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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive 40 minutes to return a Jam Jar?

554 replies

itsme189 · 21/10/2021 11:00

A family member (partners side) made us all Jam for Christmas last year, lovely gift and was very nice.

They now want all the Jars back to do it again they are like Kilner Jars (just not branded I don't think) I do still have it in the random Tupperware cupboard.

I would have to drive 40 minutes to return the Jar DH thinks I should as it is thiers. I just said it was a gift and I am happy to not receive any Jam this year to avoid this. We wont see them between now and Christmas. He thinks I'm being unreasonable?

DH can't drive and there is no public transport to where they live!

OP posts:
takenforgrantednana · 22/10/2021 18:24

@5foot5

Bonkers. Of course the jar should be considered part of the present. I have occasionally given home made presents. Sometimes alcoholic gifts in fancy bottles which I bought specially and never expected back. Also baked things for which I acquired a suitable container - tins or plastic boxes, again never expecting them back.

If she really wanted the jars returned then she definitely should have made it clear at the outset. It would still have been tight though.

How about making her some jam or chutney for Christmas and use the same jar? You could alternate yeas of using it Grin

@5foot5 and if all 8 of them did that its a hell of a lot of chutney to go thr in a year! lol
TRex57128 · 22/10/2021 18:25

Did they not see you during the year? Could they not have picked it up then? You're will just not to get the jam, so that's reasonable. Or they could bring it on a container when you do meet up and decant it into the liner jar when they see you, job done! 😄

HeeHawSeeSaw · 22/10/2021 18:27

Sorry I haven't read the full thread and don't know if it has been already suggested. If you live closer to any of his other family members who will be dropping theirs off , can you leave yours with one of them and ask them to give your one as well. Then message the jam maker saying xx will be dropping off the bottle but you don't want any this time as you have a plum/fruit intolerance or something like that.

TRex57128 · 22/10/2021 18:27

@TRex57128

Did they not see you during the year? Could they not have picked it up then? You're will just not to get the jam, so that's reasonable. Or they could bring it on a container when you do meet up and decant it into the liner jar when they see you, job done! 😄
'you're willing not to get the jam' 'Kilner' jar, not 'liner' jar! Annoying I can't just edit post.hope it makes sense.
Tumtitumtum · 22/10/2021 18:32

Dare you to fill it full of Hartleys, wrap it, and give it back as their Christmas gift.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 22/10/2021 18:32

@Shell4429

YABU because you can wrap it carefully and post it.
As in, spend way more than the £1.50 the tightwad spent on it in the first place? Why?
GatoradeMeBitch · 22/10/2021 18:34

OP, have you considered walking to return the £1 jam jar? It will only take about 7 hours each way, and you can take a charming little picnic for when you start to flag on the return leg.

AliceVHerts · 22/10/2021 18:34

This is sadly so typical of the stories I read on here. Why isn’t your husband taking responsibility when it is his family member who is asking for something they gave you as a gift back? That would be my main frustration. Do nothing. DH can reply they can pick it up themselves when next see them if he’s not seeing them before to return it. Not your problem, and he shouldn’t let you be put in an awkward situation over it.

Dogmummy1980 · 22/10/2021 18:38

Oh THAT jar!! Sorry I used it for a urine sample last time I went to the doctors!

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 22/10/2021 18:38

Meet half way? Then you both have a 40 minute round trip each.

Wintermagic · 22/10/2021 18:40

hopefully other people are more willing to return theirs or this will get expensive.

It will be expensive, for you, if you were to drive all the way. Tell them you’ll drive if they pay for the petrol. Are you not worth the cost of a jar?

5foot5 · 22/10/2021 18:42

@takenforgrantednana
@5foot5 and if all 8 of them did that its a hell of a lot of chutney to go thr in a year! lol
I remember a couple of years ago we ended up with 7 or 8 jars of chutney in one form or another. Some home made, some fancy stuff in gift packs. I didn't think we would get through it but we surprised ourselves! A dollop in a casserole or a gravy can give an interesting piquancy and helps to reduce the chutney overload

JellyTotCat · 22/10/2021 18:44

What a scrooge. She's well off and worried about it being expensive if she has to cover the cost of the £1.50 jar as well as the jam made from her plum tree.

pompomsgalore · 22/10/2021 18:45

I love Mumsnet for these threads

cherish123 · 22/10/2021 18:47

Say you have used it for something else.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 22/10/2021 18:51

My family make a lot of jam - no one ever asks for the jars back. Sure if you want to give them back they are appreciated, but definitely not expected. They're part of the gift. Lots of good suggestions given above. I certainly wouldn't be driving 40 mins to deliver a jam jar. Tell DH to sort it if he feels so strongly about it.

TakeMe2Insanity · 22/10/2021 18:56

The jar was part of the gift. Tell them your child has done craft with it.

lightand · 22/10/2021 18:57

Personally I would return it. Family unity and all that.

The UK seems to be getting more and more selfish. No wonder it is in a mess.

coodawoodashooda · 22/10/2021 18:59

@gamerchick

And tell your bloke if he wants to send it back he's welcome to sort that out himself.
This.
Happyhappyday · 22/10/2021 19:00

I’d be really petty and break the jar personally. Job done.

I might post back the broken pieces for giggles too… obviously with a note so no one gets cut by accident!

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 22/10/2021 19:00

@lightand

Personally I would return it. Family unity and all that.

The UK seems to be getting more and more selfish. No wonder it is in a mess.

Do you not see how insane that is? The OP should spend 15 ish quid on petrol to return a £1.50 jar she received as a gift?
Seemssounfair · 22/10/2021 19:01

Havent read all comments so someone may have suggested this, are there any family members who visit her out she visits that you can leave it with?

AdobeWanKenobi · 22/10/2021 19:01

Ffs people have zero comprehension don't they?

Cancel the jam.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/10/2021 19:02

@lightand

Personally I would return it. Family unity and all that.

The UK seems to be getting more and more selfish. No wonder it is in a mess.

What a bizarre statement. Op isn’t the selfish one.
CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 22/10/2021 19:04

Phew - that's their xmas gift sorted! Cheap set of jam jars for them. What weirdos. But also, this is how rich people are rich. So ruddy tight