To ask how all you parents do it?

[alreadyfrazzled]

We are a currently childless couple who work full time with a dog. We have a cleaner once a week for 3 hours - she does a lot of dusting but I still have to clean shower after her etc so not a full job.

Today I was flat out WFH (without a commute) - I barely had time for a shower, but my job isn't even particularly crazy hours - it's 5:30 and I'm done today.

Even though cleaner came today, I've still had to do more dishes, cleaned the fridge and taking more recycling out just now. Off to walk the dog for his third walk just now and will be back and barely have time to cook before a reasonable time.

How do you working parents do it? We want TTC soon and I'm honestly scared? Does time magically stretch to accomodate the extra tasks of being a parent? Do you have to get up at 5am every day? Does no one have a pet??

I have a very dusty dirty house and exist on the edge of insanity. When I think back to pre-child days................

Three bed house, three big dogs, a 22 month old and just found out we are expecting number 2! I work part time! I just had to lower my standards! 🤷‍♀️

However you will manage it when you have DC,please please please dont neglect your dog.Have a dirty shower,dirty fridge,dirty hair etc etc,but just dont ignore and neglect your dog!

We both have very flexible jobs and work from home indefinitely. Our schedule looks like:

DH awake around 6:30, showers by 7:15 to get DD up, walks her to school and back 8-9. Starts work when he gets back (or does the washing up he didn’t do before…). I get up similar time, hang out with DD & DH until 8, or sometimes 7:30 when I start work. I usually stop work around 4-4:30 to cook dinner, DH stops at 5:15 when our nanny finishes. Eat dinner, DD goes to bath 6:45, bed at 7:30. We both go to sleep around 9:30.

I run or swim in the middle of every day, I block out the time on my calendar. We sometimes alternate going out in evenings. I usually try to cook a couple meals ahead of time at the weekend. Also when you might spend time staring into space at work taking a break, I’ll race round and tidy or whack something in the oven for dinner.

We have an excellent cleaner and an almost full time nanny on top of pre school so no pick ups to do & she does some tidying, DD laundry etc.

We do still have quite a bit of free time, I see friends at least a couple times a week & regularly go skiing for a half/full day most weekends in the winter and go away for a night with friends 2-3 times a year.

It works because we have a kiddo who sleeps great, flexible jobs, family who lives locally, enough money to pay for substantial help and my DH legit does at least 50% of childcare. I honestly don’t know how anyone does it otherwise - I had someone say that you just don’t enjoy life much for the first few year recently. I can easily believe that’s true with 2 especially.

Your cleaner needs to actually clean your house. Your dog needs one good long walk a day. Then you get on with getting work and things done as quickly/efficiently as possible.

I have two primary kids with extremely busy schedules (one does 20 hours a week of sport). We have a dog. I work 40 hours a week and we have two businesses. My husband does half of everything except the drop offs and pick ups because he has less flexible hours than I do. I get up at 5am. Our family doesn’t help unfortunately. You just have to make it happen and do the best you can. You’ll figure it out because you have to.

Some people do things slowly. Maybe you're just filling the available time. My teen son takes twice as long to wash up as I do. Because he has no time pressure.

It is amazing how much time gets used up by fannying about!

Get a different cleaner. My cleaner can do my whole house, change the beds and iron in 3 hours. I’ve had others who can’t just do the cleaning in that time.

It sounds like your partner doesn't do anything.

That will have to change before your have DC or you will be exhausted and resentful.

He'll do what he is told needs doing but I'm doing the organising.

Does he lack capacity to make decisions and care for himself?

Basically lower your standards right down. Especially when they're babies/ toddlers. Fridge doesn't get cleaned, tea is a ready meal/ toast and beans, dog deals with 2 walks etc...

You have different standards.
I remember making a personal rule that I wouldn't wash up except after main meals as we had no de and with tinies there is an endless array of beakers and little bowls , I felt as if I could have been tied to the sink and there would still only be one more thing to wash.you have to be very organised and this helps with time.you get used to getting up at 6 or so every day which gives you extra hours.etc

As others say ,you just need to drop back a little! If your cleaner has Done the shower, why do it again? Why does doggy need 3 walks!one long walk is what our girl gets.or 2 shorter ones .why can't hubby do that. Tbh when a baby comes along you will find other chores take second place.you will be able to take doggy and baby for nice walks and blow all the chores! All fed none dead becomes your new mantrs

OMG all these people who have never cleaned their fridges 🤢

If you share the load equally it is easy enough. If not it is harder so make sure you are on the same page first. Otherwise you sound a tad melodramatic. You've had a busy day, if you got up to make a coffee you would load the dishwasher or was the dishes in the time it takes to make it etc. You learn to do stuff on the go and be organised. If you can afford to you can outsource things like cleaning as you already do. I work part time, have a 5 year old, 4 year old and 7 week old baby. I can and still do clean my fridge once a week, not the biggest priority by any means but still gets done. I do my own cleaning but then I don't work full time if I did a cleaner would be a must. It's harder if you have a lazy partner that you have to think for and direct all the time or who essentially doesn't do anything.

