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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how all you parents do it?

183 replies

alreadyfrazzled · 19/10/2021 17:43

We are a currently childless couple who work full time with a dog. We have a cleaner once a week for 3 hours - she does a lot of dusting but I still have to clean shower after her etc so not a full job.

Today I was flat out WFH (without a commute) - I barely had time for a shower, but my job isn't even particularly crazy hours - it's 5:30 and I'm done today.

Even though cleaner came today, I've still had to do more dishes, cleaned the fridge and taking more recycling out just now. Off to walk the dog for his third walk just now and will be back and barely have time to cook before a reasonable time.

How do you working parents do it? We want TTC soon and I'm honestly scared? Does time magically stretch to accomodate the extra tasks of being a parent? Do you have to get up at 5am every day? Does no one have a pet??

OP posts:
JaninaDuszejko · 19/10/2021 19:17

feeling like I'm rushing to get everything in before dinner so that we can get some relaxation in.

What's relaxation?

And I have a cleaner who cleans both the shower and the fridge smug. We have 3DC, work FT, get up early, go to bed late and never have time to do more than the bare minimum at the last minute. Whereas e.g. my Mum or MIL both spend about a week packing for their holidays. Because work expands to fill the time available. You will become much more efficient and much better at prioritising what really matters.

Smileforthebirdie · 19/10/2021 19:19

It’s really hard, you learn to multi task and put source what you can but it can be as exhausting as it is rewarding.

CheapFoodShits · 19/10/2021 19:20

You just have to find a way 🤷 I work 13-14 hour shifts so I can just work 3 days a week. That gives me the time to sort the house and have some time for myself. I don't do massive, deep cleans more than a couple of times a year. I just try and keep the place from looking like a tornado blew through it. I plan to do the dishes at the end of every day but if I have the next day off they will more than likely sit in the sink until the next morning. I clean my fridge maybe once or twice a year. You definitely need to lower your standards 😂

hotmeatymilk · 19/10/2021 19:22

Genuine non-arsey question (a rarity from me): are you neurotypical, OP? Because my DP isn’t and he would also struggle with trying to manage cleaning the fridge, emptying recycling, tidying and walking the dog then cooking dinner, particularly with a deadline of “leave enough time in the evening to relax”. (Pre-DC, I mean. Post-DC he still struggles but just stays up til stupid o’clock to relax.) He fundamentally can’t manage time or multitasking. He once served dinner and half the kitchen was on the patio “because I ran out of workspace”, and his laptop was on the hob; the post I later found in the salad drawer, which was in the sink, halfway through being emptied.

Monkeymilkshake · 19/10/2021 19:23

I dont clean the fridge, we have 2 laundry piles; one clean one dirty.
I work part time, DH works full time.
We do wake up between 5 and 6 every morning and we’re tired!
Yoo just do it because you have no choice once the baby is there!

Comedycook · 19/10/2021 19:23

I had a fairly short day at work today and still running around doing bits and bobs and feeling like I'm rushing to get everything in before dinner so that we can get some relaxation in

Once you have kids, you have to accept you'll never get everything done! I have a childless aunt who came round while my DC were at school and I was doing some chores and she was trying to help me so I'd get everything done before the kids got home. I told her I never get everything done! Just do enough to keep the house and DC ticking over and in some semblance of organisation rather than chaos

shouldistop · 19/10/2021 19:24

You get a lot better at managing your time. We have a 5yo, 10mo and a dog. Dh and I were laughing about how we thought we didn't have time for stuff before the kids were born.

miltonj · 19/10/2021 19:27

I do have to get up at 5am, yes. Not to clean the fridge though, that's just when my child wakes upGrin

NigellaSeed · 19/10/2021 19:28

I only work part time but my life is playing with my toddler, cooking, cleaning, roughly 3 hours of down time in the evening (which is sometimes life admin). You can fit alot more in to your day when you have zero free time

Oh and definitely lowering standards!

Wnikat · 19/10/2021 19:35

How much time do you need to walk a dog and cook dinner??

Lotusmonster · 19/10/2021 19:36

Your standards bar is currently set too high OP.

Holly60 · 19/10/2021 19:36

All excellent advice above. Also, you lower your standards…

BeanyBops · 19/10/2021 19:38

I didn't actually lower my standards (messy house makes me feel even worse mentally) but I am extremely lucky to have a very cheap cleaner once a fortnight. Who cleans properly.

