To never speak to her again- CF!

[Peanutbuttermandms]

I have a long term school ‘friend’, let’s call her S. I hear from her very sporadically and most recently, when she wants something: sponsorship money from me for one of her ‘challenges’ to stay in my central city home (!)… but folks, I give you the best one to date today…

Text out of the blue.. not even a ‘how are you’.. can I pick her son up from the airport (!) on Wednesday as he’s flying in alone (he is 10) from his dad’s abroad. You’re thinking wtaf, right?

The text goes on.. she can’t and her new DP are holidaying in the south of France and their flight doesn’t get in to airport until 5pm.. so the wee mite is alone for 4 hours after travelling alone. At 10. Jesus!

It ends ‘would obviously be great to see you too!!’

AIBU to think cheeky fucker and never speak to the self centred cow again?

Yes SS would log a complaint and put it on file. They don’t just throw away a report, they have to log everything

This just isn't true. It's potentially dealing with 3 different local authorities; airport, child and OP.

There isn't a 'pre-emotive' log.

*pre-emptive

@CherryBlossomWinter Yes I agree. I think you and I are making the same point but in different ways of raising the safeguarding issue to the parent. You are giving the CF the heads up and that's fair enough. Personally given the OP's opening post would not give this CF an inch to budge. CF clearly has form. I also think CF sent that text to anyone.

Yes, SS would create a file (I used to log the referrals for child protection on an internal database). It is also followed up and parents names and incidents are kept on digital record so a history can be checked should a pattern develop. There is an online Request For Support page You may want to report a concern if you:

are worried about the safety or wellbeing of a child
suspect neglect or abuse
would like to report an incident
are a child or young person who needs support

But how would this even escalate to a safeguarding concern? It might not happen.

OP only has one text which she has ignored. If she calls the LA where the child lives they won't then call the parents and check what the arrangements are. They won't wait at the airport.

I agree that airport staff could call the police and go from there but there isn't a social worker that could process this kind of 'suspected allegation'

Hey Peanutbuttermandms !

I have decided that you need to send me £100k.

Now I have sent you that message I think you will find that you are obliged as according to many of these posters sending a message creates an obligation that you need to respond to...

But how would this even escalate to a safeguarding concern? It might not happen It is to make them aware that you have concerns ahead of time about the child will be left for four hours at the airport. Staff hand over the child to the parent/agreed adult proof of ID not babysit for hours on end.

OP only has one text which she has ignored. If she calls the LA where the child lives they won't then call the parents and check what the arrangements are. They won't wait at the airport No the Social Services will collect with the police when they are called. I suspect that CF has been told by the airline already ou need to arrange someone to hand the child over once the flight has landed. Airport staff will not be babysitting for four hours.

I agree that airport staff could call the police and go from there but there isn't a social worker that could process this kind of 'suspected allegation' You detail in your online referral the concerns that you wish them to follow up and that you have been made aware that a child will be left with airport staff but no-one to pick them up. Airport staff do not look after children for hours at a time. It is for the duration of the flight and until parents or named person (in writing ahead of time not a blanket text to anyone that could be a child trafficker).

you have been made aware that a child will be left with airport staff but no-one to pick them up.

That would be total hogwash though. The CF has never said they will just leave the child waiting if OP doesn't do it. They texted, OP didn't reply, the logical conclusion is that the CF then tried someone else.

If I text a friend asking if they can babysit tomorrow, because I need to work, and they don't reply - should I also expect a visit from SS because it's a safeguarding concern and I'm apparently planning to leave my child alone?

@Derbee

People suggesting contacting social services are properly bat shit

i agree.

Quite a few posts here are bizarre in fact

No because because you have not said you are out of the country and your child's father is put of the country and your child is not left at an airport for 4 hours.

@FredDurstisnotRobert thanks for confirming that. It sounds as though she wasn't a friend, but that she was struggling, so I hope her family got the right support and are in a better place now.

@PinkStink

But how would this even escalate to a safeguarding concern? It might not happen.

OP only has one text which she has ignored. If she calls the LA where the child lives they won't then call the parents and check what the arrangements are. They won't wait at the airport.

I agree that airport staff could call the police and go from there but there isn't a social worker that could process this kind of 'suspected allegation'

Well said Pink Unfortunately a few PPs have a tiny bit of information & are determined to give awful exaggerated advice when they really don't understand LA CSD statutory role, the threshold for a SGC and how those decisions are made when info comes into MASH. It is screened.

It isn't a safeguarding at this stage, as no harm has happened nor is there evidence at this stage that parents haven't gone in to make alternative arrangements.
MASH really don't have time nor resources to deal with policing unknown to Services families' conjectured arrangements for airport pick ups before they happen!

The airline will alert CSD in LA (of the airport and if they have child's address it'll be copied to Child's LA CSD) if child is actually abandoned, left uncollected with their airline staff, all following their unaccompanied travelling minor child policies and procedures. It's all very straight forward and factual - so that appropriate action is taken to ensure child is safe , continues to be safe and follow up occurs- if an actual incident (abandonment) happens.

Obvs if OP is a different country that will affect situation.

I think that where the CF has been a long term friend, there is a distinct possibility that there will be backstory, and two sides of the story.

People are potentially being very unfair here.

I also think there is a good chance this will now make the press. Anything that has a salacious angle with a mother potentially misbehaving has the DM journos rubbing their hands in glee.

I salute you @Peanutbuttermandms . Long may your Zero CF tolerance policy continue.

As for solo kids, my ds used to fly solo all the time. He won't just be abandoned by staff. He'll be expected to entertain himself (aka do colouring-in in shoddy in-flight magazines for hours on end).

