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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH buying cheap at the supermarket.

391 replies

WhatsAppening · 21/10/2021 14:05

I know this is a first world problem but humour me.

DH is wonderful in every way but we have very different attitudes to spending.

I work crazy hours and am rarely home for dinner so the weekly shop falls to him, he orders it and I collect it. Every week I want to cry into the boot of my car as I pack bags of Tesco Value everything.

He knows I love a roast on a Sunday and that’s one of few days I’m almost guaranteed to be home for dinner. He isn’t the best of cooks but he tries really hard.

He always buys own brand cheap frozen roast potatoes/yorkshires. I am not at all averse to frozen ones but these are the 30p a bag version and they taste of sadness and misery.

He’s bought a pre prepared pork joint which I know from experience will be dry and tasteless. It would be a better economy to slow roast a shoulder joint and have sandwich meat for the week.

The kicker though this week is he’s bought value cat litter. Cat litter ffs. It’s rubbish. The house will stink.

We budget £600 pcm for the supermarket and he rarely spends more than £90pw and that includes four bottles of wine for me.

AIBU? YABU he’s being frugal and that’s good and you only have one meal a week at home anyway so suck it up.

YANBU he could splash out a bit on certain things.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 22/10/2021 11:43

Totally peak Mumsnet. Sounds like you've sorted it - you can wax lyrical about the roasties and plant the seeds that roast ingredients are lovely when not scrimped on.

NeonTetras · 22/10/2021 11:45

@WhatsAppening

If I’d wanted marriage advice I’d have posted in relationships. This was just a bored whinge on a rainy afternoon.

I know I’m a getting a bit defensive but it’s very tiring reading all the misconceptions about my relationship drawn from one short post.

Ok, but you are saying you don't feel you can even talk to your husband about a dry roast. That rings alarm bells, whether you want to or not. Your husband is controlling and over-rules you, he didn't stop to think about your feelings when he made assumptions about your list and went against what you wrote down. Any normal husband, or wife, would say to their partner "are you sure you want this? Will the cheaper version do? Just checking." or something like that. But he went right ahead and never stopped to even consider checking with you, he just completely overrode your wishes. So why are you so concerned with his feelings? If you are too afraid of pulling him up, you do have a communication problem. Whether you want to admit it to yourself or not.
MibsXX · 22/10/2021 12:04

@CaptainMyCaptain

My first thought was that buying actual potatoes and making your own yorkshire puddings would be even cheaper. I am more frugal than your DH.
Actually at the moment, by the time you've peeled them and scooped out all the eyes and bad bits that weren't visible in the not transparent bag our shop sells em in, they are not cheaper! Sadly....
Blondeshavemorefun · 22/10/2021 12:08

Men or even people aren’t mind readers

If you don’t like something. Tell him like you did with the cheap roasties

If you put something in basket. He doesn’t remove EVER

I love Aldi beef dripping frozen Yorkie’s. Think about a £1 for 6

AgentJohnson · 22/10/2021 12:10

Stop being so bloody nice! Tell him to stop swapping out the stuff you add to the list because you do not like the value stuff he buys and won’t eat it, therefore making it a false economy.

Stop being a bloody martyr and stop pussy footing around your H being a twat.

Alcohol is a dangerous crutch, you don’t need it to wind down but you are choosing to.

NeonTetras · 22/10/2021 12:15

I don't think there's anything wrong with the wine spread over a week. OP is doing nothing wrong there.

mountbattenbergcake · 22/10/2021 12:23

@WhatsAppening

If I’d wanted marriage advice I’d have posted in relationships. This was just a bored whinge on a rainy afternoon.

I know I’m a getting a bit defensive but it’s very tiring reading all the misconceptions about my relationship drawn from one short post.

But you have asked for marriage advice.

I’m glad it’s resolved (in relation to roasties anyway). Hope he reacts the same to all the other things.

People are just responding on the basis that it’s not normal to bite your tongue for weeks on this.

People would generally have spoken up the first time their partner did this, not put up with it for weeks.

liveforsummer · 22/10/2021 12:29

This thread is hilarious. OP works 60 hours a week and til 5 on a Sunday (works til not gets home at) yet should be preparing all the veg at the crack of Dawn and rushing back to prepare a roast after the busiest shift of the week rather than tell her dh who has been at home having down time that the cheap roasts are shit. Glad it's resolved anyway OP. It's unbelievable he wasn't able to taste the difference himself between your roar dinners and his value offering however well meaning.

Also no need to comment on the wine (unless he's swapping your villa maria for Tesco house - which he isn't) not what the thread was about!

takenforgrantednana · 22/10/2021 12:35

my husband likes to "help" cook, his version of cooking mince and browning it is totally different to mine, his attempt means that the pink has gone and is now a grey colour! yuk, mine is long enough for the fat to render out and remove and have a darker tone to it meaning its cooked and edible and not clumpy!

we had so many discussions with him at the cooker me telling him leave it in longer etc etc, none of that worked, so that left me with the only option of stopping eating his offerings and eating my own. strangely enough visits to the bathroom after his cooking took a turn for the better on my part. he soon saw the error and started to cook thing properly then.

