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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH buying cheap at the supermarket.

391 replies

WhatsAppening · 21/10/2021 14:05

I know this is a first world problem but humour me.

DH is wonderful in every way but we have very different attitudes to spending.

I work crazy hours and am rarely home for dinner so the weekly shop falls to him, he orders it and I collect it. Every week I want to cry into the boot of my car as I pack bags of Tesco Value everything.

He knows I love a roast on a Sunday and that’s one of few days I’m almost guaranteed to be home for dinner. He isn’t the best of cooks but he tries really hard.

He always buys own brand cheap frozen roast potatoes/yorkshires. I am not at all averse to frozen ones but these are the 30p a bag version and they taste of sadness and misery.

He’s bought a pre prepared pork joint which I know from experience will be dry and tasteless. It would be a better economy to slow roast a shoulder joint and have sandwich meat for the week.

The kicker though this week is he’s bought value cat litter. Cat litter ffs. It’s rubbish. The house will stink.

We budget £600 pcm for the supermarket and he rarely spends more than £90pw and that includes four bottles of wine for me.

AIBU? YABU he’s being frugal and that’s good and you only have one meal a week at home anyway so suck it up.

YANBU he could splash out a bit on certain things.

OP posts:
Lightisnotwhite · 22/10/2021 06:07

I’ve only read your posts Op. You sound great. As does your OH.

I think some on MN forget that some jobs really do come with shit pay and conditions. It’s not about a race to bottom but the fact that if you want to go out for food and drink at 10pm lots of people need to be working to facilitate it.

Glad being direct has helped. I get it seems it’s very unkind to criticise someone who’s tried hard and got the best intentions. I like your off hand rudeness as it doesn’t make it sound like something that’s been bothering you for a while.

NeonTetras · 22/10/2021 06:42

I know you Brits have this thing where you suffer in silence and don't communicate or tell people the truth and call them out, but this is absolutely ridiculous! He's your HUSBAND!! If you cannot communicate with him then why are you married to him? Just SAY to him: "I think the more expensive items, please leave them on the list, I chose them for a reason" and "I'm grateful for all the work and prep you do with the roast, but the brand you buy is very dry. Maybe we could try x brand."

It really is THAT simple. Adulting shouldn't be this hard.

NeonTetras · 22/10/2021 06:43

*I 'like' the more expensive items,
not 'think'.

StarfishDish · 22/10/2021 06:49

We have frozen everything for our Sunday dinner as its cheaper and literally tastes the same. Frozen joint, frozen Yorkshire puddings, frozen veg and frozen mash 🤔

NeonTetras · 22/10/2021 06:55

@StarfishDish

We have frozen everything for our Sunday dinner as its cheaper and literally tastes the same. Frozen joint, frozen Yorkshire puddings, frozen veg and frozen mash 🤔
Cheaper NEVER tastes the same. It's cheap and nasty for a reason. You may get one or two items that taste similar or as good as the actual proper food, but very, very, very rarely. It's cheap and nasty for a reason.
KhaleesiOfChaos · 22/10/2021 07:03

If you're only at home for a cooked meal one day a week and it means that much to you, why don't you just tell him you want to sort it yourself?

If he's happy to eat cheap basic food the rest of the week that's up to him, but a cheap, bland roast dinner is awful!

Just say you'll buy and cook the roast from now on.

LittleBearPad · 22/10/2021 07:22

@StarfishDish

We have frozen everything for our Sunday dinner as its cheaper and literally tastes the same. Frozen joint, frozen Yorkshire puddings, frozen veg and frozen mash 🤔
How depressing.

It would be even cheaper to make things from scratch and taste a lot better.

I’m glad you’ve made progress OP. Now ask him not to take stuff out of the basket and you’re sorted.

Gotthetshirt23 · 22/10/2021 07:27

Aldi sell a part baked olive ciabatta.
It's fabulous!

Ducksarenotmyfriends · 22/10/2021 07:27

You both sound lovely and really busy. I'd really try to get a grip on your drinking though, 4 bottles of wine a week is a LOT. I've had friends who manage pubs/restaurants fall into that habit to unwind after work and it's definitely developed into full blown alcoholism/liver damage for some of them.

longwayoff · 22/10/2021 07:28

You need a new servant. Advertise.

