DH buying cheap at the supermarket.

[WhatsAppening]

I know this is a first world problem but humour me.

DH is wonderful in every way but we have very different attitudes to spending.

I work crazy hours and am rarely home for dinner so the weekly shop falls to him, he orders it and I collect it. Every week I want to cry into the boot of my car as I pack bags of Tesco Value everything.

He knows I love a roast on a Sunday and that’s one of few days I’m almost guaranteed to be home for dinner. He isn’t the best of cooks but he tries really hard.

He always buys own brand cheap frozen roast potatoes/yorkshires. I am not at all averse to frozen ones but these are the 30p a bag version and they taste of sadness and misery.

He’s bought a pre prepared pork joint which I know from experience will be dry and tasteless. It would be a better economy to slow roast a shoulder joint and have sandwich meat for the week.

The kicker though this week is he’s bought value cat litter. Cat litter ffs. It’s rubbish. The house will stink.

We budget £600 pcm for the supermarket and he rarely spends more than £90pw and that includes four bottles of wine for me.

AIBU? YABU he’s being frugal and that’s good and you only have one meal a week at home anyway so suck it up.

YANBU he could splash out a bit on certain things.

I did actually book the slot this week and added in my wine and some nice bread and cheese to hold the basket. He swapped it out for own brand

Well tell him to leave the stuff you order in the basket! I'd be really annoyed if my DH did this, too.

It's really not hard to make your own roast potatoes and there's nothing wrong with Aunt Bessie's Yorkshires.

I am the one that controls the heating in our house though. But in my defence, if I let DH put the heating on whenever he wanted, it would never occur to him to put on a jumper or hoodie first.

And 4 bottles of wine is fine - we have 3 a week.

Now that you've explained your job and shifts it sounds like you're making a massive mountain out of a molehill and shirking a lot of responsibility here.

It's not really true that you only have one meal at home a week if you don't start work until 5pm.

You'd have had plenty of time today to prepare/batch cook meals if you wanted to.

Personally I do t think the cheap and expensive frozen yorkshires taste any different at all (agree about the roasties though!). I’m pretty sure you could make a large batch of those and parboiled potatoes and freeze ready to go in the oven if you wanted to. Or just tell him you want specific items for the roast and your meals and not to change them!

Yabu
1 - presumably most of this food is for him and he likes it
2 - branded food is a con and usually comes out no better in blind taste tests

But he is BU in that obviously it’s nicer and cheaper to cook from scratch than buy cheap premade. Maybe buy him cooking lessons for Christmas?

Own brand are good when you cook from scratch, so adding tomatoe pasata or sauce to your own cooking, and similar.
Otherwise, you need to research and find which ones are good, and to your taste. In my opinion, other supermarkets make much nicer sauces than Tesco.
But, as you do not have much time in your hands, not sure you can spend the time to find them indeed.
When it comes to fast cooking, a little extra pennies can get you a much better result.
So I would ask him to get the nice yorkshire puddings you like. Do you have a butcher nearby that could sell you a prepared roast, so it is just to pop it in the oven? They tend to use much nicer spices and herbs, and really fresh.
When it comes to cooking, I think the secret is to have nice good quality fresh spices, and to spend some time roasting them if they need it. And easy quick meals for them during the week, like salt and pepper steak with boiled baby potatoes and asparragus. It actually does not take long at all. And if he crushes the potatoes just a bit, with salt, a knob of butter and a sprinkle of rosemary, it is heaven! Though not cheap. Most dinners that involve frying a piece of protein with rice or potatoes and a side veggie take less than 30 min to prepare. That could help making their diet a tad better.
Not sure you want to cook when you are home, but if you want you could leave some soups, sauces, roast veggies ready for them, so they can use during the week.
As cooking has much to do with your job, your husband is not going to match your standard, he does not stand a chance with the professionals, neither do I!
But I think you would do right to steer him towards better quality, and more enjoyment. Gently, because he is indeed doing great managing the weekly cooking, and your treat on the Sunday!

My cat much prefers to shit into value litter. Few weeks ago when we had a chronic shortage of litter in shops had to buy expensive stuff and it was obvious they hated using it. I also prefer cleaning a tray with cheap litter. It picks up so much easier. They prefer Asda value over all others.

@FlowerArranger

You need to talk to your husband!

Check the online order the day before collection and add/change as necessary.

And help with the cooking of the Sunday roast. Show him how it's done, one component at a time. Use Gordon Ramsay's recipe for the meat, which is so easy. Delia for roasties and Yorkshire puds. Print out simple, abbreviated instructions and pin them up in the kitchen.

If this doesn't work, just get yourself a steak while he plods on with his roast.

DS are very happy with their diet of ready made lasagne and frozen pizzas, I’m not worried about that

I bet they are, but you are wrong not to be worried. You risk setting them up for a lifetime of poor eating habits - just look at your husband... Do they at least get some salad and fresh/frozen vegetables with all the stuff out of jars, tins, freezer?

They always have plenty of veg and fruit as well, and things like wholewheat pasta and bread, porridge for breakfast etc. It all evens out.

I did actually book the slot this week and added in my wine and some nice bread and cheese to hold the basket. He swapped it out for own brand.

