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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never speak to her again- CF!

686 replies

Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 15:10

I have a long term school ‘friend’, let’s call her S. I hear from her very sporadically and most recently, when she wants something: sponsorship money from me for one of her ‘challenges’ to stay in my central city home (!)… but folks, I give you the best one to date today…

Text out of the blue.. not even a ‘how are you’.. can I pick her son up from the airport (!) on Wednesday as he’s flying in alone (he is 10) from his dad’s abroad. You’re thinking wtaf, right?

The text goes on.. she can’t and her new DP are holidaying in the south of France and their flight doesn’t get in to airport until 5pm.. so the wee mite is alone for 4 hours after travelling alone. At 10. Jesus!

It ends ‘would obviously be great to see you too!!’

AIBU to think cheeky fucker and never speak to the self centred cow again?

OP posts:
mountbattenbergcake · 18/10/2021 10:33

Why do some many people try to make things another woman’s responsibility?

ProfessionalWeirdo · 18/10/2021 10:37

@KatharinaRosalie

I get calls telling me she’s been unable to purchase whatever and could I possibly be a darling and get it for her - never get the money back though!

After a few times, surely you would also be 'unable' to?

Is there any reason why you can't ask her for the money in advance?
Same360 · 18/10/2021 10:48

@HumousWhereTheHeartIs

“I have a 'friend' like the OP's. This is what she would say if I replied no to this query:

"I have no one else to do it. My poor DS will be on his own. The whole situation is a nightmare. My flights/my son's flights were booked without my knowledge and it's not my fault/I'm ill/I'm skint/someone let me down. It's an emergency or I wouldn't ask'”

Well first of all, if they’re that bad then they could easily send that as a follow up message when you just didn’t reply.

Secondly, you could block her after your initial polite reply declining, so you wouldn’t see that message.

Personally, I just wouldn’t reply to that message as you’d already made it clear you couldn’t do it, but I also wouldn’t be adverse to a ‘I’m really sorry to hear that, wish I could help. Hope you get it sorted x’

FredDurstisnotRobert · 18/10/2021 10:56

The CF's name doesn't start with L does it?

I've had to recently had to cut contact with a CF with a 10 year lad for similar reasons.

Her demands always left me quietly simmering, until one day she made a particularly outrageous demand (that would have been neglectful of her son) that I did explode with anger.

My life is much calmer without that kind of CF'ery in my life.

Texting a simple NO to her never was enough. She would reply endlessly trying to push her (self-inflicted) problems on to me

Blackberrybunnet · 18/10/2021 11:03

You have to tell her you're not doing it, otherwise she might just assume. Suggest she contact airport, don't they have some "greeting" system for unaccompanied kids, or something like that?

HeronLanyon · 18/10/2021 11:06

bad just as I said !

PumpkinsandTea · 18/10/2021 11:11

@Peanutbuttermandms

Can I just ask why so many are suggesting I reply and that I have some kind of responsibility towards someone I hear from once a year by reason that she happens to send me a sporadic and frankly, rather big, ask? It’s inferred this is now on me to deal with and engage in? I don’t understand this and I choose not to engage it. I’m asking if i am unreasonable to never engage her again, not whether I should reply.
I think most of us are just concerned that an innocent T 10yr old could be stranded - which 10000% wouldn't be your fault - it would be hers entirely. However the also-innocent child being stranded could be avoided by a single very short text Hmm
KatharinaRosalie · 18/10/2021 11:12

Suggest she contact airport, don't they have some "greeting" system for unaccompanied kids, or something like that?

the second OP starts suggesting solutions, the entire situation becomes her problem.

And yes airlines have unaccompanied minor programs. the requirement is that there is someone authorised to pick up the child waiting to meet the child when the child lands.

theemperorhasnoclothes · 18/10/2021 11:18

[quote Peanutbuttermandms]@Lightisnotwhite sure, but that’s between the parents and not me, right? They fuck up or things change, they sort it. That’s their problem, no one else’s.

Their lack of communication ain’t no one else’s problem. It’s ridiculous the amount of excuses being made for blatantly shit behaviour, to the DS and to myself.

It’s a worrying precedent if some PP think sending a text outlining your needs and indeed, demands, constitutes consent on the part of the unwitting recipient. Because that’s what I’ve been told today. Of course no one wants to look at that issue as they’re hung up on the fact there is a child involved, but this is a red herring and to enable and green light this type of behaviour by collecting the child will, in my opinion, facilitate its regular occurrence. How does that help the child ?

If no child was involved I’d have got undoubtedly different replies, but as the childless person here with no responsibility whatsoever, doesn’t the same principle apply? That of course being that you can’t expect someone else to pick up your duty on the basis of a flimsy text with no backstory or care for what’s going on in the other persons life/ their circumstances.[/quote]
Agree with this 100%. What if OP's phone was lost, or she was away and had left it at home, or the battery was dead? What if she genuinely hadn't received the text? I do think you should block this woman OP though, definitely. But the idea it's somehow the OP's responsibility just because she's received an unsolicited text? Absolutely wrong.

The OP stepping in here is only going to make the crap mother worse. Expecting other people to pick up her lack of parental responsibility.

It's awful for the child, but that's on the mother (and the father who needs to make sure there's someone reliable there to pick up his kid too and not some random stranger).

