AIBU to think this uniform policy is wrong

[rosesinmygarden]

My daughter does an extra curricular activity which is linked to scouting/guiding.

The activity involves performing, for which she has to wear a specific uniform.

The uniform specifies exact items which are all boys'/men's clothes. Think men's dress trousers and a men's shirt.

There is no alternative uniform for female members.

The uniform is uncomfortable and fits my daughter badly no matter what size we buy. I've asked several times if she can wear women's versions of each item and have been told that if she does, she will be excluded from performances. They insist the uniform is unisex. It is not. The items are sold by the uniform company as boys/mens items.

AIBU to think this is quite wrong and that the male members would never be expected to wear women's clothes? Let alone be excluded if they refused!

My daughter wants to do the activity and I really don't want to be 'that' parent, but it makes me quite uncomfortable and I'm shocked that the people in charge of the activity think it is acceptable. There is a man in charge overall but his wife is also heavily involved in the running.

What is the point of not allowing it? Surely it would much smarter than having all the girls in poorly fitting trousers?

There are several reasons why these groups, for children, were single sex until very recently.

I'd buy the girls one, and wait for them to complain. I'd tell them they needed to put that in writing.

I would then take that complaint to the national press, preferably the Guardian, and enjoy the corresponding shit storm.

If it’s a local offshoot then it should still be registered somehow with scouting or Guiding so you could still complain higher up

If all the girls agreed to buy the female version......then all the girls would match each other. Get together with all of them and explain they are discriminating based on set which is illegal. Surely they wouldn't want all the girls to leave...

See not set :)

is it a national organisation? If so take it higher than the local organiser.

Sorry..I meant gangshow?

@blubberyboo

I think if all communication has fallen on deaf ears you can only resort to reporting to the equality commission and whoever checks them for child safeguarding, because the girls have gaping shirts showing their bras or underwear and they have to undo their trousers to sit down

This. What you are describing is disgusting op.

What I find disturbing really, is the leaders failure to acknowledge different sexes have different body shapes and girls post puberty won’t fit into boys trousers in most cases . Does the leader and his wife not have children? Or female children? Seems like he needs a lesson in biology 🤦‍♀️
Kids of that age in a mixed group are not “uniform” - he’s treating them like younger kids ..does he have a problem with girls having obviously female shape- why else would he not allow them even to alter them

Possible motivations:

1 they enjoy girl’s discomfort
2 he likes seeing girls having to undo trousers
3 his wife doesn’t want him to look at girl’s bodies
….

The wife, who is the 2nd in command, is a very slim lady. They have no children.

I think they are so wrapped up in the 'success' of the group that they will be unwilling to change things. Most of the girls and their parents are the type not to want to rock the boat so to speak. I think if i complain, it will become difficult for my daughter to continue attending. The leader is a bit of a bully when he wants to be.

I'm very tempted to get the uniform tailored to fit and then just deny it.

I've just checked and the latest trousers are actually 42 inch waist!!!! my daughter is a ladies size 10/12 so you can imagine the extra fabric around the waist! They are also £38!

How will they know if you get them altered?

@shouldistop

How will they know if you get them altered?

Because they will actually fit

Just get them altered and deny all knowledge. They'll look ridiculous if they complain that her uniform fits.

@TheViewFromTheCheapSeats

How does it not fit? For most uniforms the cut isn’t wildly different for teens. Or is it a feature, such as a high collar, tie or double breasting that she dislikes the feel of?

Seriously? There's no way that most of the teen girls I know would fit into boys' trousers. If they fitted their hips, they'd fall off their waists.

If you can get away with it and it's your only option, then do it but I'd be very careful to not do anything that means your daughter would be excluded when you're not around. They don't sound like they'd care either way.

@NotSoNewAndShiny

If you can get away with it and it's your only option, then do it but I'd be very careful to not do anything that means your daughter would be excluded when you're not around. They don't sound like they'd care either way.

This is exactly why I've not kicked up a fuss yet. In my experience, adults like this leader behave quite differently when parents are not around and they have complete control of their little empires.

You need to go to the county commissioner for the scouts in your county. If you can't find them let me know and I will check for you. I'm assuming it's a scout/guide band type thing?

Perhaps it would be best to stop fussing, and be less involved.

@bestbefore

You need to go to the county commissioner for the scouts in your county. If you can't find them let me know and I will check for you. I'm assuming it's a scout/guide band type thing?

What would that achieve though? Apart from potentially making my child a target.

Is there a way to do it anonymously?

Ok, it seems I’m unusual in being able to wear men’s clothing baggy! Boyfriend Jean/ shirt style. For reference I’m approx a size 12, dd cup and 32 inch waist, so not a wildly weird shape, though a bit taller than average. I’ve been wearing men’s jeans all day for painting, with a belt, and it’s unremarkable, if frumpy. I have problems with women’s clothes constantly too, have to pick my store well. Clothes in general are crap fitting from many places, I struggle to find women’s shirts that aren’t flat chested and don’t gape! Comparing the girls and boys scouting trousers in this house they aren’t cut that differently, and are both crap for my kids in different ways. As I said my son is wearing the girls at the moment. I guess some deviate from the average more and maybe suit clothes I don’t…

Personally I’d just make alterations. If they start close up inspecting her waist for darts it’d be official complaint time! There’s a fair chance the girls uniform isn’t much better from what I’ve seen of it. Just do it and deal with the response.

How old is your dd? This sounds like a variation of ballet teachers - mainly in the past - who fat / body shamed girls for being too fat or curvaceous.

Because the county commissioner needs to know these things - I think it's also a safeguarding issue if not bullying. I'm sure you can do it anon. Or just sound them out in the first instance.