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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be unhappy about this birthday gift from DH

174 replies

annaop · 18/10/2021 20:46

An electric toothbrush? Really?! Wrapped up nicely, as my 'main' present. I could barely conceal my disappointment. Married over two decades.

OP posts:
Zugs · 19/10/2021 00:56

@AnneLovesGilbert

Mine recently died and I can’t justify buying a new one atm so I’d be over the moon!

Do you already have one?

I'm sorry to hear your husband died but you cannot buy a new one...
TheSandgroper · 19/10/2021 01:17

Back in the days when microwaves were very new, df gave one to dm. She cried. Then went to work. Then came home and cried some more.

She got sapphires the next year.

BestestBrownies · 19/10/2021 01:59

Gush on a daily basis about how it’s the best, most thoughtful gift ever seeing as it satisfies you way better than he ever could.

He’ll soon get the message.

starfishmummy · 19/10/2021 02:07

Its my birthday next week. If I were a gambler I'd have money on my present being a box of Thornton chocs and the Co-op equivalent of petrol station flowers- even though he has to walk past 2 decent florists to get to the Co-op!!

1forAll74 · 19/10/2021 02:08

Awful to complain about a birthday gift, whatever you receive.

choli · 19/10/2021 02:10

This reminds me of the early years DH got me jewellery every year even though I never wear any.
Same here. I'm pretty sure he bought me the same gold, sapphire and diamond earrings twice. He has never seen me wear earrings in the 30 years we've known each.

Topseyt · 19/10/2021 02:18

I can't say this would bother me at all.

However, it bothers you, so discuss it with him.

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/10/2021 02:41

My 30th.....I was asked what I wanted and said that a nice ring would be nice. I made it clear, although he already knew (or would have done if he had listened) that I didnt mean brand new expensive sparklers, I like vintage stuff. At the time (20 years ago) it was not considered a "thing" like it is now so a really nice piece could be got for next to nothing. It was not about money.

He looked a bit thoughtful and then a couple of days later said he had to go and pick up my present and his dad was giving him a lift. Bit odd as we had our car and he also had a works vehicle. "Oh it wont fit in our cars". How big is this fucking ring?

After some shouting probing it turned out that my blinding 30th present was.......a lawn mower.

Why? "We need one"

It transpired that his father had pushed him to get it rather than "waste" money on something we dont need and then have to buy a new mower anyway. He did not see a problem with this. It was at that point that I realised why his mother always seemed so overjoyed as the gifts I got her for her birthday.

I did not get a lawnmower for my birthday.

We are now divorced. That level of thoughtlessness DID contribute.

BarbaraofSeville · 19/10/2021 02:48

Regift it to him for Christmas.

In future just exchange token presents, gin, chocolates, flowers etc and have days or meals out to celebrate Christmas, birthdays etc.

Then just buy your own stuff when you want it rather than expecting things as presents. Much easier and less stressful all round.

TasteTheMeatNotTheHeat · 19/10/2021 02:54

Hm. I don't think electric toothbrushes are automatically bad presents, but in the context of it being a cheap one and you having had one previously and not liked it, I would say it's a very disappointing gift.

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/10/2021 03:01

I should add that I dont think an electric toothbrush is a bad present if he knew you wanted it. There is a massive difference between one of those fancy schmancy jobs you really want but cant justify buying for yourself....good present.....and a £30 from the Aisle of Mysteries at Aldi that you once tried and didnt like....bad present.

shakehandswithdanger · 19/10/2021 03:02

It's a boring gift, unless it's something someone has requested or hinted about very heavily.

It's not being hard work to want your significant other to put a little more thought and effort into a gift. If he didn't know what to get you, he could have asked for guidance. I'd gladly give suggestions, to avoid disappointment!

DrGoogleSaysSo · 19/10/2021 03:13

I stopped being disappointed with dh's gifts when I started giving him hints about what I really wanted. I got a lovely pair of leather boots for my birthday Grin

BarbaraofSeville · 19/10/2021 03:18

I wouldn't want to be bought boots or other clothing without choosing and trying on, likewise I'd want to research my own tech etc, so would need to specify exact items so see no point in asking for these as gifts if you need to do all the work yourself or risk having to put up with something that's not right.

