..to think you wear black to a funeral?

[NotLikeTheOthers]

Just that really. You wear black to a funeral, unless the family have requested otherwise, don't you? DM doesn't like wearing black and is going to wear a burgundy outfit. Is that viewed as disrespectful? I feel like mostly black with a muted colour might be ok, but not no black. I don't go to lots of funerals though so need to know what the done thing is please!

It depends on the type of funeral and the wishes of the deceased and their family. Many funerals I’ve attended have been a celebration of the life of the deceased. If no dress code is indicated, muted is fine, and doesn’t have to be black. I wouldn’t wear bright colours unless specifically asked. Burgundy is a lovely muted colour.

yabu. I don't wear black, have never worn black, don't keep a funeral outfit in the wardrobe (is that an MN thing?) I wouldn't wear bright colours unless specifically told to but something muted is fine.

I wore navy to my mother in law's funeral and deep dark mulberry dress with a grey tweed coat to my mothers. They were both traditional funerals and very few people wore black, nearly everyone wore dark colours.

Sadly I've been to loads of funerals over the last few years and very few people wear black these days. Anything sombre is fine and burgundy fits the bill perfectly.

I think any dark colour is fine. I wore a burgundy dress to my grandad’s funeral although I was about 8 at the time.

Why are so many still pro black at funerals in this day and age?!!! What does it really show? The presence of the person is far more significant.

@Thimphu

It is more important to attend - I have absolutely no recollection of what people wore to funerals where I was one of the main mourners, I just remember that cared enough to come. As long as the outfit is modest and in muted tones so nothing to remember/notice really then absolutely fine.

Yes exactly. Can't remember a thing that anyone wore to my Mum's funeral, it's a blur, but they were all in the muted dark blue/grey/navy/black range and nothing stood out as wildly inappropriate. I was just glad to have the support of people there.

I just remembered that I actually wore flip flops and a bright short skirt to my nans funeral. It was a hot, summers day. It was my choice and not at all disrespectful in my opinion. In actual fact, I know my nan would have said, 'you look lovely dear'.

I do wonder if black and dark colours at funerals is an older generation thing that will gradually (and hopefully) change.

It’s so easy to obtain plain, smart black clothes cheaply that I think failing to do so for a funeral is actually pretty disrespectful and making it all about you. Children is one thing, but I really don’t think there’s an excuse for adults.

@Boood

It’s so easy to obtain plain, smart black clothes cheaply that I think failing to do so for a funeral is actually pretty disrespectful and making it all about you. Children is one thing, but I really don’t think there’s an excuse for adults.

It's not though You're assuming that people are a standard size, can shop easily and quickly before a funeral (usually you get a weeks notice) or that they have black suit in their wardrobe already

I have black but I don't think black polo neck jumper and skinny black jeans would be appropriate whereas my dark grey or dark blue work suits would be and has been for funerals I've gone to. I can't buy anything firm any shop as I'm far too tall and struggle to get clothes that fit me, cheap clothes don't do my body shape or height.

It's old school to expect everyone to wear black, any somber smart suit or outfit is appropriate. Most funerals I've been to have said a favourite colour so we've worn some brightly coloured scarves or tops with the suit. And I've seen some bright dresses

As PPs have said, I'd far rather people turned up to mourn them than worried about buying a black suit

Ofc I wouldn't want to see someone with ripped jeans and nightclubbing wear on, if not that type of funeral.

@Boood

It’s so easy to obtain plain, smart black clothes cheaply that I think failing to do so for a funeral is actually pretty disrespectful and making it all about you. Children is one thing, but I really don’t think there’s an excuse for adults.

Complete bollocks.

@Boood

It’s so easy to obtain plain, smart black clothes cheaply that I think failing to do so for a funeral is actually pretty disrespectful and making it all about you. Children is one thing, but I really don’t think there’s an excuse for adults.

Completely disagree. It’s wasteful to buy new clothes just for the funeral if you already have something smart in another dark/muted colour. And if you’ve paid for the funeral you might not have any spare money at all.

I would go so far as to say that, unless the deceased is a child, parent, or partner/spouse, wearing all black can make you look a bit overdramatic and attention-seeking, like a young widow whose 90 year old rich husband has just died, or like Queen Victoria wailing after Albert.

So for me - smart black trousers with a suit jacket or cardigan, or a modest and simple work dress with low heels or flats, yes. Black wiggle dress with patent leather Louboutins and big black sunglasses, absolutely not.

One of our local funeral directors has a burgundy hearse and car so I don’t think mourners wearing burgundy would cause much of an issue.

I do wonder if black and dark colours at funerals is an older generational thing that will gradually (and hopefully) change

I really think so, and there's definitely been a difference between younger/older funerals. I remember going to a relatives funeral who asked for normal clothing, my parents struggled with that as it was the first time they'd never not worn black suit and tie to a funeral. I think in another 20/30 years black at a funeral will be a rarity.

Not any more I think.
It used to be nothing short of scandalous to not wear black..or a hat. But these days it's different
and black, grey, dark blue etc are all perfectly acceptable choices.

IMO funerals are for the living. It's not being disrespectful to the deceased if you wear something other than black, if you don't go at all, whatever you do. They know nothing about it. They're not there.

A funeral is for YOU to show your last respects, and you do that however YOU feel comfortable.

Therefore if someone would rather wear another colour, fine. If someone would rather not go, fine. If someone doesn't want to go to the wake, fine.

Let people cope the way they want to.

Black is definitely outdated now . I wouldn’t exactly wear a bright cheerful floral piece though ( unless that’s what was requested, which I’ve seen ). Burgundy is fine 👍🏼

Last funeral I was at I wore a navy blue dress with colourful flowers all over. My friend's mum loved flowers In the absence of any instructions otherwise, I think dark colours are fine whether they are black or not.

I would personally wear black, but I doubt I'd even notice what other people are wearing.

Ime black is for immediate family and mourners, less closely connected people wear muted colours. But I’m in Ireland where everyone turns up.

I wear black or muted colours - I think it matters to show respect by being smartly dressed, rather than wearing any specific colour

I always wear black but that's just my preference. Muted colours are fine in general.

@Boood

It’s so easy to obtain plain, smart black clothes cheaply that I think failing to do so for a funeral is actually pretty disrespectful and making it all about you. Children is one thing, but I really don’t think there’s an excuse for adults.

With all the funerals that I've attended as part of the family it is actually about people attending and paying their respects.

Some people find out at the last minute so just turn up in their work clothes e.g. jeans as they are tradesmen. No-one has given a shit.

I think anything goes nowadays.

I see a lot of funeral groups through my job. It’s quite unusual to see head to toe black, tbh.