes nearly 2 and into everything so dose get alot of my attention atm but this is generally just his age and him being a busy body 😂

lynntheyresexpeople · 22/10/2021 21:38

I love both mine the exact same, no favourite.
By the end of the summer holidays they were both terrible and my favourite was the cat.

Enko · 22/10/2021 21:46

My son is very similar to me and easy company he and I have a close bond. His sisters often says he is a mummy's boy. (He is 19 and away at collegue) so com pany wise id say my son and I are best compatible.

However favourite? No he is not my favourite his 3 sisters are different company and they appeal in different ways and are great company in their own right.

I often tell one of the. "You are my favourite" then 3 mins later another says something funny and then "you are my favourite" they don't take it serious but I think they all acknowledge my ds and I are alike but I don't think any of them feel I have a favourite.

RantyAunty · 22/10/2021 21:46

They're both my favourite as they're both unique and have lovely things about them.

SnottyLottie · 22/10/2021 21:47

Whichever one isn’t annoying me at that particular time…

Suspicioussam · 22/10/2021 21:51

I don't have a favourite. I have two gorgeous boys and I adore them both the same and I can't imagine ever feeling differently.
My grandma was the least favourite of 3 girls and told us about it all the time. She didn't want my parents to have a girl and when I was 6 months old she told my other maternal grandparents that she would never like me as much as my brother.
My mum was fiercely protective of me and totally anti-favouritism and I have grown up with very similar views to her.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/10/2021 21:53

My DS is 21 and my DD is 19
If I refer to my good son or my good daughter then I'm talking about our bro/sis cats .Wink
They don't ask me for Nike training shoes or lifts at 1am

Nc123 · 22/10/2021 21:54

No.

I have three sons. I love them all equally. My middle one is sometimes challenging as he has additional needs. Caring for him can be hard and exhausting but never dull.

If I feel like I’m struggling with one of them I usually schedule in some 1:1 time for a treat or some fun together to remind me why I enjoy their company.

I love them all in different ways. If they don’t all come first with me, their mother, who are they going to come first with?

RaoulDufysCat · 22/10/2021 21:54

I reckon if your children all/both think they are your favourite, you are doing a good job. Growing up, my brother and I each thought the other was our mother's favourite.

Nc123 · 22/10/2021 21:58

My dad preferred me to my brothers, which was awkward and embarrassing, but tbf he didn’t treat me much better than them as he’s essentially quite a selfish man.

My mum claims not to have favourites and I think she genuinely believes that, but she is especially close to my middle brother and their opinions usually chime, so in practice I think it’s him.

ChorizoJacketPotato · 22/10/2021 22:02

Each has been a favourite at different times. Like the youngest being cuter would be a favourite. And then the eldest one being easier or sleeping better. But that hasn’t been the case for years now. They both equally drive me nuts and equally make me laugh.

ChocolateRiver · 22/10/2021 22:03

No I don’t have a favourite at all and neither does dh and we love them both equally but I do spend more time with my dd and dh spends more time with ds. Dd does a lot of dancing so I’m much better at doing the hair etc. Ds plays a lot of sport and dh coaches in all the teams so he naturally takes ds to these while I sort the dancing.

Remmy123 · 22/10/2021 22:06

I have 3 children and I find 1 I incredibly more challenging then the others, I guess I have 2 favourites.

Feel very sad saying that but it's reality.

pointythings · 22/10/2021 22:11

I've never had favourites. I started off with two and they are very different characters, but they complement each other. Then I fostered one who's between them in age and he complemented the other two. I love all of them equally and I love different things about them all.

I've been accused of favouritism by both of my bio children but that was always at a time when they were really struggling with their feelings about themselves. Steadily supporting them and boosting their sense of self worth has sorted that.

MadamMoth · 22/10/2021 22:12

No favourite for me. I love them all equally. I have different relationships with them all which leads each of them to think one of the others is a favourite but they are wrong. I say to them I grew you all in the same womb, I made you out of me, to have a favourite would be ludicrous.

Rosebel · 22/10/2021 22:17

I find my eldest easiest to be with. She can be a typical stroppy teenager but also loving, funny and caring. We talk a lot and have a lot in common
I'm not sure I'd say she's my favourite though as I adore my other two just as much.
My dad has a very obvious favourite and it still hurts now so I make sure I spend equal time with all my eldest two (younges is a baby so I spend a lot of time with him) and I hope they would both think they're my favourite.

ALittleBitWorrriedNow · 22/10/2021 22:21

I try not to. 3 DDs, all very different so likeable in their own ways. It’s tricky because one in particular is so sweet and kind and has always liked being close to me, whereas the other two are are much more independent and can sometimes be fairly challenging. So yep, I try to see the good in all of them

lazysummer · 22/10/2021 22:22

I have 4 grown up children and no favourite.

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