..to think you wear black to a funeral?

[NotLikeTheOthers]

Just that really. You wear black to a funeral, unless the family have requested otherwise, don't you? DM doesn't like wearing black and is going to wear a burgundy outfit. Is that viewed as disrespectful? I feel like mostly black with a muted colour might be ok, but not no black. I don't go to lots of funerals though so need to know what the done thing is please!

@Burnerphone21 because uniform is likely to be the only darker,muted colours the children have? Their play clothes are often brighter shades. Seems obvious to me!

I wear a dark charcoal grey dress usually with black tights, and a dark grey coat or black blazer. Looks smart and muted
Obviously not if colour is requested, I have another funeral dress for that which is navy with tiny multicoloured spots

I also think things are more relaxed nowadays. Last funeral I went to there were no indications about dress but I wore a navy blue and red floral dress with black stockings, a black velvet blazer. People wore a gamut, there was alot of dark purple (even among the men, one of whom wore a rich purple cords with a black velvet blazer and looked amazing).

was at a funeral yesterday, lady that passed away was 92.
Most of the attendees were of a similar age, and family members down to mid 20's .

Everyone was smart, men in suits, older men in formal trousers and dark coats- but not formal coats- anorack type coats

Ladies wore mostly black or navy trousers/dresses and again dark coats, Under their coats the ladies has pale coloured sweaters- many in lilac. Tey all looked smart, which I consider the respectfull element

I'm in my 60's and at a recent funeral I wore black jeans with a black and burgundy top. It was fine.
I agree with a pp - it's more important to go along and pay your respects (although admittedly, I wouldn't turn up in bright colours and stick out like a sore thumb).

I always wear black myself, but DH says at the last funeral we went to lots of people were wearing other colours (I didn't notice tbh).

I always wear black (reached the age of having summer and winter funeral outfits) unless requested otherwise.

I don’t have a black coat but wear a dark colour; when I’ve looked around most of us are dressed the same.

[quote toomuchlaundry]@Burnerphone21 children probably wear school uniform as it is their smartest set of clothes. Many people can’t afford to buy something specifically for a funeral especially for a child who will grow out of it before needed again, and if the alternative would be jeans or joggers they go with school uniform[/quote]
yes my DCs wore their school uniform to the funeral I mentioned. Charcoal grey trousers / shorts, white shirt black blazer and black and red striped ties. So actually there were slightly more traditionally dressed than I was!

It is more important to attend - I have absolutely no recollection of what people wore to funerals where I was one of the main mourners, I just remember that cared enough to come. As long as the outfit is modest and in muted tones so nothing to remember/notice really then absolutely fine.

Smart casual in any colour is fine.

I’ve been to 10+ funerals so far this year

I would dress smartly and in a dark colour which might not be black. Not sure I would wear burgundy, it is a colour that comes in different shades though, perhaps a very dark burgundy would be appropriate, but a bright one less so (unless the family have requested bright colours of course).

@Marmite27

Smart casual in any colour is fine.

I’ve been to 10+ funerals so far this year

:(

I think so long as you're not wearing the bright colourful outfits a la Grayson Perry for example, then you're ok. Usually it's black for the immediate family, then black or navy or sometimes a deep wine/burgundy colour for someone paying their respects.
It's more about being respectful than actually following a colour scheme.

I remember for my grandmother, when she passed away, she wanted people to remember her happy life and not be sorrowful so she specifically asked people to wear bright colours and remember the good times. So we did. It was a decision that she made for us though.

I work in funerals, there's always a mix of what people. If gents have a suit they tend to wear that, but often just shirt and tie, so smart. Women will wear whatever. Usually dark or sombre colours. Even if its warm inside people tend to keep their coats on in church /the crem so you often don't even see what they're wearing anyway. But I've also seen tracksuits, jeans, loud shirts/suits, bright colours, and sparkly stuff.

Clean and tidy is enough, it's more important to the family that you care enough to be there.

Absolutely not. Anything dark and sober is fine, doesn't have to be black. Honestly though, for an older person, I find it a total pain when asked for something particular to be worn or not worn. Just turning up in something dark and decent should really be all that is required.

@Thimphu

It is more important to attend - I have absolutely no recollection of what people wore to funerals where I was one of the main mourners, I just remember that cared enough to come. As long as the outfit is modest and in muted tones so nothing to remember/notice really then absolutely fine.

Exactly this

I attended a funeral recently and wore a somber black dress and jacket. Everyone else was pretty much wearing their normal clothes. In comparison I looked like I was going to court. They played all the deceased fave songs including dancing Queen. It was a great funeral but I wish I'd chilled out a bit with my clothes

The tradition did used to be to wear black for Christian funerals

I'm not sure about other cultures

But these days dark and muted colours , suits or smart clothes are more common as not everyone has a "funeral outfit" these days.

I wonder if the burgundy is a dark one as shade might be key here, if it's muted it's be fine, as most burgundy's I see are fairly dark hue.

However if it's a bright burgundy , your DM may risk a few eyebrow raises . She must know the deceased person well so she's know if it is something they'd like.

To my siblings funeral we asked people to eat whatever colour they wanted and that purple was her favourite colour. She was never a stickler for these things despite being an active church goer. She's always sneak in a pop of colour, people just accept that was her.

I think times are changing

I think turning up and paying your respects trumps wearing black.

@UltimateBugKilla

I think turning up and paying your respects trumps wearing black.

I agree.

Kind of depends on the deceased too. When we hurried my grandma we were all smartest we have ever been in traditional mourning kit because my grandma was a strict Baptist and she would have been horrified of we deviated!

I think if someone is going to show up to pay their last respects to the deceased they could wear whatever they have available because their presence is more important than their clothes.

Going to a funeral is about saying goodbye. About paying your respects to the deceased. Its about being there for the next of kin in this hard time. Etc etc

And you can do all of that in whatever color you want.
So you mum can wear whatever color she wants. Yabu

I would always wear black unless it was specifically requested not to do so.

It really depends on the family's wishes I guess. I personally hate black at funerals. I don't think it shows respect. It's outdated and Victorian really. If you turn the word funeral into 'celebration of life', would you wear black to that? I wore blue and pretty patterns to all my grandparents funerals. My grandad in particular absolutely hated people wearing black and we specifically said that people coming were not to wear it and they still dad which I think was more disrespectful!

*did