To think it Is it a feasible proposal that a school might consider allowing a currently pregnant Year 12 the opportunity to repeat year 12 next yeara currently pregnant currently pregnant year 12

[redhilary]

I have reposted this thread from chat due to limited traffic.

Is it a feasible proposal that a school might consider allowing a currently pregnant year 12 girl the opportunity to repeat Year 12 next year.

Especially, I should have collected her when she was having blazing arguments with her mother about sneaking out . Goddaughter's mother was telling her to go and live anyway with me when angry

And you all think this woman should be the one to raise this baby from 8-6 every day?

She proposes on weekdays that I drop the baby off at her mothers at 8AM and then take her to school for 8.40 AM . Then at about 6PM on weekdays her mother will bring the baby back to my house to reunite mother and child

But why? If she is uncomfortable with living in her own family home then why would she be happy for her mother to have caring responsibilities 5 days a week during term time from 8 until 6? That makes no sense. Why not just live at home with her mother?

Also OP how disruptive to your daughters will a tiny baby crying through the night be? Let alone you and your husband!

Enough surely.

I actually really hope the school take advice and involve social services for support when their pregnant student moves out of home and in with someone else.

According to Goddaughter she does not want spend 7 days a week with her mother. She knows she has to start rebuilding the relationship which is at currently rock bottom and believes 7 days is far to long a time to begin the mending of wombs. She would likely crack under the pressure of seven days of co- parenting a young baby where tensions still linger. Also, she does not want to live full time with her mother if she continues in education, regardless of whether it is at the school or elsewhere.

Goddaughter, believes studying with my two DDs will enable her focus on study to be enhanced hugely. DD1 will also (unless the sky falls in) be starting her A level study at the same time in September with probably the same chosen subjects of English/Chemistry and History. This has to be a benefit and a shoulder to cry on, if Goddaughter is struggling or does not understand a particular A level topic.

This being one of the reasons why I was looking at the possibility of Goddaughter joining DD1/2 school , if her school had not made any potential offers towards a restart to year 12.

We are very lucky to have a two Bedroom 'Granny' flat with a Kitchen/Dining and Living room in our garden. The girls my two of the Brady Bunch ( I call the four of them that, because over the years they have all been so close and are 'sisters' if not blood one's) want to decamp and live in the Granny flat.

However, what an opportunity for Goddaughter to have Supervised Freedom, living between the Granny Flat/ Main House and her mothers home.

The 8am- 6 Pm suggestion that her mother cares for the baby is based on the fact, that her school Library is open to 5.30 PM Monday-Thursday. this would allow for her to work independently on her studies for two hours after school. I or husband can then pick her up at 5.30 PM . Alternatively she could get the 5.30 bus home which takes about 15 minutes from her school ( which is closer to my home than my 2DDs one is) if she wants her own independence and time.

The Granny Flat offers her a great opportunity to grow up, take some responsibility of being a mother Thus, also giving her breathing space which should enable her to build the broken bridges with her own mother. The, other advantage of living in the Granny flat being that she has me, husband and two 'sisters' at the other end of the garden if parental/moral support is needed in caring for her child.

Finally, my best friend will be a brilliant surrogate mother, to her Daughters young child. The tension and difficulties between mother and her nearly 16 and 3/4 year old daughter, have no bearing on the quality of care my friend will ensure her Daughter's child will receive.

Goddaughter, believes studying with my two DDs will enable her focus on study to be enhanced hugely

Of course she does

Whatever!

Op I haven't read full thread but my dsis had an unplanned pregnancy at 16, did GCSE's pregnant and gave birth just before 17th birthday. No father involved (he ran!). Luckily my dsis and I have great supportive parents. She took off the rest of year, was at a grammar school but decided not to return there (her choice to not return for 6th form but they would happily have had her back). She lived at my parents home who helped in that she didn't pay any board costs but just paid for her own bits and baby.

She went to college and baby went into childcare (paid for with tax credits etc). She got what she needed for uni, then met her now dh who is fab. She worked for a few years and then got married had her second dc. Applied for social work degree and is now qualified a few years and is already a senior. She's 30 with a great career, 13 yr old and a 7 year old. Is onto her second house and has her whole life in front of her. I'm so proud of her! It is doable to study and achieve your dreams but without that family support she would have been screwed. I work with young people and see how difficult it is without academic ambitions and family support (financial and practical). I wish your goddaughter all the luck 🍀

Living in her own granny flat will also give her the privacy to have whichever boys round, whenever she fancies!

