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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be tired of meeting my friend outside

172 replies

cadburyegg · 22/10/2021 12:56

I'll try and keep this vague as it's a bit outing.

I have a close friend who lives near me and when I was still with my H we used to be friends with her and her partner as a couple, when H and I split up last year I'm afraid to say she wasn't very supportive and it took about 6 months before she'd stop hinting that we should get back together, even though H had a new gf by that point.

The main problem is though that their lives are very much ruled by covid. They both wfh, have a 3 year old who is in nursery and they go swimming etc and to shops but socially they will still only meet family and friends outside. I was really understanding with them and for awhile I was getting their prescriptions etc from the pharmacy and picking up food for them, although I have stopped doing that now. We are meeting up next week with our children and as it will be over lunchtime, it'll be a picnic outside again.

I know this sounds really stupid but I am really sick of it. They are my age (early 30s), both double jabbed and not vulnerable (I'm considered vulnerable myself due to coeliac disease although I don't really consider myself at risk as I'm pretty healthy). I know if I say I'm not willing to meet outside now it's colder that will just mean not seeing them or letting the friendship die out which will be such a shame because I get on with them so well. I was really hoping since both being double jabbed they would be more willing to do things. like I said I have been really patient and sympathetic up to this point, i know this sounds really mean and awful but i don't know what to do.

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 22/10/2021 15:10

I avoid unnecessary risks because my husbands job could be really badly impacted at the moment if he has to isolate. It’s not worth the risk of him not being able to do what needs to be done over the next few months.

takenforgrantednana · 22/10/2021 15:13

@sunshinesupermum

I wouldn't agree to meeting outside now the weather is colder. So if they won't/can't meet indoors I think you'll have to let them get on with things on their own.
there is no such thing as wrong weather, there is such a thing as wrong clothes!
MrsEricBana · 22/10/2021 15:14

I'm with them on the outside thing. Sounds like you're in different places so I'd move on from the friendship.
For info, 2 weeks ago I felt a bit off but had a negative LFT. I told the friend I was meeting for coffee and she insisted we sat outside. I have since been pretty unwell with full on covid and she didn't get it. Don't underestimate this thing. (I am double jabbed btw)

Wannabegreenfingers · 22/10/2021 15:14

You aren't being unreasonable. Unless they are shielding completely their reasoning us flawed. Nursery is a cess pit of germs.

Artie30 · 22/10/2021 15:16

You may think they are being a bit ott, but it's obviously how they feel. I am anxious about covid. I'd much rather meet people outside which isn't always possible this time of year so doesn't always happen... it's not just about covid with me though. I find I enjoy seeing people more outside especially if my kids can run free in a garden or park. They get overwhelmed when people are socialising from outside the house indoors in a small place!

I would still meet next week. It's not even that cold where I live (haven't worn a coat once yet and I feel the cold) but take coats etc for the kids! Then maybe don't see them for a while!

Artie30 · 22/10/2021 15:17

@MrsEricBana

I'm with them on the outside thing. Sounds like you're in different places so I'd move on from the friendship. For info, 2 weeks ago I felt a bit off but had a negative LFT. I told the friend I was meeting for coffee and she insisted we sat outside. I have since been pretty unwell with full on covid and she didn't get it. Don't underestimate this thing. (I am double jabbed btw)
Agree!
OnwardsAndSideways1 · 22/10/2021 15:20

Case numbers in Europe are a bit irrelevant, in that all the Italians and Germans I know are out socializing normally! That's precisely because they have a system of masks in public places and vaccine passports. They aren't all sat alone or only outside, they're going to festivals and gigs and out to restaurants and posting it on FB!

I'm not socializing outside any more unless the person had some special reason (CV), I did it last year and there's no clothing that actually shuts out the penetrating cold once you get to a certain point in the evening, not even with 2 pairs of socks/blankets, it's just a matter of endurance. Can't be bothered. Not sitting outside again, I'm in university with 50-100 student in a room at a time and I'm not doing that, then collapsing my social life due to the perceived risk again.

bubblegumunicorn · 22/10/2021 15:24

YANBU but neither are they you have to do it at your own pace and if this is what they are comfortable with then it's up to you if you say see you in spring maybe see if they are up for a winter outside trip maybe pumpkin picking or a firework display, the picnic sounds awful but there is still things you can do outside that aren't! (unless they also want to avoid others still in which case you are a bit stuck!)

MintJulia · 22/10/2021 15:25

If you don't want to meet her outside, then don't go.

I still meet friends only outside, but we go to farmers markets, we go to the pub, we go hiking and cycling, we've been fruit picking. It just takes a little imagination and a decent coat.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 22/10/2021 15:25

You might not be privy to their medical history/any vulnerabilities. Covid is on the rise. It is also a nasty illness. I would reserve my disdain for those who don't give a shit and are happily facilitating its spread.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 22/10/2021 15:26

Don't freeze your tits off just to meet up with them.
Say to them it's too cold to meet up outside, let's wait until it's warmer.

