To think it Is it a feasible proposal that a school might consider allowing a currently pregnant Year 12 the opportunity to repeat year 12 next yeara currently pregnant currently pregnant year 12

[redhilary]

I have reposted this thread from chat due to limited traffic.

Is it a feasible proposal that a school might consider allowing a currently pregnant year 12 girl the opportunity to repeat Year 12 next year.

The 'Boy' is what the term NEET was invented for. The idea situation for him would be for Goddaughter to move him with him. Thus, get a flat together use the money Goddaughter might get for her disabilities (ESA and Child benefit) for himself get pissed and high. This would be the ideal situation for him. Goddaughter would have to be marooned at the flat and unable to go out herself .This would be his dream so he could sell his weed and shag all the girls he wants to.

Ideal situation sorry repeated it...

OP, are you actually the pregnant child here, because there's something about unsettling about the way you write, and how dismissive you seem to be of the 'having a child' bit of this problem, and hyper-focused on the 'staying at familiar school' bit.

The poor girl obviously struggles badly with change. Maybe its better to get all the changes over in one go - have the baby, have a year out, then find a decent FE college to do A-levels at.

@Funnylittlefloozie

OP, are you actually the pregnant child here, because there's something about unsettling about the way you write, and how dismissive you seem to be of the 'having a child' bit of this problem, and hyper-focused on the 'staying at familiar school' bit.

The poor girl obviously struggles badly with change. Maybe its better to get all the changes over in one go - have the baby, have a year out, then find a decent FE college to do A-levels at.

Jesus Christ. Of course OP is focused on other things. Apart from the fact that no one with sense would be turning to AIBU for advice on what to do about the baby, as the friend of the child’s mum it’s not OPs place to be looking for that advice. She came on for information on a more factual and peripheral issue because this isn’t her baby or her daughter’s baby. She’s looking to be proactive where she won’t be interfering. It would be inappropriate for her to tell her friend what to do on baby front unless her friend asked for advice or was struggling (which there is no indication of).

Someone in the year above me repeated his lower sixth (year 12) year - not due to pregnancy

Is your god daughter happy for you to be talking about this on mumsnet? It's massively identifiable with her grades, type of school etc. How would she feel if her friends or their parents found it the thread?

@Funnylittlefloozie

OP, are you actually the pregnant child here, because there's something about unsettling about the way you write, and how dismissive you seem to be of the 'having a child' bit of this problem, and hyper-focused on the 'staying at familiar school' bit.

The poor girl obviously struggles badly with change. Maybe its better to get all the changes over in one go - have the baby, have a year out, then find a decent FE college to do A-levels at.

I don’t think she’s the child but I do think she’s the mum.

There is no godmother or aunt who is this involved in the decision of a friend/sibling.

I want her in a place where she is comfortable, familiar.

That’s not the words of a godmother. What OP wants is irrelevant.

Do you know what I read from all of this: you are scared and worried for her.
I also get Autism - My son is Autistic (now young adult), and believe me I've been to hell and back. I also get the being immature for their age - In one hand my son is very mature for his age, but on the other he is a good couple of years younger than his age.

And I understand the young and pregnant - I was 'just' 18 when I had my son.

I understand the want/need to keep something familiar to your God-daughter, as everything is changing, and you are trying to hang on to the one familiar thing.

I can tell you from my experience as a young mother - her current friends WILL leave her, they say they won't, but they will. They and your God-daughter will have different priorities. I can also say from experience of others who stayed on at school who were pregnant/had a child - she will be known, not by her name, but as 'that girl who's got a kid', and will likely get bullied for it.

Do you have a teacher at school who YOU like/get honest response from? If so, approach them and ask for an honest conversation on how the school will accommodate your God-daughter. Do they think that the school will actually accommodate her, or are you on to a loosing battle?

Putting her pregnancy aside - If the school are not supportive, then you are on a losing battle (been there, done that!). You and her Mum have probably, like many of us with children with additional needs, spent her school life fighting for her education and extra accommodation for her needs. You need to look at the bigger picture and work out if this is the fight you need to take on. My own feeling here is that unless this is a school with a young Mum unit - then this isn't the best/supportive place for her.
If it was me, I'd be putting my energy into the transition to college. I understand that she wouldn't step foot into the college to see it - but you could do things to make the initial process easier - photos of the college, going by and just standing outside, meeting somebody from the college (probably many times!) so she has a familiar face etc etc

@redhilary

IMO you should ask what your god daughter wants.

