To ask how all you parents do it?

[alreadyfrazzled]

We are a currently childless couple who work full time with a dog. We have a cleaner once a week for 3 hours - she does a lot of dusting but I still have to clean shower after her etc so not a full job.

Today I was flat out WFH (without a commute) - I barely had time for a shower, but my job isn't even particularly crazy hours - it's 5:30 and I'm done today.

Even though cleaner came today, I've still had to do more dishes, cleaned the fridge and taking more recycling out just now. Off to walk the dog for his third walk just now and will be back and barely have time to cook before a reasonable time.

How do you working parents do it? We want TTC soon and I'm honestly scared? Does time magically stretch to accomodate the extra tasks of being a parent? Do you have to get up at 5am every day? Does no one have a pet??

I gave up work and accepted we'd be skint for a while! (Managed to stretch it til ds2 was 16 with a bit of invigilating to cushion Summer spending..) I used the absolutely reasonable excuse that the dogs still needed me at home

DH works FT and I work 80% in shifts. We have 2 junior school aged children and a menagerie of pets (no horses). We have housekeeper/nanny for 20 hours a week who does all the cleaning, most of the weekday cooking and runs all my errands for me and we have a gardener for 2-4 hours/week. We rely heavily on grandparents to pick up where the nanny can’t. We almost never watch TV. There are ways (I’ve learned from MN) to make life infinitely easier- live walking distance from school and /or work is a very sensible start…..we live in the countryside which definitely makes life way more challenging. I’m up by 5.45 everyday but trying to get up by 5.30.

Ps, I hardly ever clean my fridge and everywhere in my house has toddler handprints 😂

Lower standards re cleaning (quite significantly in my case😂), and prioritise tasks. I quite often find myself and my needs are right at the bottom of the pile. But that's just par for the course with kids, I think.

Oh and I don't have a dog that needs walking, just a cat. And sometimes it's a challenge to remember to feed him 😂 so I can't imagine a dog too

I have seriously low standards
I generally take 1 day off work every 4 weeks and use it to deep clean
I tidy as I go in the main rooms (living room, kitchen, bathroom)
I ignore the bedroom messiness until I can be arsed
I dont think I've ever cleaned my shower outside of my monthly deep clean (if even then), same with the fridge

I cook a family meal most evenings for us all, weekends we feed the kids earlier then have a nicer dinner dh and I after they've gone to bed.

I work full time, Dh too, two under tens, two cats.

I wfh so drop kids at breakfast club, use my lunch break at 3pm to collect the kids then they chill with their devices for an hour till dh comes home while I work more.

We are constantly chasing our own tail, but I would literally not be able to uphold better standards.

The short answer on how we do it - we just do. It just gets done.

2 bed flat - she's an old family friend at this point and getting on in years so there are just some things she doesn't do. My cleaning of fridge was definitely overstating it, throwing mouldy bits out more accurate. I can categorically say I don't have medical issue level cleanliness and 3 walks as they had to be quick ones today due to work being a bit flat out.

Get a better cleaner, a lower maintenance dog and cook quick meals in all seriousness the kids have a cooked meal at school (and used to have 3 decent meals at nursery) so I never feel guilty for giving them quick food if we are in a rush of an evening.

I would get a better cleaner. If you need to clean afterwards, it’s not done to an acceptable standard. Also, if having a clean fridge is a priority then extend the cleaner’s hours.

I outsource as much as possible.

No pets.
Don't clean fridge - or very rarely.
Recycling two or three times a week for family of four, takes minutes.
How long does a shower take? Another ten?

What I will also say is, I personally often thought I was exhausted pre kids. I'd come home from work and just collapse. Then I had kids and it honestly recalibrated my understanding of what tiredness felt like... 🥴😂

I think everyone else has mostly covered it with their responses but you have a kid/s and then everything else just fits in or it doesn’t.

If you get to the end of the day and can say “everyone fed, no one dead,” then it’s been a good day, whatever else may or may not have been achieved!

My house is a tip and I'm a total mess, but I have a kid, a very demanding FT job (even two up until recently), lots of pets (dog, horse, guinea pigs, tortoise and birds) and I'm a single parent

I have a dog and a child. I'm up at 5.30.

Prioritise important jobs, and cleaning the fridge isn’t one of them!

Your cleaner should be able to do all cleaning in a 2 bed flat in 3 h. I saw your update about being a family friend but that is taking the mick tbh.

We both work full time, one child, cleaner 3 h a fortnight. House is filthy most of the time but I dropped my standards through the floor and don’t give a shit any more.

Also I’m always in bed before 10, but don’t get up until 6.30ish (sometimes later) so I think either stay up late or get up really early!

Well, at the end you just do it. We do not even have a cleaner but we manage.

Today I worked 9 hours, cleaned the bathroom during lunch break (WFH at the moment), cleaned the garden with DS after daycare pickup, now chicken and potatoes are roasting and I have downtime while DS plays with Lego. DS is 2 yo and a normal toddler.
During my days off, I dedicate mornings to fun stuff with DS and in the afternoon I do chores, often with him (e.g. we hoover or dust together, we prep meals always together)
Of course it was more difficult when he was a newborn.

To be fair, I do not have a dog and I bet they take a lot of time!

Do you have any big hobby? Why do you feel so tired and like you do not have time? Should not be the norm.

4 kids and a dog. Work at least a 60 hour week I reckon (public sector). Very high pressure job albeit mainly from home..kids have variety of medical needs and lots of clubs etc.

We have a cleaner (2x week) and dog walker (2x week).

But mainly the reasons I keep it all together are

• DH does way more than 50% of the chores and childcare
• I accept that I will do a lot of work in the evenings when the kids are in bed so I can do school pick up
• my house rarely.looks pristine

You lower your standards!

House is a bit less clean. I’m a bit less polished. Work get fewer free hours. I read a lot less, cook a lot less, relax a lot less.

If you get to the end of the day and can say “everyone fed, no one dead,” then it’s been a good day, whatever else may or may not have been achieved!

So true. This is my benchmark too 😂

Dog walker!

Lower your standards

Enjoy family time

Make (or bribe) older children do their fair share

More importantly make sure your partner does their fair share

Pets and children create exponential amounts of mess and work. Limit numbers of one or the other.

Take shortcuts eg the odd ready meal, I never iron, I get shopping delivered and rely on reciprocal playdates at the weekend to get things done.

DH has to take kids to the park every Saturday morning so I can blitz the house.

If you have family nearby utilise their help.

I work 4 days a week now and stepped down from my professional role for less pay.

I get up at 5:20 on the days I'm in work. I also don't sit down when I get home from work until everything is done. So I got to work at 7:30, drove home via after school club, picked up the smallest DC. Got home at 4:40. I have put a load of washing on, removed the dry airing, showered small DC, made dinner and lunches.

Next, I'll empty the washing machine, air it, shower and dry my hair. Get clothes ready for tomorrow. Finish the online shop while I dry my hair.

DH got home at 5:45, he's showered, will clear up the kitchen after dinner, drop eldest DC to an activity, stop at a shop for some bread and milk on the way home.

It'll be 8 pm then. small DC will go to bed (he packs his bag before bed) and me and him will read together for 20 mins. While I'm doing that DH will do some admin for work and then at 830 will call me upstairs and we will watch an episode of something if I'm not already asleep.

Repeat.

Because (as my DM used to say) some days ‘all fed none dead’ feels like an achievement’