DH buying cheap at the supermarket.

[WhatsAppening]

I know this is a first world problem but humour me.

DH is wonderful in every way but we have very different attitudes to spending.

I work crazy hours and am rarely home for dinner so the weekly shop falls to him, he orders it and I collect it. Every week I want to cry into the boot of my car as I pack bags of Tesco Value everything.

He knows I love a roast on a Sunday and that’s one of few days I’m almost guaranteed to be home for dinner. He isn’t the best of cooks but he tries really hard.

He always buys own brand cheap frozen roast potatoes/yorkshires. I am not at all averse to frozen ones but these are the 30p a bag version and they taste of sadness and misery.

He’s bought a pre prepared pork joint which I know from experience will be dry and tasteless. It would be a better economy to slow roast a shoulder joint and have sandwich meat for the week.

The kicker though this week is he’s bought value cat litter. Cat litter ffs. It’s rubbish. The house will stink.

We budget £600 pcm for the supermarket and he rarely spends more than £90pw and that includes four bottles of wine for me.

AIBU? YABU he’s being frugal and that’s good and you only have one meal a week at home anyway so suck it up.

YANBU he could splash out a bit on certain things.

If you work 11-5Sunday then I'd leave the family to have their crappy roast, and you get one at work.

@WhatsAppening

I work Sundays 11-5. I can’t cook the roast.

Why not? You said about slow roasting a pork joint. Prep everything, use your oven timer, eat roast as an evening meal at 19:00 🤷🏻‍♀️

The slow cooker’s not a bad shout actually. I might just start doing that.

It’s more the fact that he makes me a roast out of love and consideration and genuinely doesn’t see any difference between his roast and a nice one 🤣 I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

I have the opposite problem. If I take dh shopping he throws loads into the trolley we don’t need. He us banned from shopping. I keep the bills down otherwise he moans 🙄 work that out.

I’m going to mention the cheap nasty roasties though. They really are awful and the MCain etc ones are genuinely nice. So I don’t mind the McRoast, I’d just like a nicer one.

@Ozanj

Have you asked him why he’s doing this? If you’re a pub / restaurant manager then my guess is he’s deliberately doing this to piss you off so you take it on. In your position I wouldbuy my own food seperately and let him eat the shit.

Why do people on mumsnet do this? Oh a man is shit at something, there's bound to be an agenda behind it. Come on 😂

4 bottles of wine a week!!!!!!!!!
Rather excessive!

But if you don't like what he gets I'd just do a big order online and then you can choose what you want and what your husband would usually have or use hello fresh or something perhaps

@Ozanj

Have you asked him why he’s doing this? If you’re a pub / restaurant manager then my guess is he’s deliberately doing this to piss you off so you take it on. In your position I wouldbuy my own food seperately and let him eat the shit.

But OP doesn't eat hardly any of the food, that's why he does it so he can choose what he eats for meals- so why would he be doing it to annoy them and make them take it on!

Hmmm

I was on your side until you said it only actually affects you for one meal.

If hes the one eating and is content with it, I can't see the problem.

I can see both sides - you are obviously massively into your food and your DH is not bothered. I am more like your DH, I just can't get that excited about food and probably wouldn't notice much of a difference between cheap and expensive options - certainly not enough to really care.

Can you have a chat and a compromise? Leave DH to it for most things - after all, he and DS are happy enough with their diet and it would be massively controlling to try and dictate what they eat when you aren't even there. But say you wont to control the items for the Sunday roast and please don't swap them out. Could that work?

him and DS are very happy with their diet of ready made lasagne and frozen pizzas, I’m not worried about that

Aren't you worried that he is bringing your son up to eat rubbish as well?

Tbh I would be trying to encourage him to eat less ready made stuff. It is full of salt, additives and rubbish - the cheap stuff is cheap for a reason, because it's not as fresh and usually not as good for you.

Surely you don't want your son used to that kind of food. Even if he has the "food is fuel" attitude, surely you want good quality fuel in your body.

Actually laughing at ‘they taste of sadness and misery’ 😂😂

Somethings you can buy cheap but other things you can’t.. homemade or aunt bessies Yorkshire’s for me..

You say you're going to talk to him.
Why haven't you before. Why not sit him down and say exactly what you've said. It's a false economy to always buy cheapest. Was he poor growing up?

Why oh why fgs can't you communicate with your husband. This is ridiculous.

