in wanting some protection

[Hunkahunkaa]

I am mid 30’s and partner is mid 40’s.

I am debt free except for a credit card, I pay off balance each month to build my credit rating in prep for a mortgage and I earn around £2800 PCM. I also have £12000 in savings.

DP has around £19000 of debt split between a consolidation loan and a credit card and earns around £1200 PCM. This is from before we were together but they keep the balance there and never seem to get rid of it. They want to consolidate again and try to manage debt but IMO it’s a sinking ship.

I love them very much and want to stay with them. We are thinking about marriage and a future house, but I recognise that

a. They wont be able to go on the mortgage because of their debt

b. I want a prenup

c. I need protection from their debt, how can I do this?

I guess what I want to know is,

Is a prenup a good idea? Can we draw up something stating I am not responsible for their debts should they need to go BR?

Maybe we should consider not getting married at all and just cohabit as we are now and should we get a cohabitation agreement if I get a mortgage.

I know folk will say not to stay with this person, but I love them and we have kids to consider.i have kids from my previous relationship and so does he but the difference is that my kids only have me to inherit and have security from where as my DP kids have both parents for tis and have their home from DP and his EW divorce.
How can I make this work and not be financially held back from my mortgage free goals and security for my kids and my future.

[quote billy1966]@ScaredOfDinosaurs

I agree with you, the big grand gesture of cutting the card is the type of thing a person would do to shut up someone they think is a bit dim, that will fall for suchban empty gesture.

He is a user, of that I have no doubt.
A nice user, a fun user, but a user all the same.

He has made No effort to reduce his debt and has just added to it.

There is NO doubt whatsoever that he thinks marrying the OP and them having a home she purchases is him sorted for his retirement.

He's 10 years older than her.
He thinks he is sorted and she is a bit dim, no doubt in my mind whatsoever.[/quote]
Yeah. Sorry op. He's an arse.

Thanks for all of your advice. I'm going to give him a few months to see what happens.
He will need to look for additional income and really dedicate to clearing the debt. Else it's over for me.
He says he wants the same future as me and you are all correct when you say saying it and actually doing it are completely different.
I'm working hard to save money, he's just twatting about and knows I'm here for the fallout.
I'm going to give him a chance to sort it. I know that isn't the popular choice but it's the one I'm making. If it's not working then I will call it a day. All relationships have peaks and troughs, maybe this is ours and once we are over this challenge it will be fine.
I don't know, like one of you has said I'm just not 💯'there' yet. But I maybe sooner than I think based on how I'm feeling right now

Good for you OP.

You were brave posting and you have the cop on to take on board what has been written.

We have your back on this and don't want to see a hard working YOUNG woman taken advantage of.

You are awake now and aware.

That is often half the battle in situations like this.

Once your eyes are open you cannot unsee what is happening in front of you.

As many wise posters often write, "pay no attention to words, but focus onnhis actions".

Watch him carefully .
Stop subbing him and bank as much of YOUR hard earned money as possible.

If he is late 40's then 10 years time he will be late 50's and looking to slow down a bit work wise.

My husband is late 50's and it is often just a natural progression even though my husband is super fit.

Retirement is very expensive and not fun if you have no provision made for it.

As he retires and winds down, you could have expensive teens to provide for.

You deserve better than working yourself to the bone to carry him.

Remember that.

Keep posting.

@80sPadme

Thanks for all of your advice. I'm going to give him a few months to see what happens. He will need to look for additional income and really dedicate to clearing the debt. Else it's over for me. He says he wants the same future as me and you are all correct when you say saying it and actually doing it are completely different. I'm working hard to save money, he's just twatting about and knows I'm here for the fallout. I'm going to give him a chance to sort it. I know that isn't the popular choice but it's the one I'm making. If it's not working then I will call it a day. All relationships have peaks and troughs, maybe this is ours and once we are over this challenge it will be fine. I don't know, like one of you has said I'm just not 💯'there' yet. But I maybe sooner than I think based on how I'm feeling right now

Look up Future Faking. I was promised everything too. I do hope it works out for you though op.

Fair play to you OP. Plenty would have advised me to run away from my DP too. We don't know your bloke and if you want to give him a chance while clear in your own mind what the boundaries are, that makes sense. I think you'll see his true colours either way when you step back from bailing him out. I sincerely hope that a reality check will do the trick.

Good luck, and don't be embarrassed to post again in the future if you need any support