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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH buying cheap at the supermarket.

391 replies

WhatsAppening · 21/10/2021 14:05

I know this is a first world problem but humour me.

DH is wonderful in every way but we have very different attitudes to spending.

I work crazy hours and am rarely home for dinner so the weekly shop falls to him, he orders it and I collect it. Every week I want to cry into the boot of my car as I pack bags of Tesco Value everything.

He knows I love a roast on a Sunday and that’s one of few days I’m almost guaranteed to be home for dinner. He isn’t the best of cooks but he tries really hard.

He always buys own brand cheap frozen roast potatoes/yorkshires. I am not at all averse to frozen ones but these are the 30p a bag version and they taste of sadness and misery.

He’s bought a pre prepared pork joint which I know from experience will be dry and tasteless. It would be a better economy to slow roast a shoulder joint and have sandwich meat for the week.

The kicker though this week is he’s bought value cat litter. Cat litter ffs. It’s rubbish. The house will stink.

We budget £600 pcm for the supermarket and he rarely spends more than £90pw and that includes four bottles of wine for me.

AIBU? YABU he’s being frugal and that’s good and you only have one meal a week at home anyway so suck it up.

YANBU he could splash out a bit on certain things.

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 21/10/2021 15:15

C O M M U N I C A T E with your husband!

This!!

Lysianthus · 21/10/2021 15:16

OP you sound lovely. Bisto have just launched their frozen yorkshires (or perhaps I’ve only just seen them, whatever). They are great! So perhaps suggest he get some to try, as a novelty? V good value, same price as AB. 🍷🍷💐

groundcontroltomajormum · 21/10/2021 15:17

I agree that frozen precooked potatoes and Yorkshire's do taste of sadness and misery. Suggest he buys a delia cookbook to learn to cook his own.
I would love a monthly grocery budget of £600.

Chipsinthewoods · 21/10/2021 15:18

Can you get him to shop for the things he cooks in the week then:

do a prime delivery/subscription for household/pet products you like,

Look into local butcher/grocer box for a treat at the weekend - it might actually push him out of his comfort zone to find recipes to do with lovely fresh stuff.

Alternatively, could you plan to bring a doggy bag roast home from work every other week or so to compromise - Give him a weekend off too?

HeadNorth · 21/10/2021 15:19

If a bloke was trying to control what his wife bought and fed the kids while he was at work all the time it would be called abuse.

beigebrownblue · 21/10/2021 15:19

It's a trick one isn't it?
When times are tough as they are right now, then it's really nice to look forward to good food.

Personally, I've learned how to make yorkshire puds and it is not difficult and tastes heaps better. Roast potatoes are not difficult either.

Don't know why he can't learn.

Motherland101 · 21/10/2021 15:20

What's with all the picking on the OP?? Jeeez people, so confrontational today. Painting a picture of the OP as if she was treating DH like The Hired Help. FFS!

YNBU OP and totally get the half light hearted but actually a little bit serious tone of your post. You definitely deserve the posh cheese and the wine, they sound like crazy hours. I'd make a deal with your DH regarding not swapping items you already put in a basket therefore you can pick some stuff for you and he ca get whatever he needs for himself and kids. Some people really are genuinely happy with he value products and we do buy a mixture too but you can SOOOO tell the difference. Some things you just don't compromise on. Like wine...

Justmuddlingalong · 21/10/2021 15:20

Removing stuff that you've added to the online basket is not bloody on. Why does him doing the shopping give him the right to dictate everything, food wise that enters the house? Fuck that. Stop pussyfooting around OP and stand up for yourself.

MushMonster · 21/10/2021 15:20

@Bananarama21

How much is he spending can't be £90 a week? I spend £70-90 on brand stuff I just get the deals for a family of 5.
I need lessons from you! We are only 3 and I spend that much weekly in the supermarkets (including toiletries, and pet food)
godmum56 · 21/10/2021 15:24

tell him that so far as the roast dinner goes, he is a great cook being let down by poor ingredients. Get him to try, just once, your more expensive choices and praise him to the SKIES for the wonderful dinner.