Good luck with this one, OP-I think you’re early going to need it.

Your poor daughters.

Just because you are over invested in your goddaughters life doesn’t mean they have to have be.

@Sirzy

Your poor daughters.

Just because you are over invested in your goddaughters life doesn’t mean they have to have be.

You really do need to take this on board OP. It's not fair on them at all. The fact your 16 year old god daughter has said she wants a particular living arrangement doesn't mean it's best for her or for your daughters. Stop discussing this with her. Discuss it with her mother. HER mother. You are not her mum and you are undermining your friend hugely, while also placing pressure on your own daughters not just to be comfortable with the amount of time and energy you're spending on this issue but also now expecting them to be ok with her / her baby moving in and even bloody coaching her through exams because they are good at the subjects too.

The truth is, none of you including your god daughter, know how she will feel when her baby arrives. There are so many factors at play here and you're doing everyone a disservice by acting as the gatekeeper to your god daughters future and the active parent when you aren't her parent at all.

Support your friend to support her daughter, so she can in turn support her new baby when that baby arrives. Whatever that looks like, you're piling pressure on everyone involved to make massive decisions that centre your disproportionate need to not see your god daughter's grammar school education / academic ability go to waste (as you see it) rather than centring your two daughters, your god daughter as a new mum (soon) or your friend as an existing mum (currently being undermined).

Goddaughter, believes studying with my two DDs will enable her focus on study to be enhanced hugely

But god daughter will be at her school from 8-6 every day! When exactly will she be studying with your daughters?

Stickyblue. Your post is an inspiration and very well done your sister as well.

Because the posters are so ardent in their hatred of Grammar schools, they look for any inch they can to call or intimate that they are evil. I had years of this mentality growing up, with my 'militant' NUT School school teacher mother. To her Grammar schools and in particular the 11+ was up their with the wrongs of Capital Punishment, so I understand the methods employed. First these types lie to you stating that the Grammar won't have you because your grades are not good enough. Secondly, then when that's proved wrong look to say they are ill -equipped to deal with anything, but a butter would not melt in the mouth pupil from a middle class home. Then you hear the moral argument, that Grammar schools inherently discriminate against , slow developers, those from economically deprived families E.T.C

However, my mothers message got through to my younger brother, thus when he took the 11+ answered not one question on any of the tests. However, he did leave a Precis at 10 years and 3 months about the wrongs of the 11+:: "The 11+ is morally and categorically a defunct outdated selection tool, which seeks to keep the middle classes in a perception of superiority against the working class. Their stupidity and visions of grand academic excellence for their offspring, mean they are themselves the real subordinate class , to those of the Public School Educated upper class". Well coached mother.. 'The Modern Education' did not stop him getting a P.H.D in Chemical Engineering though. My mother today is ashamed and mortified she held the views against selection in education but mostly that she brainwashed a little boy who wanted to please his mum.

Stickyblue I know my Goddaughter is tentatively thinking towards Social Work as a career, she believes her trials, tribulations and educational difficulties mean she could relate to people similarly in socially difficult circumstances.

Goddaughter needs to do more than 8 Hours a week study for three A levels...

Because the posters are so ardent in their hatred of Grammar schools, they look for any inch they can to call or intimate that they are evil.

I went to a grammar school. I had a great experience in mine and benefitted hugely from it long term, it offered me opportunities for which I am especially grateful for as a council estate kid with experience in the foster system.

I still think, as I've said, that your behaviour is undermining your friend, is not allowing her to step up and is unfair on your daughters.

It's nothing to do with grammar vs non grammar, you've entirely constructed that argument as you seem to think people are as fixated on it as you?

It's not about grammar vs non grammar, it's about overstepping boundaries, about causing irreparable damage to her and her mothers already tricky relationship and about not putting your daughters' needs at the centre of this.

Stop thinking everything is about people's feelings about grammar school - it isn't!

Because the posters are so ardent in their hatred of Grammar schools, they look for any inch they can to call or intimate that they are evil

I went to a grammar school, my parents went to a grammar school, my DH went to a grammar school and our children all went/go to a grammar school. I have nothing against them at all and had a wonderful education. It’s your attitude to this baby that I can’t get over.

