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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it Is it a feasible proposal that a school might consider allowing a currently pregnant Year 12 the opportunity to repeat year 12 next yeara currently pregnant currently pregnant year 12

542 replies

redhilary · 21/10/2021 20:07

I have reposted this thread from chat due to limited traffic.

Is it a feasible proposal that a school might consider allowing a currently pregnant year 12 girl the opportunity to repeat Year 12 next year.

OP posts:
YouJustFoldItIn · 28/10/2021 12:35

Autism in its self is not an excuse for violent behaviour. However, if you understood what it is like being a young immature Autistic person under intense pressure, you might be more sympathetic. (if you had a constant pain in your head you might kick a chair yourself).

And how will her reactions to 'constant pain in her head' and to 'intense pressure' look when this immature autistic person struggles with the considerable challenges of a new baby? Her rigid routine and inability to cope with change? Screwed. Her need to protect herself from sensory overload? Screwed. Her inability to control her meltdowns when things get a bit much? That baby will be the one to pay the price for that, in terms of its emotional development at the very least. Sorry but it will. Let's just say it.

If her autism is going to be used as justification for why she has underachieved at school and failed to cope with the rules imposed on her then we have to face up the fact that she is going to need huge amounts of support to parent effectively, or even adequately.

Fuck - we all struggle with our first baby. But if she can't cope with the relatively minor stresses of a classroom environment without resorting to swearing and shouting at people and breaking furniture then what hope has she got of coping well with a baby, never mind a baby and A levels?

I know it's tempting to accuse the school of wanting to offload her so they don't see their results dip. Selective schools do have a habit of that. And I understand her mother's desire to insist that the school should not be allowed to sweep 'inconvenient' students under the carpet to make themselves look better.

But quite honestly, it doesn't sound like it's the right environment for her, and it hasn't been for a while. Perhaps the reason she is pregnant in the first place was a subconscious way of trying to deal with that.

Her results are lacklustre to say the least, for someone who got into (maybe just scraped into?) a selective school. And with those results it's debatable whether she'd cope with the rigours of A levels even with the required application and without the baby. Whether she possesses the intellect to cope with them is almost beside the point. It's only part of what's required to do well.

You have to ask if it isn't fairer and more appropriate all-round to just pull her out and let her have some space this year to cope with becoming a mother. God knows that will be hard enough.

Banging on the desk demanding that the school fulfils its obligations to her as 'a vulnerable young person with disabilities' is all very well, but it might not be in the girl's best interests to be there. Her mother needs to put her academic ambitions for her DD to one side and see the bigger picture.

YouJustFoldItIn · 28/10/2021 12:43

I know this is wishful thinking on my part and that I can not be held responsible for the actions of a 16 year old girl. But I think we would now be discussing what Degree she wants to do, not which Pram to buy.

I agree with you 100% but unfortunately that decision has already been made and neither you nor I can change it. She's made the decision to have a baby. It doesn't sound as though she is was terribly academically motivated even before she was pregnant, and neither your nor her mother's ambitions for her is going to change that.

YouJustFoldItIn · 28/10/2021 13:16

It takes years of coping strategies for High Functioning Autistic people to feel comfortable, building their wall. These walls can/will collapse if one brick is removed from them.

Being immature young and Autistic with things out of your control, is like being hit constantly in the head with a hammer.

This being because her Autism meant it was impossible for her to endure with the twice daily arguments between her mother and father

When her mother took her to visit an F.E College, she refused to enter the building because of fear of the unknown.

None of this bodes well for impending stresses of motherhood does it?

So she can't cope with changing to a FE college, but you think she can cope with a new baby while doing 3 A levels which sound a bit of a push for her in normal circumstances. Can you even hear what it is you are saying?

