..to think you wear black to a funeral?

[NotLikeTheOthers]

Just that really. You wear black to a funeral, unless the family have requested otherwise, don't you? DM doesn't like wearing black and is going to wear a burgundy outfit. Is that viewed as disrespectful? I feel like mostly black with a muted colour might be ok, but not no black. I don't go to lots of funerals though so need to know what the done thing is please!

I was meant to quote @Boood 's post, sorry.

@mag2305 When conducting funerals I always wear my formal choir dress as I think it adds dignity to the occasion. On funeral visits to relatives and when traveling to and from the service I always wear a dark suit and muted tie, (Not black). I feel that this helps to give confidence to the family. At a wedding you can make a minor mistake and everyone will laugh about it afterwards; at a funeral there is no such indugence.

Yabu

And what really annoyed me with my grandads funeral was people not adhering to our wishes of not wearing black. That was disrespectful!

In my previous post I said that I wore a coloured dress because I know that’s what my mum would have liked. My brother wanted to ask people to wear colours but I didn’t want to dictate to people what they should do, some older people (although I’m old myself!) feel more comfortable in dark clothes at a funeral and that was fine with me.

"And what really annoyed me with my grandads funeral was people not adhering to our wishes of not wearing black. That was disrespectful!"

Surely it's more of colours being "allowed" not that they must be worn?

How can wearing black to a funeral ever be disrespectful?

Yeah only the immediate family usually wear black, anything not really bright is OK otherwise

Why are you policing your Mum’s clothing choices?

Burgundy or any dark or muted shade is fine. I wore purple for my fathers funeral and my sister wore navy with a small white pattern. The only things most people would avoid are anything too revealing, casual (sports clothes and the like) or really bright colours unless the family request it.

Mourning is done in the heart. The funeral is just a show for the world.

@diddl

"And what really annoyed me with my grandads funeral was people not adhering to our wishes of not wearing black. That was disrespectful!"

Surely it's more of colours being "allowed" not that they must be worn?

How can wearing black to a funeral ever be disrespectful?

@diddl I just felt at the time it was a bit disrespectful as I know my grandad absolutely hated people wearing black. He would always moan about TV presenters wearing black. It was just his thing. We made this clear and people still wore black. I understand older people may feel differently though.

And what really annoyed me with my grandads funeral was people not adhering to our wishes of not wearing black. That was disrespectful!

Not really. Surely the point was that they should wear what they feel comfortable with. I'd hate to have someone feeling that they had to go out and buy something bright if that isn't what they would normally wear.

Do you know something as a family member I can not tell you what anyone wore to my mums, grandmas, granddads, grannys or father in laws funeral.

For my grandma I wore a navy dress with big flowers on as the flower is my daughters name who was to young to attend.

Depends what you think the deceased would have wanted (a lovely lady I knew left strict instructions for bright colours only at her funeral as she felt strongly about wanting it to be a celebration of her life) - I think people should try to do what the deceased would have wanted if at all possible, but personally I think in the absence of any other guidelines, any dark colour/muted outfit is fine. I gave my father's eulogy wearing a dark green jacket and dark grey trousers, the only black thing I wore was my top. I've worn burgundy too, and would wear dark purple - purple actually is a suitable mourning colour traditionally. I find the black-only thing a little old-fashioned personally.

A friend's DH died recently and she asked people to wear any colours, but not black. One friend came in an all-black outfit, and said to me" Sorry, but I think it's disrespectful not to wear black." I couldn't resist replying " Well, you could say it's disrespectful to the family not to wear what they asked."

My father's was the last funeral I attended, and he had requested no black to be worn, as had my mother 18 months before. At my friend's funeral, most of us wore black. There aren't any rules, the deceased or the family's wishes are important. Smart = respectful, so other muted colours are fine.

I've been to a couple of funerals, where people have specifically requested a certain colour or bright colours, which reflected the personality of the person who had passed.