Goddaughter needs to do more than 8 Hours a week study for three A levels...

Right, ok. I ask again. When in the week will your goddaughter be studying with your daughters?

When the baby is asleep ! I am guessing the baby is likely to be asleep for about 14-15 hours a day....

Goddaughters school day 9-6 including coming home time is 9 hours . I work on that one but there is potential for collective study together for the girls.

@redhilary

When the baby is asleep ! I am guessing the baby is likely to be asleep for about 14-15 hours a day....

Goddaughters school day 9-6 including coming home time is 9 hours . I work on that one but there is potential for collective study together for the girls.

You said that goddaughter will be at school 8-6 and so will be apart from her baby all of that time.

I would imagine from 6-8pm at least, she will be feeding, bathing and enjoying being with her tiny baby who she won’t have seen for ten hours. If she is then studying with your daughters after that in the evening, she is going to burnout very quickly.

Nobody is really considering the baby here.

When the baby is asleep ! I am guessing the baby is likely to be asleep for about 14-15 hours a day....

Well yes so as long as the baby's sleeping coincides exactly with the window of hours available for teenagers to study before getting a decent sleep in that'll be fine then. Just let the baby know in advance and the jobs a gooden. Come on OP, you've got kids - you must know it's madness to be even considering working THREE teenagers schedules around a newborn baby's schedule?!

If it was that easy then new parents who are happily in a relationship, have shared parental leave and no studying to do wouldn't be brought to their knees by the arrival of a newborn if it's not an unusually good sleeper!!

Should I just throw the towel in and say sorry, I cant help you ! Or you made you own bed now lie in it Dear Goddaughter ...

My eldest slept from 9.30-7.30am at night and then a 2 hour nap after lunch for ages. That sleep pattern wouldn’t have helped your goddaughter much! The last thing I wanted to do when they finally went to sleep was start studying at 10pm either-I was shattered. I wouldn’t expect your daughters to be studying then, too.

@redhilary

Should I just throw the towel in and say sorry, I cant help you ! Or you made you own bed now lie in it Dear Goddaughter ...

Hmmm, I am pretty sure that I wouldn’t be offering a 16 year old who had been sneaking out to have unprotected sex, a free granny annexe, no-actually I think that’s pretty irresponsible.

Yes it is 8Am -6PM rather than 9Am -6PM.

I know it is going to be a huge struggle to maintain what I am saying, but if she wants to have a shot, we give it a go and set out in a positive not defeated way.

If we collectively fail in not ensuring Goddaughter's changes in her circumstances, are kept to a minimum well at least we will have tried to in good faith.

@redhilary

Should I just throw the towel in and say sorry, I cant help you ! Or you made you own bed now lie in it Dear Goddaughter ...

OR as I and others have now repeatedly suggested, you could support HER mum in supporting her.

You seem to be suggesting your only options are to be her absolute one and only saviour and a martyr or do nothing.

Nobody is suggesting you cut her off.

They're suggesting YOURE overstepping and that you are undermining her mother.

You are determined to be a victim of anti grammar school vendettas (which are utterly irrelevant and plenty of us went to and enjoyed grammar school, we just disagree with your handling of this) and people not understanding how much you care about her (people do, they just think the way you're showing it is detrimental to her, her mum and vitally your own daughters).

I feel so sorry for this poor girl. She understandably struggles with change.

She is about to do the single most life changing thing that anyone can do.

Having a baby almost breaks mature adults in committed relationships.

Please, please just let her focus on becoming a mother and being a parent.

Forget entirely about education for at least a year until she has adjusted to being a parent

@redhilary

Yes it is 8Am -6PM rather than 9Am -6PM.

I know it is going to be a huge struggle to maintain what I am saying, but if she wants to have a shot, we give it a go and set out in a positive not defeated way.

If we collectively fail in not ensuring Goddaughter's changes in her circumstances, are kept to a minimum well at least we will have tried to in good faith.

The issue here is that the 'we' you speak of includes your teenage god daughter AND your two teenage daughters. It requires cooperation and enthusiastic participation from all of them. It's too big a responsibility to place on your daughters to be part of that 'we' and they would have to be to enable the plan you suggest. It's incredibly unfair on them.