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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unhappy about this birthday gift from DH

174 replies

annaop · 18/10/2021 20:46

An electric toothbrush? Really?! Wrapped up nicely, as my 'main' present. I could barely conceal my disappointment. Married over two decades.

OP posts:
DaisyNGO · 19/10/2021 10:34

Are you going to say something OP?

I'm curious about the nice wrap, wondering if he paid for gift wrap service.

Feelingparanoid · 19/10/2021 10:44

It actually is very odd because when I think about what my adult son, for instance, buys his grandmothers, they are always very nice presents, usually from Boots, selection packs of soap, body lotion etc. My son is a young man but even he knows that you can always rely on pre-packaged gift packs if you're feeling clueless (as a man) about what older women might like.

I would expect a husband to gift something more personalised than a generic gift pack however. I doubt my son would know what perfume I wore for instance. Yet I would expect a husband to have some idea or at least know how to find out how to buy his wife something she might like.

So, to select an electric toothbrush (when you haven't asked for one, nor even like to use one) over a generic goodie pack is frankly rather odd. It suggests either that it was picked up in an extreme late minute rush, or that you've shifted from romantic partner to generic 'person' in his perspective, or that he already had an electric toothbrush in his possession somehow, and thought he'd gift it to you? Or he's lost the plot?

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/10/2021 10:46

WingingItSince1973

This is no joke my BIL bought SIL for their first anniversary a glow in the dark ant farm! Now she's not into ants or any small creatures. She was so upset. We had words and I think his gifts have improved as they are still married 15 years later 🤣

That is awesome. I want one!

Lotusmonster · 19/10/2021 10:48

Ask for the gift receipt and swap it for a swanky Dyson hair dryer….he needs to pay the difference naturally.

Wexone · 19/10/2021 10:49

Is it one of those ones for 30e that are on offer all the time or the one that costs like 200e ? That makes a difference to me. I did buy one of the 200e ones for himself one xmas( it was reduced from 400e) . He wasn't impressed at 1st however after using it a few times was raving about it, how good it cleaned his teeth. I am a big believer of buying presents that someone wants, needs but will never buy for themselves. For example a friend of mine never buys herself nice. clothes or treats her hair or anything, all goes on he kids so for her birthday our friends will club together a voucher for her hair done or a shop she can buy something for herself and not the kids . How is your partner day to day? Does he notice things like when you need help etc. Does he do his fair share ? Did he ask or did you drop any hints at him at what you wanted ? if you are very disappointed say it out straight not happy and want to return it ?

Lotusmonster · 19/10/2021 10:50

Best friends DH bought her a Whole side of Pork for a special birthday. That was it. They’re now divorced.

AmyDudley · 19/10/2021 10:58

My XH used to buy me stuff he wanted for my birthday - computer parts etc - sometimes I had no idea what they were and would open them and just stare at them thinking WTF. So I suggested I write down things I wanted for next birthday and he could pick one from a list. (nothing expensive, just things I would like - books, CDs etc) So when my birthday came around I got nothing - he said he'd looked up a CD I'd requested and it was out of stock, so he couldn't get it. He was a waste of space in so many ways.

Anyway - a toothbrush is a crap gift unless you've requested it especially since you don't get on with electric toothbrushes. I'd go and buy yourself something nice, and regift him the toothbrush for his birthday. Since I got divorced, I buy my own birthday present and I am never disappointed Grin

Coogee · 19/10/2021 10:58

Ask for the gift receipt and swap it for a swanky Dyson hair dryer

Why is a hair dryer ok but an electric toothbrush isn’t?

BarbaraofSeville · 19/10/2021 11:02

@InFrontBy

Been with DH for 46 years, married for 38 years. If you don't want to be disappointed, give your partner a list.
If you give them a list, it's not a present. It's making buying the things you want needlessly complicated.

If you want something, just buy it. Don't pretend it's a gift when they've done no thinking or choosing and just clicked on a link.

Original poster
annaop · 19/10/2021 11:02

Thanks for the replies, some of them so funny and some of them bit more concerning.
To the pp who asked about the gift wrap, it wasn't professionally wrapped and the reason I said about it being presented as my main present was because that's what he said at the time 'that's your main present'. As he'd also wrapped up some chocolate bars. The way he kinda prepared me for it, I was opening it up thinking it was going to be something really lovely.
As an update, when I said I was quite 'surprised' that he chose such a non-personal item, apparently he checked with our daughter first and she said that I might like it.

OP posts:
rhowton · 19/10/2021 11:05

My DH got me bath bombs for my birthday and a few other little bits for a pamper session, when I hate baths and smellies of any sort, one year... I think he forgot and then panicked and did a terrible job. I then decided to order a Mulberry handbag on our joint credit card and said it was his bill at the end of the month.... He didnt make that mistake again.... I still love my Mulberry handbag and use it most days..

Duckrace · 19/10/2021 11:14

When I was a lot younger, I was bought oven gloves for my birthday by the guy I was living with. Oh, and tea towels.

Pyewackect · 19/10/2021 11:23

What were you expecting then ?

DaisyNGO · 19/10/2021 11:30

@annaop

Thanks for the replies, some of them so funny and some of them bit more concerning. To the pp who asked about the gift wrap, it wasn't professionally wrapped and the reason I said about it being presented as my main present was because that's what he said at the time 'that's your main present'. As he'd also wrapped up some chocolate bars. The way he kinda prepared me for it, I was opening it up thinking it was going to be something really lovely. As an update, when I said I was quite 'surprised' that he chose such a non-personal item, apparently he checked with our daughter first and she said that I might like it.
I'd ask him to return it. You can get something you want with the money.

