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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left them outside for 10 minutes

488 replies

Notoday · 20/10/2021 15:29

I'm a few days away from having a cesarian. I'm having to take some suppressant medication that makes me poorly, so that's fun. I've spent the last week between the bed and the bathroom.

My partner who lives with me went to collect his kids from school and bring them here but he didn't take his keys with him as usual thus leaving the door unlocked.

Naturally if I'm stuck on the toilet or vomiting into a bowl I'm not going to want to leave my door unlocked as I live on a main road, so I locked it until he gets back.

Typically they arrive back when I'm stuck in the bathroom. I couldn't do much about that unfortunately so they had to wait 10 minutes or so until I was able to go and let them in.

DP comes in doing a silly dance saying how much he's bursting for a wee and his youngest DC is majorly pissed off about having to wait outside for so long.

WIBU to have locked the door and made them wait as opposed to leaving the toilet to open the door? Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Notoday · 20/10/2021 20:38

@hotmeatymilk

It's well known that most women go straight to the toilet when entering their home Is it? Do they? I’m on the OP’s side here but I also now want a poll on these most women and their straight-to-loo behaviour and also on how well-known it is. How do the thieves know this and I don’t!!!
I can confirm I'm one of the women who always go straight to the loo when I get home.

I'd also like to know how the thieves know that though! Fascinated Grin

OP posts:
daisypond · 20/10/2021 20:42

It's well known that most women go straight to the toilet when entering their home

What? Well known by whom? I never go straight to the toilet when entering my home. Why would you?

Lulu2021 · 20/10/2021 20:43

@WhereIsMumHiding3

There was a thread a few months ago OP, about a woman with a lodger who kept going out without his keys and expecting the OP to let him in when he returned.

Almost unanimous on that thread that the lodger should be given notice to leave if as an adult he couldn't remember to take his house keys with him. That she wasn't his Mum. And that OP wasn't stuck in the loo at the time with D&V and heavily pregnant. She was just fed up of having to unlock the door to an adult who has his own keys but was to scatty and self important to take them

Goodness how it all turns on a tuppence

I'll hazard a guess the key (no pun intended) difference here is that the OP referred to having left her precious (poorly behaved) stepchild on the door step. The poor mite could have frozen to death out there for those 10 minutes, you know! She's clearly an evil Stepmother. In fact, I'm certain she deliberately timed her bowel explosion with the precious step child's return... What other explanation is there?

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 20/10/2021 20:46

@daisypond

It's well known that most women go straight to the toilet when entering their home

What? Well known by whom? I never go straight to the toilet when entering my home. Why would you?

Because I'm bursting? A 2 yo has a stronger bladder than me.Grin
Itstheweekendyasssss · 20/10/2021 20:52

Reading between the lines I think you are peeved that you are feeling crap and your DP is still thinking about his needs(needing the loo) and the needs of his existing kids instead of thinking about YOU and what YOU are going through. His kids will still need attention once the baby comes and he will still need to go to the loo every now and then.

AutumnLeafy · 20/10/2021 20:53

The sink is in the bathroom so in these covidy days first thing I do is wash my hands. Then I go to the loo.

AutumnLeafy · 20/10/2021 20:53

@Itstheweekendyasssss

Reading between the lines I think you are peeved that you are feeling crap and your DP is still thinking about his needs(needing the loo) and the needs of his existing kids instead of thinking about YOU and what YOU are going through. His kids will still need attention once the baby comes and he will still need to go to the loo every now and then.
That is a MASSIVE read between the lines
2Two · 20/10/2021 20:54

If you are absolutely 100% about it, I really don’t see the point of posting.

Are you new to Mumsnet, @eastegg? This is a general forum, there doesn't have to be a "point" to posting, whether sanctioned by you or otherwise.

