To think it Is it a feasible proposal that a school might consider allowing a currently pregnant Year 12 the opportunity to repeat year 12 next yeara currently pregnant currently pregnant year 12

[redhilary]

I have reposted this thread from chat due to limited traffic.

Is it a feasible proposal that a school might consider allowing a currently pregnant year 12 girl the opportunity to repeat Year 12 next year.

I would suggest you put down all these grudges you are hauling about with you. Her various primary and secondary teachers who have wronged her, the DofE, the school, the LEA, the girls in year 8, Carol Vorderman, the ex boyfriend etc.
Your goddaughter has an actual problem to solve now, and you can either support her to go down the most appropriate path for a near adult near mother in her particular circumstances or you can hand wring and if only about Carol Vorderman until we are all dead.

This isn't really about autism or grammar school provision. Its what happens when a child, NT or ND, is over-tutored and over-pressurised to meet a parent's unrealistic expectations. Eventually, that child blows - they rebel, they get into serious trouble, they get pregnant.

Does this girl have a realistic plan for her own future, that wasn't cooked up by the adults in her life? Does she really want to go to uni, or is she a bit directionless?

@redhilary

Thank you, Polar you get the dilemma. My friend and I are facing, you obviously understand Autism .My Goddaughter's mother has gone to great lengths to get her this far. First of all when my Goddaughters Autism was diagnosed at two, the 'experts' said she would never be able to write or read above the level of what would be expected of an 8 year old. My friend battling with the L.A that her daughter should be educated in Mainstream education. Goddaughter excelled once the support she needed was given this including an EHCP at Primary.

My friend was called out many times, by Teachers, Family Members and so called friends for entering her for the 11+. One of her Primary school teachers, intimating that entering her for the 11+ exam would be akin to child cruelty. (Yes we got her tutoring) so bloody what! My Goddaughter's drive and effort during her 11+ tutoring showed levels of indefatigability that I did not know any 10 year old could display. To everyone's amazement apart from me and her mother she passed her 11+. The, Local education Authority then decided because she had passed the 11+ exam an EHCP for Secondary school was no longer appropriate, despite appealing against this decision, we lost. The school realized that they needed to put something in place themselves in the first week of year 7 when Goddaughter wet herself ! It is obvious from the incidents that occurred in years 10 and 11 the provisions were not great.

This, despite written letters from the Head and SLT in year 7 stating that they will ensure that my Goddaughter receives the appropriate SEN support throughout her school career. They also stated they invisaged that Goddaughter would be supported appropriately until the year 13 (academic regulations permitting for Sixth Form entry).

With all that in mind I say again her achieving 4 grade 7s and 4 grade 6s @ GCSE is a fantastic achievement, not average in any terms.
(I'm in tears writing this)

I am so devastated that my Darling Goddaughter who has achieved so many miracles in her life, is saddled with a baby to a 'ner- do well' ex boyfriend. This being the same extremely pretty girl who would runaway from boys, who wanted to ask her for a date, just 2 months before lockdown in March 2020.

(Absolutely Heartbroken) To those saying I am her mother 'Piss Off'

Again re the education I DO get it. Like I said I've been to hell and back for my son, I spent his entire school days fighting for his education. I'm a bit lost on some of the education stuff here, because I am UK, but not England. I also understand the support you are giving your friend - by any chance is she a single parent? My Mum effectively co-parented with me regarding the school, in that it was me and my Mum as a team, regarding school stuff and battling the local authority.

And I 'get' the pushing against everything to allow your God-daughter to achieve, in a place/situation that others thought she couldn't.

You've both done well to get her to this point.

But
EVERYTHING has changed now, and is going to change again. She is pregnant, and is going to have the extra stresses/strains/changes that every parent goes through. I understand that her Mum and you are going to help her with her child.
I am also not saying that she can't obtain the A-Levels that she needs to.
BUT
If the school are not willing to support your God-daughter, you are on to a losing battle. You would be better planning a transition to college, maybe even with the help of the school. Would a trusted teacher be willing to help with the transition?
You could also speak to the National Autistic society, and see what help they can offer with the transition to college. My son had a mentor from the National Autistic society to help him when he went to University.

I realise that the plan was to stay at the school until she finished her A-Levels - but the situation has changed. She needs different support than what the school can offer. The college can offer her the support she needs AND she can still do her A-Levels.

Also, apart from her A-levels, does your God-daughter have a plan on what she wants to do after that? Does she have a particular job or field in mind? There maybe a different route into it through the college - HNC/D, apprenticeship etc

@Sirzy

All your last posts seem to suggest is she has been pushed down an educational path that will allow “you” to stick two fingers up to her.

Sadly their is very little mention of what is best for her. It all seems to be about point probing which as the mum of an autistic child upsets me

School pressure to perform in exams almost drove my DP as a teenager to suicide. He was extremely lucky to scrape by and get into uni by the skin of his teeth but otherwise a BTEC or similar with coursework would have suited him just fine. Thrived on mainly coursework assignments and now has a good job. But then he is lucky his special interest is in demand.