ChaToilLeam · 21/10/2021 15:26

I sympathise, OP, my DP is similar. There are lots of things where the cheap or value brands are just as good, but not everything. I particularly don’t like buying really cheap, poor quality meat products, I’d rather have something that wasn’t all fat and gristle.

diddl · 21/10/2021 15:26

"praise him to the SKIES for the wonderful dinner."

I thought that we were talking about an adult here!

godmum56 · 21/10/2021 15:28

@diddl

"praise him to the SKIES for the wonderful dinner."

I thought that we were talking about an adult here!

lol it still works. Everybody likes a bit of praise.
lottiegarbanzo · 21/10/2021 15:28

He needs to learn to cook better. You can be kind and encouraging but he does.

Home-made roast potatoes and Yorkshires are very, very cheap, delicious and quite easy. (Potatoes easy peasy, Yorkshires take a bit of practice and smoking hot oil but not difficult).

Over all, roast dinner is one of the easiest meals to make, just time consuming. I don't really understand how making roast potatoes can be considered difficult.

MajorCarolDanvers · 21/10/2021 15:30

Online shopping and meal planning is your answer.

thetesdybears · 21/10/2021 15:30

Some savers stuff is fine like bleach or whatever. Mostly the food items are never great maybe noddles ok but some are rank.

Id have to take over the buying it would drive me mental. Pull him up about taking the items out u selected m, surely that's the only compromise.

I only buy the expensive frozen roast potatoes usually Morrisons the best and they are really gd ask not as gd as real goose fat ones.

FlowerArranger · 21/10/2021 15:32

Giving cook books is nice in theory but may not work in practice. It almost sounds like he has a cooking phobia...

Maybe OP can write up some simple/abbreviated recipes from Jamie's Ministry of Food and give them to him one at a time, after he has tried and mastered the previous one. Baby steps! Smile

Original poster
WhatsAppening · 21/10/2021 15:35

There was no malice in him swapping my ciabatta and Brie out for cheaper stuff, he genuinely would have thought he was doing the right thing by getting the cheaper stuff.

OP posts:
ElftonWednesday · 21/10/2021 15:36

He could be more frugal while also buying nicer things shopping at Aldi.

Original poster
WhatsAppening · 21/10/2021 15:36

We have all the books! He went through a phase when I first started this job of trying to cook from scratch and he did brilliantly it’s just that it takes him such a long time.

OP posts:
mswales · 21/10/2021 15:36

Even if your kids get lots of fruit and veg and wholewheat pasta and porridge, it's still really sad for them to grow up never having nice homecooked meals and to have loads of readymade food.... They will end up with the same "food is just fuel" poor palate of your (very lovely sounding) DH. Growing up to love food and cooking is such a great thing! I know it's not the worst thing, they clearly get a lot of love and good nutrition, but it's a shame.

Eilatan2018 · 21/10/2021 15:36

@WhatsAppening

We used to be avid users of HF/Gousto/Mindful Chef. We stopped when I went back to work because with the best will in the world a meal that took me twenty mins to prep takes Dh at least an hour.

He doesn’t have the time in the day to spend an hour cooking.

Tbh it’s not about that, him and DS are very happy with their diet of ready made lasagne and frozen pizzas, I’m not worried about that.

I just want nice things occasionally.

I would be more worried about your health if I’m honest… yours because of the excessive wine and theirs as they eat ready meals every day?!
Original poster
WhatsAppening · 21/10/2021 15:37

@ElftonWednesday

He could be more frugal while also buying nicer things shopping at Aldi.
If Aldi/Lidl did click and collect we’d be all over that.
OP posts:
Original poster
WhatsAppening · 21/10/2021 15:38

@mswales

Even if your kids get lots of fruit and veg and wholewheat pasta and porridge, it's still really sad for them to grow up never having nice homecooked meals and to have loads of readymade food.... They will end up with the same "food is just fuel" poor palate of your (very lovely sounding) DH. Growing up to love food and cooking is such a great thing! I know it's not the worst thing, they clearly get a lot of love and good nutrition, but it's a shame.
I’ve only had this job for a year. They’ve had a lifetime of me cooking. The youngest is ten and DD is 17 (and rarely here these days either).
OP posts:
Simonjt · 21/10/2021 15:38

Aldi does click and collect

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