To be tired of meeting my friend outside

[cadburyegg]

I'll try and keep this vague as it's a bit outing.

I have a close friend who lives near me and when I was still with my H we used to be friends with her and her partner as a couple, when H and I split up last year I'm afraid to say she wasn't very supportive and it took about 6 months before she'd stop hinting that we should get back together, even though H had a new gf by that point.

The main problem is though that their lives are very much ruled by covid. They both wfh, have a 3 year old who is in nursery and they go swimming etc and to shops but socially they will still only meet family and friends outside. I was really understanding with them and for awhile I was getting their prescriptions etc from the pharmacy and picking up food for them, although I have stopped doing that now. We are meeting up next week with our children and as it will be over lunchtime, it'll be a picnic outside again.

I know this sounds really stupid but I am really sick of it. They are my age (early 30s), both double jabbed and not vulnerable (I'm considered vulnerable myself due to coeliac disease although I don't really consider myself at risk as I'm pretty healthy). I know if I say I'm not willing to meet outside now it's colder that will just mean not seeing them or letting the friendship die out which will be such a shame because I get on with them so well. I was really hoping since both being double jabbed they would be more willing to do things. like I said I have been really patient and sympathetic up to this point, i know this sounds really mean and awful but i don't know what to do.

Does the leisure centre have a cafe?!!

I still meet friends outside.

Why not say nicely that you will catch up with them in the Spring? You could always Zoom in the meantime.

Covid has scared the sh** out of a lot of people - and rightly so. Tell her you’re not willing to meet up outdoors anymore. She can get herself some more understanding friends. You know you’re posting this at a time when covid cases are on the brink of becoming unmanageable again, right?

Picking and choosing if you ask me, you are good enough to be the lackey and expose yourself, yet they can't find a compromise for you? Keeping themselves safe yet letting their kid go to nursery who is more likely to bring something home, as that child will be potentially mingling with other kids that come from families who may not follow any caution? Seems to me they are full of bull crap and messing you about. You are not a priority. They are trying to present as responsible with their outdoors plan etc when really they are inconsistent with their safety measures Ditch them or be awkward back. If they don't get the hint and meet you halfway, there is your answer? You are not of value to them.

Think they're daft for going swimming, as for being careful, wish more people would be, wish more would wear masks and not be as selfish. I have lost two friends so far, two friends I didn't have to lose, and people are acting like 'We're fed up being careful, lets pretend nowts happened!'

They're the stupid ones. But if they're going swimming I don't get it. Btw you can get on with life and do it safely with others in mind. x

I have a friend who won't go indoors. Apart from her own house the only place she's been indoors since March 2020 is the vaccination clinic.

No conditions. Just fear

She will go to outside seating but it's nearly November in Scotland. Its fecking Baltic. It's really starting to wear thin on everyone.

We are all putting up with it and doing things the way she wants. But it's spoiling every social occasion.

I've got long covid. I've had it for 20 months. Being healthy has nothing to do with it. Believe me I was slim and healthy before and it's ruined my life. I think they are limiting their risks. They might be trying for another baby or there could be an issue you don't know about that would make them vulnerable to covid.

@Quarantino

Not being clinically vulnerable doesn't mean you won't get long covid or seriously ill if you contact covid. Even being unable to look after my kids for 2 months (ie not enough to be "long covid") would have serious repercussions in our household.

I thought 18 months into this, people would have grasped that "vulnerability" is somewhat unpredictable.

It is astonishingly rare for a non-vulnerable person in their early thirties to become seriously ill with covid.

@Snoozer11 my friend in her thirties who is fat was hospitalised with covid. She is fine now. But I was shocked that happened.

I’ve got a friend who is living like it’s still lockdown. She came round to my house recently (we went for a walk). When we got back it started to rain and she wanted to sit outside w her brolly up. I drew the line at doing that in my own garden!
A picnic on a cold floor would be horrible, it’s got much colder now too. I would countenance outside a restaurant with heaters but even then it can be miserable

@Headinthecloudsfeetinthemud

Covid has scared the sh** out of a lot of people - and rightly so. Tell her you’re not willing to meet up outdoors anymore. She can get herself some more understanding friends. You know you’re posting this at a time when covid cases are on the brink of becoming unmanageable again, right?

They're not close to be becoming unmanageable again, though. The vast majority of the cases at the minute are school children - who are incredibly unlikely to require hospital treatment.

Covid patients in hospital at the moment is at about one sixth of patients at the peak, the vaccines have cut deaths from covid by about 90%, the most at risk are receiving booster jabs and those hospitalised now are released sooner than they were before.

It's really not right that covid has scared some people to this extent. It's not healthy.