Original poster
Notoday · 20/10/2021 20:59

@Itstheweekendyasssss

Reading between the lines I think you are peeved that you are feeling crap and your DP is still thinking about his needs(needing the loo) and the needs of his existing kids instead of thinking about YOU and what YOU are going through. His kids will still need attention once the baby comes and he will still need to go to the loo every now and then.
Oh dear god.

See this is the issue with MN.

If a step mother / partner of a man with existing children says anything about anything at all, in this case my DP not taking his keys, it's always twisted to fit a certain narrative.

That narrative is that the step mum / girlfriend has a problem with the man's kids, doesn't want them around, is cruel etc.

Please don't project your crap, or anybody elses, onto me.

He could have been stood out there with my own mother and my point would remain the same.

OP posts:
2Two · 20/10/2021 20:59

I don't know why you would feel the need to lock your door if he was going to be home in a few minutes. We leave our door unlocked all day usually, once it's been unlocked and if someone is home.

I don't understand why people are so unable to comprehend the concept of someone doing things differently from how they would do it, let alone that they might have very valid reasons for doing so. I wonder whether the door-unlocked brigade have ever heard of the concept of Yale locks, which means that the door is locked all the time, even if someone goes out for only a few minutes, unless they make a specific decision to leave it on the latch. Would their brains explode at having to deal with that?

yesterdayisinthepast · 20/10/2021 21:03

@Itstheweekendyasssss

Reading between the lines I think you are peeved that you are feeling crap and your DP is still thinking about his needs(needing the loo) and the needs of his existing kids instead of thinking about YOU and what YOU are going through. His kids will still need attention once the baby comes and he will still need to go to the loo every now and then.
What a MASSIVE stretch. Clearly you're trying to twist the OPs simple post to fit your narrative. How strange you are
Original poster
Notoday · 20/10/2021 21:03

Posted too soon -

Plus it was DP who needed a wee, not his son Confused

The only 'need' his son had, which wasn't even a need and certainly doesn't take priority over my urgently evacuating my bowels - was him not wanting to stand in the porch for 10 minutes.

But I'll bite and give you and the other SM haters what you want and admit.. I will always prioritise not shitting myself over opening my front door if DP and kids are outside and have forgotten keys.

HTH.

OP posts:
Youseethethingis · 20/10/2021 21:05

🤣 Once the baby is here the step kids will still need attention, he will still need to go to the loo every now and then and he will furthermore still need to take his fucking key every single time because OP will have even less time/inclination/patience for pandering to him than she does now Wink

PurpleOkapi · 20/10/2021 21:05

YABU to lock them out because you can't bear the thought of the door being unlocked for 10 minutes while you're home, in broad daylight. He had no reason to take his key, since he knew the door wasn't locked. Your level of anxiety about this isn't reasonable. And even if it was, just locking him out without warning him that you're going to start locking the door behind him, so he knows he needs to take his key, is about the most selfish possible way of solving the problem.

Youseethethingis · 20/10/2021 21:09

Either reading comprehension is pretty poor around here this evening or people are just being willfully shitty 🙄

Original poster
Notoday · 20/10/2021 21:09

@PurpleOkapi

YABU to lock them out because you can't bear the thought of the door being unlocked for 10 minutes while you're home, in broad daylight. He had no reason to take his key, since he knew the door wasn't locked. Your level of anxiety about this isn't reasonable. And even if it was, just locking him out without warning him that you're going to start locking the door behind him, so he knows he needs to take his key, is about the most selfish possible way of solving the problem.
Yawn.
OP posts:
evilharpy · 20/10/2021 21:11

@PurpleOkapi

YABU to lock them out because you can't bear the thought of the door being unlocked for 10 minutes while you're home, in broad daylight. He had no reason to take his key, since he knew the door wasn't locked. Your level of anxiety about this isn't reasonable. And even if it was, just locking him out without warning him that you're going to start locking the door behind him, so he knows he needs to take his key, is about the most selfish possible way of solving the problem.
Have you been to Catford?
Lulu2021 · 20/10/2021 21:12

His kids will still need attention once the baby comes

Yes. Attention and disciplining, by the sounds of their shitty attitude to a heavily pregnant sick woman ....

