DH buying cheap at the supermarket.

[WhatsAppening]

I know this is a first world problem but humour me.

DH is wonderful in every way but we have very different attitudes to spending.

I work crazy hours and am rarely home for dinner so the weekly shop falls to him, he orders it and I collect it. Every week I want to cry into the boot of my car as I pack bags of Tesco Value everything.

He knows I love a roast on a Sunday and that’s one of few days I’m almost guaranteed to be home for dinner. He isn’t the best of cooks but he tries really hard.

He always buys own brand cheap frozen roast potatoes/yorkshires. I am not at all averse to frozen ones but these are the 30p a bag version and they taste of sadness and misery.

He’s bought a pre prepared pork joint which I know from experience will be dry and tasteless. It would be a better economy to slow roast a shoulder joint and have sandwich meat for the week.

The kicker though this week is he’s bought value cat litter. Cat litter ffs. It’s rubbish. The house will stink.

We budget £600 pcm for the supermarket and he rarely spends more than £90pw and that includes four bottles of wine for me.

AIBU? YABU he’s being frugal and that’s good and you only have one meal a week at home anyway so suck it up.

YANBU he could splash out a bit on certain things.

Ok but OP, have you talked to him about it?

Just do it yourself. It doesn’t take long. In bed, on the loo, in the bath, sitting on a train… get the order set up how you like it and just add it all the following week.

Or, you know, speak to your husband about it!?

@CaptainMyCaptain

My first thought was that buying actual potatoes and making your own yorkshire puddings would be even cheaper. I am more frugal than your DH.

And much much nicer.

@WhatsAppening

I’m a bit sad about it because I always used to do an all singing all dancing roast every Sunday before this job.

I’m going to have to say something. I forgo my proper restaurant roast at work for his.

That’s just ridiculous martyrdom though 🤷🏻‍♀️ Have the roast you enjoy at work on the days it’s offered and then have his tasteless value roast at home on Sunday. You’re just being silly and cutting off your nose to spite your stomach!

@Luckytattie

So put them in a basket yourself, buy and collect. You can't say you have absolutely zero time when you're sitting here on Mumsnet at 2.30 on a Thursday..

I worked 9am until midnight last night, I’ve done the school run, walked both dogs (separately because they are arseholes), done a load of washing, mopped the kitchen, picked up the Tesco shop and then sat down to write this thread. In ten minutes I’ll pick DS up, have a shower and then get to work for 5pm.

Time is a luxury I have little of right now.

I thought your partner does the school run

So you're off today?
Sort out your dogs 🤷...train them then you only need to walk once.it sounds like you actually make this harder for yourself than needs be.
You could have picked up your stuff from Tesco when you were there.

If you’re saying that your husband is literally cooking every single meal because you’re at work, I’m not sure you can dictate what he buys. Just add what you want to the online basket, and tell him no to take it out.

As far as the Sunday roast goes, I sympathise because it really does sound rubbish. However if I cooked 7/7 meals and my husband came in saying what I’d put on the table wasn’t good enough, I would be fuming. Can you use some of the money he’s saving on your cheap food to go out for dinner? At least then your guaranteed a meal you’ll enjoy.

She drinks the wine to get her through the meal

I know what you mean - my OH is sometimes surprised when he buys a cheap alternative and it doesn't taste as nice! I think you just need to say to him that the quality /taste matter more to you than him and provided it's within budget he must not swap out anything you've added. Very straight and clear.

OP, I get it. On the one hand, you know that he's the one cooking, shopping meal planning etc so of course he gets to make the decisions. On the other hand, you love a good roast and it's heartbreaking that he can't see that.

DH is many many good things but he doesn't cook and isn't interested. If I don't cook, he will rustle up a meal, no problem, but it won't be a "nice" meal. And I have mixed feelings about that because of course he shouldn't have to do what I want. But for me it's such an important part of showing love -yes, I enjoy cooking, but it's also true that making sure Dh and DC have good, healthy, tasty meals is how I show love.

Having said all that, I think you might need to take over the sunday roast cooking. And then you should absolutely 100% order whatever it is you want for that meal. Similarly, if there are things you want for when you get home or breakfast or whatever, you need to tell him that he must please routinely order your preferred bread/cheese/breakfast cereal or whatever.

I'll swap you for mine, who insists that he can only eat Kellogs cornflakes and Tropicana Orange juice, but won't do a blind taste test to prove that he can actually notice any frigging difference!

I actually think he deserves a break from cooking since he does it all, all the time.
He could walk dogs whilst you do the roast

@Luckytattie

I thought your partner does the school run

So you're off today?
Sort out your dogs 🤷...train them then you only need to walk once.it sounds like you actually make this harder for yourself than needs be.
You could have picked up your stuff from Tesco when you were there.

Do you understand the concept of shift work?

No I’m not ‘off’ today, I’m working the late. I’ll do the school run today because I’m here which means DH can work through.

And gosh I wish I’d thought of training the dogs. What an out there idea, it couldn’t possibly be that the separate walks ARE apart of the training?

The most homemade cooking he does is mixing a jar of (own brand) bolognese sauce into some mince

Could you approach it from the angle of health? It’s not great to be feeding DC output of a jar or packet all the time? He might be prepared to make changes then.

I work Sundays 11-5. I can’t cook the roast.

Believe me I’d love to cook it, it’s one of my favourite things to do on a Sunday.

If this thread would be reversed (DH complaining about a DW which is doing 100% of meal planning and cooking) everyone would tell him to STFU

You're a martyr with excuses.

I see

The options are say to leave the stuff you've chosen in the basket, or to buy stuff you want yourself

@marykitty

If this thread would be reversed (DH complaining about a DW which is doing 100% of meal planning and cooking) everyone would tell him to STFU

Exactly! That’s why I don’t want to say too much to him.

@marykitty

If this thread would be reversed (DH complaining about a DW which is doing 100% of meal planning and cooking) everyone would tell him to STFU

She isn't coming across well to me!

@Luckytattie

You're a martyr with excuses.

I see

U ok hun?

@WhatsAppening

I work Sundays 11-5. I can’t cook the roast.

You could buy a slow cooker for the meat, then you just have to cook the veg when you get home, you could prep the veg before you go to work.

If a person is not a cook then they are not a cook.
I think to expect him to suddenly cook a fabulous roast from scratch is asking too much.
Can you not bring home a takeaway Roast dinner from your restaurant? Even re-heated next day it could be nicer than what he makes?

Have you asked him why he’s doing this? If you’re a pub / restaurant manager then my guess is he’s deliberately doing this to piss you off so you take it on. In your position I wouldbuy my own food seperately and let him eat the shit.