Page 25 | To never speak to her again- CF!

Peanutbuttermandms · 2021-10-17T14:10:05+00:00

I have a long term school ‘friend’, let’s call her S. I hear from her very sporadically and most recently, when she wants something: sponsorship money from me for one of her ‘challenges’ to stay in my central city home (!)… but folks, I give you the best one to date today… Text out of the blue.. not even a ‘how are you’.. can I pick her son up from the airport (!) on Wednesday as he’s flying in alone (he is 10) from his dad’s abroad. You’re thinking wtaf, right? The text goes on.. she can’t and her new DP are holidaying in the south of France and their flight doesn’t get in to airport until 5pm.. so the wee mite is alone for 4 hours after travelling alone. At 10. Jesus! It ends ‘would obviously be great to see you too!!’ AIBU to think cheeky fucker and never speak to the self centred cow again?

NumberTheory · 18/10/2021 16:04

But is stoking the drama here. I'm in the camp of send a 'no' message and be done with it, but if the OP did that, there would not be 549 messages here - with requests for updates on Wednesday morning....

Yes there would. Instead of people telling OP she had to text back no they’d be asking if CF had replied. If CF had they’d be coming up with some awkward and unnecessary response to that and if she hadn’t they’d be telling OP she had to text again and insist on an acknowledgement so that she knew CF was making other arrangements for the kid. Then they’d try to extend it to OP warning all their mutual friends about CFer’s ask to get them inside with nothing doing it. I’ve seen pretty much this exact scenario in other MN threads. Anything to stoke the drama and keep MNers entertained. Far better to let those with nothing better to do argue it out on here (OP hasn’t been back for a long time, it’s hardly her stoking this thread) without taking any real life actions that might have consequences beyond the comouter screen.

Dontjumptoconclusions · 18/10/2021 16:04

OP out of interest, did she use your name or any personalised language in the text? Because I wonder whether this was sent as a message blast to a few people hoping someone would say yes.

QueeniesCroft · 18/10/2021 16:09

It was a few years ago now, but I was a kid whose parents didn't turn up to collect them from the airport(although, as with all else, this was my fault, not theirs!), when I was about 12-ish. I think it was Dusseldorf airport, so the procedures are probably different, but the airport was closing and there was just me left there. It was terrifying. I wasn't just left though, obviously, the taxi which took the last of the aircrew home also drive me home (it was about a 90 minute drive!).

OP, my parents are exactly this level of CF and a refusal is always treated as the opening of a negotiation. Ignoring her is probably the least stressful way here.

I think a lot of girls are conditioned to believe that they must always help. This can lead to women feeling as if they are responsible for the problems of everyone around them. It took me decades to work out that I actually wasn't, and even longer to find an effective way of dealing with it. As a matter of interest, were you supposed to take the kid back to your house, or hang around for four hours, or maybe take him to his CF mother's house?

CherryBlossomWinter · 18/10/2021 16:25

@LagneyandCasey

ask her to send back a reassurance that the child would be picked up by a responsible adult

This is bonkers!

Why is that bonkers?

The OP has just been informed that a child aged 10 will be on their own in a busy airport for 4 hours. She’s been told that there is no one else to pick the child up and the parents aren’t even in the country.

It’s a clear safeguarding issue.

FredDurstisnotRobert · 18/10/2021 16:43

@hooplahool

that was *@FredDurstisnotRobert*

No my name doesn't start with A.

I couldn't possibly say what my CF was demanding because a) social services got involved b) the likelihood of the daily mail picking up this story.

People who are saying that you should say "sorry, I'm busy that day" are wrong. In my own experience with a CF that would prompt a reply of "great, I've changed his flight to Friday so you can pick him up".

The least engagement the better all round

MadeItOut21 · 18/10/2021 16:54

Meh ignore and block so she can't rile you up again. She's a CF and an idiot really.

sunglassesonthetable · 18/10/2021 17:02

*The OP has just been informed that a child aged 10 will be on their own in a busy airport for 4 hours. She’s been told that there is no one else to pick the child up and the parents aren’t even in the country.

It’s a clear safeguarding issue.*

@CherryBlossomWinter

No OP has been told the child needs to be picked up.

No Unaccompanied Minor would be let off the plane and left by any airline. Get real.

2Two · 18/10/2021 17:14

Why is that bonkers?

