AIBU to think this uniform policy is wrong

[rosesinmygarden]

My daughter does an extra curricular activity which is linked to scouting/guiding.

The activity involves performing, for which she has to wear a specific uniform.

The uniform specifies exact items which are all boys'/men's clothes. Think men's dress trousers and a men's shirt.

There is no alternative uniform for female members.

The uniform is uncomfortable and fits my daughter badly no matter what size we buy. I've asked several times if she can wear women's versions of each item and have been told that if she does, she will be excluded from performances. They insist the uniform is unisex. It is not. The items are sold by the uniform company as boys/mens items.

AIBU to think this is quite wrong and that the male members would never be expected to wear women's clothes? Let alone be excluded if they refused!

My daughter wants to do the activity and I really don't want to be 'that' parent, but it makes me quite uncomfortable and I'm shocked that the people in charge of the activity think it is acceptable. There is a man in charge overall but his wife is also heavily involved in the running.

Michellesams
Loved your trip down memory lane. Which one are you? Lovely GB photos. Both my sils and niece were all leaders.

Point out to him that if the girls are wearing properly fitting uniforms then his band will look so much smarter and be more appreciated. If the girls look scruffy in ill fitting clothes it will reflect badly on him.

@ittakes2 sadly not, or this would obviously not be such an issue.

Why should the solution be for girls to have to pay out more than their uniform than the boys?

I also think this is a poor solution - for a uniform that is a) not cheap in the first place and b) available in a suitable fit anyway!

As an aside I take exception with my DC school on uniform. Boys uniform is charcoal trousers. I buy DS slim fit ones from M and S (£15 for 2 pairs)
Girls uniform is the school skirt, in one style, which has to be bought from the school supplier @ £26/each or "girls trousers" which are hideous also have to be purchased from the school shop and are from £23 per pair
DS has 4 pairs of trousers for less than the cost of DDs 2 skirts.

[quote rosesinmygarden]@WaltzingBetty. Yes I have made them aware of how uncomfortable the girls feel. So have other parents. The leaders are not all male but the female leaders it appears either don't mind the uniform or are not in a position to challenge the policy. I've mentioned this several times in the thread but I appreciate it is now quite long and would take a while to check this.

I have directly asked which girls items I should buy so that my daughter can be comfortable but smart and have been told that the items on the list (which are men's/boys' items) are the only ones acceptable for performances.

I do think the main leader is oblivious and too important to be bothered by trivial things like girls feeling comfortable at a performance. It simply doesn't feature on his radar.

I would have pulled my daughter out a while ago, but she really does get so much out of doing the activity and has worked so hard to get to the point where she is good enough to be allowed to perform. It took approx. 18 months of practices to be allowed to even attend church parade with the band and she has now been invited to perform at some really prestigious events. She would hate to leave her friends and to give up an activity which she enjoys and is such a great outlet.

My dilemma is that I feel the uniform policy and the leaders' attitudes towards it are very wrong but to make a fuss means drawing attention to my daughter in a negative way. To not make a fuss, teaches her that when men are in charge you can't complain about issues that make you unhappy.[/quote]
I've read the thread and saw that some of the leaders are female but it seems clear from your posts that you feel they may be disempowered and this issue is something being driven primarily by the male leaders.

My question then is what is his response when you have this conversation - how has he reacted to you pointing out that his policy is making girls uncomfortable and disenfranchised and is discriminatory ?

I'm struggling to see how he can reasonably defend forcing girls to perform in Ill-fitting men's uniform that is uncomfortable for them and increases the likelihood of them not participating at all. If he doesn't think there is a difference in body shapes then why not have all of the members in the 'female' uniform?

Also I can't understand why more than 30% of voters think its acceptable for the choice to be for girls to wear ill fitting and uncomfortable or pay a fortune for alterations when an appropriate uniform is available!!

@rosesinmygarden

I have emailed the district commissioner. I have asked them to keep it anonymous and not share my name or the age of my daughter.

I spoke to my daughter again this morning and she is refusing to attend a particular event as it is one where they have to wear an 'ultra formal' uniform supplied by the band. Her words were 'They won't have anything to fit me and I will look fat and have to stand up all day'. The more I thought about her words the angrier I got. So I have emailed to ask what the policy is and how best to work with the leader on this.

We shall see if the DC is a dickhead too!

This is such a shame. And I totally get it. I can remember being 12 or 13 and "realising" I couldn't wear my dungarees anymore because they made me look "fat".

Boxy clothes on curves are awful and if you feel awful you really don't want to March around performing.

In the end, this man will win and your daughter will withdraw. So will any other young ladies faced with the same dilemma. He doesn't want blossoming female bodies in his tidy man-sized line up.

I wonder if your local paper might be interested in this...?

If you really don't want to make a stand then get them altered. He cannot tell you you cannot alter an item to get it to fit. Why are you even asking? Would you ask if the trousers were too long and needed taking up? Whats he going to say, your trousers look suspiciously like they fit you today?

I completely agree with the pp who said this.

What's the ultra formal band uniform then? Is it jackets which they've only got in boys'/mens' sizes and fits?

@PeeAche if I was willing to withdraw her then I would definitely go to local media and press.

As she wants to stay, I think this would be unwise.

I will see what the DC has to say on the issue. At least I will have tried. I wish I knew the other parents well enough to coordinate a stand but I rarely see them.

@WeAreTheHeroes

If you really don't want to make a stand then get them altered. He cannot tell you you cannot alter an item to get it to fit. Why are you even asking? Would you ask if the trousers were too long and needed taking up? Whats he going to say, your trousers look suspiciously like they fit you today?

I completely agree with the pp who said this.

What's the ultra formal band uniform then? Is it jackets which they've only got in boys'/mens' sizes and fits?

Basically yes, and in a pale colour which will show off the ill fit even more than the normal black.

My thoughts on this are that they don't want the cost of buying new jackets for the girls if they own this formal uniform.

@WeAreTheHeroes

Yes, I can understand that, especially as it's rarely worn. But investing (and we all pay subs which presumably paid for them to buy the boys uniform which fits the boys) would mean being more inclusive for years to come.

I'd be willing to help the band pay for it if it fitted her, and subsequent, girl members and allowed them to take part without feeling embarrassed.