You cannot, like with an ND person push an autistic person to achieve the best grades possible and leave everything else to chance. You simply cannot. You have to identify their strengths, weaknesses, start planning for their adult life years before they reach the age of 18. As high qualifications will not guarantee they can handle a job. In fact many 'high achieving' jobs depending their profile - if they are very anxious and need rigid structure won't be suitable for them at all. And you cannot rely on all the adverts, publicity etc (which DP bloody hates by the way) saying 'X is autistic and now a highly paid software engineer' because every autistic person is different!

Tractor The structure and rigidity of a grammar school was very important for her especially in Kent. I believe her academic ambitions would have sunk to the lowest common denominator at the local 'Modern' school. In herself she needs to not be the bottom of the class. Average is good enough for her, this probably being her academic ability level in a Grammar I.E (top 25%) . However, average in a non selective school in Kent is far below her ability . I also think she might have fallen further if the teachers at the 'local' school had let her get away with things because of her SEN.

Another reason why I fear for her mental wellbeing: I asked her what she wanted for her 17th birthday in January she replied to be 'Rat arsed' which means to be Paralytic with drink . She also told me on her 18th birthday she was going on Only Fans.
Maybe she is winding me up, but non the less quite concerning. Where does a immature girl get words like 'rat arsed' from . One guess I wonder, maybe from the mouth of ex boyfriend's father.

I think your blaming the boyfriend for too much. It comes across as blaming him is an easy defence mechanism

You need to stop look to spread blame and focus on supporting her with the very basics of parenthood for now

@redhilary

Tractor The structure and rigidity of a grammar school was very important for her especially in Kent. I believe her academic ambitions would have sunk to the lowest common denominator at the local 'Modern' school. In herself she needs to not be the bottom of the class. Average is good enough for her, this probably being her academic ability level in a Grammar I.E (top 25%) . However, average in a non selective school in Kent is far below her ability . I also think she might have fallen further if the teachers at the 'local' school had let her get away with things because of her SEN.

Another reason why I fear for her mental wellbeing: I asked her what she wanted for her 17th birthday in January she replied to be 'Rat arsed' which means to be Paralytic with drink . She also told me on her 18th birthday she was going on Only Fans.
Maybe she is winding me up, but non the less quite concerning. Where does a immature girl get words like 'rat arsed' from . One guess I wonder, maybe from the mouth of ex boyfriend's father.

Wouldn’t she have been above average in a non-selective school.

It’s odd to feel you need to explain what ratarsed means. It’s a well known phrase.

It sounds as though you aren’t listening to her and when she says something you disapprove of blaming other people. Talk to her, listen to her and don’t make assumptions about what she wants and what is best for her.

Tractor . Can't you tell I'm bloody Autistic . I know how Fucking hard the work place is. I have not posted this previously, because every fucking poster ( exaggeration I know but an absurd high number of posters on here claim to be Autistic)...

I also agree that she may achieve highly academically but struggle with holding done a job - I'm in a similar situation with my son - he has bounced about from job to job, at one point the same job for 5 weeks was good! He has never been sacked, and has mainly not been unemployed, but has struggled with different parts of different jobs due to his Autism (and sometimes his unrealistic expectations from others). I frequently have to guide him in what he can expect or not expect from others, in what is appropriate to bring up with managers or not, in how to word things so as to not offend others etc etc.
He has qualifications, and is currently studying again, but his qualifications are not everything.

I know how much I struggled when my son was born and I was supposedly NT and not studying for exams.
I also wonder if your God-daughter appreciates how much her life is going to change? I know I certainly didn't!
Is there any parenting classes or support she can maybe get?

No her academic achievements would drop to what she thinks is enough to avoid being labeled the lowest in the class or school.

Autistic people are always looking for the easiest way to appear normal. Most of us would be happy just being average. If being average at a Modern school requires Goddaughter to long jump 4 meters that's what she will do. If a Grammar school requires her to jump 8 meters 90 she will find a way to achieve it. The autistic brain is an odd thing it thinks both illogically and logically at the same time.

@redhilary

Tractor . Can't you tell I'm bloody Autistic . I know how Fucking hard the work place is. I have not posted this previously, because every fucking poster ( exaggeration I know but an absurd high number of posters on here claim to be Autistic)...

In the nicest way Redhilary - you haven't previously said you are Autistic, and I don't think any of us knew. I can also understand why you didn't want to say so before. But no, we couldn't tell that you are Autistic. Maybe you need to take some time away from this thread, and maybe post on a different board? I can understand that you are upset (and angry?) at the situation your god-daughter has found herself in. I also understand that you want to fight for her education - but maybe that effort needs to be directed in a transition to another place.