Also a strict routine so DH and I know exactly what to do and when..daughter is in a strict routine too so it all falls into place. It's basically been a case of getting more efficient for us. We each lost a lot of 'me time' when our daughter arrived so I guess that's what's filled with childcare and chores now.

Unfortunately our dog is worse off in terms of walks and company now but I'm listing him on borrow my doggy and making concerted effort to give him a good run with me whenever I can (another compromise I have to make, I can run with him but not for as far as I'd run on my own).

welshladywhois40 · 19/10/2021 19:39

You sleep less and it's team work. We also cook less in terms of a time consuming stand by the cooker for lots of time. Ie haven't made a risotto in months but eat lots of stir fry. Since our second baby arrived we have lived on 15 min meals.

You don't go out as much so late nights just don't happen as much and then you are up with a baby from 6am so you would be surprised how much more gets done when you are up early.

Back to the team work - each evening one of us is playing/sorting kids for bed while another cooks, clears up toys. An evening when my partner is out - I don't get to think of eating till 8am

TillyTopper · 19/10/2021 19:40

You need to share the load, ensure your cleaner does her job (no ways I'd be cleaning the shower!) be very organised. But honestly the school holidays are a nightmare if you are both working.

PanicStationsAhh · 19/10/2021 19:41
Grin
PanicStationsAhh · 19/10/2021 19:42

But also, yes, what on earth does your cleaner do for 3 hours if they don't clean your shower?!

hotmeatymilk · 19/10/2021 19:50

@welshladywhois40 Try a baked risotto!

Yogawankonobi · 19/10/2021 19:51

I don’t think that you need to lower your standards. Quite the opposite tbh.

What are you doing with the rest of your time?

Laladell · 19/10/2021 19:54

I'm a single mom work 45 - 50 hours a week and tbh I ain't got a fucking clue how I do it but shit gets done 😁

Half of us are winging it anyways tbh trying to keep to a routine is key and it is bloody exhausting but also its so worth it.

user1470132907 · 19/10/2021 19:55

Go to bed by 9pm or be up by 5.30am; tidy as you go; clean shower while you’re having one; online food shopping; batch cook; use an online house planner (e.g. cozi.com) helps share the load. Basically, do a bit every day so your house is never dangerous but accept it will never look nice. We have 1 kid, no family around or cleaner.

If you’re on Zoom all day for work then it is way more tiring than normal work in my experience. Well it’s more fatigue from the neck up. I often find I start to feel better when I’m doing bath and bedtime routine as I’m away from a screen!

user1470132907 · 19/10/2021 19:56

And yes, routine, routine, routine! Everything goes in the planner, down to what day the litter tray gets bleached!

GTAlogic · 19/10/2021 19:57

We just don't do some of it. We don't have a cleaner or a dishwasher or even a tumble dryer. Things do still get done but the house is a bomb site compared with when I lived on my own.
We never clean the fridge unless something gets spilled in there. Same with the cupboards. The table in the dining room is full of clutter, as are a lot of the surfaces in our house. We rarely dust but I do sometimes get out the attachment thing on the Hoover and do it that way. I think you just get used to living with mess.

Embroidery · 19/10/2021 19:59

7am Get up make breakfast. Do laundry.
7.45 out house with 3 kids
8.15 to 4/5 work
5.30 pick up younger kids, older kid makes own way home, cook dinner, hoover, wipe down kitchen, play on phone, watch pointless, hw with kids, kids activities some days, laundry. Wash up.
7.30 bathtime for youngest
8 bedtime for youngest. Start to relax for evening. Have shower sometimes, wash up, if didnt do it at 6.30. Laundry.
8 to 11pm Watch tv/ do hobbies/ mark books.

Im a single mum to 3 and I find life quite enjoyable and not too difficult. No cleaner but I dust about once a fortnight!, but hoover daily.

MintJulia · 19/10/2021 20:05

Today
Up at 6.15, get ds up, fed, dressed, off to the school bus. Back by 8am, work until 1, make & eat sandwich, clean bathroom. Put washing on. Work until 5, collect ds off school bus back by 5.45,
Settle ds to homework, start supper, help with homework, eat supper.
Clear up, prepare school uniform for tomorrow, put washing in airing cupboard, watch half an hour tv, persuade ds off to bed. Lock up, bath bed.
Tomorrow lunch I'll Hoover. Thursday clean the kitchen etc
Saturday 8am swimming lesson, Sunday karate.
Can't remember the last time I cleaned the fridge Grin