Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it Is it a feasible proposal that a school might consider allowing a currently pregnant Year 12 the opportunity to repeat year 12 next yeara currently pregnant currently pregnant year 12

542 replies

redhilary · 21/10/2021 20:07

I have reposted this thread from chat due to limited traffic.

Is it a feasible proposal that a school might consider allowing a currently pregnant year 12 girl the opportunity to repeat Year 12 next year.

OP posts:
BudgeSquare · 22/10/2021 17:41

I know also that the pregnancy is a direct consequence of the pressures and circumstances of the Coronavirus.

I think you may need to go back to school yourself, OP.

Viviennemary · 22/10/2021 18:00

Getting pregnant might be a direct consequence of having sex (or ivf) But a direct consequence of coronavirus. Confused. Back to biology chapter 1.

Original poster
redhilary · 22/10/2021 18:13

If you had read the thread correctly you would have noticed I said because of the lockdown in March 2020 my Goddaughter kept leaving the house to see her boyfriend , Thus, a relationship was formed and guess what happened around March 2021 Bingo.

I said that without the pressure and isolation of the lockdown, I don't think the relationship between Goddaughter and her ex boyfriend would have occurred. Thus, if you want to take words out of context then so be it and try to make a fool out of somebody but at least tell the whole story.

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 22/10/2021 18:15

without the pressure and isolation of the lockdown, I don't think the relationship between Goddaughter and her ex boyfriend would have occurred

Hmm, I think that sort of thing is impossible to assume!

Original poster
redhilary · 22/10/2021 18:26

My Goddaughter does not want to leave the school, she does not want to go a an F.E college or a Sixth Form College. But If that is deemed the way forward we will go with which ever one is the better.

I am very well aware of the potential mental issues going forward having been there myself. I am looking for different options academically and emotionally,

My Goddaughter gets Personal Independence Payment (PIP) due to her condition. Thus, for those saying forget education at least temporary, that as soon as she becomes 18. I'm sure if will put the right words in the right order , we could ensure she was placed in the ESA Support Group and a total £760 a month would come her way.

I don't want that therefore I am seeking out solutions academically at first...

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 22/10/2021 18:26

Whether the grammar school is the correct place or not for her emotional and academic needs will be revealed/decided by the meeting after half term.

I think you aren’t considering the girl’s needs in this. The meeting might explain what might be possible but it won’t confirm what’s correct for her. Talking to her and really thinking about options is going to do that. But you are so focused on the grammar school you aren’t thinking what’s best for her.

Original poster
redhilary · 22/10/2021 18:29

Forget education at least temporarily *

OP posts:
Original poster
redhilary · 22/10/2021 18:32

Sorry pissed off ... We put the right words in the box *

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 22/10/2021 18:33

What’s that got to do with anything?

Original poster
redhilary · 22/10/2021 18:40

It means I don't want her sitting around unhappy, with no life outside her child. I also don't want her feeling mentally unwell and unable to get out of bed like I did from 18-22. I was on disability benefits for all that time in my life. I do not want my Goddaughter to go through the same.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 22/10/2021 18:43

There seems to be two children in all of this who have been forgotten about while adults argue about college and money.

Surely the focus for now should simply be on getting mum and baby to a happy comfortable place. The good thing about the education system is every door doesn’t close when you reach 18. She can get back to education when she is older and ready.

Original poster
redhilary · 22/10/2021 18:45

I am off now to the Bond film now with my daughters.

OP posts:
Original poster
redhilary · 22/10/2021 18:46

I think my Grammar needs a break....

OP posts:
TractorAndHeadphones · 22/10/2021 18:57

@redhilary

My Goddaughter does not want to leave the school, she does not want to go a an F.E college or a Sixth Form College. But If that is deemed the way forward we will go with which ever one is the better.

I am very well aware of the potential mental issues going forward having been there myself. I am looking for different options academically and emotionally,

My Goddaughter gets Personal Independence Payment (PIP) due to her condition. Thus, for those saying forget education at least temporary, that as soon as she becomes 18. I'm sure if will put the right words in the right order , we could ensure she was placed in the ESA Support Group and a total £760 a month would come her way.

I don't want that therefore I am seeking out solutions academically at first...

Don't understand the point of the ESA - how is that relevant to studying later?

Does your goddaughter understand that things won't be the same even if she returns to school? That her friends will have moved on?

Ultimately if that's what she insists on doing you cannot force her. But I doubt that it will make her happy

TractorAndHeadphones · 22/10/2021 18:58

Also no mater how much she doesn't want to believe it things have changed

YearsSinceISawYou · 22/10/2021 19:15

Yes, things have changed and her life cannot just go back to how it was before. I think you-or her her mum-are doing her a dis-service in leading her to believe-because that's how it sounds-that I don't think that's possible.

She is going to be a mother and that's difficult enough for most of us and yet, the main worry seems to be not even can she take her A levels but can she take them in a Grammar School.

Why does she want to go back? Has she been led to believe everything will be the same?

The A level boat has gone for now I think. Concentrate on this major life change which is going to take some getting used to and stop trying to pretend she can just trot back to a school with a baby in a sling. I

You and her mum would be better preparing her for the fact that life is never going to be the same again and making sure her ex boyfriend steps up.

If you force the school to take her back-no doubt demanding breast feeding facilities etc-things that would be available in an FE college- they will resent it and as soon as she kicks off again-swearing or breaking furniture, they'll show her the door.

Lastly, I hope your friend has addressed the issue of her sneaking out of the house and getting pregnant with some severity. The last thing needed is a repeat performance.

Patapouf · 22/10/2021 22:22

It's not because of discrimination though it's because her attendance might be impacted?
How does she plan on maintaining the required level of studies?

The school won't necessarily get funding for an extra year of education so it isn't just their decision to make on that front.