TheMadGardener · 28/10/2021 15:09

OP, you still haven't responded to posters' concerns about the care of the baby and the amount of support that GD will need with parenting. You have also now revealed that GD had screaming rows with her DM such that she ended up living with you, and that her DM has a history of drink problems as well as the screaming rows. These are the people who are planning to care for the new baby? Can you not see why many posters are more concerned about the welfare of the baby rather than the amount of A levels its mother may or may not achieve? If I was the GD's older sister or another relative/friend I'd be standing by to alert social services if I didn't think the people involved were not putting the baby's welfare first. You're all running round complaining about the school but who is ensuring the long-term safety of the baby?

redhilary · 28/10/2021 16:13

Are you Autistic Youjustfolditin and trying to pretend in life that you are just the same as everyone else, thus live by the same rules, act the same way and are quite normal really ! In which case you are headed for one great fall, with your appraisal of life. It might not come this year or next year because you might be flying, at the moment but it will happen.

If you are not Autistic you are very ignorant, just using buzz words, you have read about without knowing what they mean or actually what Sensory Overload is or its effects.

Secondly Goddaughter scored 367 on the Kent 11+ test with scores of (122) Math's (122) English and 123 (NVR). Traditionally the required score for passing the Kent 11+ is around 360 with no one component scoring less than 120. Does that mean she scraped a pass ! However, if she did scrape a pass according to you, she most certainly was not a 'lucky loser' in gaining entry to her schools Sixth Form.

The, ''Grammar" school does not require a pupil to attain a single grade 7 to be admitted in to its Sixth Form . Goddaughter attained 4 grade 7's (though we have to question the validity of her grades, due to Covid and the formulas used to calculate the results) DD's Grammar school must be producing very 'lackluster' grades for a Selective educational facility. This, because her 4 Grade 7 GCSE's are only marginally below the average number of grade 7's that were attained/given (like sweeties) to their year 11 Cohort in 2021 (with the supposedly inflated and inaccurate grade inflation given this June to pupils results).

If you want to get in to who is a '14' GCSE grade 9 'Super Selective' type and its "Bullshit", well DD2 scored 420 on the Kent test and was distraught , because she lost 3 points on her English component. She felt it was not fair because her friend who is not of the same ability in Math's gained a full house of 423. DD2 could have gone to any Grammar school in Kent or to any of the four Independent Schools, that offered her a 100% full Academic Scholarship . In the end she chose the same 'bog standard' Grammar that her elder sister attends. DD1 scored 385 on the Kent test (Super selective, probably not though I could not care less)

This brings me on to say given Goddaughters Autism and SEN issues, 4 Grade 7's are equal to her elder sisters , results or whatever my DD1 gets and even if DD2 achieves '14' grade 9's.

Finally, I am currently writing a work disciplinary report about a 19 year old employed Autistic 'lad/man, that swore at a customer, last Saturday. The customer probably not older than 20 himself, was pulling faces and mocking my employee for the fact that he was obviously Autistic due to his mannerisms. The "bully" was poking fun at the poor teenager with his mate giggling . This because he was brushing the floor with a brush, so he must be a S* because normal people don't have/do such lowly jobs. This, lad is likely to be fired because the two "twats" have reported him with his name badge on to Customer relations, who have informed the Area manager (who should be me, but is not because my promotions lets say have been hindered due to my Autism).
This lad is unlikely, to find a job anytime soon or later, he only got a job when he walked in, because I was prepared to find something for him to do, he has been with the store 3 weeks !

Show some bloody sympathy and understanding towards Autistic people.

Finally I believe if her Grandmother, Mother, Me ,Husband and my Mother step up to the mark for Goddaughter and her baby, she will at least equal my 3 B grades @ A level.

OP posts:
redhilary · 28/10/2021 16:18

I know the GCSE came out on August 12th before anyone calls me out for posting June. something else about the company and June on my mind that's why I posted June ...

OP posts:
redhilary · 28/10/2021 16:19

Results. * Fuck I nearly posted a whole thread without missing or incorrect words...

OP posts:
Whinge · 28/10/2021 16:23

OP your last post just shows you're too over-invested in this girl's life, not to mention weirdly obsessed with her grades and education. Confused Step back, let her live her own life even if it means making mistakes and stop interfering.

As for the work disciplinary, do you have any boundaries at all? Shock Stop discussing other people's private matters on a public forum.

