Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drive 40 minutes to return a Jam Jar?

554 replies

itsme189 · 21/10/2021 11:00

A family member (partners side) made us all Jam for Christmas last year, lovely gift and was very nice.

They now want all the Jars back to do it again they are like Kilner Jars (just not branded I don't think) I do still have it in the random Tupperware cupboard.

I would have to drive 40 minutes to return the Jar DH thinks I should as it is thiers. I just said it was a gift and I am happy to not receive any Jam this year to avoid this. We wont see them between now and Christmas. He thinks I'm being unreasonable?

DH can't drive and there is no public transport to where they live!

OP posts:
twoshedsjackson · 21/10/2021 13:43

Why not tell them that their efforts last year inspired you to make your own chutney/pickles/jam (select most believable, eg so many tomatoes didn't ripen this year, I made green tomato chutney) so it is currently in your store cupboard.
Or for true sneakiness, make (or buy) some nice jam, decant into said jar, and lo and behold, their present for this Christmas. You could blithely add that they're not to worry about returning the jar, as it's part of the gift..........

MargeWhereDidMyFingersLand · 21/10/2021 13:47

I would save every single jar I could between now and christmas preferably Tesco value jam with labels left on, box them up and give them the lot as their christmas present now you know how much they value jars OP. This may backfire of they have a bumper plum crop next year admittedly. Grin

wonkylegs · 21/10/2021 13:49

This is weird
I make jam and flavoured alcohol as gifts and although it's great when people hand me the jars and bottles back, I'd never expect them especially if I wasn't already seeing that person for something else.

Sadiequeenofscots · 21/10/2021 13:50

It’s the kind of situation where, if you loved locally you would say “I have some jam for you, can you keep the jar for me please and I will make more next year”

You just would not expect someone to drive for 80 minutes to drop of a shitty jar.

It’s laughable that they don’t want to drive but expect you to. They obviously think they are doing you a favour with the jam!

Derbee · 21/10/2021 13:51

It will get expensive providing a £1 jar with each persons home made gift?! Confused

I would have originally returned the jar, and thought her odd. BUT her reply makes her look rude and petty, and I’d want to tell her to stick her jam up her bum (but wouldn’t!)

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 21/10/2021 13:51

It hilarious that they don’t see in irony of demanding that you deliver the jar when the can’t be arsed with the drive themselves.
80 mins fuck that!

Interrobanger · 21/10/2021 13:52

How utterly, utterly mad.

Give them the jar back at Christmas, wrapped as a present.

Lightswitch123 · 21/10/2021 13:53

@CreateAName123

It was a gift.... It's weird to ask for it back. And a bit tight tbh.
Yes exactly. It'll cost you more in petrol than the jar is worth. Are they very hard up?

Just say you recycled it!

Beautiful3 · 21/10/2021 13:53

I wouldn't drive an 80 minute all round trip to return a jam jar!!! I'd return it when you see them next Christmas. To be fair this happened to me too. A lady in work was selling homemade lemon curd in jars with bows on. They weren't cheap, many of us bought them to gift away. After the Christmas holidays, we recieved an email, requesting the jars back!! She was super annoyed when we said we had gifted them on, and unable to do so. Your relative could have just reused clean jam jars instead of buying those fancy looking kilner jars.

TheChiefJo · 21/10/2021 13:54

Why not post it?

Florence1960 · 21/10/2021 13:55

Why doesn’t your husband take it back on the bus?

Lightswitch123 · 21/10/2021 13:56

@itsme189

They messaged everyone individually asking for them back.

They've responded "I dont really want to drive all the way there, hopefully other people are more willing to return theirs or this will get expensive. And yeah I wont be making any for people who cant return it"

I DONT WANT YOUR BLODDY JAM

I just said no problem maybe let people know you need the Jar back next time.

Omg just saw this and the fact they are well off.

Really totally bizarre behaviour from them!!

Some people! I'm gobsmacked

Florence1960 · 21/10/2021 13:56

Or - Smash! Oops 🙈

Zucker · 21/10/2021 13:56

She's only looking for the jam jar back so the family will gush some more about how fabulously wonderful her plum jam was and have you all beg to make some more Grin

I love that you've basically said .....er NO THANKS

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 21/10/2021 14:01

@TheChiefJo

Why not post it?
Because that takes both time and money.

If your gift is going to give me another job to do, don't fucking bother. I have a pain in the arse job, a 3 year old and another on the way. I don't need it. YABVU and so is this aunt.

Full disclosure, I'm in a horrific mood with a sick kid today 😂

oakleaffy · 21/10/2021 14:02

@itsme189
You are being extraordinarily unreasonable!
These are well off people, and she has taken time out of her valuable day to make everyone jam, and you ungrateful recipients won't return the jars to her?

Personally if it was me, I'd arrange a motorcycle courier and courier it to her with a profound apology for not returning it earlier.

Heronatemygoldfish · 21/10/2021 14:04

It always gets me that retail jam jars are so expensive. It's actually cheaper to go to Sainsbury's, buy their basic jam (28p) and throw it, and reuse the jar. Or make lots of jam-intensive cakes and puddings (bakewells etc).

How exactly is this relative of the OP going to deliver the refilled jars? Does she expect OP to drive back again to pick it up?

Luckytattie · 21/10/2021 14:05

That is so funny she said it's too far for her to drive all that way.
Why can't she see the opposite side?!

Keke94LND · 21/10/2021 14:06

Surely if it was a gift then the jar is part of the gift? Don't drive 40 mins to give them of and definitely don't buy another one for them... it was a GIFT! Surely this is like me giving you a gift with a nice ribbon on it and then asking for the ribbon back?

oakleaffy · 21/10/2021 14:06

Return it to her with the contents still in there, with a spoonful taken out with mould on top.

Norty.

Buffoonborisisatwat · 21/10/2021 14:10

Order 2 identical jars on amazon to be delivered direct to jam-gate relatives, with instructions to keep one for themselves and return one to you full of jam.

Notaroadrunner · 21/10/2021 14:11

@ittakes2

Just post it or order a new one and get Amazon to deliver it there x
No way. Why on earth should op be out of pocket for a bloody jar they want back? If they don't want to come and get it let them sod off. Forget about it now.
oakleaffy · 21/10/2021 14:13

@MarleneDietrichsSmile

Only rich people are tight like this
Soooooo true. A relative {Very good earner} put £2 in a parking meter on New Years day and realised he hadn't needed to. It ruined his entire day. Yet that day when I took his tiny unused jam portions from his Liberty's breakfast, he said ''Don't do that! how embarrassing!''.

I did take them, as wanted the little jars!

TillyTopper · 21/10/2021 14:16

Honestly I'd just get them a new one or post the current one you have. I think they are strange to ask for it back but I'd supply one. However, if I got another gift in a jar from them I'd check before accepting it!

MesChiensSontBeaux · 21/10/2021 14:17

@pictish

“And yeah, I won’t be making for people who can’t return them.”

Oooh gutted. No special jam for people who haven’t earned it. That’s you told.

I absolutely hate it when people give homemade food as gifts. Most of the time it’s not something I want. And then every time you see them they ask if you’re enjoying it. I don’t want your homemade shite and then be forced into telling you it’s better than anything shop bought. It’s not! If they then expected me to return the jar by driving 40 mins each way,....🤪 Its almost a self indulgent present.