Covid is here to stay. Immunity will likely not last forever and there are only two ways to gain immunity: vaccination or infection. We will all encounter coronavirus multiple times throughout our lives.

They sounds like self-centred pricks. Not because of wanting to meet outside only; because of a: letting you risk your health in shops on their behalf and b: not bring supportive during your break-up.
I wouldn't want to be friends with people like that. Sounds like it's no real loss.

They've cut life down to essentials (swimming lessons I think of as essential) plus low risks. Thats just living a responsible life now, they could have very vulnerable family, be concealing s health concern, concern for clients they have. What are all these things you desperately need to do indoors anyway?

The thing that worries me, OP, is that, like me, you are coeliac. I understand that a third of coeliacs have inefficient spleens so we are more at risk of infection. I was healthy too. Then I caught Covid in January. I have only just recovered. Perhaps it is worth considering whether YOU might be at risk of catching Covid from HER!

They're paranoid in some respects and not others. Just tiresome and contradictory. Tell them no to meeting outside and leave it hanging, see if they grasp the hint or not.

They are being careful, and I agree with them - you need to grow up and take this pandemic seriously - do you not read the papers, cases are going up and up, some of us really don't want to risk getting it, people are still getting long covid, and some are dying - you must respect their wishes and get warmer clothes

Haven't RTWT, but meet for a walk or have a zoom lunch? I'd find eating/meeting outside at this time of year pretty grim, and the eating only home cooked food a bit OTT. Or just keep in touch and meet up after this s^^tshow is over (eventually hopefully!). You'll hardly drift apart if you are good friends.

YABU.
We are THE WORST country for deaths & infections because we have been led into thinking we can carry on as normal.

We can’t, without thousands of people dying a week.

But so sorry you are frustrated with people actually giving a shit about that.

I was going to say YANBU but changed my mind, so not I have said YABU when I looked at the statistics. Rates of infection have shot up. I went to Tesco yesterday and no one was wearing masks, and my neighbours have told me that their children have had several cases in their classes.

We are only meeting people outside. Our daughter is also in nursery and my husband has to go into the office twice a week - those are risks we can’t avoid. But we try to eliminate additional risk.
On the other hand we don’t go swimming, or into shops. And would never dream of asking anyone to go into shops for us. We sorted ourselves deliveries/prescriptions etc online. So I think that part is very cheeky of them. Not supporting you through your break up - also not good.

Staying outdoors all the time over winter is hard. If someone is going to put up barriers to your friendship like this, then you need to think is it worth it for you? They don't sound like good friends and only still your friends out of habit.

Lots of people aren't going to be able to go back to normal, they arent able to process that covid isn't going away, or they are unable to shake the fear, or they get some pleasure out of this stripped back lifestyle so don't want to. But you are allowed to say "that doesn't work for me".

[quote washingmachines4]This may seem silly to some - you have possibly had COVID and been fine. There are still a lot that weren't fine and others who haven't had it and are still legitimately frightened. I have known 2 people who died - both pre jab being available and 2 hospitalised 1 jabbed, 1 not.

A lot of people are still living by what is essential. Kids in school and nursery are essential and not much else. We are doing this, we accepted they are our biggest risk of bringing it into the house but that the effects on the children were too awful to not find a way to accept. We would have weighed this up differently if the fatality rate had been like haemorrhagic fever but at the current rate we can live with it.

There is a difference between 'my kids will probably bring it into the house but we'll have to live with that risk' and 'there is no point being careful anymore, we're going to go everywhere and do everything and what will be will be '.

This may help explain:
www.newscientist.com/article/2257826-you-can-manage-your-covid-19-risk-by-setting-your-own-contact-budget/[/quote]
Fucking hell ‘contact budget’?!? I genuinely think some people have forgotten how to live over the pandemic and think living means ‘not dying’ rather than making the most of your life

And by the way OP, even my own most cautious friend has gotten over it by now. There is no way I’d have a picnic outside in the freezing cold, I’d just decline.

@Bertiebiscuit

They are being careful, and I agree with them - you need to grow up and take this pandemic seriously - do you not read the papers, cases are going up and up, some of us really don't want to risk getting it, people are still getting long covid, and some are dying - you must respect their wishes and get warmer clothes

There's no "must" about it though, is there? The OP has every right to say no to outdoor meetings and not meet her friends. She can respect their wishes by saying that if they're only prepared to meet outside, then she's not prepared to do it.

People can make the choice to be cautious/paranoid and keep hiding away from everyone and everything but those choices have consequences, don't they? And the consequence of demanding outside meetings in winter will be fewer people ready to go along with that.