Maybe don't do gifts going forward? We're supposed to have done that. Sometimes if we see something we think the other like, we get it. Not including toothbrushes!

Sparkletastic · 19/10/2021 11:32

Urgh what a crap gift. Ask him to return it. And for the people loving their irons / air fryers / vacuum cleaners - unless you only iron / cook / vacuum for yourself then these are household items not personal gifts.

Pythonista · 19/10/2021 11:42

Jesus it's not at all precious! Do you not see how sad it is that none of your friends and family bothered with your birthday? I feel sorry for you.

Don't bother. I am an adult and as such don't expect the world to revolve around me because it's my birthday.

Pythonista · 19/10/2021 11:43

But if you are really that bothered about a present, how about using your words and telling people what you expect as a gift

Sidehustle99 · 19/10/2021 12:01

Get him a nasal hair trimmer or a foot grinder foe his or one of those ped eggs. Get yourself something lovely.

Cas112 · 19/10/2021 12:09

I got one for Christmas off an Ex and I was so unhappy, as well as offended. He seemed to think cause he really wanted one, I would too.

FreedomFaith · 19/10/2021 12:49

@Pythonista

Wow. Precious much?

I was 50 last year and the only people who got me a gift were my workmates - friends and family didn't bother.

That's not really something to be proud of though. Your family and friends don't care about you enough to even get you a card or chocolates. That is pretty sad.

It's not about expecting the world to revolve around you, dunno why people think that. It's about being nice to someone important in your life and giving them a small treat on a significant day. You don't need a party or piles of presents, just a treat they wouldn't normally buy themselves.

If you don't care about it, that's fine. But don't try and enforce your views on others or call them precious just because you disagree, other people do care about it. I like giving people presents on their birthday or for Christmas.

Brefugee · 19/10/2021 13:01

It actually is very odd because when I think about what my adult son, for instance, buys his grandmothers, they are always very nice presents, usually from Boots, selection packs of soap, body lotion etc. My son is a young man but even he knows that you can always rely on pre-packaged gift packs if you're feeling clueless (as a man) about what older women might like.

If my DH bought me a gift pack of smellies I would shove them where the sun doesn't shine. In fact if anyone i know bought me any of those i wouldn't be happy. Maybe older women pretend to like those things because that's what they've been given since time immemorial?

If you give them a list, it's not a present. It's making buying the things you want needlessly complicated.

it really isn't. It is acknowledging that there are some things that would be a complete waste of money - and that these things wouldn't be.

If you are married to someone, the tiniest bit of courtesy would be to know them well enough to buy them something.

So, OP, what are you going to do? In your shoes? I'd ask him to exchange it. And i would be instructing my DCs about what things are good presents and what things aren't.

Pythonista · 19/10/2021 13:06

@Feelingparanoid

It actually is very odd because when I think about what my adult son, for instance, buys his grandmothers, they are always very nice presents, usually from Boots, selection packs of soap, body lotion etc. My son is a young man but even he knows that you can always rely on pre-packaged gift packs if you're feeling clueless (as a man) about what older women might like.

I would expect a husband to gift something more personalised than a generic gift pack however. I doubt my son would know what perfume I wore for instance. Yet I would expect a husband to have some idea or at least know how to find out how to buy his wife something she might like.

So, to select an electric toothbrush (when you haven't asked for one, nor even like to use one) over a generic goodie pack is frankly rather odd. It suggests either that it was picked up in an extreme late minute rush, or that you've shifted from romantic partner to generic 'person' in his perspective, or that he already had an electric toothbrush in his possession somehow, and thought he'd gift it to you? Or he's lost the plot?

Actually pre packaged toiletries are the ultimate in 'can't be arsed to actually choose something personal so fuck it, old lady can have some crap I bought from Boots'
FearlessSwiftie · 19/10/2021 13:14

YANBU even though it's a useful item but considering it to be the main Birthday gift... Next time give him socks and a birthday collage made via a facebook collage app. Enough is enough here.

JudgeJ · 19/10/2021 13:19

@Skyeheather

Which one did he get you and how much was it? Some of them are really expensive, the one I want is £150.00.....

Ask him for the receipt, take it back and exchange it for something else....

So the price of a gift influences one's satisfaction with it? We didn't have these problems as we didn't buy birthday presents other than 'big' birthdays although on my 50th I did get a Terry's Choclate Orange, my face must have said it all, I actually loathe them! For my 60th I got an all-singing, all-dancing SLR camera so the long face worked! I'm not better though, for his 70th I bought him a flight in a Tiger Moth, he couldn't cope with exposure and it's an open cockpit! He did love it though once he plucked up courage to go.
yesterdayisinthepast · 19/10/2021 13:21

Sorry but this gift is really toned deaf. If you were after a new toothbrush and had your eye on one then it would have been a thoughtful gift. However to get your wife a random electric toothbrush for her main birthday present is a bitConfused

The reason why I say it's toned deaf is the fact that he checked in with your daughter and really thought it was gonna be a great gift lol. Bless him really but surely he could have got something related to your interests or something he would have known you'd like.

Your gift to him was really personal and it would have been nice if he'd did the same. I'm in no way materialistic but I wouldn't have been impressed either

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