To ask how all you parents do it?

[alreadyfrazzled]

We are a currently childless couple who work full time with a dog. We have a cleaner once a week for 3 hours - she does a lot of dusting but I still have to clean shower after her etc so not a full job.

Today I was flat out WFH (without a commute) - I barely had time for a shower, but my job isn't even particularly crazy hours - it's 5:30 and I'm done today.

Even though cleaner came today, I've still had to do more dishes, cleaned the fridge and taking more recycling out just now. Off to walk the dog for his third walk just now and will be back and barely have time to cook before a reasonable time.

How do you working parents do it? We want TTC soon and I'm honestly scared? Does time magically stretch to accomodate the extra tasks of being a parent? Do you have to get up at 5am every day? Does no one have a pet??

To be entirely honest with you OP, cleaning is the least of my priorities as a working mum of a toddler. I'm done stressing about it. We are doing our best to tidy as we go (both me and DH) and we try to do a bigger clean once a week but I will not let cleaning be a priority over downtime, sleep and quality family time. I have laundry that needs folding but today instead of sorting that, I went out with toddler to splash about in puddles. I'm too tired now, fish fingers are in the oven and the laundry is going to have to wait another day (or two!). We are nowhere near as organised as we used to be before DC and it was initially a massive shock to the system but it is what it is. We can't afford a cleaner and don't have any family nearby to help out so we had to adjust.

I do find that WFH helps though, I can sort stuff out in the morning and after work before DC gets home when I would have been commuting previously. I do also have a generous lunch break and as determined as I am most days to mop up quickly or clean the windows, in reality, that's such a golden opportunity to have some quiet time to myself and I won't let the chores take that away from me 😅

I cannot be arsed to clean my house as we're having a new bathroom fitted, there is tile dust everywhere etc. Plus my kids give no shits. When they were tiny babies I could clean around them but no more. They are constantly whining about friendship dramas, homework, asking me for money and Robux and wanting to stay up later than me.

Enjoy the peace OP

@Classicblunder

I have never owned a pet but I am surprised that your dog needs three walks a day. That would be difficult with children as well.

I don't mean this in a snarky way but being that tired after a normal length WFH day and cleaning the fridge maybe suggests a medical issue

That was my thought to be honest. You have described a pretty quiet day in my book...

I standards slip, although one child is manageable if they have a good routine for naps etc. Once you have three the only cleaning that gets done is washing the 4yr olds bedsheets each day due to accidents and a once monthly let’s all clean the bathroom together where the older two spray water everywhere and “wipe” a little. Dog before we lost him was walked less and less which at least fitted with him aging a lot. Keep your cleaner on for sure and get them to do more than dust! The fridge is a rare occurrence! And no one gets up at 5am unless kids wake then in which case good luck getting anything done ! Wouldn’t change them for the world and it is a gradual slip into clutter, mess and uncleanliness! For me anyway😂

Priorities change (or they should) when a dc comes along.
Baby doesn't want mum cleaning, baby wants mum close, to feel safe.
The cleaning side of things never ever occurred to me however... If I could afford a cleaner to cover some mundane essentials like the kixthen floor I would indulge in that

Well I don’t clean the fridge for starters. And my cleaner does all the cleaning that I’d otherwise do. I don’t have a dog but friends that do combine walks with the school/nursery run (if they wfh). Mainly, I get up at 5:50am, have no real hobbies and have low standards about a lot of things.

@Youhaveyourhandsfull

Kind of struggling to see how the tasks you mentioned take all evening when you said you’re done work at 5.30? You just use your time differently, that’s all. It’s not complicated.

Me too. Finish work, walk dog, empty some food from fridge and throw dinner together. So it's about 7:00pm and you have hours ahead of you, surely?

Honestly, the only way I manage/d with 3 dc is part time work. But it's still not easy. You have to look after a baby or toddler and cook, clean and do life admin. But as they get older it gets easier. As pp said, your standards lower and you need to share the home workload each evening, even if part time.

We both work ft and have 2 kids one In school one in daycare. I get up a LOT earlier than I did pre kids 🤣

Lower your standards.

And get used to mess. Kids make a lot of it.

You need a better cleaner first of all. But you will find you just make it work. Your fridge won’t be spotless, you won’t spend your weeknights cooking a nice dinner and binging Netflix, but your life will accommodate. You will definitely become more efficient at work. If your partner is going to be a true equal partner in parenting that helps a LOT too. Now that my kids are in secondary they are quite independent and we are somewhat back to how things used to be. But now I miss those days of sticky kisses and being the center of their world. You will figure it out, just don’t worry about it too much or you will make yourself crazy. (Obviously if your circumstances make it truly un-doable or you choose not to do it that’s different but if you both really want a baby you will make it work.) The tricky stuff starts when #2 comes along….

