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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left them outside for 10 minutes

488 replies

Notoday · 20/10/2021 15:29

I'm a few days away from having a cesarian. I'm having to take some suppressant medication that makes me poorly, so that's fun. I've spent the last week between the bed and the bathroom.

My partner who lives with me went to collect his kids from school and bring them here but he didn't take his keys with him as usual thus leaving the door unlocked.

Naturally if I'm stuck on the toilet or vomiting into a bowl I'm not going to want to leave my door unlocked as I live on a main road, so I locked it until he gets back.

Typically they arrive back when I'm stuck in the bathroom. I couldn't do much about that unfortunately so they had to wait 10 minutes or so until I was able to go and let them in.

DP comes in doing a silly dance saying how much he's bursting for a wee and his youngest DC is majorly pissed off about having to wait outside for so long.

WIBU to have locked the door and made them wait as opposed to leaving the toilet to open the door? Confused

OP posts:
pelosi · 21/10/2021 06:23

@Moonwatcher1234

Really weird that OP posted this. Obviously she is not being unreasonable but odd that she needs to ask people this? Confused.
Why is it weird? This is exactly what AIBU is for.

I think your confused emoji is apt, you seem to have a hard time understanding what a forum is for.

LuaDipa · 21/10/2021 06:33

I grew up in a lovely quiet suburb. I was brought up locking the door religiously because my dad used to tell us all off for leaving it unlocked as he said it wasn’t safe. I found out when I was older that the reason for this was that a neighbour had two men wander in through their front in broad daylight. She caught them rifling through her handbag. Luckily they ran off when challenged but it worried my dad sick.

Dh never locks the doors and used to often forget his keys. I was forever reminding him as on several occasions I had to rush home to let him in. Once when I went back to work he found himself locked out after picking the kids up from school. My journey home takes me approximately an hour and a half and I didn’t finish for another hour. He has never forgotten them since, although his wallet is a different story. Grown men should not be exempt from remembering basic things and it isn’t up to op to leave herself vulnerable in order to accommodate his forgetfulness.

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 21/10/2021 07:27

@SuperCaliFragalistic

I don't lock my family out of the house while I'm on the toilet. That seems a bit weird but I guess I live in a safer area.
It's irrelevant what you do, OP doesn't live in a safe area. She didn't lock them out, she locks the door when she's in and her DP forgot to take his key. His fault

But Hmm well done for the stealth boast about where you live. I bet you're the sort of person who says to a homeless person "I have a roof over my head and food to eat you know. Just saying"

daisyducky · 21/10/2021 07:43

He needs to take his keys with him if you're understandably uncomfortable with the door unlocked.

Once the baby comes and you're trying to feed or get the baby to sleep you can't be disturbed to let him in when he could easily do so himself.

Also once baby is older they may be able to let themselves out. Our 2 year old managed to let herself out. We didn't realise she could reach the Yale lock yet!

Thatsplentyjack · 21/10/2021 07:46

People forget things sometimes. I think you should have left the door open if there was a chance you wouldn't be able to answer it in a few minutes. 10 minutes or so is a long time to wait, especially to children.

Glitterybug · 21/10/2021 07:47

I can happily take half an hour on the loo and if dh locked himself out there's no way id be cutting my time short to let him in. And I'm not pregnant and i don't habitually have diarrhoea. He's a grown adult so he takes his keys with him. He can wait outside til I'm done. Just as i wouldn't expect him to leap off the toilet mid shit to let me in if i didn't have my keys. Because I'm an adult and i don't leave the house without wallet/keys/phone, that has never had to happen.

This is Mumsnet - supposed to be a supportive place for mums yet we have a woman who is shortly going to give birth and feeling ill, who is still expected to bow down to the mighty penis so that he is not inconvenienced by his own stupidity and not just by a few posters either. Makes me sick.

Glitterybug · 21/10/2021 07:48

People forget things sometimes

She said he does this all the time. At what point is it forgetful and what point is it deliberate?

ManAlive24 · 21/10/2021 07:52

I don't get Mumsnet. If the postie walks in on you to give you your post, you should lock your door. If your other half doesn't take his keys because he's a lazy twat, you should leave your door unlocked.

I live in a very safe area and I always lock my front door. Weirdos on here. YANBU.

HouseOfFire · 21/10/2021 08:20

@SuperCaliFragalistic

I don't lock my family out of the house while I'm on the toilet. That seems a bit weird but I guess I live in a safer area.
I live in what I think is a very safe area, but I lock my doors, because that's normal behaviour in the UK
Morporkia · 21/10/2021 08:50

I’ve been on the other side of this. Forgot my keys when I went to pick up kids from school. DH has a bowel condition. I get home, no keys and door on Yale lock so as soon as it’s shut it locks. I ring bell. No response. I send DS round to call over fence in case dad in garden. No. But he did shout down from the loo that he’s busy. 20 minutes we were waiting. Did I blame DH? Or Expect him to run downstairs mid-poop? Nope. I called myself a twat and didn’t forget my keys again. Completely my fault as I knew there would be a good chance DH would be occupied. Notoday’s DP must have been aware she was having these issues with her meds and failed to take steps to ensure he could get back in. And rather than being concerned, allowed his DS to be rude to her. YANBU

RightsaidPleb · 21/10/2021 08:59

I've stumbled on this thread but by sheer coincidence I found myself in almost exactly the same circumstances last week!

7 months pregnant, anaemic so on a lot of iron-hence, also on daily lactulose. If you've ever been on it you'll know that when you need to go...you need to go NOW and it does mean sitting on the loo for a while

We have yale lock so door automatically locks. If it didn't, we would lock the door when in as a matter of course and we live in a relatively safe neighbourhood!

