To have left them outside for 10 minutes

[Notoday]

I'm a few days away from having a cesarian. I'm having to take some suppressant medication that makes me poorly, so that's fun. I've spent the last week between the bed and the bathroom.

My partner who lives with me went to collect his kids from school and bring them here but he didn't take his keys with him as usual thus leaving the door unlocked.

Naturally if I'm stuck on the toilet or vomiting into a bowl I'm not going to want to leave my door unlocked as I live on a main road, so I locked it until he gets back.

Typically they arrive back when I'm stuck in the bathroom. I couldn't do much about that unfortunately so they had to wait 10 minutes or so until I was able to go and let them in.

DP comes in doing a silly dance saying how much he's bursting for a wee and his youngest DC is majorly pissed off about having to wait outside for so long.

WIBU to have locked the door and made them wait as opposed to leaving the toilet to open the door?

@SpidersAreShitheads

You're pretty aggro on this thread OP.

Clearly different people have different view on this subject but you're absolutely refusing to consider that anyone's view but your own is right.

Not really sure why you've come on here asking if you were being unreasonable because clearly you don't think you are, and you're being sarcastic and actually a bit rude to anyone who suggests otherwise.

I get that you're pregnant, unwell and fed-up with a partner who obviously doesn't listen when you ask him to remember his keys. I'd be pissed off with all of that too - but at the same time I'd probably have a bit of empathy for cold and knackered kids who had to wait outside for 10 minutes after a day at school. It IS possible to both think that you're right and still be a bit less dismissive about kids being left waiting.

I think you're both a bit unreasonable here.

Cold? It's been 18 degrees today!

@PurpleOkapi

YABU to lock them out because you can't bear the thought of the door being unlocked for 10 minutes while you're home, in broad daylight. He had no reason to take his key, since he knew the door wasn't locked. Your level of anxiety about this isn't reasonable. And even if it was, just locking him out without warning him that you're going to start locking the door behind him, so he knows he needs to take his key, is about the most selfish possible way of solving the problem.

Did you bother to read the thread or even just the OP's posts? I guess not because if you had you would have seen the OP explaining why she likes the door locked. You would also have seen that they live in a high crime area, that they have been burgled before and that the partner was away closer to an hour than 10 mins. You might even have seen that she always locks the door behind him and that she is constantly reminding him to take his key. I suspect though you didn't bother to read any of it in your haste to jump on the bandwagon of nasty posts telling OP how it is all her fault . We can't have the facts getting in the way of people piling on to tell OP she should really sort her anxiety out.

So many posters are just being cunts for the sake of it…

This place has really become toxic. I’ve been here for years but I’ve never seen a deletion notice like this one I saw earlier…

I really want to ask those posters and the ones in this thread, what the hell are you thinking of when you pile on? Is it just that you’re craving attention and so try to get it by writing really shitty things, just so we notice you and respond?!

These things often make those posters look a fool, as they ignore so much an OP has said and attacks them for things they haven’t said. It’s mind boggling.

I happen to know someone is conducting social experiments around this sort of mob mentality on here. Will be fascinating reading.

@PurpleOkapi

YABU to lock them out because you can't bear the thought of the door being unlocked for 10 minutes while you're home, in broad daylight. He had no reason to take his key, since he knew the door wasn't locked. Your level of anxiety about this isn't reasonable. And even if it was, just locking him out without warning him that you're going to start locking the door behind him, so he knows he needs to take his key, is about the most selfish possible way of solving the problem.

But he should've known the door was locked! It has quite clearly been stated ( several times ) that op always locks the door.

@WhereIsMumHiding3

There was a thread a few months ago OP, about a woman with a lodger who kept going out without his keys and expecting the OP to let him in when he returned.

Almost unanimous on that thread that the lodger should be given notice to leave if as an adult he couldn't remember to take his house keys with him. That she wasn't his Mum. And that OP wasn't stuck in the loo at the time with D&V and heavily pregnant. She was just fed up of having to unlock the door to an adult who has his own keys but was to scatty and self important to take them

Goodness how it all turns on a tuppence

More like all turns on a stepmum.