Lulu2021 · 20/10/2021 21:13

Have you been to Catford?

I haven't but this thread defo isn't selling it to me tbh....😆

whistleryukon · 20/10/2021 21:17

@Itstheweekendyasssss

Reading between the lines I think you are peeved that you are feeling crap and your DP is still thinking about his needs(needing the loo) and the needs of his existing kids instead of thinking about YOU and what YOU are going through. His kids will still need attention once the baby comes and he will still need to go to the loo every now and then.
Yes, exactly this. She deliberately engineered a massive shit at precisely the moment that DP and DSS would return, just as a fuck you to the kid. Because she hates him and is building up to banishing him from his father's life forevermore.

Cleverly, she also chose to live in an area with high crime rates long ago and even staged a traumatic burglary in the past just as a convenient lead up to this very situation. Who knows what else she has up her sleeve?

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 20/10/2021 21:17

People do realise that no one died right? No one got hurt, no one got frostbite, no one's penis fell off.

The only reason this is an issue is OP's partner making it an issue over a mistake he made.

He's a grownup he can take his keys with him when he leaves the house if he doesn't want to be locked out. It's really that simple.

SpidersAreShitheads · 20/10/2021 21:19

You're pretty aggro on this thread OP.

Clearly different people have different view on this subject but you're absolutely refusing to consider that anyone's view but your own is right.

Not really sure why you've come on here asking if you were being unreasonable because clearly you don't think you are, and you're being sarcastic and actually a bit rude to anyone who suggests otherwise.

I get that you're pregnant, unwell and fed-up with a partner who obviously doesn't listen when you ask him to remember his keys. I'd be pissed off with all of that too - but at the same time I'd probably have a bit of empathy for cold and knackered kids who had to wait outside for 10 minutes after a day at school. It IS possible to both think that you're right and still be a bit less dismissive about kids being left waiting.

I think you're both a bit unreasonable here.

Original poster
Notoday · 20/10/2021 21:19

Catford is that renown for it's crack epidemic, associated crime and antisocial behaviour Ed Sheeran chose it as the location for his recent music video to his song "bad habits" which is about drugs.

The shopping centre he's filmed in is 5 minutes down the road from my house Blush

I don't know one person who would feel comfortable leaving their front door unlocked around here, not least pregnant women who are home alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notoday · 20/10/2021 21:20

@SpidersAreShitheads

You're pretty aggro on this thread OP.

Clearly different people have different view on this subject but you're absolutely refusing to consider that anyone's view but your own is right.

Not really sure why you've come on here asking if you were being unreasonable because clearly you don't think you are, and you're being sarcastic and actually a bit rude to anyone who suggests otherwise.

I get that you're pregnant, unwell and fed-up with a partner who obviously doesn't listen when you ask him to remember his keys. I'd be pissed off with all of that too - but at the same time I'd probably have a bit of empathy for cold and knackered kids who had to wait outside for 10 minutes after a day at school. It IS possible to both think that you're right and still be a bit less dismissive about kids being left waiting.

I think you're both a bit unreasonable here.

I'm not aggro at all, I'm responding to people in the same tone they take with me.

If somebody posts something sarky then people needn't be surprised if I respond similarly.

OP posts:
Anonymous48 · 20/10/2021 21:20

@Lulu2021

I also can't believe so many people are questioning the door being locked. I always have my front and back door locked when at home, whether I'm upstairs or downstairs. I just feel more secure that way. It's not odd or unusual at all.
I'm one of the people who questioned why she felt the need to lock the door. If my husband was nipping out for a while he wouldn't lock the door behind him and I wouldn't lock him out either. That doesn't mean I think it was odd that she did do so. I just wondered why she would assume that everyone does that.