Remember to be kind to yourself x

Nobody can guess whether anybody's autistic. In fact posters who do so on here are immediately jumped on by autistic posters telling them not to be judgemental.

It makes sense now that you're so emotionally invested, and reacting with anger. And also why it's very hard to reason, via typing on an online forum with you.
Your logic about the academics is fine. But by the same logic she should now go the FE, no? Because THAT is where she now appears normal. She's not normal in grammar school anymore.

Anyway I have said all I have wanted to say in this thread. Best wishes for your goddaughter.

Thank you Polar. Its nice to hear that my masking can work sometimes... I don't mean what I say it in a nasty way more in a comical and jovial way !

I just think it seems to be trendy to be an Autistic Women at the moment.
God knows why.

I survived being Autistic until after my a levels then...
It meant I only completed an O.U Degree (rather than from the traditional route) only two years ago. So I know Higher Education is readily available for Goddaughter wants to be a mature student.

Sorry and thank you Tractor for the great and sound advice given.

@redhilary

Thank you Polar. Its nice to hear that my masking can work sometimes... I don't mean what I say it in a nasty way more in a comical and jovial way !

I just think it seems to be trendy to be an Autistic Women at the moment.
God knows why.

I survived being Autistic until after my a levels then...
It meant I only completed an O.U Degree (rather than from the traditional route) only two years ago. So I know Higher Education is readily available for Goddaughter wants to be a mature student.

Because autism has received a lot of attention and the underdiagnoses of women is a hot topic. Also lots of social media, corporate initiatives etc regarding this.

As an adult diagnosed ADHD woman... that's next...

TractorAndHeadphones

OP has already commented that the girl won't even set foot in the FE college ... have you read all of her posts

Thanks for the sanctimonious response.

To go one step further, does the daughter even want to stay in education?

As I and others have said this thread seems to be all about what the mother and godmother want.

@redhilary

I survived being Autistic until after my a levels then...
It meant I only completed an O.U Degree (rather than from the traditional route) only two years ago.

Do you agree there's an element of you wishing to relive the experience you think you ought to have had? You wish that you could have achieved X level at Y age, so you'll fight for your Goddaughter to have that opportunity? Did anyone fight for you?

Her Gcse results are good for someone in her position (although would she hace achieved lower if the grades werent teacher assessed)but way below average GS scores .I think she would struggle to get even Ds and Es at A level begore you even factor the baby into the equation.
Sending her to the GS is setting her up to fail, and the GS knows this

I understand given her autism, wanting to keep things in her life unchanged giving the other changes that are going on but I don't think this is the best way of dealing with things. She needs help in accepting that her has changed but it doesn't mean that her life cannot be a good one. She has a supportive family around her. She can still study and get qualifications but the route may be different.

This all sounds like a vanity project on your, sorry her mum's, part

Tired. So what you are saying then is that GCSE Grade 7s are the new C grade for someone who took them in 1992. Is this correct then a Grade 5 would be equal to an E in old money. For the record I think I got 2 A's in Chemistry and History.

Please tell me I am wrong then thinking that the Government coveted standard of Grade 5 is equal to an E grade say from 1988-1994 !

No i am talking about covid grade inflation over the last 2 summers when there have been no real gcse exams.

Even disregarding that, they are low grades to be entering a gs 6th form with.

Tired. If Covid had not happened ,I believe Goddaughter would have at least matched her 4 Grade 7 GCSE's in traditional external exams . The Covid epidemic has been appalling for my Goddaughter.
(therefore would my Goddaughter be better off considering doing GCSE resists or a BTEC First Diploma if she continues her education) Her subject teachers say her current standard of A level work is of sound standard, and consistent with what the other students are currently presenting.

My own DD1 is in year 11 at a different Grammar school and is predicted to achieve 5 Grade 7and maybe a 8 in Chemistry. The teachers at her grammar have told me she is a very academically able and diligent girl. They also tell me she should be aiming for a highly competitive University. Apart from the potential 8 in Chemistry my own DD's grade predictions are not that different from my Goddaughters actual grades.

For the record I know 2 people in R.L who only have E Grade GCSE qualifications from 20+ years ago.(ok they have relevant professional qualifications but you get the point) These are both highly efficient and very intelligent individuals who have knowledge in both Professional and general terms.

I doubt in 25 years time that kids with only grade 3 GCSE's in English/Math's will similarly be highly intelligent individuals.

So I do know about grade inflation and how the 'Goalposts' have moved regarding qualifications needed. The two people concerned work in a role that today requires at least a Degree for entry, yet these roles are efficiently down by two people who on paper on attained GSCE E grades for Math's/English...

You’re avoiding the actual issue OP. It doesn’t matter what your GD could have got had Covid not happened. It doesn’t matter what she could get if she wasn’t pregnant or what your own daughter is expected to get. Covid did happen and there is a baby coming.