Why are people on here so willfully awkward! I live in a nice street in quite a nice area and I still always lock my door when I'm home alone. Always. Especially if I'm off in the shower or off for a nap. Not a single clue why that would be a weird thing to do.

OP I also wouldn't have got off the bog to go let him in when you've fucking TELLED him 80000 times to take his keys.

@Notoday

Your 'D'P acted like an inconsiderate twat, completely lacking in empathy, common sense & parenting skills.

Have a good think about whether you want him to continue to live with you. I know you're due to give birth, but that doesn't mean you have to stay with him!

If you are going to stay with him, get him told.

1. Take his fucking keys. How dare he leave you in the house with the door unlocked when he knows how you feel about it & when you're unwell (and will soon have a baby)

1. He does NOT encourage/allow his children to be so disrespectful of you.

1. He treats you with more love, more respect & with consideration or he fucks off.

I hope you feel better soon 💐

@PurpleOkapi

YABU to lock them out because you can't bear the thought of the door being unlocked for 10 minutes while you're home, in broad daylight. He had no reason to take his key, since he knew the door wasn't locked. Your level of anxiety about this isn't reasonable. And even if it was, just locking him out without warning him that you're going to start locking the door behind him, so he knows he needs to take his key, is about the most selfish possible way of solving the problem.

Wow. There are some riiculous posts on this thread which are blatantly made just for the sake of attacking the OP, but this may win the prize.

It's not that OP can't bear the door being unlocked, she doesn't want to take a stupid and entirely avoidable risk of burglary, having been burgled before. She knows whether that is a realistic risk in her area, I would venture to suggest that you don't, @PurpleOkapi. Her anxiety about being burgled is entirely reasonable.

OP's husband didn't know that the door wasn't locked. Something tells me that the OP's aversion to burglars didn't suddenly develop on this one occasion.

What the hell is so selfish about expecting a grown man to take his keys? Or in making him wait 10 minutes for the door to be opened when his pregnant wife is ill?

If someone had come into the house someone would have told you that you should have locked the door. You can’t win. I suggest adopting a policy of always making him wait at least 5 minutes before opening the door to help him learn to remember his keys.

@PurpleOkapi

YABU to lock them out because you can't bear the thought of the door being unlocked for 10 minutes while you're home, in broad daylight. He had no reason to take his key, since he knew the door wasn't locked. Your level of anxiety about this isn't reasonable. And even if it was, just locking him out without warning him that you're going to start locking the door behind him, so he knows he needs to take his key, is about the most selfish possible way of solving the problem.

Have you ever been to SE London? Especially the Catford/Lewisham area?

@PurpleOkapi

I don’t think either of you were enormously unreasonable, but i do think it’s a really easily fixed situation. Get a different type of lock so that the door locks behind you! Then he has to take the keys.
Also no idea why the 13yo a) needs picking up and b) doesn’t have his own key.

Honestly, just make life easier for yourself.

[quote SpookyPumpkinPants]@Notoday

Your 'D'P acted like an inconsiderate twat, completely lacking in empathy, common sense & parenting skills.

Have a good think about whether you want him to continue to live with you. I know you're due to give birth, but that doesn't mean you have to stay with him!

If you are going to stay with him, get him told.

1. Take his fucking keys. How dare he leave you in the house with the door unlocked when he knows how you feel about it & when you're unwell (and will soon have a baby)

1. He does NOT encourage/allow his children to be so disrespectful of you.

1. He treats you with more love, more respect & with consideration or he fucks off.

I hope you feel better soon 💐[/quote]

Spot on! I couldn't have put it better myself.

Not really sure why you've come on here asking if you were being unreasonable because clearly you don't think you are, and you're being sarcastic and actually a bit rude to anyone who suggests otherwise.

