I know this isn't very nice but I can't help it ...

[retroginglass]

I live very near my mum. I go and see her on a Saturday and phone ever day. Without doubt she will moan about not sleeping a wink (almost every night - she is a medical marvel), not feeling well or something. It is constant. She is now nearly 80 but this has been going on for as long as I can remember. I am so tired of listening to the constant moaning. My grown up children all visit her all the time so she is not lonely. They also phone her nearly every day. If we go out for lunch she will invariably moan about the place, the noise or something. Her latest gripe is politics and honestly the ranting and raving is getting me down. If I say I'm feeling under the weather she is ten times worse. I know she is attention seeking and my kids can just about bear it she is driving me mad. Any advice?

Yes hard when they negative. Im low contact. 80. She very entitled. Its really draining. Friends dont realise how it tires you out

Those of you that have gone low contact...do you have siblings or other family members that fill the gap of you being around less?

I'm an only child and we have no other family close enough to visit mum regularly. She has a friend who visits most weeks and another who calls a few times a week but mum just can't stand being on her own.

I call her every day and since my dad was declared 'end of life' 18 months ago and subsequently passed away earlier this year, I see her 5 days a week.

It's absolutely draining and occasionally I do put my foot down but I feel so guilty as she literally has no-one else.

@speakout

Eggshausted

That is my mother too!!
She will find ways to criticise- even looking out of the window- "look at that woman's jacket- who does she think she is"- " Look at thet fat man- does he know how he looks" " Look at that neighbour out weeding again- has he nothing better to do" - the last example was a man who lost his wife 6 months ago, and she is fully aware of that. Last week she was impersonating an elderly man, unsteady on his feet and walking with a stick.
I just don;t think she know she is saying these things.

This is just what my mother is like. I sometimes think it might be a sign of early dementia. Nastiness and spiteful ness as well as a loss of a filter when speaking are often signs.

@Fluffmum

I think it’s when the menopause happens. Hormonal changes then the moaning sets in.

Rubbish and ageist. I'm much more positive these days. Avoiding the news helps!

@speakout

I think the growth of popular psychology has seen new generations of people questioning our thinking and communication styles, how we realate to others, how we raise our children. This highlights the negative communication methods that other use- we can cast an objective ear over what people are saying and how people talk. My mother is a half empty glass peson, ful of criticism and negative words- she walk like that when I was a child and she was in her 30s. So a day to day narrative may have been " sit here and have your hair brushed, it is ugly like rats' tails" instead of " let me do your hair, it looks so shiny and soft after a brush". Many of us realise the benefit of positive parenting, and it works in other relationships too- we are far more likely to get a child or employee to comply when we use encouraging words with an expection of a desired outcome. A child is far more likely to help in a supermarket if he is given the opportunity to feel responsible and organised rather than if he is being bribed or threatened to comply.

Seeing the positive in things extends far more than language.
I live with my mother in an idyllic spot, surrounded by woodland and wildlife. It is a genuine treat every morning to throw open the curtains to see the weather, the ever changng scene. Bright skies, mist, rain, changing colours.
Every morning without fail my mother has a moan about the weather.
"Too hot," too cold" " I hate the mist" "Can't stand the wind" " not rain again"- she has no idea of the shrapnel and shards she is spraying around- without even thinking. I have thick armour now. She berates her friends to me, pastors at her church, shop keepers and bus drivers.
The sad thing is she doesnlt even knw she is doing it.

How on Earth you manage to live with her if she’s like this I have no idea. I couldn’t. You must be a saint.

@Lostmarbles2021

AddictedToLuv

How are you now OP? That sounds a bit scary. Hope you are ok.

Am totally going to steal your idea of calling when doing something else!

I used to talk to my mother whilst doing other things.. most notably I would be on the computer doing emails etc. when we had a desktop . She would hear the keys clicking on the keyboard and get sharp with me! I do zone out though when she’s speaking.

Yes low contact would be hard if you an only child. I didnt want to pull siblings into it. To be honest they know what she like anyway. Siblings annoyed as prob had do more lol

@Laiste yes! We have the guess who's dead game as well. Often someone I've never met.

My DM has always been negative. I can remember her being like this in her late 30's. When my DGM used to be demanding and difficult, DM used to say, "You wait until I'm old" to Dsis and I. It's like she saw it as a kind of insurance. She was putting the time in to DGM, but expected to get her insurance policy paid out after DGM's time. We have to have pity parties about people we don't even know. I ring every other day, as every day is just too much. She isn't on her own. Because Dsis is on the phone more than once a day, this is held up as the Gold Standard that I have fallen short of.