To ask how all you parents do it?

[alreadyfrazzled]

We are a currently childless couple who work full time with a dog. We have a cleaner once a week for 3 hours - she does a lot of dusting but I still have to clean shower after her etc so not a full job.

Today I was flat out WFH (without a commute) - I barely had time for a shower, but my job isn't even particularly crazy hours - it's 5:30 and I'm done today.

Even though cleaner came today, I've still had to do more dishes, cleaned the fridge and taking more recycling out just now. Off to walk the dog for his third walk just now and will be back and barely have time to cook before a reasonable time.

How do you working parents do it? We want TTC soon and I'm honestly scared? Does time magically stretch to accomodate the extra tasks of being a parent? Do you have to get up at 5am every day? Does no one have a pet??

Why isn't she cleaning the shower. Tell her to, and to do less dusting.

I only clean our fridge a few times per year.

No pets. So no walking 3 times.

I worked part time when ds's young.

You just get up earlier and go to bed later, losing the latter part of the evening.

I found you just become more efficient when you have kids. E.g. I used to take my time at work, chat to people etc. Once I had DD I knew I had to leave on time so I became majorly efficient, focussed, got everything done on time. At home I use time more productively, clean a bit whilst waiting for the kettle, wash up whilst waiting for things to cook. None of this was particularly conscious, you just tend to expand and contract into the amount of time you have

My short answer would be that you lower your standards and continue to do so until everything balances out. 🙊

The longer answer would be:- You very quickly learn to prioritise what actually needs to be clean versus what you should probably clean if you had the time and inclination. Clean clothes for grown ups become replaced by a sniff test and a dab down with a wet muslin because babies and children have an amazing knack of dirtying whatever clean clothes you put on IMMEDIATELY- for example today I put clean jeans and jumper on. By 10am they had crumpet and banana smeared into them. By 12 they were encrusted with the 2 year olds packed lunch selection plus the coffee spillage that he forced on me by diving on me whilst drinking... You can combine dog walks with pram walks/ pram naps (although that then means you can't flake out exhausted next to the child eating biscuits and mainlining caffeine...). I get gousto boxes now. I stretch the box for 4 meals for 4 people to cater for us all (2 adults/ 3 kids) for the week so that reduces mental load of recipe/shopping/cooking bollocks. I use paid childcare to save my sanity because people who do it all are sadists or far more efficient/ better all round than I am.

I've heard rumour that some parents have mythical sleeping children. I've never had those so my standards and survival strategy is particularly low. If you have a unicorn child then naps are your friend to get stuff done.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

You need to lower your standards.

Buy brightly coloured plates and cups so they look pretty piled up in the sink.

Ditto with clothes.

Sometimes I take my glasses off so I can’t see the state of the carpet.

😂😂😂 I lost my glasses within the madness of my house last month and I swear the house had never looked better.

It was a rude awakening when I found them (under a pile of clothes waiting to go in the loft)

Well, depends on how much cleaning you're doing?

It can't take more than 20 minutes to wash up and dry and out away.

Things like taking out recycling,, 5 minutes....

How long is it taking you to do basic tasks?

Kind of struggling to see how the tasks you mentioned take all evening when you said you’re done work at 5.30?
You just use your time differently, that’s all. It’s not complicated.

I have lots of friends who don't have children. Their homes are immaculate with not a thing out of place...makes me feel shit. Then I drop my dc off at their friends houses and there's things on surfaces and the floor needs a mop and I remind myself that you can't keep a home immaculate when you have dc and your sanity!

Oh and my sister pre children would moan she had no time to work and do her housework...now she has two kids, she laughs at her old self!

Haha - no magic stretching of time - only greatly lowering of standards. Ive currently got the kids dropped sweetcorn from dinner stuck to my foot. Meh 🤷

I have 4 children and one dog. I have never in my life cleaned my fridge, and my dog gets one walk! My Dh does recycling. He empties dishwasher in morning, I stack during the day as I go.

Dinner is quick stuff like pasta pesto, or chilli. House is usually messy and a little bit grubby but not gross.

I think you should lower your standards, get your cleaner to do the shower and walk your dog once a day. There’s no way you can really do more than one good decent dog walk a day with a baby, particularly in the winter.

I only clean the fridge if it’s really bad. And even then, I’ll only clean the dirty shelf. I don’t remember the last time I had the whole lot out and cleaned the whole thing. What kind of dog do you have? I only know one dog who gets three walks a day, a retired couple over the road, Over the day, he walks it early in the morning, she walks it Around lunchtime and they walk it together About afternoon school run time. They’ve only started this since covid, I don’t think there groups have started back and they don’t have enough to do now, so walk the dog to keep them busy. I don’t know anyone else’s dog who gets so many walks.

As others have said, when you have a child, you learn to organise your time better and not to worry about the small stuff. A few crumbs in the fridge become unimportant because there is something else more important to get done.

I also bought a Bigger kitchen recycling bin So I didn’t have to empty it so Often. How big is your house? My friends cleaner does 2 hours a week and I’m not sure exactly what she does, but she is definitely doing the shower/bathroom/downstairs loo and all floors (I know that as they are jobs friends hates). Are you prioritising what you want her to do? Is there something Less important you can bump off her list to get the shower put on?

