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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it Is it a feasible proposal that a school might consider allowing a currently pregnant Year 12 the opportunity to repeat year 12 next yeara currently pregnant currently pregnant year 12

542 replies

redhilary · 21/10/2021 20:07

I have reposted this thread from chat due to limited traffic.

Is it a feasible proposal that a school might consider allowing a currently pregnant year 12 girl the opportunity to repeat Year 12 next year.

OP posts:
Softleftpowerstance · 26/10/2021 21:00

You make sure none of those doors are closed to her. You’re nearly a year away from autumn term 2022 and no one seriously seems to think she won’t be repeating year 12. So you investigate options like the FE college and ensure that the support is there if you need to pivot to plan B.

And someone - preferably her mother or a social worker - needs to support her to talk through how a baby is going to change her life so she’s not just fixated on returning to her old school and being enabled to ignore the rest. You have time to do this too, although I think she needs to really consider how she feels about adoption (which is not how her mother may feel about it) before she actually gives birth.

Original poster
redhilary · 26/10/2021 21:01

I hope to be posting here in October 2024 to say Goddaughter really enjoyed her Freshers week and that she is managing to co combine both being a student and a mother of a 2 year and 11 month old baby !

OP posts:
Original poster
redhilary · 26/10/2021 21:04

Adoption, has a nasty backstory for the family this regarding Ireland and Magdalene institutions ..

OP posts:
Whinge · 26/10/2021 21:11

@redhilary

Adoption, has a nasty backstory for the family this regarding Ireland and Magdalene institutions ..
Whilst the family may have a bad history in the past, they shouldn't use this history to take away GD choices and influence her decision. She's not allowed an abortion, isn't allowed to consider adoption, so basically she has to have the baby regardless of if it's what she wants. Shock
Howshouldibehave · 26/10/2021 21:22

@redhilary

I hope to be posting here in October 2024 to say Goddaughter really enjoyed her Freshers week and that she is managing to co combine both being a student and a mother of a 2 year and 11 month old baby !
If that’s what she really wants, ok.

It might be that she’s loving every second of being a new mum and wants to have another baby or get a job.

That will be lovely too, I’m sure.

I hope she gets to enjoy her baby.

Original poster
redhilary · 26/10/2021 21:44

No it would be a 2 year and 10 month Baby...

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 26/10/2021 21:48

Who is going to be looking after this toddler when its mother is enjoying freshers week. You are in cloud cuckoo land. Poor girl.

NerrSnerr · 26/10/2021 21:52

@redhilary

I hope to be posting here in October 2024 to say Goddaughter really enjoyed her Freshers week and that she is managing to co combine both being a student and a mother of a 2 year and 11 month old baby !
Maybe her path will be different. Maybe she'll go to university later. Maybe she'll never go.

Instead of trying to push her in one very fixed direction maybe just encourage her to follow her own path and do whatever she thinks might make her happy.

If her mum is equally as pushy I feel really sorry for this girl- she has a lot of expectations to live up to when she has some hard years coming up.

Howshouldibehave · 26/10/2021 22:26

When I was at university, there were people on my course with kids-they didn’t go ‘enjoying themselves’ at freshers week-they hardly went to any of the social events at all. I can’t imagine many single parents with a 2 year old will either as all their childcare will be used on lectures. Is your friend intending on providing full time childcare for education/work/social life for the daughter for this and every subsequent child she has?! She could have 4 kids! Does your friend work??

I think you are seriously underestimating the impact that having autism, dyslexia and a newborn with no father on the scene will have on a teenager!

It’s odd this thread, it’s as if you want to erase the pregnancy and for her to take a year out and then carry on as if there was no baby!

EmJay19 · 26/10/2021 22:53

When I was at (FE) college a girl I studied with used the childcare facilities there. Would be worth the transition for this alone in my opinion

Original poster
redhilary · 26/10/2021 23:16

I don't think it will be four kids somehow, because she hates men at the moment.

My friend is currently not working. Therefore, It is possible that my friend would be supportive in helping her daughter in her child care needs. This, is likely to mean that Goddaughter may not be able to live in her University accommodation/town all the time. This limits any potential Universities to a twenty or thirty mile radius from home.
I also think learning to drive might be quite a challenge for her, as well, her father has promised her a car ! As well as wanting me to take her out on her 17th Birthday in January to get 'Rat-arsed' she wants Driving lessons. The poor driving instructor....

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 26/10/2021 23:27

My head certainly wouldn’t have been in the right headspace for A levels when I had a young child, let alone degree/post grad. I think you and her mum need to lay off and consider the strong possibility that once the baby is born, she may well not want to study.

YearsSinceISawYou · 27/10/2021 09:57

She wants YOU to take her out on her 17th birthday to get rat arsed.