If they try to persuade you then just stick to your guns. No, I don't want to be cold.

Scirocco · 22/10/2021 15:28

YABU. 50,000 cases per day, hospitals having to declare major incidents, the military having to get involved to support the health service...

COVID is still very much here and the willful negligence of the current UK government is making it worse. I know a lot of people are fed up with COVID and have decided to ignore how serious this is, but this pandemic is still here.

Your friends sound like they're being pretty sensible re: precautions. If people want to take risks with their own health, that's up to them, but don't judge your friends for choosing safer options.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 22/10/2021 15:29

Everyone has to manage their own risk . You can't please all of the people all of the time! I'm in the SE , I went out this morning it was freezing , no way I'd be meeting anyone outside

tttigress · 22/10/2021 15:32

What is sad, is many things were said at the start of Covid, that have since been shown to be false, such as transmission by surface. The media made a really big thing about such things.

But having installed fear, they don't but the same amoy of effort into rowing back on a particular point.

zingally · 22/10/2021 15:35

I have a friend like this. Younger than me, healthy, who has worked from home since this began, whereas I'm a primary school teacher, who has been in the thick of it from the word go.

Said friend wouldn't go anywhere, or do anything, when things opened up. Eventually I cajolled her into joining me for 2 nights at the seaside... The build up to it, she was panic-stricken about every little thing. But actually, she's calmed down a lot since going. And the other night she shocked me by messaging asking about theatre tickets!

I think for a lot of people, it's getting that first "trip to the X" under their belt, it being fine, and them realising they do just want to get on with their lives.

bigbluebus · 22/10/2021 15:38

With cases higher than they were on 'freedom' day and rising then I can't say I blame your friend. You clearly see her so infrequently that she doesn't know where you've been. I risk assess my socialisation based on who I'm meeting and how many people they're likely to have been in contact with. Local friends whom we see regularly and know are relatively cautious and who do regular LFTs for work (and will do one before we meet indoors for any length of time) we are happy to go to a quiet pub/restaurant with or have in the house for a drink/meal. More distant friends whose movements are less known to us would be a walk and a coffee sitting outside. My DH works with ECV people so we have maintained caution throughout and will continue to do so. It doesn't impact on our lives or our mental health. We've had holidays (UK) and been to a festival (outdoors). We've been to pubs and restaurants but we choose ones where tables are well spaced and we go at quiet times. And yes we still wear masks in shops. It's a shame more people aren't doing the same then maybe we wouldn't be looking at having to bring back restrictions.

TheUnbearable · 22/10/2021 15:39

Their risk is up to them and your wish to comply or not so you could see them is up to you.

Covid really showed how people live very differently and the differences between how people socialise. I went for a 2 hour walk this morning with a mate. That is my preference in and out of covid times. She is also big time in to actual hiking like me. Not a hike this morning just the local park. But we are as people very outdoorsy. Just had a long weekend away with DH we hiked every day.

Lynne1Cat · 22/10/2021 15:42

I've got a friend who won't have anyone (including me) to her house "because of Covid", yet she happily sat in my living room last week.

Santastuckincustoms · 22/10/2021 15:44

If I meet outside now it has to be something where we are moving, like a long walk. Sitting on a picnic blanket on the squelchy grass getting cold toes. No thanks!

godmum56 · 22/10/2021 15:50

Yanbu but neither are they. You get to make your choices and they get to make theirs.

icedcoffees · 22/10/2021 15:56

YANBU. They're selfish fuckers. Not because they only want to meet outside, but because they were quite happy to put you at risk by allowing you to fetch groceries and medication while they stayed safe and protected at home Hmm

GabriellaMontez · 22/10/2021 16:03

That's not how I want to live and I wouldn't continue meeting them outside. It was bad enough doing that last summer. I won't be doing it again.

I'd leave them to it.

SecondClassmyass · 22/10/2021 16:08

They are entitled to not want to meet outside but making your their chore whor* running their errands to the pharmacy and supermarket was rather ironic.
Plus, outdoor meeting with friends in cold weather and mud just about broke my soul last year and I am never ever doing another aimless fucking walk. Let them enjoy the great outdoors on their own.

Indecisivelurcher · 22/10/2021 16:13

It's difficult isn't it. In my book club one person doesn't want to meet inside, we had been meeting outside but now it's dark and cold others are not happy to do that, plus another member has a newborn baby so that doesn't work for them. We don't want anyone to be left out. I've asked at what point this person will be comfortable indoors, she's said maybe in the spring. She's double vaccinated, not vulnerable, two kids out at nursery...

julieca · 22/10/2021 16:13

So what do you all do with 3-year-olds when meeting up with friends away from home?
It is a genuine question because even pre-pandemic meetings with friends with young children have largely been outside.

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