OffRoadFozzyBear · 19/10/2021 04:02

I didn’t get anything for my birthday this year. I was not happy. His excuse was that I’d said I didn’t want anything for Christmas.

He’d had really nice gifts for his birthday. I also made sure he got really nice stuff this year as it would make him feel guilty.

I have also had zero guilt about buying myself anything nice I fancy since my birthday. Including a $300 electric toothbrush when my old one died.

OffRoadFozzyBear · 19/10/2021 04:11

Tbf, this is not the first time he has spectacularly screwed up on my birthday. For my 30th, he bought something I specifically said I didn’t want - an Apple watch. I think he was hoping I’d accept it and then just ignore it so he could have it. No way - I didn’t even open it and got him to return it the next day. It wasn’t about the cost - there was a particular book I would have loved, but nope.

There was also the year I got a print out of an event I could do. Good idea, but that was all - he hadn’t actually booked it and of course it was fully booked when I tried.

We’ll see what happens next birthday.

malificent7 · 19/10/2021 04:26

One year i got an excersise book! I would have left if he hadn't presented me with some lovely earrings.

Aprilx · 19/10/2021 04:29

That’s a rubbish present unless you had asked for it or strongly hinted that you would like one.

LaurenKelsey · 19/10/2021 04:57

When I was married my husband forgot my birthday one year. I wasn’t particularly upset about it. I don’t understand why adults make such a big fuss over birthdays.

Toooldforthis321 · 19/10/2021 06:09

I bought DH an elecertric toothbrush last year for his birthday, but he wanted one, plus it was one of those fancy ones that syncs with an app 🤷‍♀️
But I would find it an odd present to buy when someone hasn't asked for it specifically.

Toooldforthis321 · 19/10/2021 06:13

@LaurenKelsey I think its nice to be made to feel a bit special. It was my birthday yesterday and I loved it. We didn't do anything but it was nice to have thoughtful gifts. I would be upset if DH forgot.

Werehamster · 19/10/2021 06:21

Ignore the comments from the cool wife brigade.

Of course it's a shit present and I'd definitely wrap it up and give it back to him as a Christmas present.

asadlittleflower · 19/10/2021 06:35

I think electric tooth brushes are really good and useful presents. My dental hygienist always asks which make her clients have ( I have the wrong one). I so prefer practical presents. I don't want stuff that clogs up the planet.
My husband would be disappointed by aftershave and chocolates ( cited by one poster as a thoughtful gift) . I think a lot of posters think the gifts they give are incredibly thoughtful even if they are really gifts for themselves by the back door.
It is such a relief in a marriage when you are able to ask directly for a specific thing or buy it yourself instead of competitive thoughtfulness.
My mother was always disappointed with any gift you gave her and let you know it. She always asked for a lovely surprise but hated anything we bought her, particularly from my father. As a family, we loathed her birthday and the drama and sulking that went with it.
Ask for a specific item or buy something lovely for yourself. Presents are not really important. Life is hard and bad things happen. Treat yourself if you need to be indulged but don't make a big deal about being 'spoiled'.

isthismylifenow · 19/10/2021 06:40

It is a bit thoughtless I agree.

No longer married (after you've read the rest you'll get an idea of why) but over a span of 20 years, my birthday and Christmas gifts have been:

A tumble dryer
A nightie that a 4 year old would wear, think Disney
A set of pots
A salt and pepper set
A kitchen roll holder
Iron, hoover all those usual awful things

The salt and pepper set was the last straw. Shortly after this we seperated. But during the seperation process when he was still living in the house with us, I had another birthday. He did get me a gift. Which I think he thought we had an absolute brainwave about. It was a duvet cover. Except it was the wrong size for my bed. So I took it back to shop to exchange it for the right size. To find that it has been on sale about a year before that, and wasn't even on the system anymore. I put 2 and 2 together then and realised it was something the ow had laying around her house

My children buy me beautiful presents. It's not about the money, it's the thought that goes into them. I appreciated the goodie bag I got from my DC that was filled with my favourite sweets and chocolates and little bits and bobs I've his thoughtless gifts anyday.

SpeckledyHen · 19/10/2021 06:41

Get him a nose hair trimmer for Christmas OP.