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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never speak to her again- CF!

686 replies

Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 15:10

I have a long term school ‘friend’, let’s call her S. I hear from her very sporadically and most recently, when she wants something: sponsorship money from me for one of her ‘challenges’ to stay in my central city home (!)… but folks, I give you the best one to date today…

Text out of the blue.. not even a ‘how are you’.. can I pick her son up from the airport (!) on Wednesday as he’s flying in alone (he is 10) from his dad’s abroad. You’re thinking wtaf, right?

The text goes on.. she can’t and her new DP are holidaying in the south of France and their flight doesn’t get in to airport until 5pm.. so the wee mite is alone for 4 hours after travelling alone. At 10. Jesus!

It ends ‘would obviously be great to see you too!!’

AIBU to think cheeky fucker and never speak to the self centred cow again?

OP posts:
Springplanting · 18/10/2021 12:41

i think one of her other mugs has replied to her text (otherwise she would be chasing you by now) and has already agreed to pick up the child.

CF would not have the insight to update you. Hence the rafio silence.

Loudestcat14 · 18/10/2021 12:46

Some of the replies on this thread are batshit crazy. People are saying OP should reply to the CF friend to say she can't help, otherwise a poor child could end up being abandoned at the airport. Are some of you honestly saying that if you sent a friend you rarely see a text saying "please collect my kid on xx day" but without giving details of which flight they'd be coming in on and that friend didn't reply, you would still assume they were doing the favour??? That's utterly bonkers!

RestingPandaFace · 18/10/2021 12:50

I don’t know why you are getting a hard time, and you are obviously within your rights to say no or to ignore; and I can see the appeal of ignoring her.

Personally because there is a child involved and because she might just be CF enough to assume I would probably reply “I can’t as I have a prior commitment.” and then block her.

If the situation does devolve into an emergency it’s completely on her and she can’t claim any leeway for misunderstanding.

A one line reply and block is just as articulate an answer as ignoring her.

NomoreSmiggle · 18/10/2021 12:54

A reply indicates acknowledgment - I’d just forget it and move on with my life. It’s busy enough as it is!

Myotherusernameisshy · 18/10/2021 12:55

Wow she is a CF! I would reply no (just that one word, no explanation or pleasantries) because I would be concerned that I would get a message on Wednesday morning with the flight details and to tell you she has given your details on his flight booking. By then it would be too late for her to get home or to change the booking and you would be stressed by it even though it is entirely not your responsibility. See it as a kindness to yourself to avoid future stress, not for her benefit.

Springplanting · 18/10/2021 12:59

Just report her to SS. The child will be pick up by a responsible adult and SS will deal with mum.

She'll never ask you for anything again.

hooplahool · 18/10/2021 13:06

@FredDurstisnotRobert

The CF's name doesn't start with L does it?

I've had to recently had to cut contact with a CF with a 10 year lad for similar reasons.

Her demands always left me quietly simmering, until one day she made a particularly outrageous demand (that would have been neglectful of her son) that I did explode with anger.

My life is much calmer without that kind of CF'ery in my life.

Texting a simple NO to her never was enough. She would reply endlessly trying to push her (self-inflicted) problems on to me

This made me laugh. What was the particularly outrageous demand? Your name doesn't start with an A does it?!
hooplahool · 18/10/2021 13:07

that was @FredDurstisnotRobert

G5000 · 18/10/2021 13:21

Just report her to SS

For what? She hasn't actually abandoned her child.

Noshowlomo · 18/10/2021 13:26

Gawd she’s a CF.

CherryBlossomWinter · 18/10/2021 13:27

Poor child. Imagine a parent like that?

I would text back and say that I couldn’t do it, but that I was extremely worried about a 10 year old on their own - mention social services and see what she says - ask her to send back a reassurance that the child would be picked up by a responsible adult.

ThinkingIsAllowed · 18/10/2021 13:31

I also don't know why you're getting a hard time OP. I wouldn't reply to her either.

mickeysminnie · 18/10/2021 13:37

@Peanutbuttermandms - well done. I totally agree silence is often the best answer.
No matter what you wrote back you would be 'letting her down'. Silence removes any wiggle room for her.
Don't be surprised if she starts ringing you soon if she hasn't already got someone else to parent for her!