5.30am no chance to wake before DD, she wakes us up
5.30am-6.30am all lurk in bed, DP and I muttering about whose turn it is to be the grown-up
6.30am-8am Hey Duggee, cereal, showers, titting about, then nursery drop-off
8am-5pm WFH, lunch break spent doing DIY/laundry/shop/staring idly into space
5pm-7pm nursery pick-up, general maelstrom of chaos, tea, playing, bath and bed while other parent cooks and empties dishwasher and tries to stem the chaos tide (doesn’t work)
7pm

Who are all these people that never clean their fridge? 😷

As people say you find a way/routine. All animals fed and cleaned on a morning (guinea pigs on fleece) then dog gets 2-3 walks a day. We have 3 between us but they are 8-12 so in theory old enough to do some stuff. Packed lunches made on an evening and ironing of uniforms done at the start of the week (or rushed when something needs quickly washed) cleaning I try to keep on top of and DH does a lot. We split cooking normally between us and clean up as we go and dishes done before we sit back down or order in/eat out when we really cannot be bothered. Try to get in the gym 5 days a week and work full time (though 5 days over 4 so that extra day off helps a lot) god knows how I managed as a single parent to a toddler though. I survived and she is alright so must have something right. You do just find a way and don't beat yourself up when something is missed.

Prioritise...cleaning the fridge will be at the bottom of the list. Also, from experience, working parents with kids out the house have tidier and cleaner houses than stay at home parents who have to clean up after chn approximately 7362759 times a day. You just have to get into a routine and also embrace the chaos a bit! It's all worth it though and you can stop after one xx

It also sounds like minimal time for fitness unless you're extremely disciplined. I manage a few gym workouts a week but that's because I have literally infinite chances to make it there.

Haven't seen a gym in a long time, my work out is walking with the dog and the pram, carrying teething child around with me EVERYWHERE and cleaning sick off the floor. There is minimal time for luxury things when you have children and pets, that's why it's for some people and not others.

It is tough not going to lie... we have a nearly 1 year old and 5 pets (2 dogs and 3 cats). My dh works full time though is wfh 3 days per week and I work part time self employed but only in the evenings. We don’t have a cleaner - I do 90% of the housework. I do all the the housework when baby is napping or some at weekends. Dh helps out a bit at weekends

My cleaner comes 3 hours a week. I have 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms plus 2 additional loos. She obviously doesn't do everything each week but she definitely does the showers!

With regards to your question, I am tired all the time and probably only have about an hour free time every day by the time I've worked, picked up kids, got dinner ready and sorted the kitchen with DH. But it gets much easier as they get older (I have a 13 year old and a toddler), though the support they need gets more complex and they probably get more expensive.

I definitely have lower standards than you though, I probably only wipe out my fridge about once a month if that!

I get up at 6.30am, do laundry every day before and after work. I tidy every evening before the kids go to bed. I go out twice a week from 6-8, feed the kids first, leave dh to 'do bedtime'. I do housework all the time basically, and hardly ever sit down. I get to bed at around 10 or 11 and that's when I might watch tv. I have 3 young kids and 2 cats. I work part time and I would be very stressed if I were full time.

@JackieChiles thank you for your reassurance, I hope it will be like this. Xx

Although hilariously DP (who helps out and is tidy) tells me his mum who used to work, used to IRON ALL HIS PANTS!! (As in underwear for any non UK) He's in for a shock with me

For the PPs saying there must be something wrong with me if I'm tired with that schedule - that's my point I'm not tired - just that I had a fairly short day at work today and still running around doing bits and bobs and feeling like I'm rushing to get everything in before dinner so that we can get some relaxation in. Very much happy with my day but was pondering how on earth I could add one or two humans and managing their little schedules and added mess etc plus presumably enjoying their company and then trying to juggle everything else I'm currently doing as well, that's all. I know I currently have it good!

Your cleaner sounds shite

Sorry didn't mean to sound so aggressive there.

@Itwasgoodwhileitlasted 😂 honestly in her defence I used to think so but then Covid hit and I had to do her job and our flat is just INSANELY dusty - so she is working flat out - just doesn't want to get down and scrub wet room floor. I don't mind doing this myself and hate dusting, so we are an ok mix.

@Motherland101 Your life sounds lovely and your priorities echo mine, right down to the fish fingers . I used to be organised and had a proper Instagram aesthetic and now I’d rather have a sit down than create a bloody sideboard vignette, and rather splash about in puddles than tidy up. I hold onto the thought that one day my house will be lovely again, but I won’t have a small, joyful child around, so I should enjoy the chaos and the fish fingers while I can.

How late are you getting out of bed if you barely have time for a shower, a few pots and emptying a bin are both five minute tasks, so is empty old food out of the fridge. At 5:30pm you have about five whole hours to fill.

I have one child, dog and a cat, I’m a single parent, now married, but most of my parenting has been while I’ve been alone. I have a decent job, I also play a sport and my son had hobbies outside of the home, you just do it. When I was on my own I just took him to rugby training with me, when he has dance I make a faster dinner that evening and we don’t go to the park on the way home.

You still have time for the gym etc if its something you want to maintain, remember most people who “don’t have time” for the gym somehow find time to watch TV, surf the net etc.