Strange opinion she has of you, her Godmother, that she could even think you would be able to be asked about this!

LittleBearPad · 27/10/2021 10:31

So she’s not allowed an abortion, she’s not allowed to consider adoption. She doesn’t appear to be able to cope with change but is having a baby - the most life-changing thing that can happen to her.
Her father thinks throwing money at all situations resolves them (bf and car). Why the hell a car would be a good plan for a girl who sneaks around god knows!
Her mother isn’t working but appears to be as much use as a chocolate teapot and can’t even manage a meeting at school without OP.
Her sister appears to have her head screwed on, if a bit liable to throw blame about for her family’s failing, and should probably run for the hills.

And you OP seem to feel you owe them all. I suggest you detach yourself and look after your own girls.

Original poster
redhilary · 27/10/2021 13:17

I am not going to take her out to get 'Rat-arsed' and she knows it, in fact it is actually tongue in cheek, because I' am extremely strict mother and godmother. She says things like this to wind me up.

Regarding sneaking around she points out she was manipulated (I writing my words carefully here) because nothing illegal has gone on. However, this boy worked his magic on my Goddaughters immaturity . She absolutely loathes him now and does not want to ever see him .

I also suspect the chair kicking incident that led up to the three day exclusion happened on Monday 22nd of March 2021 is highly related to her obsession. This, with her Maternity leave due to start in the middle of November. It does not take a genius to know why she behaved in the manner she did when informed she had an instant Detention does it . Especially when you consider she was bombarded with texts starting from the previous Saturday morning. I think she deeply regrets what has happened , she feels shame towards herself and regret for her family for her actions. She has told me she only slept with him on two occasions.

I suspect it will be a few years before she even thinks about dating any men. This has happened because a 'Exciting' pretty boy 10 months older but in reality (over 2 years older) has managed to get a young girl obsessed with him over a 1 year period.

OP posts:
NotJB · 27/10/2021 14:19

Op you are still writing reams about the past and about complete red herrings. The boyfriend is a shit - so what? You can’t change the past you need to focus on equipping your GD to be a mum and do her a levels after a suitable amount of time off. It sounds as if however nice the grammar school is playing they clearly don’t want her and they seem to be setting her up to fail so they can refuse her a place - as if she’s gonna be able to do homework while having a newborn. Ultimately you can’t just pretend that she can carry on as before, she will be a mum with another human being dependent on her. She needs to move to a FE college that will be supporting her as she tries to complete her education with a baby

HoppingPavlova · 27/10/2021 14:50

So far we have:
It’s the schools fault
It’s most of the teachers fault
It’s the SENCOs fault
It’s the other students fault
It’s Covids fault
It’s the boyfriends fault
The dad is also at fault

Do you see a running theme here?

My concern is that the baby is going to join this list before too long.

Howshouldibehave · 27/10/2021 15:14

I suspect it will be a few years before she even thinks about dating any men

It wouldn’t surprise me if you are very wrong here.

I think you need to step way way back.

Whinge · 27/10/2021 15:28

I suspect it will be a few years before she even thinks about dating any men

I'm sure before the pandemic you would have suspected it would have been years before she even thought about having a baby, but there's no sure bets in life. You can't know what she will do tomorrow, let alone make plans for years down the line. Especially when it's not your life to make plans and decisions for.

You all seem so over invested in GD's life. I really hope she's not having this baby just because it's the only route she's been allowed to go down. I can't imagine being forced to have a baby and then sent back to study in order to go to university. She seems to have no say in her own life. Sad

maddy68 · 27/10/2021 15:30

They wouldn't have funding for that age of child. She would need to go to a 6th form college I think ?

Howshouldibehave · 27/10/2021 15:40

You have blamed absolutely everyone else for this girl’s problems-it’s bizarre!

I suspect what will happen is she will have the baby and want to be at home raising it, and may well get a job and return to education much later, if she wants to. She can do an Access course or something along those lines, which will fit in around having 1 or more children.

I think the problem she’ll have is trying to get any of you lot to accept that’s her plan though!

Original poster
redhilary · 27/10/2021 15:50

They will because Goddaughter is classed as having additional SEN needs so has the option of taking 3 years study for A level studies..

OP posts:
caringcarer · 27/10/2021 15:54

I don't think a school gets funded if a child resits either Year 12 or Year 13. She would be funded at a college and could be more accomodated for as some have a crech.

Original poster
redhilary · 27/10/2021 15:58

Chub are coming round tomorrow for us to discuss upgrading the locks on her Bedroom/ Cell door.

OP posts:
TractorAndHeadphones · 27/10/2021 16:04

So you want to lock her in her bedroom - but will pay for driving lessons?

Getting lessons now is a very bad idea - not just because she’s likely to have significant difficulty but because the. Backlog for tests is so big. You’ll end up spending thousands of pounds