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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it Is it a feasible proposal that a school might consider allowing a currently pregnant Year 12 the opportunity to repeat year 12 next yeara currently pregnant currently pregnant year 12

542 replies

redhilary · 21/10/2021 20:07

I have reposted this thread from chat due to limited traffic.

Is it a feasible proposal that a school might consider allowing a currently pregnant year 12 girl the opportunity to repeat Year 12 next year.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 29/10/2021 22:52

And your daughters can not be put in the position of having to parent your goddaughter. It is not fair on them or her

redhilary · 29/10/2021 22:59

How. what should we do then .. Let her live in the main house . No that's not fair to my girls. Should we let her live with her mum 7 days a week No WWIII will break out. Should we encourage her to make up with the 'boy' and live in a flat, with no intention to ever study again No.

However, the 'boy' as not seen his elder brother for two years, will soon be able to see his inspiration again. You see his elder brother has been 'working away from home' for the past 18 months living on a Island . He has not been able to leave the Island, due to restrictions being enforced there.

The boy dreams of walking in his elders brothers shoes one day, and no doubt will, perhaps Goddaughter might be employed in the family firm, thus enabling her to be able to live in a Park, or Hall herself.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 29/10/2021 23:02

She is not your responsibility. Your daughters are.

She needs to decide where to live and then focus on being a parent.

Maybe she can live in your granny annex but she needs to be the parent and take full responsibility

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/10/2021 23:03

But OP, that's just it. None of your suggestions that involve your god daughter living with you are fair on your daughters. And YOUR responsibility is to them. To prioritise their wellbeing. Can't you see that?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/10/2021 23:06

Should we let her live with her mum 7 days a week

Let?! You are not her mother. You don't have parental rights OR responsibility for her. Stop speaking as if you do. You're undermining your friend so much - if your concerns about her ability to parent your god daughter and to help her parent her baby when it arrives are this serious then you need to speak to safeguarding, not overstep and take over.

It's not your place.

Your daughters are your responsibility.

You speak in grandiose terms of 'we' and 'let' as if you have a legal say in this or even a moral one. You don't! You can't 'let her live with her mum' or not let her do so. You aren't her parent!

redhilary · 29/10/2021 23:21

I understand what you are saying, but the boy and his family really concern me . For once thank god Covid intervened and put a stop to the Boy taking Goddaughter to meet his elder brother who is currently ' living' on the Isle of Wight . To his family this is like going to a School or University open day/graduation . To all of us on here we would consider it to be huge stigma, we really would be keeping it to ourselves, not inviting people on a jamboree ..

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/10/2021 23:24

What's a stigma? The fact she's pregnant you mean?

Well she is pregnant. Adding a bit of shame to what's on her plate is hardly helping things id it?

You seem intent on ignoring people reminding you that you're suggesting something unfair to your girls - can you not see how much added stress and pressure this will add on THEM during THEIR exam years? Or any years while they are teenagers for that matter.

Suzanne999 · 29/10/2021 23:24

TBH I think the young lady would be better off in a college. A more mature atmosphere, lecturers have a bigger mix of students —- mature students with families, teenage students with babies or who are pregnant. It really is a different way of learning to a school and most colleges will have a special needs coordinator and extra facilities.

MrsAvocet · 29/10/2021 23:28

I think the OP is trying to say that her Goddaughter's ex boyfriend's brother is in prison @youvegottenminuteslynn

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/10/2021 23:34

@MrsAvocet

I think the OP is trying to say that her Goddaughter's ex boyfriend's brother is in prison *@youvegottenminuteslynn*
Ah I see.
redhilary · 29/10/2021 23:45

Mrsavocet. I think you have just "outstandingly" highlighted how middle class Mumsnet really Is ! I was actually hoping someone might suggest the Boyfriends brother might be working in New Zealand. Hence, why it has been so difficult for him leave the Island he is living on

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/10/2021 23:50

Christ you're showing your true colours there OP.

I would like to say that as someone abandoned, fostered, adopted, grew up on a council estate and as I say was incredibly fortunate to get into a grammar school, using a 'MN is so middle class' when someone simply misunderstood your post is such a shitty move from you.

Newsflash - other people have had very fucking tough times too. Very tough. You have no idea what other people have been through and tbh I hate that I've felt goaded into sharing all that because I'm conscious terrible things can also happen to people you would sneer at as 'middle class' and therefore what, clueless?

Focus on safeguarding your children rather than playing saviour and martyr at their expense due to chips on your shoulder seemingly related to education largely.

redhilary · 30/10/2021 00:12

For those of you I don't know what I mean by the Brady Bunch.

OP posts:
redhilary · 30/10/2021 00:30

I did not mean to upset anybody, just adding a bit of humor . I am taking the piss out of myself as much as anybody else !

.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/10/2021 00:33

Ok. So...