Good grief, have you read the thread at all, @SpidersAreShitheads? It's full of people being ridiculously rude to OP with no valid reason, her responses really are quite moderate in the circumstances - especially bearing in mind her poor health.

I get that you're pregnant, unwell and fed-up with a partner who obviously doesn't listen when you ask him to remember his keys. I'd be pissed off with all of that too - but at the same time I'd probably have a bit of empathy for cold and knackered kids who had to wait outside for 10 minutes after a day at school. It IS possible to both think that you're right and still be a bit less dismissive about kids being left waiting.

Temperatures in Catford today are very similar to where I live. I've been perfectly comfortable going out without a coat, including waiting around 10 minutes for someoneI was meeting. And even if it was cold, 10 minutes standing around is hardly going to kill the child - it certainly doesn't compare with being 9 months pregnant and suffering from severe diarrhoea. Just out of interest, do you think that child might have been expected to show some empathy to his stepmother?

He should have taken his keys but I'm sure you had a minute where you could have opened the door so you are both being unreasonable

Why?
Do houses get walked into all day everyday?
Honestly please elaborate.

I live in London and there is no way I or my DH would leave the door unlocked for 10mins. I think it was fine to leave them waiting until you were off the loo. If you don’t take your keys then you are at the mercy of other people being on the loo, wearing headphones, popping out etc.

@flippertyop

He should have taken his keys but I'm sure you had a minute where you could have opened the door so you are both being unreasonable

I have n’t read the whole thread but this poster has it.

It sound like the op was punishing her partner.

@Morgan12

Why? Do houses get walked into all day everyday? Honestly please elaborate.

Most burglaries happen in the day. That's not to say it will definitely happen, but if someone tries your door and it's locked, they'll likely move on to the next one.

@2Two Yes, I've read the thread, and that was my take on it. Obviously different to yours, but we can agree to disagree. No issue with that.

Where I live (UK) it's absolutely freezing, wet and cold so I based my comment on that.

To be fair though, in any weather having to stand outside on the doorstep after being at school all day is a bit shit. But my comment still stands - whether the OP should have locked the door or not is almost irrelevant - she could still express some empathy for knackered kids having to wait outside, even if it couldn't be helped. I've been locked out before and 10 minutes feels like a very long time!

As I said in my earlier comment, I can understand why OP wanted to lock the door and I can understand why she's pissed at her DP. But I still think she's more than a bit self-absorbed not to understand why the kids aren't happy.

Happy to disagree on these points.

@Morgan12

Why? Do houses get walked into all day everyday? Honestly please elaborate.

Yep, not catford but not a million miles away, we had ring doorbell footage posted to our local fb group of people going door to door trying handles and car door handles every night.

No way would I leave my door unlocked in catford

Maybe if you'd read the whole thread you'd know she was spending that ten minutes shitting her arse inside out. Perhaps she should have fashioned a nappy out of a bath towel and waddled down the stairs to let in the grown man who knows the door is always locked and knows his partner is on meds that give her horrendous diarrhoea yet never bothers to remember his keys.

@Northernparent68 maybe read the whole thread before you comment first?

What indication is there that the OP was punishing her partner? Because she had diarrhea and didn't feel well enough within 10mins to get off of the toilet? You know diarrhea can be constant for a long period of time and can absolutely drain the energy out of you right?

Do people like you think before they post or just want to pile on to something a recent poster has wrote...?

IME diarrhoea is over with in 10 seconds not 10 minutes but maybe you wanted to subconsciously to teach him a lesson for not taking his keys?

@Morgan12

Why? Do houses get walked into all day everyday? Honestly please elaborate.

They're called in burglaries [[https://simplisafe.co.uk/blog/the-rise-of-sneak-in-burglaries]]. Really quite common.

West Yorkshire Police advice

Sneak in burglaries account for 30% of break ins.

Woman jailed after multiple convictions for sneak in burglaries