The OP has just been informed that a child aged 10 will be on their own in a busy airport for 4 hours. She’s been told that there is no one else to pick the child up and the parents aren’t even in the country.

It’s a clear safeguarding issue.

No, OP hasn't been told that. She's received a request to collect the child. She knows that if she doesn't collect, and if the parents hasn't made alternative arrangements, there will be arrangements at the airport for the child's care. There is no way that an airline would march a 10 year old off a plane and leave them to it in the vague hope that someone might turn up to collect them - it's really quite bizarre to assume they would.

ginandbearit · 18/10/2021 17:16

CF s like this see a response / refusal the same way double glazing salespeople do..the beginning of a long negotiation to overcome objections . No response needed , I bet there are a dozen other women fretting over what to do after getting the same request, and OP wont be told "it's all sorted " afterwards either .

Lunde · 18/10/2021 17:16

@CherryBlossomWinter - The OP has just been informed that a child aged 10 will be on their own in a busy airport for 4 hours. She’s been told that there is no one else to pick the child up and the parents aren’t even in the country. It’s a clear safeguarding issue

No it's really not! Because it's not how it works

A 10 year old will be travelling as an unaccompanied minor which means that they will be supervised by airline/airport staff at all times and will not be left alone. If the named person does not appear to collect the child will be taken to the unaccompanied minor room and supervised until collection can be arranged,

I was the designated pick up person when my 13 and 10 year old nieces flew a 2-leg international journey with a 3 hour layover at a foreign airport. They were most disgruntled as their plans to shop at the airport were thwarted by the close supervision and being made to wait in the unaccompanied minors room until their next flight.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 18/10/2021 17:26

@GrandmaAli

'Not your kid, not your problem' BUT, this IS still a kid we're discussing here! If OP knows the child & can collect the child, then I'd say yes, do so as it sure as hell is not the child's fault!! But, when his/her excuse for a mother finally turns up to collect the poor child then OP should definitely have words with her about her lack of parenting skills. It's one thing to be in hospital or in a traffic jam, but quite the other for being out of the country on holiday when you know your child is expected home!!! I think she'll probably send the partner to collect the child from OP, tho, tbh. So she doesn't have to deal with OP.

Shit like that was how I ended up looking after DSD for ten days when her father was very ill. M asked if I could have her for 'just a couple of hours for a medical appointment' - and fetched up in Spain on Facebook the following morning, leaving me with a near hysterical 4 year old and no means of contacting anybody after she promptly blocked me when I messaged her. I wasn't about to dump the poor child into Care and we managed, but all it took was one inch for her to take about 1427 miles.

And yes, she sent her suntanned boyfriend to pick the child up because she wouldn't have wanted to experience my opinion of her right then .

Looking back, I should have just contacted social services, but my point is that there's no guarantee this CF is even going to be back that evening, she could be on holiday for another week quite easily and be lying about it.

Nottogetapenny · 18/10/2021 17:28

I can’t understand how some people on here twist things round to make others feel bad!
You have no responsibility to the child or their parent! Just ignore the self righteous, who think they know best!

Springplanting · 18/10/2021 17:47

Just contact SS so that they can be aware that you have concerns over the mother's lackadaisical interest in her child's flight pick up arrangements. You could use this to tell them other instances she has behaved like this and they will keep an eye on the child's welfare. The mum needs a good kick up the arse.

Derbee · 18/10/2021 18:01

People suggesting contacting social services are properly bat shit

PinkStink · 18/10/2021 18:04

@Springplanting

Just contact SS so that they can be aware that you have concerns over the mother's lackadaisical interest in her child's flight pick up arrangements. You could use this to tell them other instances she has behaved like this and they will keep an eye on the child's welfare. The mum needs a good kick up the arse.

They will keep an eye on the child's welfare?

They really won't. That's absolutely not what social services are there for.

KatharinaRosalie · 18/10/2021 18:04

What exactly do people suggest the OP tells SS? 'A friend asked me to pick up their DC, but I don't want to?'

Springplanting · 18/10/2021 18:10

The 10 year old's mother has failed to meet and provide concrete arrangements for her child to be handed from airport staff to a designated named person (instead of a child trafficker). I have safeguarding concerns given that neither parent is in the same country planet at the time of the child's arrival.

The CF would never ask OP again and SS would have this on record.

