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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive 40 minutes to return a Jam Jar?

554 replies

itsme189 · 21/10/2021 11:00

A family member (partners side) made us all Jam for Christmas last year, lovely gift and was very nice.

They now want all the Jars back to do it again they are like Kilner Jars (just not branded I don't think) I do still have it in the random Tupperware cupboard.

I would have to drive 40 minutes to return the Jar DH thinks I should as it is thiers. I just said it was a gift and I am happy to not receive any Jam this year to avoid this. We wont see them between now and Christmas. He thinks I'm being unreasonable?

DH can't drive and there is no public transport to where they live!

OP posts:
NataliaSerene · 22/10/2021 09:34

Cannot get over them wanting someone to drive anywhere to return the packaging for last year’s gift.

TonesK · 22/10/2021 11:27

There have already been a lot of responses so mine will probably go unread.

I make jams and have little printed labels to say "please return the jar if possible". This works well because local people return the jars, so I am able to reuse some of them, but I would never go chasing people and keeping track of the jars! The label avoids the awkwardness of having to ask but the "if possible" let's people know they don't have to.

It's very sweet when some family members I only see about once a year bring me back a clean jar, but I tell them it's not necessary!

Ilovechristmasasmuchasiloveyou · 22/10/2021 11:31

@Pottedpalm

Post it
This!
AdobeWanKenobi · 22/10/2021 11:32

@itsme189

They messaged everyone individually asking for them back.

They've responded "I dont really want to drive all the way there, hopefully other people are more willing to return theirs or this will get expensive. And yeah I wont be making any for people who cant return it"

I DONT WANT YOUR BLODDY JAM

I just said no problem maybe let people know you need the Jar back next time.

OP's post above. Jamgate was resolved yesterday, so no need for Amazon's new jars, pretend breakages or elaborate lies.
maofteens · 22/10/2021 11:35

Goodness I used to make jams and chutneys when I had apple trees and gave them as gifts and it would never occur to me to ask for the jars back! I usually used old Bonne Maman jars but occasionally the nicer kilner type (bought in bulk from IKEA). Your husband can do the trip if he's so keen.

whynotwhatknot · 22/10/2021 13:12

Hilarious theft of a jam jar

No more jam?

Plumbuddle · 22/10/2021 17:21

@MoonahStone

Just tell them the jar was your favourite bit of the gift Grin
Love it. I get oversweet jam every year from a relative and have to pass on to friends.
Lifetheuniverseandeverything · 22/10/2021 17:23

Exactly this 🤣

takenforgrantednana · 22/10/2021 17:28

@itsme189

A family member (partners side) made us all Jam for Christmas last year, lovely gift and was very nice.

They now want all the Jars back to do it again they are like Kilner Jars (just not branded I don't think) I do still have it in the random Tupperware cupboard.

I would have to drive 40 minutes to return the Jar DH thinks I should as it is thiers. I just said it was a gift and I am happy to not receive any Jam this year to avoid this. We wont see them between now and Christmas. He thinks I'm being unreasonable?

DH can't drive and there is no public transport to where they live!

your DH is wrong the jam and the jar was given as a gift,

but why not suggest to her if she was going to do again, to get the pour and store bags and make the jam and put in that, and then give to people who could then just reuse the kilner jars they have at home? a bit like you get the refill coffee

fourandnomore · 22/10/2021 17:37

Their request is not reasonable. Your husband is totally unreasonable. Just say you don’t need any more jam. This is absolutely insane!

AnnieSnap · 22/10/2021 17:39

I understand why they would like them back, as it would be unnecessary expensive and bad for the environment to replace them each year.

I don’t think you are being especially unreasonable to want to avoid the drive, but I do think you’re being unreasonable for not thinking about another way of returning it! Just pack it up in a bit of bubble wrap or tissue, pop it in a box and post it to them 🤷‍♀️

Tessabelle74 · 22/10/2021 17:39

So your gift was basically some fruit and sugar? I'd have expected that the jar was part of the gift. No way I'd be driving it back. YANBU

ZebraHat · 22/10/2021 17:39

Don't drive it back/post it back/send a new one. Tell Partner it's ridiculous and you're not discussing it any more.

Notmoresugar · 22/10/2021 17:39

It's honestly not worth making a meal out of and tbh I can see both sides.
Just order another one on amazon directly to their house and save your fuel and most importantly any silly hard feelings.

alh26 · 22/10/2021 17:39

Defo not being unreasonable, it was a gift! I would just say something like, yes we have still got it, we won't be near your area between now and Xmas but very happy to give it back to you when we next see you.

Justonemoretouch · 22/10/2021 17:41

Oops! It broke!

Opal8 · 22/10/2021 17:42

Sadly it broke ...

Lamaitresse · 22/10/2021 17:43

How ridiculous. Of course you shouldn’t drive that far for a jam jar. Is your husband scared of them or something?

mountbattenbergcake · 22/10/2021 17:43

To all the people suggesting lies: OP has already dealt with this in a kick-ass way, she doesn’t need advice anymore!

LH1987 · 22/10/2021 17:44

There is absolutely no way I would still have the jar after almost a year!

Getting homemade jam is nice because of the thought someone has put into it. Not because you actually need or want the jam. Some people are very strange!

hamptonedge · 22/10/2021 17:46

Its part of the gift - you can't give jam without a jar- can you🤔😂

FlippinFedUp21 · 22/10/2021 17:46

Guess what, the jar doesn't belong to them anymore. It belongs to you. It was part of a gift they gave you and therefore reliquished ownership of said jar. Damn well keep it.

Twinmummy74 · 22/10/2021 17:48

I think it is lovely that they are thinking about reducing waste in recycling the jars, are they into recycling and re using anyway as their request will make sense. It may be 40 minutes away in the car, does your partner ever drive close to them to drop it off en route? I take it they are not close family if you are not likely to see them between now and Christmas? I personally would drop it off when you are next near their way, I wouldn't tell fibs as they have a habit of rearing themselves and it would upset them. To them the jars will have added up cost wise, plus the ingredients to make jam. Obviously you know them better than any of us, there have been a lot of suggestions made. I am sure you will make the right decision.

Owl55 · 22/10/2021 17:48

I suppose if she had bought say 8 jars at £5 each and got none of them back it’s a shame if she has to buy more but it’s a long way to return a jar! Amazon one back!

Lunaduckdrop · 22/10/2021 17:49

Slightly away from the point, but what sort of jam are they making in October. It can't be from fresh fruit surely? My suggestion would be that they had two sets of jars. Then people could return the used ones the following Christmas. Can't believe we are onto page 14 of thid dilemma!Hmm

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