In general, dogs don't need to be walked 3x a day. In fact, the more you walk them the more they need to be walked. So you might need to lower pooches expectations slightly!

Give your cleaner better instructions.

And something defo doesn't add up here as you don't have commuting time and you have a cleaner? And a partner?

My evenings go
Home 6:15pm, sit of the sofa and stare at the ceiling for 10 minutes
Tidy up the kitchen from breakfast and start dinner
Husband gets home, takes the dog out for half an hour while I finish dinner
We eat about 7:15pm
And then depending if there's anything that needs doing (eg we're decorating the spare room atm) we'll either do that or watch telly and tidy up/pack lunches before bed at 9:30pm (we have to get up at 5:15)

We use Gousto/Hello Fresh (4 portion size so enough for lunch next day) that helps a lot.

I have Fridays off work so that is my cleaning/food shopping day. Weekends are for DIY, fam and friends.

Basically, my standards dropped massively and my priorities changed!
I had 3 babies in 5 years, and up until very recently (DCs are at an age where things are slowly getting easier - only one in nappies now!) I lived by the mantra “everyone fed, no one dead”.
As long as everyone had eaten 3 square meals, had clean clothes to wear and my house wasn’t a biohazard, then we were doing fine.
I went back to work part time in august (evening work) now that DCs 1 & 2 are in school full time. DC3 is happy to potter about the house with me while I do all the necessary jobs during the day, then when DH gets home, I cook dinner and he takes over all the parenting/household stuff while I get into work mode. I give DC3 her last breastfeed of the day around 6:30pm then head off to work.

I think when you have a child you will just find you re-evaluate your priorities, and you will fit things in because you have to.

Your work might take less of a leading role in your life for a while.

Maybe you'll find a cleaner who is willing to do your shower but lots of people don't have a cleaner at all and get along OK.

You will rejig things a bit and you'll be fine, it will happen naturally.

I think most dogs esp bigger ones need walking 3 times a day, a few friends of mine do , they have to

@Sunset999

I think most dogs esp bigger ones need walking 3 times a day, a few friends of mine do , they have to

No, they really don’t. If you get your dog into the routine of being walked 3x a day then that’s different and they will expect it. My large Labrador gets one good off lead walk a day, generally for about an hour. Other than that she potters in the garden, plays with the cats or sleeps! Obviously she won’t turn down another walk if it’s offered but she doesn’t bother us for one. She is fit, healthy, happy and a good weight.

You manage, your standards are lower, you get your cleaner to do a better job (bathrooms, kitchen and floors should be her priority, not dusting).

I just have to. I'm a single working mum, I do not have a cleaner.

P. S. I had a big fit dog when my babies were born, it was great, forced me out of the house when it would have been so easy not to bother (as all a bit difficult) , it was to the benefit of my kids who went to the woods every day from day one, it helped them sleep, it calmed us all (crying doesn't seem so loud outdoors), helped them get into diurnal rhythm as they got loads of natural daylight, and my kids will go out in any weather and walk miles without thinking twice about it in contrast to many children whose jaw drops if a journey doesn't involve the car. So your dog is a great tool if you use it that way. My dog was my sanity saver even though it was hard work at times, I don't think my kids early years would have been as good without him.

I've learned that you can have it all, be it all and do it all but not at the same time unless you have one of those handy time machine things.
So, for example, you, your child or the house can be sorted when you leave in the morning but not all three. Obviously child is priority, so either you are not washing your hair or the dishwasher isn't being emptied and breakfast plates cleared away.
Your child will go to lots of activities, enriching family trips, have the proper balance of sleep and nutrition etc. Or you will have fulfilling hobbies, a satisfying social life with solid friendships and time for self care. But thats not all happening on the same weekend and certainly not at the same time as your house is actually clean and your laundry basket is relatively respectable.
In my life, everything gets a turn and as long as nothing is consistently neglected for a long stretch of time it's all good.
There are no prizes for getting up at 5am to make sure everything is done so fuck that.

With babies/ young children you accept your life is over.
You spend all day clearing up or you live in a tip, and ignore it.
You become the least important person in your own life.

@Happyhappyday thank you for this outline! It definitely sounds doable if spendy. Im glad you can still see friends as well, we are really social.

@rrhuth haha you're right about the fannying about

We live in a flat so dog does need to be out that many times, and also once more before bed - but everyone's responses have definitely underlined that we'll need somewhere with a garden before dog + DC. We have a very active young dog but hopefully she'll start to mellow just in time for DC