@Springplanting

No because because you have not said you are out of the country and your child's father is put of the country and your child is not left at an airport for 4 hours.

I work in another country and so does DH. We'll expect SS then.

Obviously we would make other arrangements if one friend is not available. We have no reason to believe CF wouldn't do that either and would just leave the child for several hours.

[quote Peanutbuttermandms]@Lightisnotwhite sure, but that’s between the parents and not me, right? They fuck up or things change, they sort it. That’s their problem, no one else’s.

Their lack of communication ain’t no one else’s problem. It’s ridiculous the amount of excuses being made for blatantly shit behaviour, to the DS and to myself.

It’s a worrying precedent if some PP think sending a text outlining your needs and indeed, demands, constitutes consent on the part of the unwitting recipient. Because that’s what I’ve been told today. Of course no one wants to look at that issue as they’re hung up on the fact there is a child involved, but this is a red herring and to enable and green light this type of behaviour by collecting the child will, in my opinion, facilitate its regular occurrence. How does that help the child ?

If no child was involved I’d have got undoubtedly different replies, but as the childless person here with no responsibility whatsoever, doesn’t the same principle apply? That of course being that you can’t expect someone else to pick up your duty on the basis of a flimsy text with no backstory or care for what’s going on in the other persons life/ their circumstances.[/quote]
Absolutely. Not your problem Op. the comment was for others.

I can’t believe that everyone has jumped on the mother for not picking up her child. Who knows when and why the father has arranged a flight when there’s no one to collect his child.

It’s not the Ops problem granted but I’m not sure why it’s not the other parents job to make sure their child is met.

some of tghe things posted on here are the most batshit ive witnessed

so now if someone asks you to do something by text -with no reply constitues a difinite arrangment?

ok im gonna ask someone to take me somewhere next week and when they dont turn up they'll be bloody sorry-mijght even phone the police

ffs

No way would I reply and I'd block her so not further contact can be made. What an appalling woman she is.

I work in another country and so does DH. We'll expect SS then. No. Not the same. The OP has said the CF is on holiday already in South of France. For work you have arranged child care and even do as best for emerncies. That is not comparable to the lackadaisical approach of the CF. The OP has not said it is an emergency she is concerned and knows the CF whereas you and I do not.

Obviously we would make other arrangements if one friend is not available. We have no reason to believe CF wouldn't do that either and would just leave the child for several hours. But that does not come across from the OP and she knows her we do not. Otherwise OP would not have been so exasperated in her OP.

@Springplanting

The 10 year old's mother has failed to meet and provide concrete arrangements for her child to be handed from airport staff to a designated named person (instead of a child trafficker). I have safeguarding concerns given that neither parent is in the same country planet at the time of the child's arrival.

The CF would never ask OP again and SS would have this on record.

If there really is no-one to pick up the child then there is an excellent chance that SS will find out anyway, because the airline will be forced to contact them. If someone does turn up to collect him then there is nothing to concern SS anyway. No need for OP to contact them either way.

@Springplanting Yes I 100% agree with you. I think people talking about whether SS would rush to the scene are missing the point.

[quote CherryBlossomWinter]@Springplanting Yes I 100% agree with you. I think people talking about whether SS would rush to the scene are missing the point.[/quote]
Indeed.

[quote CherryBlossomWinter]@Springplanting Yes I 100% agree with you. I think people talking about whether SS would rush to the scene are missing the point.[/quote]
What is the point?

If CF doesn't make other arrangements, boy will land at airport and no one will be there for him. Airport will call police/SS and appropriate investigation of CF made. Whether or not OP called them to tell them she thought it might happen is neither here nor there. So what's the point of the report?

If CF does make other arrangements, SS have a report that predicts something that doesn't happen. Which they may or may not have recorded somewhere next to CF's name, even though she did the responsible thing and made sure her child was cared for. So what's the point of the report?

[quote CherryBlossomWinter]@Springplanting Yes I 100% agree with you. I think people talking about whether SS would rush to the scene are missing the point.[/quote]
No we're not. As has been said repeatedly - the airline will have policies and procedures to follow if there is an actual abandonment - a factual reason to involve CSD.

You and spring completely misunderstand CSDs role and are giving terrible advice to contact CSD at this stage. You really should listen to those who have patiently explained why.

I'm with you OP. I think that not replying is the best option. On wednesday either some other arrangements will turn out to have been made, or there will be some kind of huge shitstorm and the less involved you are, the better. As pp says above, knowledge of someone's phone number does not guve anyone the power to command another person to take responsibility for anything whatsoever, least of all the wellbeing of a child.

If this CF really is this irresponsible and cavalier with her child's wellbeing that he does end up stranded at the airport for hours then it's best for this to be handled officially by appropriate authorities. It is in the child's best interests that his mother's inadequacies and failures to prioritise him over her own holiday are officially known, rather than covered up by anyone rallying around to plug the gaps in her chaotic planning. The air crew won't let an unaccompanied minor wander off without being collected. They will have a policy to wait a specified maximium amount of time, make reasonable efforts to contact the appropriate responsible adults, and if all else fails will hand him over to social services (though her flight will probably arrive before the social worker gets there, but nevertheless the incident will then be on record)

In the best case scenario you will have no further update to give us on Wednesday as this will all happen without reference to you as you have no responsibility and its not really any of your business. Certainly you shouldn't be asking CF what happened in the end! But if the shitstorm tries to draw you in - eg if you get phoncalls from the unaccompanied minors servuce demanding to know why you are late for pickup - then it would be amusing to knowxthis if you care to update the thread. But for your sake I hope you don't get troubled by this any further. You've done nothing wrong and you have no obligation to do anything whatsoever in this situation.