A college will give her much more flexibility...

DietrichandDiMaggio · 22/10/2021 23:02

@redhilary

My Goddaughter does not want to leave the school, she does not want to go a an F.E college or a Sixth Form College. But If that is deemed the way forward we will go with which ever one is the better.

I am very well aware of the potential mental issues going forward having been there myself. I am looking for different options academically and emotionally,

My Goddaughter gets Personal Independence Payment (PIP) due to her condition. Thus, for those saying forget education at least temporary, that as soon as she becomes 18. I'm sure if will put the right words in the right order , we could ensure she was placed in the ESA Support Group and a total £760 a month would come her way.

I don't want that therefore I am seeking out solutions academically at first...

You are saying that her disability impacts her to such an extent that she is incapable of doing any work whatsoever and would qualify for ESA, yet expect her to be able to cope with studying for A levels at a grammar school alongside caring for a small baby.
DietrichandDiMaggio · 22/10/2021 23:06

Apparently, some of them are relived they are not in the same situation

I can't imagine any girl in year 12 studying for her A levels would want to be in the same situation and most, if they did find themselves pregnant, would not go ahead with the pregnancy.

Viviennemary · 22/10/2021 23:09

Has she considered adoption if she wants to continue her studies without too much interruption from a demanding newborn baby. A child which which will be her responsibility for at least the next 18 years.

Original poster
redhilary · 23/10/2021 00:06

What ESA group you are put in can be down to how correctly or incorrectly you fill the boxes in . There are people with Masters Degree's in the Support group.

However, I was being flippant there because that is what the ex boyfriend thinks would help them pay and to live in a flat together.

Oh Yes the ex boyfriend 10 months older than my Goddaughter, the sort every parent would walk 500 miles to make sure their daughter avoided him. Permanently expelled from school for multiple offences. These, including selling weed on school premises, swearing at teachers and smashing chairs up. I wonder where Goddaughter got her ideas for her defiant actions.

The really tragic thing about this though is this is the first boy, I think she has not only dated but actually had a grown up conversation with. Goddaughter Autism means in terms of maturity, she is more like my 13 year old DD2, than DD1 15, indeed DD1 has always protected her like a big sister despite being 13 months younger. Up to about a couple years ago if My friend and I went out together with the girls it would be DD1 trying to get my Goddaughter to leave her mother and me and do something on their own. She was/is very shy and nervous
This is why I think the thought of 3000 or so strangers in an F.E or Sixth Form College is scary for her. She feels comfortable in a environment where you might get a Detention for not handing in your Homework and wear school uniform/dress code. These are like security blankets to her, therefore understands the procedures and likes the conformity they bring. She would feel uneasy and scared in a environment such as a F.E college where a lecturer might not even tell her off for not handing in a piece of work.

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 23/10/2021 01:16

School sixth forms in England are supposed to receive funding for students up to 19 yrs old. So I don't see why the suggestion isn't feasible (which was your question) if it fits around subject offerings, if she's doing subjects that may not be offered to the year below her it makes it less feasible. Unfortunately you need a bit more than 'feasible' if the school is currently reluctant.

A sit down with her teachers and her to hammer out a solid, achievable plan. Her showing commitment to it by putting in the effort before the baby is born. Maybe some check in points where the approach can be reassessed if it doesn't seem to be working.

I think you should also look into the discrimination route as well, though. It does sound like they are reluctant to have her do her A levels there because they don't think she's deserving now she's pregnant (since they took her on to sixth form with the GCSE grades she got and her discipline record before they knew she was pregnant, but now she's pregnant they're suddenly concerned she won't hack it). I think you would need proper legal advice about that though.

Have the school ever had someone carry on for a third year of sixth form? Maybe because of illness or something? If you can show precedent for this approach you might have an easier time convincing them.

I would call some of the responses you've received on here bizarre, except this is par for the course on AIBU - It seems to be a blood sport for some posters.

I can see why some people think and FE college might be best, but I can also see arguments for staying with an environment she knows. You know her far better than any of the posters on here and exploring an option, finding out if it can be done doesn't commit her to it - it just gives her options. Good luck with it.

HoppingPavlova · 23/10/2021 01:40

She feels comfortable in a environment where you might get a Detention for not handing in your Homework and wear school uniform/dress code. These are like security blankets to her, therefore understands the procedures and likes the conformity they bring.

And she is about to have a baby. I just can’t wrap my head around you focusing on schools and A levels where the same girl you are describing with these challenges is about to have a baby. Good god! School would be the last thing on my mind in this situation. Her world, based on structure and the known in order to survive is going to implode shortly! Instead of focusing on how to concentrate on this aspect and getting her through, you keep blathering on about school and A levels and seem utterly fixated on the wrong thing. You seem more of a hinderance than help to be frank.

Hankunamatata · 23/10/2021 02:03

This school seems unwilling to work with you. Look at another grammar school that will allow her to repeat

NumberTheory · 23/10/2021 06:04

@HoppingPavlova

She feels comfortable in a environment where you might get a Detention for not handing in your Homework and wear school uniform/dress code. These are like security blankets to her, therefore understands the procedures and likes the conformity they bring.

And she is about to have a baby. I just can’t wrap my head around you focusing on schools and A levels where the same girl you are describing with these challenges is about to have a baby. Good god! School would be the last thing on my mind in this situation. Her world, based on structure and the known in order to survive is going to implode shortly! Instead of focusing on how to concentrate on this aspect and getting her through, you keep blathering on about school and A levels and seem utterly fixated on the wrong thing. You seem more of a hinderance than help to be frank.

This is terrible advice. Teens who get pregnant are better off if they stay in school and maintain friendships.

Also, the OP being on here asking about schools is no indication that that is the main focus of how the girl is being supported.