Biancadelrioisback · 18/10/2021 18:16

@KatharinaRosalie

What exactly do people suggest the OP tells SS? 'A friend asked me to pick up their DC, but I don't want to?'

This made me chuckle

PinkStink · 18/10/2021 18:27

That just isn't how it works. There isn't a record that exists for social services to make a note of it.

If there's suspected neglect then a referral is made followed by an assessment by the local authority.

There isn't a nationwide squad that picks up tips offs and notes them somewhere.

Springplanting · 18/10/2021 18:31

The airport staff will contact the police and social services if no prior arrangement to a named adult is there to collect the child.

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 18/10/2021 18:37

@Springplanting

The 10 year old's mother has failed to meet and provide concrete arrangements for her child to be handed from airport staff to a designated named person (instead of a child trafficker). I have safeguarding concerns given that neither parent is in the same country planet at the time of the child's arrival.

The CF would never ask OP again and SS would have this on record.

I find it hard to believe Minoroty if PPs are suggesting anyone wastes CSD limited time with this. It isn't yet a safeguarding and it is conjecture at this stage.

If the child was actually "abandoned" (not collected by agreed parent) at the airport under unaccompanied minor child airline arrangements then the airline will notify CSDs themselves through their own robust safeguarding procedures . That will be factual and sensitive to needs of the child. He will not be left alone in airport uncollected and it would not involve any comeback in OP. In the slightest for ignoring a random acquaintances text to something she never replied to nor agreed to do. Parental or caregiver responsibility for child does not work like that.

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 18/10/2021 18:40

@PinkStink

That just isn't how it works. There isn't a record that exists for social services to make a note of it.

If there's suspected neglect then a referral is made followed by an assessment by the local authority.

There isn't a nationwide squad that picks up tips offs and notes them somewhere.

This ^^

I do wonder what some MNers genuinely believe that children services depts do in the working day!

OVienna · 18/10/2021 18:49

@QueeniesCroft

It was a few years ago now, but I was a kid whose parents didn't turn up to collect them from the airport(although, as with all else, this was my fault, not theirs!), when I was about 12-ish. I think it was Dusseldorf airport, so the procedures are probably different, but the airport was closing and there was just me left there. It was terrifying. I wasn't just left though, obviously, the taxi which took the last of the aircrew home also drive me home (it was about a 90 minute drive!).

OP, my parents are exactly this level of CF and a refusal is always treated as the opening of a negotiation. Ignoring her is probably the least stressful way here.

I think a lot of girls are conditioned to believe that they must always help. This can lead to women feeling as if they are responsible for the problems of everyone around them. It took me decades to work out that I actually wasn't, and even longer to find an effective way of dealing with it. As a matter of interest, were you supposed to take the kid back to your house, or hang around for four hours, or maybe take him to his CF mother's house?

A refusal is always treated as the opening of a negotiation...

x1000

I think a lot of girls are conditioned to believe they must always help.

Also - in spades.

OVienna · 18/10/2021 18:50

If the child was actually "abandoned" (not collected by agreed parent) at the airport under unaccompanied minor child airline arrangements then the airline will notify CSDs themselves through their own robust safeguarding procedures . That will be factual and sensitive to needs of the child. He will not be left alone in airport uncollected and it would not involve any comeback in OP. In the slightest for ignoring a random acquaintances text to something she never replied to nor agreed to do. Parental or caregiver responsibility for child does not work like that.

This is also blindingly, obviously true.

CherryBlossomWinter · 18/10/2021 19:06

@Lunde @WhereIsMumHiding3 @Springplanting

Yes SS would log a complaint and put it on file. They don’t just throw away a report, they have to log everything.

I was actually suggesting that if it were me, if a CF had phoned me and said their 10 year needed to be picked up as they were out of the country and no one else was - I definitely would reply to say that no I couldn’t but that I was very concerned as this is a safeguarding and issue and I would definitely mention SS. I would ask who is then?

I think that is reasonable and as well as saying no, it would alert that parent to the fact that it is a safeguarding concern - which they really don’t seem that bothered about.

Yes getting off a plane may well mean that they are accompanied. However my child flew by himself at age 12 and he was not accompanied, and could just walk out of the plane and airport himself without question. The service isn’t that available anymore and yet children can still fly, so it is possible the 10 year old was not accompanied and is possible that they would have just let the child stay at the airport by themselves.