@WhatsAppening

The slow cooker’s not a bad shout actually. I might just start doing that.

It’s more the fact that he makes me a roast out of love and consideration and genuinely doesn’t see any difference between his roast and a nice one 🤣 I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

Totally get this. If Dh does do some kind of meal for me, I know he's done his best and it's because he loves me.

What about... you can probably convince him that it's worth buying higher quality things for some times. So as you say, suggest McCain roasties or whatever. And even for the meat - once a week you splash out on something that is pre-prepared and easy but nicer? SIL and BIL tend to try buy "easy" food but they don't get the good quality stuff and then wonder why the roast beef I make is so much better than the topside they bought and followed instructions on.

Agree the slow cooker is a good idea or something like a shoulder of lamb that you could prep before you go and then just ask him to put in the oven at a set time?

I think a gentle chat about the roasties and sticking meat in the slow cooker is the way to go. Tell him not to swap out anything you put in the basket online as you like those things specifically and don't like the cheaper versions.

"He’s buying value stuff because that’s the way his brain works. He’s not a foodie. Food is fuel."

And because OP has never communicated with her husband.

@WhatsAppening

He’s not a confident cook so he’s fallen into the mindset of opening packets and putting in the oven. He’d be like a rabbit in the headlights if I suggested home made.

The most homemade cooking he does is mixing a jar of (own brand) bolognese sauce into some mince.

But I really appreciate that he’s stepped up to the plate since I’ve been back at work properly so I would never judge him for it.

But just for one dinner I’d like something that’s actually nice.

There is room for improvement with your Partner... I agree that 'Own brand' stuff is great for some things, but in others, 'Branded' is so much better. With encouragement he could well produce really lovely meals. It definitely is better to use higher grade meat and fish, as it is less watery and fatty. I learned young that cheap bread and spread was a poor buy....The worst was a loaf called ''London Loaf'' that was like dirty grey polystyrene, and a 'butter spread' was like petroleum jelly. Gross and inedible.

With a little tutoring, he could make fluffy Yorkshire puddings a chef would be proud of.
Good for him for trying.

With roast potatoes it's really no more expensive to make your own, potatoes are - well - "cheap as chips".

I can't understand buying smart price or even mccain frozen roasties to be honest (unless it's about convenience rather than cost).

Here we go again.

Pleased with himself for serving up crap but can't take criticism.
Very sensitive so can't take criticism but dishes out mean comments, rudeness etc.

We do communicate! This has kind of crept up on me because he only started his Roast Extravaganza in the last few weeks and the first week he used the frozen roasties I’d bought a while back which were nice ones.

@SunshineCake1

Here we go again.

Pleased with himself for serving up crap but can't take criticism.
Very sensitive so can't take criticism but dishes out mean comments, rudeness etc.

Er, what? He’s the nicest, kindest man I’ve ever met. He’s never been rude or mean to me in fifteen years so I’m really not sure where you’ve got that from.

You both sound lovely - thanks for such an entertaining thread. I think if you just have a chat with him about this one night when you've both had a takeaway and a glass of wine then it will be problem solved.

You need to talk to your husband!

Check the online order the day before collection and add/change as necessary.

And help with the cooking of the Sunday roast. Show him how it's done, one component at a time. Use Gordon Ramsay's recipe for the meat, which is so easy. Delia for roasties and Yorkshire puds. Print out simple, abbreviated instructions and pin them up in the kitchen.

If this doesn't work, just get yourself a steak while he plods on with his roast.

DS are very happy with their diet of ready made lasagne and frozen pizzas, I’m not worried about that

I bet they are, but you are wrong not to be worried. You risk setting them up for a lifetime of poor eating habits - just look at your husband... Do they at least get some salad and fresh/frozen vegetables with all the stuff out of jars, tins, freezer?

A good friend of mine helped me approach awkward situations recently by teaching me to say "have you considered..."

So instead of saying, sorry your roasts are a little bit naff, you can say "I love how you make a roast for me. Have you considered doing your own roasties and puds? I think we could save a bit more money buy getting the ingredients for it, AND I know they would taste amazing coming from you."

If he says it's convenient to buy ready made, you could just express how much you love home made puds, they're so warm and comforting. Proper soul food.

@heathspeedwell

You both sound lovely - thanks for such an entertaining thread. I think if you just have a chat with him about this one night when you've both had a takeaway and a glass of wine then it will be problem solved.