This is unacceptable when money's not an issue. Can you not just agree that everyone can add things to the basket (or list if he works off one) and not remove someone else's without discussing?

I'd have the roast at work if it's good there and do something different for the day you're eating with the family. Even takeaway, which gives both of you a break. Or could you make a roast occasionally on another day besides Sunday?

I'd also try telling him that specific individual things are terrible rather than saying "don't buy budget stuff" (some of it is fine, or unobjectionable). For example, can he not tell (if you point it out) that this brand of cat litter is less effective because the house smells, and switch back? Or tell him you don't like the brand of potatos he bought and ask him to try another brand even if it has to be frozen. You may have to choose it - find something premium that looks good, say you want to try it, and then if it's good that's the kind to buy going forward. It doesn't have to be insulting to him; he knows he's not a gourmet cook and anyone can buy something horrible once, but they don't keep buying it. If he can't tell that certain things are crap, TELL him.

The cook from frozen yorkies are really rather good, but nothing beats home made roasties.

Luckily both DH and I are foodies, so understand the nice bits you mean when it comes to food. I'm picky about bread, DH about biscuits, we both understand each not budging on some things.

I'd have to sit down and explain all that. That you get pleasure fom your food and because your aren't on a strict budget then you as a family can afford to buy the things you want.

Can you get him to agree to leave the things you put in the online basket there?

Also, no to cheap cheap wine.
For a little more you get much nicer tasting ones.

Sorty, just saw your note re. your Sunday working hours. Can you prepare ahead or use the slow cooker method?

How old are the kids? They need to learn how to make super-simple basics such as roast potatoes (literally just boiling potatoes and sticking in the oven with some fat) or they'll end up as lacking in confidence as their dad. When my son was 14ish I sent him on a sushi making course for children in the summer holidays. Today he's 21 and uses his cooking skills to attract girls
Get the kids to watch a Youtube video on roast potatoes and have them practice every week.

Or have Sunday roast on Saturday evening....

I think my husband would sympathise with you.

I had a really really tough time with money about 12-13 years ago and even though we are comfortable now I struggle to spend on certain things. I'm not at all stressed about our 500k+ mortgage but I spend ages trying to keep the food shop under £400 a month. We are not badly off and DH is always begging for treats

It's certainly given me food for thought!!

If the genders were reversed here people would be saying order the food yourself if you want it done to your standards.

I always get cheap cat litter and it's fine, I wouldn't leave it sit there dirty for long anyway. definitely have to get Aunt Bessies Yorkshires though and frozen Roasties are gross, homemade all the way

@WhatsAppening

The reason I don’t do it myself is that it’s only him and DS (and occasionally teen DD) who are around for dinner and so he picks what to eat. He buys very different things than I would eat. When I worked less and did all the cooking I also did all the shopping but I’d need him to be with me to order it anyway so it would be pointless.

I did actually book the slot this week and added in my wine and some nice bread and cheese to hold the basket. He swapped it out for own brand.

If you're not eating it because you're not there, but the rest of the family are happy to eat it then it's not really a problem.

However, I'd just be telling him that I'd prefer him to order the "nicer" versions!

As for the catlitter, choose your Worlds Best or whatever and get it delivered by Zooplus or similar.

It's taken me 8 years of "nudging" to get DH to buy nice ham and tomatoes.

Honestly, I do a lot of "backseat shopping" - I think it annoys him as much as cheap chicken annoys me. So we're even.

I always specify if I want an upgrade or something specific for me. (If it's for him, he can crack on)

Can you box up some food from work and bring home a roast for everyone - you get your nice roast dinner and he gets to feel like he has the day off cooking - win win!

@ravenmum

How old are the kids? They need to learn how to make super-simple basics such as roast potatoes (literally just boiling potatoes and sticking in the oven with some fat) or they'll end up as lacking in confidence as their dad. When my son was 14ish I sent him on a sushi making course for children in the summer holidays. Today he's 21 and uses his cooking skills to attract girls Get the kids to watch a Youtube video on roast potatoes and have them practice every week.

Totally agree. How old is your son? They can peel potatoes (with one of those safe peeler gadget thingies) from quite an early age.

Laughing, because this thread is showing in ‘trending’ now and below it, is another thread trending about a family who cannot afford the weekly shop.

Just laughing because you’re looking to spend more and they’re looking to spend less. No-one is happy. Perhaps you should read each others’ threads and see where the others feel they are ‘going wrong’ and head in the direction they already were.

Your work sounds exhausting, but perhaps batch cooking on your day off or buying him a very simple cookbook and marking recipes to try to get him in the swing of things... or a cookery show? Nadiya's Time to Eat was good. Jamie is accessible, so is Joe Wicks. Ramsay has a new book out (haven't seen it yet) with recipes in 10... or what about 'The Roasting Tin' series - so simple, but lots of delicious recipes which he could do to build his confidence. If you go on The Happy Foodie website, you can see samples of recipes from cookbooks. Hope this helps!

Surely this isn't just about the money but the effort?

He cba to make the effort of non frozen roast potatoes & Yorkshire puddings?

How much is he spending can't be £90 a week? I spend £70-90 on brand stuff I just get the deals for a family of 5.