Timetoretiretospain · 22/10/2021 12:38

@WhatsAppening

If I’d wanted marriage advice I’d have posted in relationships. This was just a bored whinge on a rainy afternoon.

I know I’m a getting a bit defensive but it’s very tiring reading all the misconceptions about my relationship drawn from one short post.

Yes the answers to your post became increasingly judgmental. I think you and your husband sound like you have a very loving relationship. He sounds lovely and do do you. Glad you got your roast potatoes sorted.
WhiskyXray · 22/10/2021 12:43

He sounds like a pet. I feel for him as I don't have much of a palate when it comes to Yorkshire puddings and stuffing and things- if it's hot, it's good- it all gets drowned in gravy and mustard anyway. I'm so glad you spoke up!

But I would get a lock for the bathroom door.Grin 15 years or no 15 years, I wouldn't want to be caught tweezing my unmentionables.

Cheers.Wine (A Chilean Malbec...)

WalkingOnTheCracks · 22/10/2021 12:59

@WhatsAppening

Honestly this thread is AIBU bingo.

Me: I work 60hrs in shifts so never cook anymore and my Dh does a sub par roast.

MN: cook it yourself, he’s obviously abusive, if you can’t communicate about this your marriage is dead, you sound like a princess, the poor man doing everything, oh and you’re an alcoholic.

Never change, randoms on MN, never change.

It’s MN.

“My DH rolled over in the night and his elbow caught me in the ribs. Ouch!”

“He’s an abuser. You’re being gaslighted. Stop being such a doormat. I bet he wanted sex. Major redlight. You deserve better. It’s the children I feel sorry for….”

Mamaof2males · 22/10/2021 17:34

Why don’t you plate up a roast from work bring it home for the both of you now and again, so it saves him the effort and you get a lovely meal, also he will appreciate it I’m sure. What about stews and casseroles in the slow cooker instead - they can’t go that wrong …..👍🏼

Tessabelle74 · 22/10/2021 17:41

My husband is the opposite! When he shops be buys branded everything and it costs a fortune! Could you not order it too? I know it's one more job for you but at least you'd be OK with what you get

Allybob88 · 22/10/2021 17:50

@WhatsAppening

Honestly this thread is AIBU bingo.

Me: I work 60hrs in shifts so never cook anymore and my Dh does a sub par roast.

MN: cook it yourself, he’s obviously abusive, if you can’t communicate about this your marriage is dead, you sound like a princess, the poor man doing everything, oh and you’re an alcoholic.

Never change, randoms on MN, never change.

So true, brilliant 🤣
Dnaltocs · 22/10/2021 17:51

Just get the cat litter yourself - multiple buys.
Is he using the money saved on gambling, drugs, coffees out, lunch out, porn, golf, expensive clothes, casinos, booze or other women?
Maybe just grin and bare it.
When you come home perhaps mention the smell.

Artie30 · 22/10/2021 18:01

I know you say you are busy but surely you have some spare time where you can sit down and add what you want into the shop?? You can change order up to night before! It's not like you have to go in the shop?

SummerHouse · 22/10/2021 18:03

they taste of misery and sadness Grin

This is my favourite line of all time.

RussianSpy101 · 22/10/2021 18:19

@JesusIsAnyNameFree sorry for your losses, but they shouldn’t of been drinking before they were 8.

Morgysmum · 22/10/2021 18:24

Crist you are lucky, my other half, goes massively over budget with he spending. We shop at Lidl as this is were he works but gets a staff discount.
He cannot stick to a food budget, he moans he is skint, but can find money for beer.
It's frustrating, as we haven't had a holiday in 4 years. We have been abroad in 15 years.
He would be nice, to be able to have some savings, I guess you guys do, if he doesn't spend all your food budget.
I get some value stuff isn't nice, but consider your self lucky, that you have some savings.

Mitzimccormack · 22/10/2021 18:27

Gosh you are working a lot of hours. I owned and ran pub/restaurants and never had any staff working such long hours. Even my manager doing split shifts didn't do that many. I hope they are paying you hourly, not a salary. It sounds like a privately owned place, and I totally understand that the work is more fun at an independent, the big companies now tend to expect 40-45 hours. I loved my life as a publican, I worked with my husband and we lived on site. We have three boys now aged 25-29. I have only recently found out that they hated us working such long hours and really feel they missed out on a lot. I was really upset.

CheesyWeez · 22/10/2021 18:30

" I forgo my proper restaurant roast at work for his."

Can you box up your roast from work and bring it home? Tell him all staff are allowed 4 portions from now on or bring home your own and pay for the 3 others Grin

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 22/10/2021 18:31

[quote RussianSpy101]@JesusIsAnyNameFree sorry for your losses, but they shouldn’t of been drinking before they were 8.[/quote]
I was before the age of 8 when I lost important family to it. They were adults.

GalaxyPostcard · 22/10/2021 18:34

If you have the money and the budget then I'd be buying better quality food. Fair enough if you're skint, but if you're left with £200 a month and you're eating low quality food, I'd be annoyed!

BrilloPaddy · 22/10/2021 18:47

I'd get the pub where you work to plate you all a decent roast up and take it home............