So far the thread seems to be all about you and the mother want.

[quote FrippEnos]**@redhilary

IMO you should ask what your god daughter wants.

So far the thread seems to be all about you and the mother want.[/quote]
OP has already commented that the girl won't even set foot in the FE college ... have you read all of her posts

I think that you and the mother are in denial about how hard it will be when she returns and there are so many unfamiliar things like her friends will have moved on and she'll have to make new friends, have new form tutors etc. Even if she makes it until the end of year 12, year 13 is going to be very difficult with her old friends having left and having to think about what happens next eg University. Her current friends will mean well but their lives won't be on pause while she is gone and I think that when she is forced to face that fact then it'll be difficult for her to attend school.

Grammars are for people who need little support and it is unrealistic to expect them to behave like they are a comprehensive Sixth Form or FE college.

I personally think that you can't hatch a plan about what comes next until she has the baby and things settle down for her a bit. If she's anxious about setting foot in another education setting just to look around, I'm not so sure she'll find it easy to walk into her grammar after a long break.

Thank you, Polar you get the dilemma. My friend and I are facing, you obviously understand Autism .My Goddaughter's mother has gone to great lengths to get her this far. First of all when my Goddaughters Autism was diagnosed at two, the 'experts' said she would never be able to write or read above the level of what would be expected of an 8 year old. My friend battling with the L.A that her daughter should be educated in Mainstream education. Goddaughter excelled once the support she needed was given this including an EHCP at Primary.

My friend was called out many times, by Teachers, Family Members and so called friends for entering her for the 11+. One of her Primary school teachers, intimating that entering her for the 11+ exam would be akin to child cruelty. (Yes we got her tutoring) so bloody what! My Goddaughter's drive and effort during her 11+ tutoring showed levels of indefatigability that I did not know any 10 year old could display. To everyone's amazement apart from me and her mother she passed her 11+. The, Local education Authority then decided because she had passed the 11+ exam an EHCP for Secondary school was no longer appropriate, despite appealing against this decision, we lost. The school realized that they needed to put something in place themselves in the first week of year 7 when Goddaughter wet herself ! It is obvious from the incidents that occurred in years 10 and 11 the provisions were not great.

This, despite written letters from the Head and SLT in year 7 stating that they will ensure that my Goddaughter receives the appropriate SEN support throughout her school career. They also stated they invisaged that Goddaughter would be supported appropriately until the year 13 (academic regulations permitting for Sixth Form entry).

With all that in mind I say again her achieving 4 grade 7s and 4 grade 6s @ GCSE is a fantastic achievement, not average in any terms.
(I'm in tears writing this)

I am so devastated that my Darling Goddaughter who has achieved so many miracles in her life, is saddled with a baby to a 'ner- do well' ex boyfriend. This being the same extremely pretty girl who would runaway from boys, who wanted to ask her for a date, just 2 months before lockdown in March 2020.

(Absolutely Heartbroken) To those saying I am her mother 'Piss Off'

Thus, if my friend had followed the experts and the mantra of what was the 'appropriate' educational setting for her daughter. I guess at nearly 17 she be halfway through her level 1 Math's and English courses now. However, being told that GCSE's were a mountain to far to consider.

I was 'saddled with a baby' at the same age, in a similar situation.

I jacked my A Levels in, had my DD, then a year later started an apprenticeship. Tax credits paid a lot of the childcare fees, and yes I was pretty skint for a few years. But then I worked hard to get on in my career, and now (23 years later) I'm in a fairly high paid job and own my own house, car etc. I only have a handful of GCSEs.

It's not the end of the world. What does your god daughter want? This isn't about her mum, or you. Ask her what she wants.

I am so devastated that my Darling Goddaughter who has achieved so many miracles in her life, is saddled with a baby to a 'ner- do well' ex boyfriend.

I can imagine.

But I don’t think this is an educational fight.

I say this as a sen mum who has battled, you and the mum need to let go of battle sen mentality at the moment. This isn't about sen this is about her having a baby and you and her mother wanting her to repeat the year. Tough choices are ahead. She doesn't have the luxury of being a young 17 year old anymore, she is going to be a mum and all the baggage that comes with it. You need to find out if that if in the past the school has allowed a 6th form pupil to repeat - id say a freedom of information act would get you this request. IF the school has allowed pupils to repeat before then you have a case.