DH went to pick up DS from nursery and didn't take his keys.

Came back as I was on the loo. He rang the doorbell and knocked. There was nothing I could do!!

He text me and I told him of my situation and there was no way I could answer the door at the mo. His response in text was exactly this 'oh dear, sorry I've been a prat and forgotten my keys. I'll take DS to the playground up the road and be back in 20. Feel better x'

He is completely aware of my situation and therefore knows the onus was on him to take keys.

OP I think YANBU at all. Your DP continuously forgets his keys, knows of your condition, knows the door get locked as a matter of course-this is of his own making.

Lulu2021 · 21/10/2021 09:10

@eastegg

Anyway violence against women happens everywhere so it doesn’t really matter.

Yes. Which is why we should all be locking our doors!

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 21/10/2021 09:21

RightsaidPleb
You're DP is great and responded how a caring reasonable partner would do.

That's what's notable in OP's situation . That OPs DP is an entitled twonk who attempts to blame her and he can't take responsibility for his actions (in forgetting his keys)

All of that to an unwell 9 month pregnant woman who was mid using the loo

He doesn't sound like OPs partner is a responsible adult at all . I hope he's apologised

Thatsplentyjack · 21/10/2021 09:37

@ManAlive24

I don't get Mumsnet. If the postie walks in on you to give you your post, you should lock your door. If your other half doesn't take his keys because he's a lazy twat, you should leave your door unlocked.

I live in a very safe area and I always lock my front door. Weirdos on here. YANBU.

What postie walks in on stone in their house? That's fucking weird.
Bobsyer · 21/10/2021 10:22

There’s been more than one post about how a postman has opened the door and left a parcel on the mat. OP of said post obviously enraged that this has happened, even though they’ve left their door unlocked.

NormanStangerson · 21/10/2021 10:25

Are you new here, @Thatsplentyjack? There’s been so many threads where affronted Mumsnetters have been up in arms about overly-familiar posties trying the door and flinging in letters and parcels.

The posters were livid. “LOCK YOUR FUCKING DOORS!” they cried.

Unless you’re a nine-month pregnant woman with sickness and diarrhoea, who has previously been burgled, and who always locks her door as she lives in a shady area. Then you must keep the door to your own home unlocked for an hour so your useless partner can gain access whenever he so chooses for he is too manly and godlike to be expected to remember something to menial as keys. Bow down, women, bow down.

Thatsplentyjack · 21/10/2021 10:39

@NormanStangerson

Are you new here, *@Thatsplentyjack*? There’s been so many threads where affronted Mumsnetters have been up in arms about overly-familiar posties trying the door and flinging in letters and parcels.

The posters were livid. “LOCK YOUR FUCKING DOORS!” they cried.

Unless you’re a nine-month pregnant woman with sickness and diarrhoea, who has previously been burgled, and who always locks her door as she lives in a shady area. Then you must keep the door to your own home unlocked for an hour so your useless partner can gain access whenever he so chooses for he is too manly and godlike to be expected to remember something to menial as keys. Bow down, women, bow down.

Oh Jesus calm down! No I have never seen a thread where people have complained about a postie walking into their house. That would be a really strange thing for a postie to do. Not new either, been on mumsnet at least 10 years. I forget my key all the time. I wouldn't expect dp to lock the door while I was out and then not answer the door for 15 minutes.
Youseethethingis · 21/10/2021 10:41

We had an Amazon driver just stroll into our (stupidly unlocked) garage recently. The garage door into the main house was also unlocked.
I was out and arrived as he was in there but DH was WFH upstairs utterly oblivious as the guy had not even tried the doorbell.
It's not just posties.

Youseethethingis · 21/10/2021 10:43

I wouldn't expect dp to lock the door while I was out and then not answer the door for 15 minute
If you know DP always locks the door and is also unwell with vomiting and diarrhea then that's exactly what you should expect and serve you right.

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 21/10/2021 11:04

@Youseethethingis

We had an Amazon driver just stroll into our (stupidly unlocked) garage recently. The garage door into the main house was also unlocked. I was out and arrived as he was in there but DH was WFH upstairs utterly oblivious as the guy had not even tried the doorbell. It's not just posties.
He left a package in the garage Sensible in my opinion
Allthesefolks · 21/10/2021 11:05

This thread is so weird! I don’t live in a rough area but I’d never leave the door unlocked if you can open it with just the handle. Most burglaries happen in the daytime.

We have a Yale lock so you always need your keys to get in even if the door is unlocked. If I’m going for a run and don’t want to take them then I always check DH is ok to let me back in.

Youseethethingis · 21/10/2021 11:13

Not when that's not the delivery instructions and he's not tried knocking/ringing the doorbell first Confused

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 21/10/2021 11:15

@Youseethethingis

Not when that's not the delivery instructions and he's not tried knocking/ringing the doorbell first Confused
I hate to be disturbed when WFH

So personally love a driver using initiative and putting package somewhere discrete for me to collect later

NormanStangerson · 21/10/2021 11:29

Oh Jesus calm down! No I have never seen a thread where people have complained about a postie walking into their house. That would be a really strange thing for a postie to do. Not new either, been on mumsnet at least 10 years.
I forget my key all the time. I wouldn't expect dp to lock the door while I was out and then not answer the door for 15 minutes.

Don’t tell me to calm down 🙄 I’d have thought it was quite obvious I was being facetious as this thread is full of utterly mental posts, which I was highlighting.

Also the last bit of your post shows you’ve really not understood the OP’s posts and what you expect is really neither here nor there.

Youseethethingis · 21/10/2021 11:30

You personally love strangers gaining access to your home. Whoopee for you.
I don't. Which is why there were alternative delivery instructions such as "ring the doorbell, we are at home".