An airport probably isn't the worst place to be abandoned - there are lots of official adults around who can help (and yes refer to social services as they should if an unaccompanied minor is there). It may be the case that the airline won't actually leave the child without someone being there to pick them up - there must be rules for airlines for unaccompanied minors travelling.

theemperorhasnoclothes · 18/10/2021 11:20

Ha ha cross post @KatharinaRosalie

I knew they'd have something in place. No way any reputable airline is going to just let a child loose when they arrive! I bet they have procedures if a child isn't met too.

How awful for the child.

OVienna · 18/10/2021 11:20

@KatharinaRosalie

Suggest she contact airport, don't they have some "greeting" system for unaccompanied kids, or something like that?

the second OP starts suggesting solutions, the entire situation becomes her problem.

And yes airlines have unaccompanied minor programs. the requirement is that there is someone authorised to pick up the child waiting to meet the child when the child lands.

This.

I probably would reply with a "No, not free" and then block her, personally.

PumpkinsandTea · 18/10/2021 11:24

Personally (and this is just my opinion), if I thought that I could potentially prevent a child being stranded by typing a two letter text, then I'd absolutely do so - for the child's sake, not hers. Especially given the fact that I'd typed considerably more than two letters regarding matter, on an online forum. Which I had no 'legal requirement' to do either.
To me, it would be the morally decent thing to do. But you're right, you don't have a legal responsibility to

Same360 · 18/10/2021 11:28

Exactly, if you’re going to ignore and block then I don’t see how it’s so much harder/worse to reply ‘No, I can’t/won’t’ and then blocking her

Delatron · 18/10/2021 11:29

Completely understand why you don’t want to engage with her.

Do you think she’ll be so cheeky as to send another text the night before with flight details? Then you might have to engage and she wrongly claims you ‘let her down’ or something. She hasn’t time to find anyone else blah blah . All which are her fault.

Mind you if you just block her she can’t send anything else. So might be the best idea

BlackeyedSusan · 18/10/2021 11:45

Personally, I would reply with a no. (And block)

The CF can not claim any doubt about you agreeing then and has to own her own shitty parenting.

Also so I am not worrying about getting a phone call on Wednesday or can easily prove it's not my problem. (If she is shit she deserves to not be given the benefit of the doubt by authorities about it maybe a misunderstanding) After she's been using me for X years I'd bloody well want to make sure that she took all the consequences...

She's a CF. She's probably quite good at blagging stuff so I wouldn't trust her not to blag her way out of this to somehow make it someone else's fault. I've seen at school how some (MC white) parents can get away with shitty stuff that other demographics who get into deep shit for.

NomoreSmiggle · 18/10/2021 11:52

100% with OP on this - just wouldn’t even respond

Luckytattie · 18/10/2021 11:54

To the people who just cannot get their heads around not responding....why does she have to respond?

It's like if the phone rings, you know you don't actually have to pick it up? We aren't at people's beck and call. You guys need to let goooooo

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 18/10/2021 12:06

Yes I agree with the don't respond people. Hardened CF's will just see any response as a crack in the door to be prised open. In the OP's position since the friendship is over anyway I'd block without responding.

Jux · 18/10/2021 12:08

Until she sends you the actual details of the flight she won't be expecting you to do it. If she does, then that's when you send the hard NO.

PinkSyCo · 18/10/2021 12:14

Can anyone explain why no response is somehow better than a clear "no"? I don't understand what logic there is, it just means more messages will come rather than cutting off immediately.

Exactly. If CF can’t get one of her other friends to agree to pick her DS up, you can bet your arse she will call OP last and try guilt tripping her by saying that she thought she would do it, it’s too late to ask anyone else now, little Johnny will be left all alone at the airport, blah blah blah. I, personally could not be arsed with all that and would just text her now with a clear no, and then block if/when she starts begging.

LookItsMeAgain · 18/10/2021 12:15

I'd come at this from a slightly different angle.

I'd reply but it would be
"Hi CF, I think you sent this text to me in error as we haven't spoken either verbally or even by text in X number of months/years. I'm concerned that you think I'd be available to look after your DS while you're not even in the same country. I cannot do this. It's very rude of you to have assumed that I would be able to do it and I do hope that you haven't given my contact details without my permission to any airlines or border controls.
Just to be clear, I will not be able to collect your DS from the airport and I will not be able to look after your DS while you fly in from a different country and different airport. Have a lovely flight - @Peanutbuttermandms"
The bit in italics you could leave in or take out, up to you.

WellLarDeDar · 18/10/2021 12:18

No idea why anyone is give you a hard time OP. It's not your kid you have absolutely no responsibility for it. And your friend is a CF!! And why should you reply to her. You have absolutely no obligation to her at all. I'm so surprised by some of the replies on here! Never understand why people think it's okay to make their kids someone else's problem.

Smackthepony · 18/10/2021 12:21

Jeez, I don’t know why PP on here believe OP has any responsibility or accountability here. This is mad. I would be taking exactly the same stance as OP.

ferneytorro · 18/10/2021 12:28

Cannot believe this is still going and people are being so awful to the poster. Grow a backbone , get some boundaries, don’t dignify with a reply, block and delete. But actually if you say you’ve done any of those things yourself without being told to then expect to get a hard time. Absolutely bonkers .

AdobeWanKenobi · 18/10/2021 12:35

@NomoreSmiggle

100% with OP on this - just wouldn’t even respond
Me too. Opening dialogue with someone like this puts you on a hiding to nothing.
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