G5000 · 18/10/2021 13:46

ask her to send back a reassurance that the child would be picked up by a responsible adult.

Not OP's circus, not her monkeys.

LagneyandCasey · 18/10/2021 13:49

ask her to send back a reassurance that the child would be picked up by a responsible adult

This is bonkers!

ElizaDarcysDeeds · 18/10/2021 13:49

Your lack of response can't be taken as a 'yes' but it could be taken as a 'maybe'. Look at all the words you've wasted on here. It would only have taken one word to your 'friend' and she'd know she had to move on to someone else. It makes all your 'poor mite' dramatics a bit redundant when you'd rather leave them not knowing than just be direct. But I guess there's not as much drama in that Hmm

CallmeHendricks · 18/10/2021 13:51

All these suggestions to "just say this/that..."
That is engaging with her. It invites a debate and further discussion of whys and why nots.
The CF threw a demand out there. The OP declined to catch it.
End.

momtoboys · 18/10/2021 13:53

@Butchyrestingface

I am definitely a 🥃 half empty type so would probably therefore respond to her text with a single word ("No"). Just on the off chance the shit DOES hit the fan with this situation so there is a paper trail if cheeky cow tries to SS that she HAD organised a pick up for her 10 year old and you bailed.
I'm with Butch. t think I would at least respond with a "no."
Buffoonborisisatwat · 18/10/2021 14:11

I'd respond by saying ..... 'No, I can't help you, I'm busy that day' ..... and leave it at that.

Alternatively, if you were feeling just a little bit guilty for the little boy's predicament (which you're NOT, I know), you could suggest she organises a taxi from the airport to bring him to your place and she can collect him from there, or organise another taxi to take him back to her when she arrives. She won't want to do that of course ...... it's not a serious suggestion.

Bollindger · 18/10/2021 14:15

I do think, and this is not attacking you in any way, that I would send the NO !!!!!!!!! Message.
Why do I now want to go all Sherlock on this woman find the childs Dad and tell him what she is doing.
I HATE people who do this to an innocent child.
No you do not have to do anything, but I wish you could,

LagneyandCasey · 18/10/2021 14:29

I'd respond by saying ..... 'No, I can't help you, I'm busy that day' ..... and leave it at that

But by saying that, CH will assume that OP would have been happy to do it she wasn't busy. CF might then try to change her plans to fit in with OP's schedule or keep her in mind for future CF requests. These things need nipping in the bud.

Youdoyoutoday · 18/10/2021 14:32

That poor kid having such a selfish mother.

Delatron · 18/10/2021 14:51

I do think it’s such a cheeky request there is no response.

‘I’m busy’ does imply it was a reasonable request and if you weren’t busy then of course you could collect her DS

I do think block and ignore.

2Two · 18/10/2021 14:57

@ElizaDarcysDeeds

Your lack of response can't be taken as a 'yes' but it could be taken as a 'maybe'. Look at all the words you've wasted on here. It would only have taken one word to your 'friend' and she'd know she had to move on to someone else. It makes all your 'poor mite' dramatics a bit redundant when you'd rather leave them not knowing than just be direct. But I guess there's not as much drama in that Hmm
I really doubt that that would result in friend moving on. If OP communicates at all, even with just a "No", it invites questions as to why, increasingly impassioned pleas to change her mind, attempts at bargaining etc etc. Much better to be silent; the parent will have to assume that either OP hasn't received the message or that the answer is no, and make alternative arrangements.
2Two · 18/10/2021 14:58

@CherryBlossomWinter

Poor child. Imagine a parent like that?

I would text back and say that I couldn’t do it, but that I was extremely worried about a 10 year old on their own - mention social services and see what she says - ask her to send back a reassurance that the child would be picked up by a responsible adult.

Why? It's not OP's business. If a responsible adult isn't around to collect the child, the airline won't release him and ultimately will contact social services if they can't find an authorised adult to take charge of him.