I do think you all need to draw breath. The girl could feel very different once the baby arrives, she may not want to return to education straight away. I dont think you would be doing her nay favours to make firm plans before the baby arrives.

In the light of this further information, I wonder if the girl may have got pregnant as a way of making academic pressure stop.

It’s hard enough for an autistic child to cope in mainstream schools. But an academic school, with no SEN support at all, would be all the more challenging. Perhaps that’s why she wet herself.

There are some circs in which tutoring for entrance exams is appropriate - but using it to scrape a ASD child into an academic school strikes me as misguided.

Btw when you say “we” got her tutoring what does that mean? Did you find the tutor or contribute financially to it?

Why are you this invested in someone else’s child? (you’ve sworn at those who suggested you’re her mum, but it makes much more sense.)

If not, have you considered she may feel she is up against a double act of pressure and expectation from you and her mum - a trio if her dad is in the picture?

So its O.K for Carol Vorderman to go on this Morning , showing off her Autistic Son for getting his Masters Degree, because she sent him to the (Eton) of SEN schools .

://www.fairleyhouse.org.uk

FEES 2021 - 2022

Term fees £11,368

Assessments £370 - £1,125

Fees for each Term are due and payable as cleared funds before the first day of the School term to which they relate

In the event of late payment, interest will be charged at the rate of 1.5% per month.

A deposit of £3,300 is payable prior to entry and is refunded when the child leaves

If I had a spare £35K a year this might have been the ticket for my Goddaughter. Then perhaps my Goddaughter might have gone to Hurtwood house for Sixth Form.

Sadly unlike the Rich and Famous, we had to through the Grammar School route for her.

No Tatiana she wet herself because she forgot to go to the toilet during lunch. That tends to happen to 11 going on 8 year olds with Special educational needs.
Thank god a couple of year 13 prefects intervened when they saw a couple of year 8 girls finding this incident hilarious. These two (arses) girls are now in year 13.

Go through the Grammar school route...

Did you get her tutoring just to prove a point? Or because the rigidity and structure of the grammar school was what you felt would be a more appropriate environment? Even though as you admit yourself the SEN provision was inadequate (because a grammar school in itself is already an academic and highly pressurised environment to begin with)?

Education is not the be all and end all. I have seen many SEN students, well supported at home, tutored etc achieved excellent academic results. Fall apart when they go to university away from home, or when they go into the workplace.

You're still harping on about how Covid and this boy ruined the girl's life and yes, it's very sad when she was on track so far.

But there are dozens of situations where this could have happened. When she leaves home for university, or work, and you can't support her or monitor what she does any longer. Even NT students get derailed by things happening. It's just doubly hard because you've hard to fight the SEN battle for so long and it's frustrating.

But this - school, is just the start of the road. I have line managed many autistic people before, I'm even involved in a special program to offer work opportunities to autistic people who are all very qualified (even holding multiple degrees) but haven't been able to hold down jobs. And I'm not NT myself.

One only has so much mental capacity and stamina for fighting against their brain's natural wiring. Using said mental capacity for the best exam results will result in her having excellent grades, with the right support etc - but that's about it. Supporting her to achieve well enough for further qualifications and focusing more on navigating life would set her up better for adulthood, rather than attempting to achieve her 'best possible grades' . Unless she's a savant in some field.

Your deliberately missing what people are saying

For now the focus shouldn’t be on anything academic wise but on getting though the start of parenting and getting them both in a position to cope. Anything else, academic or not, can come from there.

No long term decisions need to be made now

@redhilary

Go through the Grammar school route...

If only you knew how many autistic people have Masters, even PhDs but haven't been able to hold down a steady job at the level of their education.

What I'm saying is that getting her as highly educated as possible isn't going to be the best guarantee of independent adulthood.

All your last posts seem to suggest is she has been pushed down an educational path that will allow “you” to stick two fingers up to her.

Sadly their is very little mention of what is best for her. It all seems to be about point probing which as the mum of an autistic child upsets me

It comes to the same thing. Whether she wet herself from anxiety or immaturity, she’s in over her head.

How many people would know another person’s child’s life in this much detail - down to the year of the girls laughing at the DD 6 years ago?

Or would ever say “we” repeatedly in relation to decisions by another parent?

Good luck OP, but I’m out.