Clean clothes for grown ups become replaced by a sniff test and a dab down with a wet muslin because babies and children have an amazing knack of dirtying whatever clean clothes you put on IMMEDIATELY- for example today I put clean jeans and jumper on. By 10am they had crumpet and banana smeared into them.

This. Solidarity to all the mums wearing stuff smeared with food today. I was with you in spirit 🙋🏼‍♀️

MeandDH both work full time and have 1 DD aged 2. Haven’t got a cleaner yet but may in future. Right now I split housework with DH 50:50 thereabouts. I spray down shower/bathroom midweek usually. He hoovers whole house when we are both out (shifts) and cleans kitchen after dinner each night while preparing his lunches. Does his own laundry. I aim to deep clean downstairs house once a week. I.e dust/wipe surfaces, flash mop kitchen and bathroom floor, top up hoover, spray febreeze, clean shower/bathroom, skirting boards. All takes at most 2 hours on Saturday but prob less. Upstairs I ignore until it’s bad enough to warrant attention tbh 🤷‍♀️ We are away sometimes at weekends so wouldn’t get done then and DD is in nursery x3 days plus in-laws x 2days house doesn’t get too bad asides clutter that I tidy up each evening. I have a small house which helps too. DH does the food shop on his days off while I’m at work and DD at nursery. I do shop for top up bits after work or lunch break. Would use good delivery if couldn’t work it in. I don’t socialise midweek asides internet calls to relatives overseas and exercise once DD asleep a few evenings a week. Weekends are days out to farms etc or if we stay home, wee hikes or local beaches for walks. I will get a lunch with friends on the weekends DH is home or do something fun/exercise for me on those days like swimming. He gets days in week while me and DD are at work/nursery so has time for his interests too. It’s a fine balance and we aren’t massively social otherwise so don’t feel I’ve sacrificed lists of hobbies. My running has essentially stopped as is only be able to go at night once DD up or every other weekend if DH home. But I’ve adapted how I keep fit and will get it back soon I hope

Honestly op, I don't think many people have it all figured out before kids come. Even if they do, you'll find babies don't tend to fit the mould of what you're expecting.

Lower your house standards. It will never be as clean as you want it to be.
I get up an hour before the kids, have a coffee and some peace, get their bags packed/lunches done/clothes out then get myself ready. Then it's a mad dash to get them both ready and out the door and myself to work.
Find good childcare!!
Mine get dropped off at 7:30 every morning, the childminder gives them breakfast, takes my oldest to school and picks her up and gives her a snack to tide her over until 5:30.
Live close to school/childcare.
Easy and simple meals through the week. Then it's homework, bath, bed for the kids. I do dishes, put a load of laundry in, transfer to dryer before bed.
Quick hoover and tidy up, then by 8/8:30pm I can watch tv/get a bath/lie on the couch and stare in to space

It doesn't have to be "crazy" or chaotic. That's a myth.

You lower your standards - it's all about survival. I have a 4 month old and a young dog who takes a lot of exercise. My cleaner does 2 hours a week but we have a bigger house so she doesn't get round it all. My clothes don't get washed as much, I just don't get washed as much. Ddog just has to wait for her walk, I cried ALOT for the first few weeks but it does get easier. DP works long hours, my mum would come round in the evening sometimes so I could walk the dog and make some food if DP was still out at work. You do it because you just have to. I now look back and think how tf did I manage to breast feed every hour through the night and remain slightly sane. And it was only a few months ago 😂

Low standards mostly. We have cleaners. A guy that washes the windows, a
Dog walker and a guy that does the garden. Sounds fancy but all in it’s about £300 a month. And worth every penny

Thank you for the tips everyone! Especially @southlondoner02 and @Teaandcakeordeath83 it sounds like it's just an automatic thing - you get faster and more efficient and better at prioritising. It's like they always say, if you want something done - give it to a busy person. I'm sure in the future if we have DC I'll laugh at present me thinking I didn't have enough hours in the day.

Will hopefully get a new/additional cleaner before then without mortally offending this one - might have to move borough for a good excuse 🙈

It also sounds like minimal time for fitness unless you're extremely disciplined. I manage a few gym workouts a week but that's because I have literally infinite chances to make it there. I'm not sure how I'd do if I had say two specific windows in my schedule per week for fitness...

Anyway hats off to you all, I'm a bit worried I'm too slow and fundementally lazy/chill to be a parent

There is mould at the back of my fridge. I noticed it about two weeks ago (maybe more? Who knows) but I haven't found time to clean it yet.

Technically I could do it now, but my brain is fried and I need to stare into the abyss for a while before I tackle the kitchen, do some laundry, tidy up my toddler's toys and catch up on work.

@foreverchangingmyname that's sounds doable - especially the lie down at the end

@whatswithtodaytoday 😂😂

You just spray polish into the air, like air freshener and everyone thinks you have done a deep clean. You have many and various cupboards of doom where you just cram things in when someone is visiting, you learn that piles of stuff makes your home look lived in, that pizza with pineapple on honestly counts as a child’s fruit portion for the day, ironing is only for when you actually need to look good. I could go on, but we do manage as parents to keep everyone alive if not in always the cleanest clothes or a dust free house, oh and please please do not open my fridge!

Lower your standards and check what exactly your cleaner is doing. Maybe swap it around to things that help you more. Soend 15 minutes every day wiping wiping bathroom and kitchen sinks, maje beds, quick hoover round. Meal plan and shop accordingly. Absolutely do not have 3 ponies and some chickens.