You seem intent on ignoring people reminding you that you're suggesting something unfair to your girls - can you not see how much added stress and pressure this will add on THEM during THEIR exam years? Or any years while they are teenagers for that matter.

Howshouldibehave · 30/10/2021 00:35

How. what should we do then. Let her live in the main house . No that's not fair to my girls. Should we let her live with her mum 7 days a week No WWIII will break out. Should we encourage her to make up with the 'boy' and live in a flat, with no intention to ever study again No.

You have used ‘we’ and ‘let’ three times there. There is no ‘we’. You are not her mother. You have no say. Step way back.

LifeIsALemon · 30/10/2021 01:08

Autistic parent of autistic kids here.

She likely wants to stay at the grammar because it's familiar. Change is difficult for autistic people and the last two years have brought huge changes. My DD is in year 12 and she's really struggled with lockdowns, the gcse process being so confusing and transition to sixth form. She's only just settling now and she's got one to one support currently and still sees most of her school friends and is in a couple of classes with her best friend.

Your goddaughter also has pregnancy to contend with and as an autistic parent I found it incredibly difficult. It's a sensory nightmare, everything is unpredictable, everything feels overwhelming.

She is likely clinging to school as a constant in the sea of unpredictable chaos. She won't have thought about how repeating means she won't be with her friends any more. She also won't be aware of how horrific and none existent the SENsupport is because she doesn't know any different.

I suggest researching all the options. Find out what school can offer then find out what other options there are. I'd advise having all the information then going through the reality of each option with her. Once the baby is here she may also change her mind so prepare for that and try to avoid having to make a final choice until after she's had the baby and found her feet a little.

Also consider that SENsupport makes a huge difference. We had things like the leave lesson card in place for my DD even before diagnosis. They made a huge difference.

A levels are much more difficult and require a lot of independent study and organization which is often a weak point for autistic teens especially. She will need support. As much as you can offer.

Don't reject anything, stay open minded, work out the options and go from there. Make sure that your Goddaughter also has an understanding of her options and decide together. She should be guided and supported but IMO it's her choice.

HoppingPavlova · 30/10/2021 02:11

It’s all so pie in the sky. When the baby cries all night and she has had no sleep she is expected to front up at school, concentrate all day, study then return home, study some more then be up and down all night with the babyConfused.

You seem to think the baby will be like some sort of doll that will fit in with all of this. Babies cry during the night, need to be fed during the night and settled. Sometimes they just don’t settle during the night because they just don’t. They teeth, they get bugs and sick, they have growth spurts.

Your sense of logistics is odd. This girl is in no way being prepared for a baby, for A levels, yes, for a baby, no

Scirocco · 30/10/2021 08:54
  1. I don't hate or dislike grammar schools. I went to one. So have quite a few other posters here. This isn't about selective schools vs non-selective schools or any sort of class divide, it's about supporting a 16 year old who's about to become a mother and who seems to be having her life dictated by others.
  1. Moving her in with you and your family won't help. It might sound nice in theory, but the reality would be hard for everyone. Education seems really important to you - are you really willing to jeopardise your own DDs' over this?
  1. This is not your responsibility and your attempts to control this situation are most likely making the situation between your goddaughter and her mother worse.
WyfOfBathe · 30/10/2021 09:09

By the time I was 16, I couldn’t even remember my own 11+ results. Why are you still fixated on an exam she did when she was 10? It’s not relevant here.

Step back. Offer support if she asks for it or support her via her mum. Stop focusing on a grammar school when her life is about to be turned upside down by a newborn baby!

DumplingsAndStew · 30/10/2021 09:16

Finally, my best friend will be a brilliant surrogate mother, to her Daughters young child.

This is disturbing. Your 'best friend' (who you don't really seem to think much of) will not be a "surrogate mother" to this baby - she will be helping out with childcare. That still makes her the baby's grandmother.

I think there's some weird 'Hand that Rocks the Cradle' shit happening here.

Howshouldibehave · 30/10/2021 09:29

my best friend will be a brilliant surrogate mother, to her Daughters young child

I see someone else has picked up in this.

Your best friend-an alcoholic who argues so much with her teenager that she wants to move out-is an ideal surrogate mother for the baby? Really?

This confirms my suspicion that your judgement is wildly off when it comes to these people.

Leave her alone and ffs don’t give her a granny annexe to live in. Focus on your own kids and leave this one to her own family.

5zeds · 30/10/2021 09:32

I think you need to support your friend to be a good grandmother, mother, and advocate for her child and stop trying to inflate your role. That’s the biggest gift you could give any of them. Shame on you for meddling in this young woman’s life.

Sirzy · 30/10/2021 09:35

I really hope school or the hospital involve social services so they can ensure Mum and Baby are getting the right support not the current mish mash of buck passing tjay seems to be going on

Dishwashersaurous · 30/10/2021 09:48

This girl is having a baby. She will be a mother. That is all that matters at the moment.

She will be the mother. Not anyone else

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