YouJustFoldItIn · 28/10/2021 17:21

Oh my god. The penny has just dropped as to who you are.

Now I understand the obsession and complete over-investment in this girl and her A levels.

YouJustFoldItIn · 28/10/2021 17:25

And grammar schools and the 11 plus in general, for that matter. It really is a complete obsession with you, isn't it?

Howshouldibehave · 28/10/2021 17:26

@YouJustFoldItIn

Oh my god. The penny has just dropped as to who you are.

Now I understand the obsession and complete over-investment in this girl and her A levels.

?
youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/10/2021 17:35

@YouJustFoldItIn

And grammar schools and the 11 plus in general, for that matter. It really is a complete obsession with you, isn't it?
Come on you can't leave us on that cliffhanger! Have we been wasting our time trying to offer constructive advice?
YouJustFoldItIn · 28/10/2021 17:37

It's not the done thing to out someone's previous user name on a thread.

Howshouldibehave · 28/10/2021 17:37

@youjustfolditin

Would you possibly elaborate or PM me?

redhilary · 28/10/2021 18:36

What are you going on about ?

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/10/2021 18:44

@YouJustFoldItIn

It's not the done thing to out someone's previous user name on a thread.
Ok. But you did rather make it a 'thing' by flagging it up! Anyway, as you were...
YouJustFoldItIn · 28/10/2021 18:46

I've remembered both your old user names and your endless, ENDLESS weird obsession over grammar schools and exam results. It's literally all you ever post about. I remember you from about six or seven years ago.

YouJustFoldItIn · 28/10/2021 18:50

Ok. But you did rather make it a 'thing' by flagging it up! Anyway, as you were...

Oh I am happy to say openly that I've recognised the OP. I'm just not going to say openly on the thread what her previous user names were, in case I get my knuckles rulered by MNHQ, that's all. I can say it privately though.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/10/2021 18:53

Ah sorry if it read as though I was asking for previous names, as I said I was just curious as to whether we were all wasting our time trying to offer advice. Hopefully not!

redhilary · 28/10/2021 19:01

I have started a couple of threads one about being unhappy my DD's school is mixed in the Sixth Form and one that has probably caused Youjustfolditin to label me obsessed . This no doubt because I disagreed with her on how she suggests Autism effects people. she obviously has gone in on the thread finder and tried to fix me up like a corrupt policeman under the influence of the Chicago Mafia in the 1920's.

A lesson don't just go round accusing people of something that's not true because a poster may think there might be a similarity across poster or two. Otherwise what are you going on about, Over history Innocent people have been burned at the stake as heretics for this type of thing.

I have no idea who I'm supposed to have been in my previous Avatar ?

OP posts:
redhilary · 28/10/2021 19:09

Six or seven years ago well we have had three Governments since then... I started posting under a different name about 18 months ago. I don't think I made one posting at the time about any school issues. I changed my user name, about 4 weeks ago..

OP posts:
YouJustFoldItIn · 28/10/2021 19:18

I have started a couple of threads one about being unhappy my DD's school is mixed in the Sixth Form and one that has probably caused Youjustfolditin to label me obsessed.

One? ONE?

Would you like me to go away and count just how many threads you have started about grammar schools and education under the three different user names I know you as?

YouJustFoldItIn · 28/10/2021 19:30

Please, please back off and give this girl and her family the space to sort out her issues and priorities without interference or pressure from you.

I know you've said staying in the grammar school is what she wants, but knowing your unhealthy grammar school fetish/obsession I genuinely do not believe you have the capacity to listen or take on board how she really feels or to recognise what is in her best interests.

Despite what you think, her teachers know her better in an educational sense than you do.

TirednWorried · 28/10/2021 19:44

which subjects does she want to do for A level?

Kneller92 · 28/10/2021 19:55

It is likely the school are concerned she will not be able to focus on her studies due to external factors and don't want their data to be impacted by this. It isn't unreasonable to ask them to reconsider but they don't have to accept her post 16. I'm sure she will be able to transfer to another education provider if this is the case though.

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