DH buying cheap at the supermarket.

[WhatsAppening]

I know this is a first world problem but humour me.

DH is wonderful in every way but we have very different attitudes to spending.

I work crazy hours and am rarely home for dinner so the weekly shop falls to him, he orders it and I collect it. Every week I want to cry into the boot of my car as I pack bags of Tesco Value everything.

He knows I love a roast on a Sunday and that’s one of few days I’m almost guaranteed to be home for dinner. He isn’t the best of cooks but he tries really hard.

He always buys own brand cheap frozen roast potatoes/yorkshires. I am not at all averse to frozen ones but these are the 30p a bag version and they taste of sadness and misery.

He’s bought a pre prepared pork joint which I know from experience will be dry and tasteless. It would be a better economy to slow roast a shoulder joint and have sandwich meat for the week.

The kicker though this week is he’s bought value cat litter. Cat litter ffs. It’s rubbish. The house will stink.

We budget £600 pcm for the supermarket and he rarely spends more than £90pw and that includes four bottles of wine for me.

AIBU? YABU he’s being frugal and that’s good and you only have one meal a week at home anyway so suck it up.

YANBU he could splash out a bit on certain things.

@maternitycoat

Yabu to not be able to peel and chop spuds for a roast dinner

Yorkshires not that hard either

😵‍💫

Did you miss the pet where she works 60 hours a week including all day Sunday?!

@WhatsAppening I agree it's not nice having the basics version of all items, some things are great, basics cereal, biscuits, crisps etc, and most basic veg is fine. It's definitely worth spending more on some things.

I'd ask DH not to change out the nice versions of things in the basket if I were you. I don't think it's great that he relies so much on pre-made lasagne and the like- are there a few healthier basics he could learn to do? Casseroles in the slow cooker, home made pasta sauce etc?

If it were me and I wanted the easiest possible roast that actually tastes pretty good, I'd go to M&S and buy a joint of meat, with their pre-prepared potatoes and yorkshires and other bits, probably all their pre-prepared veg tbh, and the fresh gravy.

Perfectly acceptable when you're both working a lot, and tastes fine. Plus if DH could just learn a few basics from scratch it would save a bit of cash on the other ready meals throughout the week and would be a bit more balanced.

Nice one OP. You’ve got your spuds sorted. That’s a good springboard to say ‘while we are thinking about shopping, any chance we could order ... ‘

Your DH sounds lovely - it sounds like you are all very kind and respectful towards each other and have found a great way of dividing up the tasks - just a bit of tweaking.

No idea why you are getting it in the neck a bit on here. You sound like you’ve got it all well and truly sussed but just needed a self-prompt to mention it to him.

Aw bless you. My hubby hated to eat branded stuff and only ate at expensive restaurants etc. Used to drive me nuts, until I spoke to him. We both compromised a little, he stopped tge constant expensive restaurants and started making his own breads, spice mixes etc - lucky he had some skills, eh?! Anyways, my suggestion is to talk to him and let him know how much you look forward to a home made full roast, light yorkies, crispy outside, fluffy inside roasts etc etc. How much you like xyz wine and tgat the stuff you add to he basket can't be removed. Be really clear all this stuff makes you happy when you eat/drink it. And that bringing a little 'frivalous' is good for the soul. Fingers crossed he'll listen and wont remove your items again and may even add a few items tgat will make you happier. Best of luck x

YABU but perhaps write a detailed list for him when his mistakes are no longer on his list he might finally get the message. Done the shop in our family for more than 40 years and it is not uncommon for the finger wagging when its unpacked. But I usually cook 3 / 5 main meals per week so its not all annoyance when I serve a gourmet meal with her fav Sauv Blanc

Who does the laundry, cleaning and general housework, changing beds etc and if you can't get home to eat dinner more than once a week on Sundays, how come you can get home for takeaways or eat out a couple of times a month.
It must mean that you don't see your children or husband very much at all. Not much of a life.

@LoisLane66

Who does the laundry, cleaning and general housework, changing beds etc and if you can't get home to eat dinner more than once a week on Sundays, how come you can get home for takeaways or eat out a couple of times a month. It must mean that you don't see your children or husband very much at all. Not much of a life.

I theoretically get two days off a week (doesn’t always happen), but Sundays are almost guaranteed to be a day shift so I’m usually hike for Sunday dinner. The other random times I’m home in the evening I’ve often eaten at work or we’ll have planned something nice to do in the evening like go to dinner or get a takeaway.

I also get days where I’m working just the evening so I get to do both school runs and spend time with DS, in half term we’re going to the zoo, bowling, Bond and a wildlife park.

DH and I went out out last night for date night as I had a rare Friday off. DD and I went shopping together last week.

We all do laundry, housework etc whenever any of us are around.

I hope that answers all of your questions. Please do feel free to judge further.

Suggest he shops m&s at ocado perhaps be bit better tasting and no option for budget

@WhatsAppening

Wow.

Peak Mumsnet.

This was a semi lighthearted post, not a plea for help with my relationship. There’s no drama here.

I went and bought my own replacement bread and cheese, he thought it was a placeholder and I hadn’t looked for deals. No drama.

He didn’t know I didn’t like the roast, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, I brought it up in the context of another conversation so it didn’t feel like a moan. All good.

Re the cat litter, it’s the first time we’ve bought it in years as our 11 year old cat has started refusing to go out. It’s not like he went off our usual brand, we don’t have one.

We use catsan with a thin layer of the crystal style in the bottom, we also use litter deodoriser or bicarb sprinkled in the tray to help combat smell. Works pretty well with our two indoor cats. Oh an heavy duty drawstring litter liners so the plastic doesn't get urine stains from the cat peeing in the same spot - your DH may balk at the price of those though, he sounds very like mine (he also turns heating down an does value brands but will happily brings me home expensive pot plants - weird frugalism) but he came round when he no longer needed to scrub the tray with disinfectant everytime he cleaned it. Hope it helps with OAP cat.

@Hairbrush123

Can you not do the online shopping and he collects it?

Yep . Don't get it

Half an hour to your new Sunday roast @WhatsAppening - really hope you enjoy it !!

You are a grown up woman with your own money. Order the nice stuff a few times a month and take it out of the joint funds

Maybe RTFT

Not too shabby. And I’m hungry enough that it tastes like heaven

@WhatsAppening

Not too shabby. And I’m hungry enough that it tastes like heaven

Yummmmmm

@LoisLane66

Who does the laundry, cleaning and general housework, changing beds etc and if you can't get home to eat dinner more than once a week on Sundays, how come you can get home for takeaways or eat out a couple of times a month. It must mean that you don't see your children or husband very much at all. Not much of a life.

As someone who has done the OP's job, well it has its ups and downs.

Did it as a married woman who's husband was capable of doing the laundry, housework and cooking a meal. However...I did get (as the OP says, theoretically) 2 days off a week and usually only did two AFDs so I would either get the day or the evening off on the other three days. Leaves plenty of time for the kids and the marriage.

Doing it as a single parent.....not so much....which is why a) I was signed off with exhaustion shortly before first lockdown and b) I was secretly glad to be made redundant.

And its a great job, I absolutely loved it and will hopefully go back to it in a few years when DD (10) is a bit older and more self sufficient.