JetRocket · 22/10/2021 07:30

Ah OP you found like me and DH.
He has the ‘big job’ and I’m at home with 2 under 2 on maternity leave.
I do the shopping and cooking mostly, not because he’s a lazy arse but because it gives me something to do with the kids on a rainy weekday morning. They quite enjoy the supermarket and watching me cooking.

My tastes are very plain and I share a lot of meals with the kids. It’s all very healthy, simple and light. I think due to my growing up in a very low income house, it’s what I got used to.
DH however has quite nice tastes, he loves a good charcuterie board and is quite particular about his breads, cured meats, olives…etc he really would not enjoy essential range. He also loves those big fancy £5-6 a pop pizzas with decadent toppings.

When I shop I just swallow it and despite thinking it’s crazy prices I buy them for him anyway. He works hard and deserves to enjoy his food. If we couldn’t afford it that would be different.

DrGoogleSaysSo · 22/10/2021 07:33

Your dh is happy with his choices and dc are not complaining, if you only have a meal a week at home buy your own groceries for that day.

Flowersintheattic2021 · 22/10/2021 07:38

Don't buy wine and then you can afford better food. 90 ppund a week isn't much with 4 bottles of wine. If it is cheap wine that's 20 quid!!!

BakedTattie · 22/10/2021 07:42

I like Tescos own cat litter - tried all the high end ones and the Tesco one was the only one that didn’t fucking stink.

LittleBearPad · 22/10/2021 07:45

@Flowersintheattic2021

Don't buy wine and then you can afford better food. 90 ppund a week isn't much with 4 bottles of wine. If it is cheap wine that's 20 quid!!!
At no point has OP said affording better is a problem.

The judginess about wine on this thread is very dull.

lottiegarbanzo · 22/10/2021 07:45

I find it hard to imagine a man being told the same thing.

'Just put up with cheap, poor quality, no-effort food, no-one else minds it. Be grateful you're being fed at all! If you're precious enough to want one good home-cooked meal a week, shop for and cook it yourself (even though you're out working at the time it needs to be prepped or eaten), you lazy slattern!'.

Or is this a case of some men not actually caring that much about domestic detail and women creating pointlessly high standards with which to torture themselves and other women?

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 22/10/2021 07:47

One meal a week at home sounds like a thoroughly miserable existence. That's no life.

SunshineCake1 · 22/10/2021 08:12

@WhatsAppening

He serves up crap and I'm assuming part of the reason you haven't told him is because he wont take it well.

It's in the same ball park as people who are too sensitive to be told their behaviour is shit but have no problem dishing out shitty comments etc.

nettie434 · 22/10/2021 08:19

I just wanted to say that your posts show how demanding a job in hospitality is. All those months of no pubs/restaurants have made it clear that our lives are better because of your contribution.

I'm glad your husband realised that he needs to order Aunt Bessie's! On my online grocery order you can put down substitution notes - eg if x is not available, y will do. I wonder if you could do a list of items for your husband that are non negotiables? If you are a 'food is fuel' person, like your husband is, you don't really taste the difference between different types of cheese, bread etc. Actually, it's probably more accurate to say that you don't feel that the difference in taste justifies the difference in price.

Original poster
WhatsAppening · 22/10/2021 08:19

[quote SunshineCake1]@WhatsAppening

He serves up crap and I'm assuming part of the reason you haven't told him is because he wont take it well.

It's in the same ball park as people who are too sensitive to be told their behaviour is shit but have no problem dishing out shitty comments etc.[/quote]
No you’ve got it backwards.

I didn’t want to say anything because it would be like saying ‘hey I know you’re working 50hrs plus doing all the cooking and everything else that you do but could you also do this extra thing that only benefits me?’

He has never ever dished out shitty comments. Quite the opposite.

OP posts:
Oblomov21 · 22/10/2021 08:21

Have you now talked to him?

Fetarabbit · 22/10/2021 08:22

Scarily OP you seem very reasonable, and it sounds like you spoke briefly to him and he has been reasonable about it- most unusual for AIBU! 5

Oblomov21 · 22/10/2021 08:23

Your whole attitude is baffling.
Op : I have a problem.
Everyone : talk to him.
Op: no.

Errr. So what exactly are you hoping to achieve by this thread?

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 22/10/2021 08:24

You've not sat down and talked to him about it, that's the issue.

Oblomov21 · 22/10/2021 08:25

"Yeah I’m going to talk to him. Gently. "

Have you?